do not have a subject..
gosh i am so frustrated here at work. i am so pissed off at everyone and everything. i have these two monsters here in my class that i cant stand. they are such monsters and i hate to feel this way for the fact that half of these kids are homeless and have gone through so much. i know the situations on these two so i know why they act the way they act. b/c their parents are monsters. ok so they are not monsters. but they very well could be. i am in tears right now cuz i am so frustrated and so mad. i am so something.
i even get hit by these kids. they hit me all the time. and they try to bite me.
and the people here are crazy. i cant do much in the class like my supervisor wants me to b/c everything i put out there to my co-teacher she always puts down. she never goes with any idea i want or anything. not once has she ever gone with any of my lesson plans or when i say let us do this. somethimes when i suggest something she puts it down and then a few days later she brings up the same thing and acts like it is her idea. there is more to bitch about on that. but what is the use i cant do anything. there is no one to talk to either. i have no one to talk to about this or anyone to just cry or vent to. or to vent about anything that is going on in my life. i wish i did but i do not. i have so much anger and hurt and frustrations happening right now that i have absolutely no idea on how to handle it right now. i thought i was ok but i am not. my aunt dying , this whole bobby thing, my papa being super sick, the list can go on and on. i cant take it anymore i really cant. all of it is happening all at once. it is like why do i have to be here. why cant it all go away. or how do i make it go away. do i have to go away myself.
maybe the reason this kid is getting to me is b/c of everything that is going on in my life once again. all this stuff. my job use to be my place of get away. but it cant be right now.
i really feel that i cant deal with my life right now. i want to quit my job and pack my things. i just want to go home right now and cry. and just lie there and do nothing. something i have been doing. b/c right now it is getting harder and harder for me to fake my feelings. i cant hide them anymore like i used to. i used to be able to just look happy to hte rest of the world. i cant do it anymore. so i actually just lie down at home in front of the tv and do nothing. i am letting my apartment go w/out cleaning or anything. i only go out when i absolutely have to. and i just sit there. that is all. even my appearance is going. like bad. why cant i just go away. why cant it just be over for me. everything bad that can happen to me has so what point is to be here anymore. i do not have the strength to do it. i really do not have it anymore. i cant anymore. i cant do it. i am not strong. no strength is left in me at all.......
i even get hit by these kids. they hit me all the time. and they try to bite me.
and the people here are crazy. i cant do much in the class like my supervisor wants me to b/c everything i put out there to my co-teacher she always puts down. she never goes with any idea i want or anything. not once has she ever gone with any of my lesson plans or when i say let us do this. somethimes when i suggest something she puts it down and then a few days later she brings up the same thing and acts like it is her idea. there is more to bitch about on that. but what is the use i cant do anything. there is no one to talk to either. i have no one to talk to about this or anyone to just cry or vent to. or to vent about anything that is going on in my life. i wish i did but i do not. i have so much anger and hurt and frustrations happening right now that i have absolutely no idea on how to handle it right now. i thought i was ok but i am not. my aunt dying , this whole bobby thing, my papa being super sick, the list can go on and on. i cant take it anymore i really cant. all of it is happening all at once. it is like why do i have to be here. why cant it all go away. or how do i make it go away. do i have to go away myself.
maybe the reason this kid is getting to me is b/c of everything that is going on in my life once again. all this stuff. my job use to be my place of get away. but it cant be right now.
i really feel that i cant deal with my life right now. i want to quit my job and pack my things. i just want to go home right now and cry. and just lie there and do nothing. something i have been doing. b/c right now it is getting harder and harder for me to fake my feelings. i cant hide them anymore like i used to. i used to be able to just look happy to hte rest of the world. i cant do it anymore. so i actually just lie down at home in front of the tv and do nothing. i am letting my apartment go w/out cleaning or anything. i only go out when i absolutely have to. and i just sit there. that is all. even my appearance is going. like bad. why cant i just go away. why cant it just be over for me. everything bad that can happen to me has so what point is to be here anymore. i do not have the strength to do it. i really do not have it anymore. i cant anymore. i cant do it. i am not strong. no strength is left in me at all.......