X posted sorry
Hello Internet.
I'm not sure what I'm doing here. I think I just need to put some thoughts down on paper.
I think my relationship is going to end tomorrow. I don't want it too. I just don't see how I can continue.
Friends have said how much he "clearly cares about me" yet right from the beginning I've had doubts. He had to talk me into trying anything as we work together so I was so paranoid about making things complicated.
Complicated. Well, I don't think we were ever going to avoid that.
He doesn't contact me. I'm on placement so I'm away during the week and its like during that time he doesn't even think to contact me. And then suddenly I'm back and he's there, all effort and smiles and trying.
I was paranoid that when I got with him it was all about convenience... That I was alone and he was just...there. But he tried so hard to convince me to give it a go that I never even thought that it might be a convenience thing for him.
But now I'm sat in a room barely a half hour train journey from we're he is and he isn't making any effort to contact me. And I just think... Was it just that I was there? Where he worked?
I do not want to be that colleague he's f*cking.
I never signed up to that.
He said relationship. He said it. I freaked out because I'm not good I relationships and he pushed it so I agreed.
So why is he suddenly treating me like I don't mean anything.
I'm not unreasonable. I'm not that girl who wants a boy on the end of the phone 24/7 and I don't expect that. But when you start a relationship with someone you're meant to want them to be part of you're life. And that means contacting them more than once in a week.
And when I say that I'm not coming home for the weekend when expected without explanation I expect a reaction. Not silence.
I need evidence that he cares.
I don't think that is unreasonable. I've put so much on the line for this and within moments it's all crumbling around me.
I just don't know what to do.
Sorry. Rambling.
Sam xxx