Debbie Downer
I was having a rough time last night. Well, the past few days actually.
I've been super busy at work-- a combination of finally having cells and peptides to do experiments on, feedback from the mentors on what I should be doing, and mostly an urge to get shit done SOON since I don't have a lot of time left.
I've done SIX binding assays in the past three days. SIX! If I was working 'hard' before, I could do twelve in a whole week, with no other interruptions. Six binding assays, plus a cyclase, plus treating and harvesting cells today. I'd say I am going to burn myself out except I know that I have a lot of experiments left on my to-do list and not enough time to allow burning out.
Maybe it's a combination of working so hard and being on my feet so often and so long during the day that led to my feeling of fatigue these past couple days. Not tired as in I needed more sleep, but as though I'd been holding my arms above my head and lifted weights for 30 minutes, except I haven't. It's just my whole body, all my muscles are tired and fatigued, like I ran several miles. It's pretty weird and I don't particularly enjoy the feeling.
In other new occurrences, I get winded much more than before. Just walking Olive up the hill with Jake yesterday was enough to make me pant and puff and ask him if we could slow down. That's not cool either. I should be in better shape than that.
I'm wondering if this whole chain of events is linked to suddenly working really hard and fast at work coupled with me taking the past several weeks easy and not eating as healthfully as normal and not getting enough (or any) exercise. It was just so easy to say "It's -20 with the wind chill tonight, let's not walk Olive" and have a cookie. Or two. And sit on my bottom for the rest of the evening.
Last night I was beating myself up for that a little bit. If I've decided that having a low-risk pregnancy and homebirth is what is best for me and the baby then I need to NOT just laze around during this pregnancy-- I need to work hard and eat healthy and do everything in my power to ensure that I don't develop any complications and that I'm in top shape for labor. Sitting back and letting this happen TO ME is not conducive to an easy, healthy pregnancy and birth. I know this. So why have I let myself be lazy and let things get ahead of me in the past month?
I know what I should be doing now-- following my diet plan, getting at least 20-30 minutes of low-impact exercise a day, doing the prenatal yoga (that I really enjoy) to help me stretch and tone muscles that I don't use in daily life and prepare mentally for this baby. So why does that seem so overwhelming? Why does it seem like it's so much harder to do now than it was a month ago, before I had my 'lapse' in good behavior?
I had a dream last night about the baby. It was a boy, and he had the bluest eyes I've ever seen. I just wanted to stare at him all the time and hold him in my arms forever.
I've been super busy at work-- a combination of finally having cells and peptides to do experiments on, feedback from the mentors on what I should be doing, and mostly an urge to get shit done SOON since I don't have a lot of time left.
I've done SIX binding assays in the past three days. SIX! If I was working 'hard' before, I could do twelve in a whole week, with no other interruptions. Six binding assays, plus a cyclase, plus treating and harvesting cells today. I'd say I am going to burn myself out except I know that I have a lot of experiments left on my to-do list and not enough time to allow burning out.
Maybe it's a combination of working so hard and being on my feet so often and so long during the day that led to my feeling of fatigue these past couple days. Not tired as in I needed more sleep, but as though I'd been holding my arms above my head and lifted weights for 30 minutes, except I haven't. It's just my whole body, all my muscles are tired and fatigued, like I ran several miles. It's pretty weird and I don't particularly enjoy the feeling.
In other new occurrences, I get winded much more than before. Just walking Olive up the hill with Jake yesterday was enough to make me pant and puff and ask him if we could slow down. That's not cool either. I should be in better shape than that.
I'm wondering if this whole chain of events is linked to suddenly working really hard and fast at work coupled with me taking the past several weeks easy and not eating as healthfully as normal and not getting enough (or any) exercise. It was just so easy to say "It's -20 with the wind chill tonight, let's not walk Olive" and have a cookie. Or two. And sit on my bottom for the rest of the evening.
Last night I was beating myself up for that a little bit. If I've decided that having a low-risk pregnancy and homebirth is what is best for me and the baby then I need to NOT just laze around during this pregnancy-- I need to work hard and eat healthy and do everything in my power to ensure that I don't develop any complications and that I'm in top shape for labor. Sitting back and letting this happen TO ME is not conducive to an easy, healthy pregnancy and birth. I know this. So why have I let myself be lazy and let things get ahead of me in the past month?
I know what I should be doing now-- following my diet plan, getting at least 20-30 minutes of low-impact exercise a day, doing the prenatal yoga (that I really enjoy) to help me stretch and tone muscles that I don't use in daily life and prepare mentally for this baby. So why does that seem so overwhelming? Why does it seem like it's so much harder to do now than it was a month ago, before I had my 'lapse' in good behavior?
I had a dream last night about the baby. It was a boy, and he had the bluest eyes I've ever seen. I just wanted to stare at him all the time and hold him in my arms forever.