In Parting...
Since the year 2000, I have been involved in the online Toltec community in one capacity or another - from the hosting of the Quantum Shaman website, to my first Delphi forum, finally here to The Sorcerer's World. And while I feel I have learned a lot, I have also clearly *seen* that it is now time for me to move in a new and very different direction. I had not really intended to go deeply into my reasons for this, but as a result of several emails asking why I have been considering shutting down TSW, it seems that perhaps some explanation may be in order... in no particular order of significance.
A SOLITARY PATH
First, I cannot help but *see* more and more that this is truly a solitary path. Regardless of how our paths may overlap or intersect, the journey itself is one of solitude and individual effort. Don Juan can no more "save" you than Jesus or Buddha or anybody else. And what is "salvation" anyway? We've debated it on this forum and others for years, and though I suspect each of us knows in our own heart what we might mean by that, I have to ask myself what the point would be in continuing the debate itself? The entire idea of a "warrior's party" is pretty much fantasy and illusion, near as I can tell. Why? Because no matter WHO may be at the helm, if you are following someone else's path, you are not following your own. And yes, it really is as simple as that. In my opinion, the entire idea of the warrior's path was strictly a matter of Carlos's predilections - and it's no secret that I also happen to believe that don Juan himself was essentially Carlos's alter-ego. Don Juan was Carlos's double... so again that takes the whole idea of the warrior's party right back to Carlos... and he himself was the first to admit that he did not think he would make it to freedom... so while I can certainly be grateful to Carlos for the language, the syntax, and the tales of power with which he provided us, I cannot really *see* that his "way" is going to get anyone anywhere, particularly if folks are attempting to mimic him as opposed to creating their own way as a matter of their own heart.
Eh? Put simply: the Toltec path has served as a guideline for me, but it is hardly a way of life, nor would I encourage anyone else to make it a way of life, largely because it is someone else's path. The general ideas work and may be tested for youself - but beyond that, if you're not EVOLVING the path, you are following... and following will only lead you down the same road someone else has traveled, and in the end you may discover it really isn't where YOU want to go.
Am I denouncing Toltec? No, because I never considered myself truly "Toltec" to begin with. I am simply saying with as much emphasis as I can place into the written word that when "Toltec" becomes just another religion, it becomes every bit as ineffective as every OTHER religion. When people on the internet are dividing themselves into groups of "stalkers" or "dreamers" and not having the vaguest comprehension of what that might really mean, they have simply put on the masks of phantoms in yet one more role-playing game. No different, really, than putting on the trappings of any other religion and going through the motions of that "faith" just because somebody somewhere in some dusty book said it was "the way."
Get real with yourself. It is a solitary path. No teacher or guru is going to save you because - despite what they will tell you - they really don't care. Ugly truth, but there it is. And nothing even really wrong with it. The loss of self-importance will make it clear to all of us that nobody on earth "owes" it to us to "care" about who we are or what we do. The only one who owes that to you is YOU.
More and more, I see Toltec "teachers" schlepping their so-called apprentices on tours of Peru, with promises of enlightenment through ayahuasca or mushrooms or some jungle encounter with the spirit of gaia, when the reality of it is that any real "truth" you are seeking is not going to be found in Peru or Mexico or anywhere other than your own internal matrix. So, sure, you can trundle off to some exotic otherworld with your guru if it makes you feel better or if it provides you with entertainment or even a good vacation, but if you think for a moment that it's going to change you or enlighten you... think again.
THE DISTORTED PICTURE
Another issue for me has become what I can only call "the distorted picture" - which boils down to an almost complete re-writing of the Toltec material to mean whatever anybody seems to want it to mean. It's one thing to expand outward from where Castaneda left off; but it's another matter altogether in my opinion to twist or distort the material for one's own benefit. Prime example, just to pick one out of the air: the whole idea that "stalking" is about stalking others. Throughout the books of CC, stalking was described as "the art of controlled folly" - i.e., learning how to manage our own folly in the world of matter and men. But somewhere along the line, it seems to have turned into stalking others for one's own gain or, worse, one's own amusement/entertainment, until it turns into the game of "who's the better warrior?" Obviously, this is just one serious distortion of the Intent of Toltec, but it's highly indicative of where most of the Toltec "community" seems to be these days.
Now before anyone jumps in to argue or defend their own position, let me simply say... I don't care. Heh. Remember what I said above: nobody really cares. And I wholly accept that nobody really cares what I have to say either - and that's truly okay. I am saying it largely for my own assimilation and no other reason, sort of a "recap" of my years in the Toltec community. Nothing but my opinion, worth absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things.
So with that said, I will also add that another thing which has contributed to my decision to leave this "toltec community" is what I can only see as a preponderence of bliss ninnies who have wandered into the picture, and who seem to believe that positive thinking and faith will get them where they are wanting to go - and, not to mention, that anyone who doesn't share their rose-colored-glasses view of the world is "negative" and "mean-spirited." Er... no, that's not really the case, but then again, I'm dark and negative and mean-spirited, so... heh... a self-fulfilling prophecy fulfilling itself on its own ambrosia and honey. ??? Bottom line... this whole new age movement of "positive thinking" is little more than an extension of the consensus reality protecting its status quo. If you're poor or the victim of abuse? Why, just think positive thoughts and your whole world will change. (And if you believe that for a moment, please mail me privately, as I have a lovely bridge in Brooklyn I'd love to sell you!)
