[losing my mind, losing my mind, losing control]
I find myself with an unexpected day off, because either teachers are powering through for the last week of school or all the other substitutes are like FUCK TAKE ALL THE JOBS. So let's take this opportunity to talk about TV Shows As Boyfriends/Girlfriends/Significant Others because...reasons.
(For the purposes of this post I'll use the boyfriend terminology because I'm woefully unexciting when it comes to sexuality; I hope it doesn't come across as a slight, etc. YOU might very well relate to fandoms in a much saner completely different way!)
I've been disappointed quite a lot recently by the shows in my life, so maybe using this metaphor will help me deal with it.
Suits: Suits is that guy who was really good for a long time at hiding his chauvenistic bullshit--like, the first whole year was so great! You got along so well!
And maybe, I don't know, maybe you should have taken it as a sign when you started feeling more of a connection to the (by all accounts) slimeball character of Louis than feeling that same zing with Mike and Harvey that you had before, but then... Well, some things just can't be overlooked, you know? (Rachel. Rachel can't be overlooked.)
So now he's on vacation and you're left feeling grossed out by the fairly rapetastic fantasy he left you with as a parting gift and...man, you just don't know if you want to take him back, but you're pretty sure it's never going to be the same.
Vikings: Maaaan. Vikings was that three-week-long fling--and you go and tell everyone about him because here he is! This guy you didn't even know you wanted! Gorgeous and a history buff and he might be into threesomes! But uh, wait, no, what is he doing, is he undiagnosed multiple personality disorder, what, did not sign on for this, OH NO SECRETLY A REPUBLICAN/AGAINST WOMEN'S RIGHTS/JESUS FREAK WAIT WHERE DID THIS EVEN COME FROM??
Downton Abbey: Very quietly...snapped. Stopped returning his calls. He found out through a friend that you had dumped him. Shockingly, neither one of you was too broken up about it for long. Still avoid him at parties though.
Hawaii Five-O: Why are you even still in this relationship. Neither one of you cares the way you used to in the beginning. You've both mostly moved on anyway--he's all-but forgotten he ever even liked your demographic. Let it go.
Game of Thrones: That blind date your parents set you up with and you're...he's nice? You hang out because he's interesting, but you're better off as friends--you've seen how he trails people along, always hurting their favorite characters and they still come back for more, because he's charismatic and a good time. But he's also kind of an asshole and fucking obsessed with boobs. It's way more fun to stand on the roof with him and watch the shitstorm without being dragged into the drama.
Once Upon a Time: Kind of fizzled...didn't work out. The relationship you lift a shoulder and shrug about, kind of wistfully.
Leverage: Ripped from your arms. Neither one of you wanted it to end. As opposed to some other metaphors I could use for this show's cancellation, I'm going to pretend that his job moved his entire department out of country and he can't quit and he can't say no and there's a tearful goodbye at an airport and he makes you promise not to wait for him and it hurts when he kisses you goodbye but he still makes sure he gets one more watery laugh out of you before he boards the plane.
Teen Wolf: That guy you show up with and people are like *headtilty* he's legal? You're sure? Do you need to get him home before curfew? CAN HE DRINK?? And you're like shhhhh you don't know our love. And it's better anyway when it's just the two of you, and not all these people looking over your shoulder trying to tell you who he is. Maybe he's a little more drama-tastic than you'd like, but he's young! Everyone has too much drama at that age!
Dr. Who: What. Happened. What happened. You wake up one morning and realized you're sharing a bed with a psychopath. Or an alcoholic. Luckily he thinks he's much better than you and goes spinning off like a tornado in search of new conquests, and you breathe a sigh of relief because omfg dodged that bullet.
Merlin: Never the guy you wanted him to be, even though he was adorable and funny (sometimes accidentally) and really pretty. Ultimately it's an 'oh well' feeling, but you can still look back at your time together and smile.
Hannibal: A new almost-fling in your life? Soooooo not your type. SOOOOOO not your type, and you both know it, and you bond over terrible puns and the knowledge that everything is going to hit the fan in a SPECTACULAR manner. Like dating someone from the "wrong side of the tracks" just because you both know it'll piss off your parents. Sometimes you cancel on the dates because just...nope, but he just smiles and keeps inviting you to things and you're like yes fine you weirdo but let's stick to non-food related outings and he's like cool so i heard you like music.
Supernatural: Dude, you're in this for the long haul. Like dating someone with turrets--sometimes he does or says things he has no control over! But at the core of your relationship is a deep and abiding affection for each other that's never going to fade. Some day when he inevitably ends you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your song is going to be "Not Over You" by Gavin Degraw, and it always will be.
Elementary: If Supernatural is your one true love, Elementary might very well be your Platonic Life Partner, your best fucking friend you'd throw down for in a second. What more is there to say?
Person of Interest: Another BFF, an unexpected friendship that climbed so quickly in your affections that he's more and more like a little brother than a friend. You're primed and ready to drop-kick anyone who disses him, but most people barely know he exists. (Maybe you like it this way, maybe HE likes it this way, whatever, you think as you casually/possessively drop your legs into his lap.)
...well
if anyone was questioning my sanity earlier...
