Honesty Is Honestly The Hardest Thing - 21/29
Title: Honesty Is Honestly The Hardest Thing
Pairing: Gen....almost definitely going to stay gen...I'll let you know otherwise.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: This exists in the same land as The Clangers. Only difference is I wish they were real whereas this....definitely do not wish it was real.
Warning: Violence, swearing, homophobia, and just nastiness.
Summery: One event can change the life of everyone involved. It's an idea that everyone knows but it's not something anyone actually understands until it happens to them.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11 , Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20
Neil watched out of the corner of his eye as Kris made his way round Adam’s kitchen, knowing exactly where everything was kept. In the three weeks that Adam had been back at his own house Kris had become pretty much a permanent feature. Neil was just glad that the other three Musketeers were around less often as together they were a little too peppy for Neil’s cynicism to handle. Maybe thinking of them as four Musketeers was a little strange, after all who would that make Adam? Hell, who would that make him? Kris was obviously d’Artagnan, or maybe that was Katy? And Lil was Athos unless she was around Brad, Porthos, and then she became Porthos as well. And really you should try being in the same room as two Porthos’s! In fact, Brad seemed to make Porthos’s out of them all! Well, apart from Kris, Kris was resilient to Brad’s over enthusiastic tendencies and it only made Neil like him that much more. Sure, it had been more than a little amusing to see Katy and Lil so quickly caught up in the whirlwind of energy that was his brother’s ex but after a while it just got tiring.
But Neil liked Kris and was glad that he’d been around as much as he had; he was a very calming influence in the house. And he was somebody Adam listened to, which was considerably more than Neil was at the moment.
“I’m just saying that maybe it’s time you thought about heading back into the world a little?”
“And I’m just saying that it’s no one fucking business.”
“I didn’t mean for anyone else. I meant for you. You’ve not left the house since you got here.”
“Neil, for fucks sake, let it go will you.”
Neil glanced over at Kris who was now leaning against the work surface eating a bowl of cereal and watching the exchange. Kris noticed him looking and Neil saw the small nod of encouragement sent his way. It was good to know that someone was on his side, even if he wasn’t willing to speak up just yet.
“Adam, dude, I know that you’re nervous but there’s...”
“I’m not fucking nervous. Why would I be nervous?”
Neil rolled his eyes. Sometimes the stubbornness that was their genetic code could be a real bitch.
“Oh I have no idea, how about because the last time you went out you were attacked and then humiliated by having it filmed and played on every fucking medium available. Maybe because the whole world has seen you at your lowest. Or how about the fact that you have yet to even let anyone not a friend know you’re still alive. Yeah Adam, why the hell would you be nervous!!”
Sometimes the sarcasm that was their genetic default could also be a bitch. Neil really hadn’t meant to say, yell, any of that and the look on Kris’s face told him that maybe he’d gone too far.
The silence that filled the kitchen nearly pulled an apology out of him but a small giggle coming from Adam’s direction stopped Neil short. He knew the frown and shock on Kris’s face was mirrored on his own. Adam looked at them both and his giggles evolved into full blown laughter.
“Oh my god, guys, your faces!”
Huh?
“Neil, dude, you look like you just punted a puppy off a bridge and now regret it with Kris stood by watching. And while I appreciate your worry at offending me with such a poorly thought out and possibly insensitive argument I am not a punted puppy.”
“Adam I’m so sorry I didn’t mean...”
“Yeah you really did but it’s cool. You’ve got a point. You had a pretty good argument that might have sounded better if you hadn’t yelled it and I know that I need to leave the house but I just can’t, not yet. Please understand.”
Neil nodded out of reflex. He didn’t know how to react to rational Adam. Adam had never been rational. Rationality was not his strong point. Anyone who favoured rationality would not be seen wearing some of the outfits Adam had in his closet. And they sure as hell wouldn’t think that a flaming headdress could ever be subtle. Neil didn’t know what to think of this new Adam.
“We understand Adam we just worry about you.”
Kris was apparently having less hard a time accepting it. But Kris did seem to accept most things pretty easily.
“And I’m not going to tell you that you don’t need to because to be honest I’m not sure that would be true. I’d probably worry about me as well. But it’s only been three weeks. They only caught the guys a week ago. I just, I just need some more time.”
