he may not always love me.  but he will always love her & i suppose that will have to be enough.  for the record:  i will always love him.  i have always loved him.  from the moment i saw him and now and until my dying breath and until heaven and until whatever else comes, until we sit together on our eternal lotus flower ( Read more... )

when you've got love in your heart, its like, you just want to love.

i ilke humans and i like to be touched.

i just want to be able to ask anyone, whenever i'd like:  "want to come over to my place?  we could listen to records, drink a glass of wine, smoke, and have conversation."  i am in tears over this.  i want a small place, with abundant bookcases, and i don't care if it has a musty type of bathroom with no windows even, half a bath, leaky faucets, i ( Read more... )

herein lies the problem to almost everything:  unsurprising, unstoppable lust.   a short casual graze of fingertip on bare knee.  warm palms pressed flush against ribcage.  moist breath against a curve of neck.  incomprehensible whispers against parted lips.  stupid.  white hot.  a habit.  a drug.  an overdose.

woke up sick this morning, got the baby flu from the baby who got it from her dad, but when he had it i liked to refer to it as the pig flu.  because honestly, thats the best way to describe him.  been working on a lot of things like pointlessly, endlessly job searching/sending out resumes/ass kissing to no avail.  set up my school schedule for the ( Read more... )

been spending hours upon hours in his arms.  in his car.  in his bed.  his shower.  we make kissy faces across the room.  tickle fights.  love bites.  we pet magical fantasy animals in the stark white of the solarium.  smoke more pot than humanly possible out of the lisa frank piece.  tomorrow = a 2 gram pre-rolled cyclone with our names on it.  we ( Read more... )

it is time to move on.  lonliness is a far better alternative to the chaos he creates.  i will figure out how to fill all these empty hours somehow.  filling up my heart is a completely different story.  i keep promising myself that i will not cry, that i am better than him, better than this.  maybe.

things with him are different because, let's be honest:  he is different.  we don't have inside jokes or running commentary strewn copiously throughout our relationship.  we have small things (ie:  the man bird at j.b., feelin' on yer butt, whut?) but for the most part we exist in the now.  yesterday was definitely yesterday and today is today.  ( Read more... )

all things considered, i am quite happy with life right now:  night walks with my sister around a dark lake, a turkish royal cigarette every now and then, fresh fruit all day long, a happy growing baby who happens to enjoy avocado and sweet potatoes, friends that understand, an ipod on the way, a boyfriend soon...maybe ( Read more... )