Mental Health
I have not been doing well.
The last couple of months have been a total head fuck for me and I'm not quite sure why.
I have lived with anxiety for the last decade and despite not making any progress resolving it I have at least been able to function as an adult for the larger part of this time.
Something has edged it's way in over the last couple of months and I am not sure whether this is being caused by stress from a number of areas including:
* Increase in workload
* Increase in complexity of workload
* Living outside of regular circumstances with bathroom/kitchen renovations
* Arguments with friends that I am beyond wasting my energy trying to heal
* Regular relationship stresses
* Regular outlet (running) limited by foot injury of unclear origin
* Month four of ongoing testicular pain of unknown origin (several investigations including ultrasound showing nothing)
* SSM plebishite
or whether there is something else at play entirely.
All I know is that it is starting affect the person I am and the ideals that I hold. I am starting to become a moody and easily agitated which is making me quick to anger and less balanced. Seeing as the ability to be calm and balanced has always been how I view myself these developments are concerning and I have been trying to do something about it.
I hate the thought of medications and I am not keen on talking to strangers but after a significant amount of time I have embraced the later and say a GP last week. This was mostly to get a referral and mental health plan to allow myself to see a psychologist and be able to claim this back with medicare. After this I organised to see a psychologist that had been reccommended by a friend.
I had my first consult today and I am not sure what I thought of the experience. I mostly rehashed mid 2016 and the fuckfest that was in a nutshell and discussed the role that Bec played in my life. I made it clear that while this still affects me I am not convinced that this is necessarily the key problem. To be fair I have zero idea what my problem is... which is why I am there. I have rescheduled my next appointment mid January and at the very least I can say I am trying to do something about it.
I thought about it this morning and the episodes of South Park where everything in Stan's life seems to be or turning into shit. All music sounds shit, all shows seem shit and everything in the news and on the internet seems to be shit. I forget what the outcome of that story arc was but the episode sums my mood up nicely.
I think another thing that I have reacted to strangely is the SSM debate. I have become so detatched from the process and vote because of how much BS has been involved and all the horseshit conversations I have had to sit and listen to while my relationship is being discussed like their opinion should fucking matter. Whether that be pro or con. When the results were announced I celebrated, but mainly that the whole plebishite was over. It seemed that was optimistic because opinions were even more prevelant in the weeks following and even moreso after its passing in parliament. All I can do now is hope that it is finally all over and I get less intrusive questions about my relationship plans as time moves on.
Anyway I was hoping typing this all down may assist me in identifying my problem but if anything I think it has just confirmed to me that it is multifaceted and will require time to resolve. Hopefully family time over Christmas and New Years coupled with a week off after new years at the shack will provide me with some much needed rest and relief.
The last couple of months have been a total head fuck for me and I'm not quite sure why.
I have lived with anxiety for the last decade and despite not making any progress resolving it I have at least been able to function as an adult for the larger part of this time.
Something has edged it's way in over the last couple of months and I am not sure whether this is being caused by stress from a number of areas including:
* Increase in workload
* Increase in complexity of workload
* Living outside of regular circumstances with bathroom/kitchen renovations
* Arguments with friends that I am beyond wasting my energy trying to heal
* Regular relationship stresses
* Regular outlet (running) limited by foot injury of unclear origin
* Month four of ongoing testicular pain of unknown origin (several investigations including ultrasound showing nothing)
* SSM plebishite
or whether there is something else at play entirely.
All I know is that it is starting affect the person I am and the ideals that I hold. I am starting to become a moody and easily agitated which is making me quick to anger and less balanced. Seeing as the ability to be calm and balanced has always been how I view myself these developments are concerning and I have been trying to do something about it.
I hate the thought of medications and I am not keen on talking to strangers but after a significant amount of time I have embraced the later and say a GP last week. This was mostly to get a referral and mental health plan to allow myself to see a psychologist and be able to claim this back with medicare. After this I organised to see a psychologist that had been reccommended by a friend.
I had my first consult today and I am not sure what I thought of the experience. I mostly rehashed mid 2016 and the fuckfest that was in a nutshell and discussed the role that Bec played in my life. I made it clear that while this still affects me I am not convinced that this is necessarily the key problem. To be fair I have zero idea what my problem is... which is why I am there. I have rescheduled my next appointment mid January and at the very least I can say I am trying to do something about it.
I thought about it this morning and the episodes of South Park where everything in Stan's life seems to be or turning into shit. All music sounds shit, all shows seem shit and everything in the news and on the internet seems to be shit. I forget what the outcome of that story arc was but the episode sums my mood up nicely.
I think another thing that I have reacted to strangely is the SSM debate. I have become so detatched from the process and vote because of how much BS has been involved and all the horseshit conversations I have had to sit and listen to while my relationship is being discussed like their opinion should fucking matter. Whether that be pro or con. When the results were announced I celebrated, but mainly that the whole plebishite was over. It seemed that was optimistic because opinions were even more prevelant in the weeks following and even moreso after its passing in parliament. All I can do now is hope that it is finally all over and I get less intrusive questions about my relationship plans as time moves on.
Anyway I was hoping typing this all down may assist me in identifying my problem but if anything I think it has just confirmed to me that it is multifaceted and will require time to resolve. Hopefully family time over Christmas and New Years coupled with a week off after new years at the shack will provide me with some much needed rest and relief.