Neil looked at Kris as he put his now empty bowl in the sink and moved over to Adam, pulling him into a hug. Neil had never been a touchy feely person and Kris’s ninja hugging skills still bemused him but Adam returned the hug in full every time so there was obviously something in it.
Adam hadn’t been around many people since the attack and all of them, apart from their father and himself, had been considerably smaller, or female, than him. Neil had seen Adam flinch away from their father’s touch every time. Neil had only attempted to pull him into a hug once but he’d noticed that again Adam had instinctively retreated. But Kris, and Brad, Adam had no problem with which Neil only hoped was because they were so much smaller than him. Neil knew he should probably feel offended or hurt by this like his father did but he didn’t, he just felt angry. All these stupidly small ramifications because of an act by stupid people with stupid fucking beliefs! But if it made Adam uncomfortable he would simply stop touching him. It would be as easy as that.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Adam reluctantly pulled out of the hug.
“No Kris, I really don’t.”
Neil wondered if maybe talking about it was something Adam needed to do. And he didn’t mean to them because they sure as hell didn’t know what they were doing, that was for damn sure.
“Maybe you should talk to someone.”
“Neil did I not just fucking say...”
“Not us asswipe. Someone else, someone qualified.”
“You mean a shrink.”
“I mean a shrink.”
“I am not crazy.”
“No more than you’ve always been.”
“Bitch.”
“Douche. But you don’t have to be crazy to need to talk. I’m guessing if you were crazy you would probably not talk, so by not talking you’re proving that you’re crazy. So you should just talk to someone.”
“Did that sentence make any sense to you in your head because it sure as hell didn’t as it came out of your mouth.”
Again Neil looked to Kris for backup.
“It really didn’t dude sorry. But Adam, I think what Neil meant was, anyone would feel the need for help after what has happened. It doesn’t make you crazy. In fact, I would say that all of us could probably do with a little help.”
“So would you be going as well?”
“Well, I’m...this is...God this sounds bad when I say it out loud, but I’ve actually been writing a lot.”
“Songs?”
As soon as it came out of his mouth Neil knew that it was a stupid question.
“No idiot, the musician has taken up blogging like you.”
“Yeah, songs. I’ve been, well I’ve been, it just needed somewhere to come out you know. And Katy was worried that it would be exploitative but I played her one of them and, well, it’s not about actual events but there’s emotions and stuff that maybe might be influenced by things and she liked it so I’ve carried one.”
“You’re writing songs!”
Neil was stuck on that one idea. How could Kris find an outlet so easily? He wanted to write about it but there was no way he could go online about this. No way he could write a proper article for a paper either. Even if he was a big enough dick for that to seem like a good idea Adam would fucking kill him. And at the moment Adam came first.
“Kris that’s great. I hope you play them for me at some point.”
So Adam was okay with Kris writing songs about it? But, what about killing him? He’d kill Neil! But Kris gets an out! How is that fair? And wow, Neil got angry again far quicker than he really should.
“Of course I will. Maybe I’ll bring my guitar over tomorrow, we could jam for a bit.”
Maybe this was something he needed to deal with. Maybe Kris was right and Adam wasn’t the only one who should talk to someone. Neil had never considered seeing a shrink before but there was a first time for everything.
“I don’t play anything.”
“It’s not like you can’t sing along. And Neil, you play the piano right?”
Neil focused back in on the conversation.
“Huh?”
“You play the piano right?”
“A bit.”
“Cool, then it’s sorted. Tomorrow we play.”
“We play what?”
“Keep up runt. We’re going to have a jamming session and you’re our pianist.”
“But...”
“Uh uh. No. It’s my house and so it’s my rules and my rules now say that tomorrow is music day.”
“Whatever man.”
Neil picked up his drink in an attempt to hide the smile that was crossing his face. He might not be as good a singer as Adam or a musician as Kris but it sounded fun. It sounded like the first good idea to be had in this house for a while. However he could see Kris worrying his lower lip.
“Hey Adam?”
“Yeah Kris.”
“Would, I mean, doesn’t Cassidy play? I know you’ve not seen him since that night but maybe it would be nice if he joined us?”
