Life! Stuff!
When I was ten and my brother was eight, I called 911 from our home phone. My parents were out, and we were making prank calls. ("Hello, Empire Carpets? I would like to buy a thousand carpets.")
I didn't know that when you call the police, they stay on the line even after you hang up, so that when you pick up the phone again, they're still there. I didn't know that after you say you weren't playing with the phone, they send two officers to your house, and they take your full name before leaving and never following up. For years, I thought the prank call was listed somewhere on my permanent record, next to the lunch detention I got for wearing street clothes to gym. I didn't know that permanent records aren't real, and no one cares what white suburban kids do, really.
When I think about this vague memory, I can only remember my brother. How eager and ready he was to follow my lead as I suggested our next victim; how he tried to hide how nervous he was as I dialed the numbers. And how he sat on the stairs behind me while I talked to the police, sobbing, terrified, because he had trusted me and I had let him down.
***
I saw The Skeleton Twins last weekend and started thinking about siblings. It's such a strange relationship and like no other in your life. Your parents love you because they made you, and your friends love you because they chose you.
But your siblings love you in a different way. They love you because they know who you are and what you're capable of, more deeply than your parents or your friends. They might not know who you're dating or what your dreams are or who you hate at work; they might not know the great, terrible anguishes of your twenties or the things that are changing you as you age. But they know who you are, at the very kernel of your being. When you grow up with someone, it's impossible to hide.
I think that's why it's sometimes hard for people to be close with their siblings, when they get older. You can trick your friends, to some extent; you can show them the good parts and the parts they want to see. But your sibling sees right through that facade, because it's the one you've been using your whole life -- and frankly, it could use some work.
***
I asked some people about their relationship with their siblings when they were younger. The responses varied, as you'd expect, but most were either quite close or quite antagonistic, except those with a notable age difference.
Most fought. That was certainly my experience with my brother, from ages 10 to 18: He seemed to have been designed by the universe specifically to annoy me. It was like having an itch in your shirt all day, but no one else could understand why it was itching you, and you knew that the shirt was enjoying it and doing it on purpose. Not a great analogy, but if you have a little brother, I bet you understand.
"Our personalities aren't that compatible when in close proximity and I was a little shit to him most of the time."
"Non-stop fighting. We had fun, but the thing about homeschooling is it kind of makes those relationships more intense y'know? Kind of a thunderdome environment."
"I wanted to punch her in the face half the time when we were kids."
A lot of people had regrets about how they treated their siblings when they were younger. Memories clearly stood out and haunted them. They remembered acutely the terrible things they had said.
I think that's another thing that separates sibling relationships from parents or friends: the regret. They've seen you at your worst, and you can't get rid of them. At least when a friend sees you snap, you can move towns and pretend that your crazy past self was someone else. You don't have to see them every Thanksgiving -- that knowing look, those eyes.
"He looked up to me a lot and I think I could be a bit cruel about his sensitivity, which in retrospect I feel really terrible about."
***
The close:
"She never abandoned me, with the exception of when she would have slumber parties. I hated her slumber parties. But she taught me everything I know."
"
The strange and hilarious and sad:
"I also used to play with her birth control a lot, because I didn't know what it was and liked how it clicked when you rotated them."
I didn't know that when you call the police, they stay on the line even after you hang up, so that when you pick up the phone again, they're still there. I didn't know that after you say you weren't playing with the phone, they send two officers to your house, and they take your full name before leaving and never following up. For years, I thought the prank call was listed somewhere on my permanent record, next to the lunch detention I got for wearing street clothes to gym. I didn't know that permanent records aren't real, and no one cares what white suburban kids do, really.
When I think about this vague memory, I can only remember my brother. How eager and ready he was to follow my lead as I suggested our next victim; how he tried to hide how nervous he was as I dialed the numbers. And how he sat on the stairs behind me while I talked to the police, sobbing, terrified, because he had trusted me and I had let him down.
***
I saw The Skeleton Twins last weekend and started thinking about siblings. It's such a strange relationship and like no other in your life. Your parents love you because they made you, and your friends love you because they chose you.
But your siblings love you in a different way. They love you because they know who you are and what you're capable of, more deeply than your parents or your friends. They might not know who you're dating or what your dreams are or who you hate at work; they might not know the great, terrible anguishes of your twenties or the things that are changing you as you age. But they know who you are, at the very kernel of your being. When you grow up with someone, it's impossible to hide.
I think that's why it's sometimes hard for people to be close with their siblings, when they get older. You can trick your friends, to some extent; you can show them the good parts and the parts they want to see. But your sibling sees right through that facade, because it's the one you've been using your whole life -- and frankly, it could use some work.
***
I asked some people about their relationship with their siblings when they were younger. The responses varied, as you'd expect, but most were either quite close or quite antagonistic, except those with a notable age difference.
Most fought. That was certainly my experience with my brother, from ages 10 to 18: He seemed to have been designed by the universe specifically to annoy me. It was like having an itch in your shirt all day, but no one else could understand why it was itching you, and you knew that the shirt was enjoying it and doing it on purpose. Not a great analogy, but if you have a little brother, I bet you understand.
"Our personalities aren't that compatible when in close proximity and I was a little shit to him most of the time."
"Non-stop fighting. We had fun, but the thing about homeschooling is it kind of makes those relationships more intense y'know? Kind of a thunderdome environment."
"I wanted to punch her in the face half the time when we were kids."
A lot of people had regrets about how they treated their siblings when they were younger. Memories clearly stood out and haunted them. They remembered acutely the terrible things they had said.
I think that's another thing that separates sibling relationships from parents or friends: the regret. They've seen you at your worst, and you can't get rid of them. At least when a friend sees you snap, you can move towns and pretend that your crazy past self was someone else. You don't have to see them every Thanksgiving -- that knowing look, those eyes.
"He looked up to me a lot and I think I could be a bit cruel about his sensitivity, which in retrospect I feel really terrible about."
***
The close:
"She never abandoned me, with the exception of when she would have slumber parties. I hated her slumber parties. But she taught me everything I know."
"
The strange and hilarious and sad:
"I also used to play with her birth control a lot, because I didn't know what it was and liked how it clicked when you rotated them."