BECK GETS UPSET ABOUT THINGS ON THE INTERNET
You know what pisses me off in porn? Two things.
ONE. When the narrator TELLS you that so-and-so has a filthy mouth instead of just having the character, I don't know, talk filthy. COME ON. "Dean sucked Sam's cock and, Christ, Sam had a filthy mouth, and Dean was so turned on he was gonna come just from listening to it blah blah blah." You know what would be HOTTER than that? "Dean sucked Sam's cock and listened to the streams of filth coming out of Sam's mouth - 'Yeah, fuck, Dean, suck it down, you look so hot on you knees like that, I'm gonna come right down your throat, or maybe you want me to pull out and shoot all over that fucking pretty face, fuck, yeah, you'd just take it, wouldn't you...'" YES. THAT. Isn't 'show, don't tell' like, the OLDEST WRITING RULE EVER?
(this is so blatant. I LIKE DIRTY TALK IN FICS, PONY UP, BITCHES).
TWO. I must have missed the class in slash 101 that explained that if one character gets a blowjob, the other character will get a handjob. I have read like 8536574 fics in a row recently where, say, Frank goes down on Gerard, and then Gerard jerks Frank off. It is getting BORING and PREDICTABLE. And handjobs should NEVER be predictable! I almost want to stop reading as soon as I realise where things are heading, "Oh, dear, Gerard just came down Frank's throat, we all know what happens next!" COME ON. You're writing porn on the INTERNET. THERE ARE NO LIMITS. Don't follow the formula! Maybe Frank doesn't WANT a handjob after spending ten minutes on his knees? Maybe he want GERARD TO RECIPROCATE? Or maybe he wants to - fuck Gerard, jerk himself off on Gerard, dry-hump Gerard, have Gerard rim him - there are so many possibilities! Maybe Frank wants to wait until Gerard's libido builds back up and have Gerard fuck him! Maybe Frank's lost the mood and wants a sandwich! I don't know! YOU'RE the writer!
For me, today is Tuesday. You can understand why I'm a little grumpy. Also, I'm working tonight, so I'm gonna miss the first half of the St. Kilda v Collingwood match, and I'm ANXIOUS about this. So I read porn and complain. Whatevs.
Maybe I just need to...CHILLAX. HAHAHAA, that word will never not be funny.
--Cheers, Beck
(I might write porn, soon, I'm sort of working my way up to it. Don't pressure me!)
ETA: This is from an MCR fic finding comm: "Hey, I'm looking for a fic in where Frank gets cursed by a gypsy, which results in him wanting to have sex with Gerard (who is dead)."
YOU CAN BET FRANKIE'S NOT GONNA GET A HANDJOB AFTER GOING DOWN THAT TIME, HOO-BABY.
wtf is wrong with people, seriously, that sounded like a cool fic until the parentheses.
ONE. When the narrator TELLS you that so-and-so has a filthy mouth instead of just having the character, I don't know, talk filthy. COME ON. "Dean sucked Sam's cock and, Christ, Sam had a filthy mouth, and Dean was so turned on he was gonna come just from listening to it blah blah blah." You know what would be HOTTER than that? "Dean sucked Sam's cock and listened to the streams of filth coming out of Sam's mouth - 'Yeah, fuck, Dean, suck it down, you look so hot on you knees like that, I'm gonna come right down your throat, or maybe you want me to pull out and shoot all over that fucking pretty face, fuck, yeah, you'd just take it, wouldn't you...'" YES. THAT. Isn't 'show, don't tell' like, the OLDEST WRITING RULE EVER?
(this is so blatant. I LIKE DIRTY TALK IN FICS, PONY UP, BITCHES).
TWO. I must have missed the class in slash 101 that explained that if one character gets a blowjob, the other character will get a handjob. I have read like 8536574 fics in a row recently where, say, Frank goes down on Gerard, and then Gerard jerks Frank off. It is getting BORING and PREDICTABLE. And handjobs should NEVER be predictable! I almost want to stop reading as soon as I realise where things are heading, "Oh, dear, Gerard just came down Frank's throat, we all know what happens next!" COME ON. You're writing porn on the INTERNET. THERE ARE NO LIMITS. Don't follow the formula! Maybe Frank doesn't WANT a handjob after spending ten minutes on his knees? Maybe he want GERARD TO RECIPROCATE? Or maybe he wants to - fuck Gerard, jerk himself off on Gerard, dry-hump Gerard, have Gerard rim him - there are so many possibilities! Maybe Frank wants to wait until Gerard's libido builds back up and have Gerard fuck him! Maybe Frank's lost the mood and wants a sandwich! I don't know! YOU'RE the writer!
For me, today is Tuesday. You can understand why I'm a little grumpy. Also, I'm working tonight, so I'm gonna miss the first half of the St. Kilda v Collingwood match, and I'm ANXIOUS about this. So I read porn and complain. Whatevs.
Maybe I just need to...CHILLAX. HAHAHAA, that word will never not be funny.
--Cheers, Beck
(I might write porn, soon, I'm sort of working my way up to it. Don't pressure me!)
ETA: This is from an MCR fic finding comm: "Hey, I'm looking for a fic in where Frank gets cursed by a gypsy, which results in him wanting to have sex with Gerard (who is dead)."
YOU CAN BET FRANKIE'S NOT GONNA GET A HANDJOB AFTER GOING DOWN THAT TIME, HOO-BABY.
wtf is wrong with people, seriously, that sounded like a cool fic until the parentheses.