Neil hadn’t been here when the attack had happened, or for two days after. He didn’t really know what went on that night or the following day, but he knew that Cassidy was a sore subject for several people. Brad especially seemed to be having trouble accepting things. Not that Brad blamed Cassidy for anything that happened that night but they were best friends and Neil knew that Brad couldn’t understand why Cassidy hadn’t seen anyone since it happened. Neil was pretty sure Brad had even stood outside his apartment and shouted at the door for a while to no avail. Cassidy just seemed to be pulling further and further away and in turn Brad was getting angrier and angrier. Or, as Neil suspected was actually the truth, more and more hurt.
“I wish he would Kris I really do but he won’t answer my calls. And when he actually does it’s the briefest, shallowest conversations I’ve ever had with him. But maybe I should try again.”
Neil didn’t know many things about what had gone down but he knew that there was no way that Cassidy was coming over tomorrow to play his guitar.
The sound of the door’s buzzer sounded and Neil moved to the intercom to answer it. There had been a few occasions in the past weeks when a reporter, if you could call them that, had rung the buzzer and proceeded to try and ask questions over the line. Security had been beefed up, a big old fence had been added to the grounds of the house, and the intrusions had lessened. But you could never be too careful.
“Hello.”
“Open up bitches the party has arrived.”
Neil sighed and looked over at the smile on Adam’s face.
“We didn’t order a party you must have the wrong house.”
“Open the door runt.”
“Brad!”
“Mama Cherry you know I say it with love, even for the brat.”
He could hear Adam and Kris trying not to laugh too loudly.
“Brad! Leave it to me Sweet Cheeks. Neil, you open this door right now and tell the chuckle brothers to put on the kettle. I’ve got a long day’s travel ahead of me and I need some of Adam’s tea before heading back to my babies.”
“Yes Lil.”
Neil pressed the button to open the front door. Adam had started complaining loudly as he moved to fill the kettle.
“I told you! I warned you, letting them become friends was a bad idea. Did you listen? No one ever listens to me which is amazing because my ideas are all brilliant as you should know. But no, you think you know better and...”
Part 22
Pairing: Gen....almost definitely going to stay gen...I'll let you know otherwise.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: This exists in the same land as The Clangers. Only difference is I wish they were real whereas this....definitely do not wish it was real.
Warning: Violence, swearing, homophobia, and just nastiness.
Summery: One event can change the life of everyone involved. It's an idea that everyone knows but it's not something anyone actually understands until it happens to them.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11 , Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20
Neil watched out of the corner of his eye as Kris made his way round Adam’s kitchen, knowing exactly where everything was kept. In the three weeks that Adam had been back at his own house Kris had become pretty much a permanent feature. Neil was just glad that the other three Musketeers were around less often as together they were a little too peppy for Neil’s cynicism to handle. Maybe thinking of them as four Musketeers was a little strange, after all who would that make Adam? Hell, who would that make him? Kris was obviously d’Artagnan, or maybe that was Katy? And Lil was Athos unless she was around Brad, Porthos, and then she became Porthos as well. And really you should try being in the same room as two Porthos’s! In fact, Brad seemed to make Porthos’s out of them all! Well, apart from Kris, Kris was resilient to Brad’s over enthusiastic tendencies and it only made Neil like him that much more. Sure, it had been more than a little amusing to see Katy and Lil so quickly caught up in the whirlwind of energy that was his brother’s ex but after a while it just got tiring.
But Neil liked Kris and was glad that he’d been around as much as he had; he was a very calming influence in the house. And he was somebody Adam listened to, which was considerably more than Neil was at the moment.
“I’m just saying that maybe it’s time you thought about heading back into the world a little?”
“And I’m just saying that it’s no one fucking business.”
“I didn’t mean for anyone else. I meant for you. You’ve not left the house since you got here.”
“Neil, for fucks sake, let it go will you.”
Neil glanced over at Kris who was now leaning against the work surface eating a bowl of cereal and watching the exchange. Kris noticed him looking and Neil saw the small nod of encouragement sent his way. It was good to know that someone was on his side, even if he wasn’t willing to speak up just yet.
