(no subject)
well my aunt died yesterday. i really wanted to see her once again before she died. on monday was when she got worse. i had seen her on sunday. it was weird. it was like she was holding onto my hand. she did not let it go wehn i was saying goodbye. and she kept on looking at me. it was different. i had a feeling that she was going to die very soon. i just wish i could of told her that i loved her. i never did. i just told her that day i would make sure and see her in two weeks when i went back to socorro. ....
and now i got kicked out of my cousins wedding. the groom kicked me out. i felt like shit right afterward. i am not even sure why i let him get to me. but once again after this happened i started questioning myself as a person. "did i deserve all this that happens to me. well obviously i am not a good person.... and blah blah blah...." i had all these questions and doubts in my head. same questions but no answers. i was even crying. what ever do i do. i try hard not to let these things get to me. i really do. but one to many and i start like that.
i went to my counselors the other day. also. i told her i was fine. she said that i did not even need to see her anymore. i seemed fine. i felt fine. but now i just am so sad. so how did my feeling just disappear in a matter of a day. i feel that i lost so much in my life. i have lost so much. i am so alone right now. like so alone. i have never felt this alone in my entire life. i just wish that i had someone. i have absolutely no one. even being with my family i do not feel like i have someone. it feels so distant. when will it end. will it ever.
and now i got kicked out of my cousins wedding. the groom kicked me out. i felt like shit right afterward. i am not even sure why i let him get to me. but once again after this happened i started questioning myself as a person. "did i deserve all this that happens to me. well obviously i am not a good person.... and blah blah blah...." i had all these questions and doubts in my head. same questions but no answers. i was even crying. what ever do i do. i try hard not to let these things get to me. i really do. but one to many and i start like that.
i went to my counselors the other day. also. i told her i was fine. she said that i did not even need to see her anymore. i seemed fine. i felt fine. but now i just am so sad. so how did my feeling just disappear in a matter of a day. i feel that i lost so much in my life. i have lost so much. i am so alone right now. like so alone. i have never felt this alone in my entire life. i just wish that i had someone. i have absolutely no one. even being with my family i do not feel like i have someone. it feels so distant. when will it end. will it ever.