Why does it matter? Doesn't matter to ME in the least. But the bottom line is that this kind of new age crap is essentially the big destroyer of evolution because it does nothing to address the CAUSE of one's condition, but only gives lip service to feel-goodism which, ultimately, is about as effective as those "fat creams" from the 60's. Just rub it on your belly and watch the fat disappear. Yeah... right. (Email me about that bridge. Please!)
Am I a cynic? At this point.. absolutely. I've seen too many don Juannabes and don Juanitas cross my path to be anything but a cynic. But, again, that's okay, and you are not required to care. Heh. That's the cool thing about Toltec. You're on your own and so am I. Nothing is personal, and if you want to take something personally, you need to look into your own mirror labeled "Losing Self Importance."
I could go on about the distorted picture, but the bottom line is that if you are "in love" with your guru, or have some crazy notion that Jesus died on the cross for your sins, or Castaneda battled his demons in the desert for YOU... then you are sadly deluded and will not make it to freedom unless you wake up and take your own life by the balls. Don't wait. Don't think for a moment that you have the luxury of lingering in the blissful fields, smelling the pretty flowers and making healing poultices for the incurable rash of your mortality. Life is short. And getting shorter by the minute. How long do you have to spend waiting for some crumb of wisdom from your guru? How long do you have to wait for some sign of enlightenment through your faith? How long are you going to go on pretending before it occurs to you that nofuckingbody gives a damn?
How long before you simply stand up, shake yourself off like a dog shaking off water, and grab your own journey by the throttle and say to the universe, "Full fucking speed ahead, goddammit!"
Shake those gurus off your back - because in all likelihood, YOU are the one who put them there in the first place. All any "teacher" can do is to share his/her journey with you. Hopefully it will inspire you. Maybe it will even motivate you to take command of your own life. I'm not saying we can't learn from other teachers or fellow travelers - but all too often of late, what I am *seeing* amounts to a bunch of followers hooked into someone else's vision, and as a result, completely losing sight of their own.
Who are YOU? That's the first question, the last question, the ONLY question. And you will not find the answer anywhere other than within yourself.
FAITH AND LOVE
"The destruction of faith is the beginning of evolution." (Orlando, 2000)
"Love is the reason." (Olando, 2001)
Any questions?
As long as you have "faith" in someone (anyone) else to bring you to enlightenment, you will never be enlightened. As long as you "believe" any person or organization can answer your questions, your questions will remain unanswered. The only way to KNOW truth is to find it within the path of your own heart - and the only real way to do that is through the journey of experience which cannot really be captued in words. I've told my story on my website, and in the pages of this forum. Maybe some of it can serve as a rough "map" for others looking for a similar experience, but neither I nor anyone else can take you by the hand and lead you to your own double, your higher self, your dreaming self. And anyone who tells you that they can should be seriously suspect. I and others may be able to offer tools, but the ONLY one who can use them is YOU.
Sounds too simple. Which is precisely why nobody listens. LOL. Gotta laugh.
Love is the reason. Yes, that really is the simplest expanation of all, and the only one that really matters. If the things you are doing are not born of love, why do them at all? Are you in a relationship because you love your partner, or because it is what you think you are "supposta" do? Do you maintain connection with your family because of love, or because of some misplaced sense of obligation? Do you love what you are doing with your life, or are you settling for second best because of fear or some other excuse you've manufactured?
Love is the reason.
If it isn't - time to take a serious look at what you are doing, why you are doing it, and where you are going. I know people who define themselves as "seekers", yet they have been "seeking" for years and remain unhappy, unfulfilled and essentially "empty" inside (by their own definition). The bottom line is that there is a difference between a "seeker" and someone on a path toward "enlightenment" (for lack of a better word.). There are those who are simply addicted to the seeking; and there are those who choose to BECOME the thing they have sought. Neither is right or wrong, of course... and yet it certainly appears to me that once we reach a plateau of "enlightenment", it becomes the jumping-off point for the next step of the journey... in an ongoing and endless series of evolutions.
So... what am I saying? Does it matter? (No).
Bottom line for me... I began this adventure as a matter of my own assimilation, and it has served me well, but to linger at this point would only involve a repetition of what's already been said and done. Like I said earlier: it's on my website or within the body of this forum... and there's really nothing more I can say within the confines of this current language. So... it's been fun, it's been swell, it's been enlightening.
I have enjoyed interacting with those who have visited here over the years, and it's possible I may even pop in from time to time and post some thoughts. Who's to say? In the meantime, I am leaving the forum in the care of Melancholy Man. Based on our private conversations, it is my belief that the forum will continue essentially as an archive for a few months, and then slip quietly into obscurity, as all things are wont to do.
Thou art god. Create yourself accordingly.
Be well. Be blessed. Be eternal & infinite.
Della