“Adam, dude, I know that you’re nervous but there’s...”
“I’m not fucking nervous. Why would I be nervous?”
Neil rolled his eyes. Sometimes the stubbornness that was their genetic code could be a real bitch.
“Oh I have no idea, how about because the last time you went out you were attacked and then humiliated by having it filmed and played on every fucking medium available. Maybe because the whole world has seen you at your lowest. Or how about the fact that you have yet to even let anyone not a friend know you’re still alive. Yeah Adam, why the hell would you be nervous!!”
Sometimes the sarcasm that was their genetic default could also be a bitch. Neil really hadn’t meant to say, yell, any of that and the look on Kris’s face told him that maybe he’d gone too far.
The silence that filled the kitchen nearly pulled an apology out of him but a small giggle coming from Adam’s direction stopped Neil short. He knew the frown and shock on Kris’s face was mirrored on his own. Adam looked at them both and his giggles evolved into full blown laughter.
“Oh my god, guys, your faces!”
Huh?
“Neil, dude, you look like you just punted a puppy off a bridge and now regret it with Kris stood by watching. And while I appreciate your worry at offending me with such a poorly thought out and possibly insensitive argument I am not a punted puppy.”
“Adam I’m so sorry I didn’t mean...”
“Yeah you really did but it’s cool. You’ve got a point. You had a pretty good argument that might have sounded better if you hadn’t yelled it and I know that I need to leave the house but I just can’t, not yet. Please understand.”
Neil nodded out of reflex. He didn’t know how to react to rational Adam. Adam had never been rational. Rationality was not his strong point. Anyone who favoured rationality would not be seen wearing some of the outfits Adam had in his closet. And they sure as hell wouldn’t think that a flaming headdress could ever be subtle. Neil didn’t know what to think of this new Adam.
“We understand Adam we just worry about you.”
Kris was apparently having less hard a time accepting it. But Kris did seem to accept most things pretty easily.
“And I’m not going to tell you that you don’t need to because to be honest I’m not sure that would be true. I’d probably worry about me as well. But it’s only been three weeks. They only caught the guys a week ago. I just, I just need some more time.”
Neil looked at Kris as he put his now empty bowl in the sink and moved over to Adam, pulling him into a hug. Neil had never been a touchy feely person and Kris’s ninja hugging skills still bemused him but Adam returned the hug in full every time so there was obviously something in it.
Adam hadn’t been around many people since the attack and all of them, apart from their father and himself, had been considerably smaller, or female, than him. Neil had seen Adam flinch away from their father’s touch every time. Neil had only attempted to pull him into a hug once but he’d noticed that again Adam had instinctively retreated. But Kris, and Brad, Adam had no problem with which Neil only hoped was because they were so much smaller than him. Neil knew he should probably feel offended or hurt by this like his father did but he didn’t, he just felt angry. All these stupidly small ramifications because of an act by stupid people with stupid fucking beliefs! But if it made Adam uncomfortable he would simply stop touching him. It would be as easy as that.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Adam reluctantly pulled out of the hug.
“No Kris, I really don’t.”
Neil wondered if maybe talking about it was something Adam needed to do. And he didn’t mean to them because they sure as hell didn’t know what they were doing, that was for damn sure.
“Maybe you should talk to someone.”
“Neil did I not just fucking say...”
“Not us asswipe. Someone else, someone qualified.”
“You mean a shrink.”
“I mean a shrink.”
“I am not crazy.”
“No more than you’ve always been.”
“Bitch.”
“Douche. But you don’t have to be crazy to need to talk. I’m guessing if you were crazy you would probably not talk, so by not talking you’re proving that you’re crazy. So you should just talk to someone.”
“Did that sentence make any sense to you in your head because it sure as hell didn’t as it came out of your mouth.”
Again Neil looked to Kris for backup.
“It really didn’t dude sorry. But Adam, I think what Neil meant was, anyone would feel the need for help after what has happened. It doesn’t make you crazy. In fact, I would say that all of us could probably do with a little help.”
“So would you be going as well?”
“Well, I’m...this is...God this sounds bad when I say it out loud, but I’ve actually been writing a lot.”
“Songs?”
