I'm usually very patient too. I really hate this about myself. I just seem to sabotage everything. Granted there wasn't any interest there to begin with, I didn't help my cause. I suppose it wouldn't bee too much of an issue if it were an isolated event, though it still could be considering I haven't really felt like this in a long time. That's ( Read more... )

Yesterday, I had one of those antisocial days. Maybe not all of you experience these, but it's one of those days were you just don't feel like being part of any other person's day. I don't know that I was in a bad mood to begin with, but just being around people was vexing...any people. It's times like these that I feel like there's something ( Read more... )

I wish I had met you. Thanks for all the seeds you left in my mind, the laughs in my gut, the emotions in my heart, and the stimulus in my soul. I'm sure you lived as though you didn't need more than the 84 you were granted, but for fans like us, it would have never been enough. We'll miss Kilgore too. Rest in peace.

First day of the new year and last day in the east coast (for now). Like many things in the recent past, it is bittersweet. I'm lucky enough to have woken up next to her. I love looking at her for a few moments while she's sleeping. She looks so serene. It's also disheartening to know that I no longer occupy her dreams. She really is my day break, ( Read more... )

Boy..2006 was filled with many tragedies in my life. The grad school debacle, my trouble with finding a good job, loosing the most important person in my life and having her start a new one so far from me, and I close it by making perhaps the biggest mistake I could have made. I let my emotions get the better of me and I ruined what was left of a ( Read more... )

I don't think I've ever been depressed during any holidays. But yesterday was different. It wasn't an endless pinning or even a crippling one. But something, someone was missing, and I was genuinely sad about it. Not an "oh well" sad, but a solemn, tearing, helpless dejection. The ironic thing was that I never had what I am missing, so I can't even ( Read more... )

You may or may not (probably not) have noticed that the updates are becoming more seldom. Among many reasons, let's just officially say that it is because "judgement" day approaches.

One of the things that hurts the must is that I feel completely disavowed. I don't feel like a friend, certainly not a good one. It's probably the missing propinquity and the nature of the situation. One moment you're talking on the every day about everything looking forward to your life together the next you know you hardly speak or write to each ( Read more... )

I've come to notice that I get very worried sometimes. Currently, I'm in a rather unstable emotional state. Regardless, I always get pretty upset by the slightest perturbation. I think its because I subscribe to Murphy's law a little too religiously. Sometimes everything seems to get dark, and I feel like there's not way out of whatever jam I was ( Read more... )

You know those times were you realize what the best course of action is for you but you don't want to take it? I'm in downtown you know what the best course of action is for you but you don't want to take it right now. It's a cold and lonely place.