i am alive.....for only a moment :(
ha ha i snuck on the computer, i hope that my typing doesnt give it away that im on the comp. so my parents are in bed and oh wow does it feel cool to beon the comp again, i feel alive! well anyhoot, besides not being able to use the phone, the net, cant go anywhere, no one can come over, and that im dead, this whole grounding thing isnt so shabby, cuz usually by now i would be going insane (which i am in most parts but not the usual insanity) bawling my eyes out, screaming to let me out, but im not, wanna know why? cuz i know i deserve it, i have decieved my parents :( which i know that i deserve anything they shoot at me. im a horrible child, even though they arent the best of parents i still need to live up to what i have set for myself. i have always told myself that i would be the best kid in the family, and no matter how shitty they are i would be a great kid, and live up to my goals in life. so far they have gone down the drain which makes me feel soo poopy inside. cuz im not in love and i did a bad thing. shitty guys is all i gotta say, and how idiotic i am to like the WRONG type of guy. WRONG WRONG WRONG. i have always wanted to go to a university, and make my way through life having an average income family, but to look at how my schooling is going........its shit :( i wont make it to a university, but i will still try hard to have a happy non poor family. well off that shit subject. i am going insane cuz i havent seen my boyfriend in 2 days, im lonely boyfriend! i love u with all my heart! and i love my kristin, sarah, and others. it sucks cuz angela is in town and i finally had the chance to hang cuz im not working, but nooo im an idiot once again. mahhhaaa :( my life is going down the drain. i really wanna get outta the house but i know i cant and i shouldnt want to but i do. zach is an ass. he probably assadimized some girl, and u know what next time i see him i will probably kiss him! how much of an idiot am i. i dont deserved to get treated like shit, i deserve a prince ok well not that far but someone who would be better than the guys i have liked in the past. i think i fall for guys who dont like me back, and when they do i get scared and run off. im afraid to have someone love me as much as i could love them (relationship wise) cuz i would never believe it. its like u cant love me i have things wrong with me. i wish i could love the right people and be loved in the right way. but im shitty mallory, in a way i think i do deserve the best, but then again its like maybe i dont. i could have the most wonderful guy love me and i would run off cuz im scared and be like peace im out. i want a relationship but i dont think im ready. i really wish i was, cuz i need to feel that someone other than my friends and family love me, i need a DIFFERENT kind of love. but hey im young i have many more years to live, but i dont wanna wait, I CANT wait! but i have to u know. i just wanna be happy, and cuddle, and feel im loved and safe in someones arms. well shit, this is a long entry, so what if u had the patience to read through this whole thing, u get 83 browny points. so umm my mom decided to snap just now i gotta get going later to all my loves. have fun with out me, i am once again DEAD!