(I feel like I've missed some--tell me and I'll whip it up in a comment?) Is this in any way how you relate to TV shows? At all? I'M CURIOUS!
(For the purposes of this post I'll use the boyfriend terminology because I'm woefully unexciting when it comes to sexuality; I hope it doesn't come across as a slight, etc. YOU might very well relate to fandoms in a much saner completely different way!)
I've been disappointed quite a lot recently by the shows in my life, so maybe using this metaphor will help me deal with it.
Suits: Suits is that guy who was really good for a long time at hiding his chauvenistic bullshit--like, the first whole year was so great! You got along so well!
And maybe, I don't know, maybe you should have taken it as a sign when you started feeling more of a connection to the (by all accounts) slimeball character of Louis than feeling that same zing with Mike and Harvey that you had before, but then... Well, some things just can't be overlooked, you know? (Rachel. Rachel can't be overlooked.)
So now he's on vacation and you're left feeling grossed out by the fairly rapetastic fantasy he left you with as a parting gift and...man, you just don't know if you want to take him back, but you're pretty sure it's never going to be the same.
Vikings: Maaaan. Vikings was that three-week-long fling--and you go and tell everyone about him because here he is! This guy you didn't even know you wanted! Gorgeous and a history buff and he might be into threesomes! But uh, wait, no, what is he doing, is he undiagnosed multiple personality disorder, what, did not sign on for this, OH NO SECRETLY A REPUBLICAN/AGAINST WOMEN'S RIGHTS/JESUS FREAK WAIT WHERE DID THIS EVEN COME FROM??
Downton Abbey: Very quietly...snapped. Stopped returning his calls. He found out through a friend that you had dumped him. Shockingly, neither one of you was too broken up about it for long. Still avoid him at parties though.
Hawaii Five-O: Why are you even still in this relationship. Neither one of you cares the way you used to in the beginning. You've both mostly moved on anyway--he's all-but forgotten he ever even liked your demographic. Let it go.
Game of Thrones: That blind date your parents set you up with and you're...he's nice? You hang out because he's interesting, but you're better off as friends--you've seen how he trails people along, always hurting their favorite characters and they still come back for more, because he's charismatic and a good time. But he's also kind of an asshole and fucking obsessed with boobs. It's way more fun to stand on the roof with him and watch the shitstorm without being dragged into the drama.
Once Upon a Time: Kind of fizzled...didn't work out. The relationship you lift a shoulder and shrug about, kind of wistfully.
Leverage: Ripped from your arms. Neither one of you wanted it to end. As opposed to some other metaphors I could use for this show's cancellation, I'm going to pretend that his job moved his entire department out of country and he can't quit and he can't say no and there's a tearful goodbye at an airport and he makes you promise not to wait for him and it hurts when he kisses you goodbye but he still makes sure he gets one more watery laugh out of you before he boards the plane.
Teen Wolf: That guy you show up with and people are like *headtilty* he's legal? You're sure? Do you need to get him home before curfew? CAN HE DRINK?? And you're like shhhhh you don't know our love. And it's better anyway when it's just the two of you, and not all these people looking over your shoulder trying to tell you who he is. Maybe he's a little more drama-tastic than you'd like, but he's young! Everyone has too much drama at that age!
Dr. Who: What. Happened. What happened. You wake up one morning and realized you're sharing a bed with a psychopath. Or an alcoholic. Luckily he thinks he's much better than you and goes spinning off like a tornado in search of new conquests, and you breathe a sigh of relief because omfg dodged that bullet.
Merlin: Never the guy you wanted him to be, even though he was adorable and funny (sometimes accidentally) and really pretty. Ultimately it's an 'oh well' feeling, but you can still look back at your time together and smile.
Hannibal: A new almost-fling in your life? Soooooo not your type. SOOOOOO not your type, and you both know it, and you bond over terrible puns and the knowledge that everything is going to hit the fan in a SPECTACULAR manner. Like dating someone from the "wrong side of the tracks" just because you both know it'll piss off your parents. Sometimes you cancel on the dates because just...nope, but he just smiles and keeps inviting you to things and you're like yes fine you weirdo but let's stick to non-food related outings and he's like cool so i heard you like music.
Supernatural: Dude, you're in this for the long haul. Like dating someone with turrets--sometimes he does or says things he has no control over! But at the core of your relationship is a deep and abiding affection for each other that's never going to fade. Some day when he inevitably ends you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your song is going to be "Not Over You" by Gavin Degraw, and it always will be.
Elementary: If Supernatural is your one true love, Elementary might very well be your Platonic Life Partner, your best fucking friend you'd throw down for in a second. What more is there to say?
Person of Interest: Another BFF, an unexpected friendship that climbed so quickly in your affections that he's more and more like a little brother than a friend. You're primed and ready to drop-kick anyone who disses him, but most people barely know he exists. (Maybe you like it this way, maybe HE likes it this way, whatever, you think as you casually/possessively drop your legs into his lap.)
...well
if anyone was questioning my sanity earlier...
(I feel like I've missed some--tell me and I'll whip it up in a comment?) Is this in any way how you relate to TV shows? At all? I'M CURIOUS!