Honesty Is Honestly The Hardest Thing - 20/29
Title: Honesty Is Honestly The Hardest Thing
Pairing: Gen....almost definitely going to stay gen...I'll let you know otherwise.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: This exists in the same land as The Clangers. Only difference is I wish they were real whereas this....definitely do not wish it was real.
Warning: Violence, swearing, homophobia, and just nastiness.
Summery: One event can change the life of everyone involved. It's an idea that everyone knows but it's not something anyone actually understands until it happens to them.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11 , Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19
“That really was gorgeous Kim. You are a wonderful cook.”
“Thank you, it was no trouble. How about another glass of wine?”
“Well I won’t say no to that.”
“So how are you doing?”
“Things are good thanks.”
“Leila, this is now officially a no lying zone.”
“Does that ever work?”
“With Kris sometimes, although that boy always responded to a good guilt trip better than anything else. Danny...not so much. But I see you trying to change the subject.”
“Honestly Kim, things are a lot better. We finally got Neil to go back to New York. I think Adam’s glad to have his house back but, well I’m worried about him rattling around there by himself when he gets back from tour. He’s still not great at being alone, not that he’d ever admit it just as he’d never admit to wanting Neil there. Pigs will fly before my sons admit to actual brotherly affection without justifying it with sarcasm! But Neil’s been there for Adam in a way that I didn’t think he would. Don’t get me wrong, I knew that he’d be supportive, but for a while there I think he was afraid to let him out of his sight.”
“And you weren’t? Because if that had been one of my boys I’m not sure I’d have ever let them leave the house again.”
“Oh trust me, if I could have wrapped Adam in cotton wool and tucked him away in the house I would have. I was all ready to pack him up and take him home and never let him go but Adam, well, he’s always been self sufficient and it would have been wrong for him. It didn’t matter that it was all he wanted to do I would have been wrong to let him. But now Adam’s back on tour and being Adam I’ve realized that our whole lives were focused on getting Adam back up and out there again and we kind of forgot about Neil along the way. How did neither of us notice this? How did I miss the way he was handling everything? I just wish he hadn’t stopped his life, I wish that we’d seen earlier what he was doing. It’s just...”
“It’s what hun?”
“It’s just, you watch your kids grow up and you know that they can take care of themselves but you can’t help but want to step in when it gets tough. And Adam let me do that. He needed me again in a way he hasn’t in years and I hate the reason behind that need but...but it still felt nice. Which makes me sound like a horrible person, that I could find any good in the situation at all.”
“No it doesn’t.”
“But Neil, Neil has been hurting too but he wouldn’t let me in and I forgot to keep asking. How could I forget to keep asking? He simply set up shop in Adam’s house and never left. And it didn't strike me as strange. It was just another thing that I accepted as part and parcel of what happened. But maybe I shouldn't have. Maybe I should have questioned why he was putting his life on hold? Because once we actually tried it didn't take that much convincing for him to go back to New York. Well it took some he wasn't, he isn't, particularly happy about it but I don't think he was particularly happy here either. And isn't that something I should have done something about? He's mine just as much as Adam is and I just...oh fuck it Kim you know there's no punishment harsh enough for those bastards and I know they're in jail but it just seems so, I don't know, it just doesn't seem enough. In one night they screwed up both my sons and apart from trying to put them back together there's not a damn thing I can do about it. And I have no idea what's going through Neil's mind because he won't talk to me about it. Maybe I left it too long.”
“Has Neil spoken to anyone about it?”
“Adam said he’s been seeing a shrink so I suppose that’s something but I just, I feel like we failed him. We just, it just all got so complicated and hard there for a while and he fell through the cracks a little. I let him down by allowing that to happen.”
“Honey I think you’re being a bit hard on yourself. Neil’s a good kid and maybe he thought that it was right for him to step back and allow Adam the support he needed. He probably thought that all your attention should be focused in the one direction rather than split between the two of them.”
“But if it were Kris and Daniel, would you have completely ignored one in favour of the other?”
“Okay one, you didn’t ignore Neil, if something had been seriously wrong you've noticed and two, I simply don’t know what I would have done. Honestly Leila, I have no idea how you coped with everything that happened.”
“There was nothing else I could do. It wasn’t about me it was about Adam.”
“Which is probably exactly what Neil was thinking.”
“But…”
“No buts. Neil ain’t exactly a wallflower hun. That boy has opinions on everything and will happily tell anyone whether they care to hear them or not. He would tell you if something were wrong. Let him deal with it his way and if you see him floundering, then you step in. You focused where you needed to. You got your boy back up and running again after something that could have made him crawl. You were where you needed to be when you needed to be and now Adam is back on stage and Neil is back in New York and that’s at least partially your doing. Now drink up, I booked us in for a few spar treatments courtesy of Kris.”
“Kim you shouldn’t have!”
“It was his idea.”
“You know that’s quite a kid you raised there.”
“Well then it’s no surprise that he’s so fond of yours.”
“And mine would be horrified at the idea that I made us late for a beauty treatment so lead the way. Please tell me you’re not driving after all that wine?”
“Kris arranged a car for us.”
“You’re enjoying the LA lifestyle I see.”
“If he’s going to keep calling me out to housesit while he gallivants around the country singing his songs with his friends then you can best believe I’m going to take advantage of all that his life has to offer.”