As soon as it came out of his mouth Neil knew that it was a stupid question.
“No idiot, the musician has taken up blogging like you.”
“Yeah, songs. I’ve been, well I’ve been, it just needed somewhere to come out you know. And Katy was worried that it would be exploitative but I played her one of them and, well, it’s not about actual events but there’s emotions and stuff that maybe might be influenced by things and she liked it so I’ve carried one.”
“You’re writing songs!”
Neil was stuck on that one idea. How could Kris find an outlet so easily? He wanted to write about it but there was no way he could go online about this. No way he could write a proper article for a paper either. Even if he was a big enough dick for that to seem like a good idea Adam would fucking kill him. And at the moment Adam came first.
“Kris that’s great. I hope you play them for me at some point.”
So Adam was okay with Kris writing songs about it? But, what about killing him? He’d kill Neil! But Kris gets an out! How is that fair? And wow, Neil got angry again far quicker than he really should.
“Of course I will. Maybe I’ll bring my guitar over tomorrow, we could jam for a bit.”
Maybe this was something he needed to deal with. Maybe Kris was right and Adam wasn’t the only one who should talk to someone. Neil had never considered seeing a shrink before but there was a first time for everything.
“I don’t play anything.”
“It’s not like you can’t sing along. And Neil, you play the piano right?”
Neil focused back in on the conversation.
“Huh?”
“You play the piano right?”
“A bit.”
“Cool, then it’s sorted. Tomorrow we play.”
“We play what?”
“Keep up runt. We’re going to have a jamming session and you’re our pianist.”
“But...”
“Uh uh. No. It’s my house and so it’s my rules and my rules now say that tomorrow is music day.”
“Whatever man.”
Neil picked up his drink in an attempt to hide the smile that was crossing his face. He might not be as good a singer as Adam or a musician as Kris but it sounded fun. It sounded like the first good idea to be had in this house for a while. However he could see Kris worrying his lower lip.
“Hey Adam?”
“Yeah Kris.”
“Would, I mean, doesn’t Cassidy play? I know you’ve not seen him since that night but maybe it would be nice if he joined us?”
Neil hadn’t been here when the attack had happened, or for two days after. He didn’t really know what went on that night or the following day, but he knew that Cassidy was a sore subject for several people. Brad especially seemed to be having trouble accepting things. Not that Brad blamed Cassidy for anything that happened that night but they were best friends and Neil knew that Brad couldn’t understand why Cassidy hadn’t seen anyone since it happened. Neil was pretty sure Brad had even stood outside his apartment and shouted at the door for a while to no avail. Cassidy just seemed to be pulling further and further away and in turn Brad was getting angrier and angrier. Or, as Neil suspected was actually the truth, more and more hurt.
“I wish he would Kris I really do but he won’t answer my calls. And when he actually does it’s the briefest, shallowest conversations I’ve ever had with him. But maybe I should try again.”
Neil didn’t know many things about what had gone down but he knew that there was no way that Cassidy was coming over tomorrow to play his guitar.
The sound of the door’s buzzer sounded and Neil moved to the intercom to answer it. There had been a few occasions in the past weeks when a reporter, if you could call them that, had rung the buzzer and proceeded to try and ask questions over the line. Security had been beefed up, a big old fence had been added to the grounds of the house, and the intrusions had lessened. But you could never be too careful.
“Hello.”
“Open up bitches the party has arrived.”
Neil sighed and looked over at the smile on Adam’s face.
“We didn’t order a party you must have the wrong house.”
“Open the door runt.”
“Brad!”
“Mama Cherry you know I say it with love, even for the brat.”
He could hear Adam and Kris trying not to laugh too loudly.
“Brad! Leave it to me Sweet Cheeks. Neil, you open this door right now and tell the chuckle brothers to put on the kettle. I’ve got a long day’s travel ahead of me and I need some of Adam’s tea before heading back to my babies.”
“Yes Lil.”
Neil pressed the button to open the front door. Adam had started complaining loudly as he moved to fill the kettle.
“I told you! I warned you, letting them become friends was a bad idea. Did you listen? No one ever listens to me which is amazing because my ideas are all brilliant as you should know. But no, you think you know better and...”
Part 22