“You, Kim Allen, are a woman after my own heart!”
Part 21
Pairing: Gen....almost definitely going to stay gen...I'll let you know otherwise.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: This exists in the same land as The Clangers. Only difference is I wish they were real whereas this....definitely do not wish it was real.
Warning: Violence, swearing, homophobia, and just nastiness.
Summery: One event can change the life of everyone involved. It's an idea that everyone knows but it's not something anyone actually understands until it happens to them.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11 , Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19
“That really was gorgeous Kim. You are a wonderful cook.”
“Thank you, it was no trouble. How about another glass of wine?”
“Well I won’t say no to that.”
“So how are you doing?”
“Things are good thanks.”
“Leila, this is now officially a no lying zone.”
“Does that ever work?”
“With Kris sometimes, although that boy always responded to a good guilt trip better than anything else. Danny...not so much. But I see you trying to change the subject.”
“Honestly Kim, things are a lot better. We finally got Neil to go back to New York. I think Adam’s glad to have his house back but, well I’m worried about him rattling around there by himself when he gets back from tour. He’s still not great at being alone, not that he’d ever admit it just as he’d never admit to wanting Neil there. Pigs will fly before my sons admit to actual brotherly affection without justifying it with sarcasm! But Neil’s been there for Adam in a way that I didn’t think he would. Don’t get me wrong, I knew that he’d be supportive, but for a while there I think he was afraid to let him out of his sight.”
“And you weren’t? Because if that had been one of my boys I’m not sure I’d have ever let them leave the house again.”
“Oh trust me, if I could have wrapped Adam in cotton wool and tucked him away in the house I would have. I was all ready to pack him up and take him home and never let him go but Adam, well, he’s always been self sufficient and it would have been wrong for him. It didn’t matter that it was all he wanted to do I would have been wrong to let him. But now Adam’s back on tour and being Adam I’ve realized that our whole lives were focused on getting Adam back up and out there again and we kind of forgot about Neil along the way. How did neither of us notice this? How did I miss the way he was handling everything? I just wish he hadn’t stopped his life, I wish that we’d seen earlier what he was doing. It’s just...”
“It’s what hun?”
“It’s just, you watch your kids grow up and you know that they can take care of themselves but you can’t help but want to step in when it gets tough. And Adam let me do that. He needed me again in a way he hasn’t in years and I hate the reason behind that need but...but it still felt nice. Which makes me sound like a horrible person, that I could find any good in the situation at all.”
“No it doesn’t.”
“But Neil, Neil has been hurting too but he wouldn’t let me in and I forgot to keep asking. How could I forget to keep asking? He simply set up shop in Adam’s house and never left. And it didn't strike me as strange. It was just another thing that I accepted as part and parcel of what happened. But maybe I shouldn't have. Maybe I should have questioned why he was putting his life on hold? Because once we actually tried it didn't take that much convincing for him to go back to New York. Well it took some he wasn't, he isn't, particularly happy about it but I don't think he was particularly happy here either. And isn't that something I should have done something about? He's mine just as much as Adam is and I just...oh fuck it Kim you know there's no punishment harsh enough for those bastards and I know they're in jail but it just seems so, I don't know, it just doesn't seem enough. In one night they screwed up both my sons and apart from trying to put them back together there's not a damn thing I can do about it. And I have no idea what's going through Neil's mind because he won't talk to me about it. Maybe I left it too long.”
“Has Neil spoken to anyone about it?”
“Adam said he’s been seeing a shrink so I suppose that’s something but I just, I feel like we failed him. We just, it just all got so complicated and hard there for a while and he fell through the cracks a little. I let him down by allowing that to happen.”
“Honey I think you’re being a bit hard on yourself. Neil’s a good kid and maybe he thought that it was right for him to step back and allow Adam the support he needed. He probably thought that all your attention should be focused in the one direction rather than split between the two of them.”
“But if it were Kris and Daniel, would you have completely ignored one in favour of the other?”
“Okay one, you didn’t ignore Neil, if something had been seriously wrong you've noticed and two, I simply don’t know what I would have done. Honestly Leila, I have no idea how you coped with everything that happened.”
“There was nothing else I could do. It wasn’t about me it was about Adam.”
“Which is probably exactly what Neil was thinking.”
“But…”
“No buts. Neil ain’t exactly a wallflower hun. That boy has opinions on everything and will happily tell anyone whether they care to hear them or not. He would tell you if something were wrong. Let him deal with it his way and if you see him floundering, then you step in. You focused where you needed to. You got your boy back up and running again after something that could have made him crawl. You were where you needed to be when you needed to be and now Adam is back on stage and Neil is back in New York and that’s at least partially your doing. Now drink up, I booked us in for a few spar treatments courtesy of Kris.”
“Kim you shouldn’t have!”
“It was his idea.”
“You know that’s quite a kid you raised there.”
“Well then it’s no surprise that he’s so fond of yours.”
“And mine would be horrified at the idea that I made us late for a beauty treatment so lead the way. Please tell me you’re not driving after all that wine?”
“Kris arranged a car for us.”
“You’re enjoying the LA lifestyle I see.”
“If he’s going to keep calling me out to housesit while he gallivants around the country singing his songs with his friends then you can best believe I’m going to take advantage of all that his life has to offer.”
“You, Kim Allen, are a woman after my own heart!”
Part 21