EEG
Went in for my test today, had to drive into Lawrence - amazing that a gorgeous doctors office is in such a slummy part of a nasty city. Old restored mill building, it's beautiful, but the neighborhood sucked. Was taken in right away, and had 25 different electrodes plastered all over my head, and then I was told to lie down, close my eyes, don't move and try to relax. Which was fine, and I think lasted for anywhere from 10-15 mins with no sound but the woman doing the test clicking on a mouse. I kept trying to think of what was making her click - was she just scrolling down, was she marking off something as she saw it come up, then I was distracted wondering if anything I felt coincided with the clicks, the little stabs I felt for example.
Then she had me do quick deep breaths - 50 of them - she'd count off a number, and I'd breathe in and out through my mouth. I ended up coughing a few times, and it made me very dizzy and uncomfortable - I had my eyes closed, but I swear I saw dark circles floating around. My head started to pound and my arms and legs got tingly falling asleep feelings. That stopped, and it took a bit for my heart to settle down - and then she put this light in front of my face. Again, eyes shut, but that flashed on and off at different rates, a strobe light, which made the coolest patterns behind my eyes, like optical illusions. Didn't like that either after the first few, I kept thinking "last one last one last one".
She cleaned me up as best she could, that paste is nasty - but I still had to walk out with my hair basically slicked back and stuck to my head - note to self, bring a hat next time. Saw my surgeon on the way out, wished him a happy holiday - they said it will take 2-3 days for results, and in the meantime business as usual, stay on the meds, no long distance driving, listen to my body, blah blah blah.
Got to the car and had another emotional meltdown which lasted for a bit. It's done now and I'm just exhausted and my head is throbbing and my tumor area is stabby. Feels like there's nothing to look forward to except this shit day after day. Christmas is in 10 days and I feel like I have nothing to look forward to, nothing to get out of bed for? Sad.
Tyler is home sick. Last night he started to have horrible on and off shakes, and just feel terrible - honestly I thought it was because he had trouble with his programming homework and didn't finish it, and was beating himself up in a grand fashion - but this morning I made him stay home because he was running a slight fever, and his face was both white and flushed, and he was having pain in his back and groin area - all areas where his lymph nodes are, just like the time we went to the ER. He was gonna try to go to school. He's a good kid.
Last night we got a call from his number one choice for college, Becker - they asked for Tyler, and then he talked to them a bit about his SAT scores and his current grades and GPA and such. Turns out they were calling to walk through this so they could tell him that he would qualify for $14,000/year towards his tuition. Which is amazing, but isn't it weird they haven't even sent an acceptance letter yet, and he doesn't expect one till Feb?
Kelsey came home last night so she can work with Glenn today in Boston, to try to make money for her trip to Germany - she had talked about helping found the first sorority at Salem State, and went through interviews and such, but recently had said she didn't think she was gonna do it - too much work, money, etc, she wasn't sure she'd fit in . This is a different experience than mine in founding a sorority - we had to deal with an established Greek Councel on campus, whereas SSU has none yet. This is a national sorority, with well established chapters and lots of benefits if you get in. And she did. One of 20 out of 40 that tried to get in. She came home last night and said "mom look", and pulled off her sweatshirt to show me her letters. Made me cry, I am so proud of her and so excited she's chosen to do this.
She's off to work. Tyler is in his room. I'm trying to concentrate but I feel shitty and I'm so cold.
One day at a time.
Stab stab stab in my head over and over - enough already.
Then she had me do quick deep breaths - 50 of them - she'd count off a number, and I'd breathe in and out through my mouth. I ended up coughing a few times, and it made me very dizzy and uncomfortable - I had my eyes closed, but I swear I saw dark circles floating around. My head started to pound and my arms and legs got tingly falling asleep feelings. That stopped, and it took a bit for my heart to settle down - and then she put this light in front of my face. Again, eyes shut, but that flashed on and off at different rates, a strobe light, which made the coolest patterns behind my eyes, like optical illusions. Didn't like that either after the first few, I kept thinking "last one last one last one".
She cleaned me up as best she could, that paste is nasty - but I still had to walk out with my hair basically slicked back and stuck to my head - note to self, bring a hat next time. Saw my surgeon on the way out, wished him a happy holiday - they said it will take 2-3 days for results, and in the meantime business as usual, stay on the meds, no long distance driving, listen to my body, blah blah blah.
Got to the car and had another emotional meltdown which lasted for a bit. It's done now and I'm just exhausted and my head is throbbing and my tumor area is stabby. Feels like there's nothing to look forward to except this shit day after day. Christmas is in 10 days and I feel like I have nothing to look forward to, nothing to get out of bed for? Sad.
Tyler is home sick. Last night he started to have horrible on and off shakes, and just feel terrible - honestly I thought it was because he had trouble with his programming homework and didn't finish it, and was beating himself up in a grand fashion - but this morning I made him stay home because he was running a slight fever, and his face was both white and flushed, and he was having pain in his back and groin area - all areas where his lymph nodes are, just like the time we went to the ER. He was gonna try to go to school. He's a good kid.
Last night we got a call from his number one choice for college, Becker - they asked for Tyler, and then he talked to them a bit about his SAT scores and his current grades and GPA and such. Turns out they were calling to walk through this so they could tell him that he would qualify for $14,000/year towards his tuition. Which is amazing, but isn't it weird they haven't even sent an acceptance letter yet, and he doesn't expect one till Feb?
Kelsey came home last night so she can work with Glenn today in Boston, to try to make money for her trip to Germany - she had talked about helping found the first sorority at Salem State, and went through interviews and such, but recently had said she didn't think she was gonna do it - too much work, money, etc, she wasn't sure she'd fit in . This is a different experience than mine in founding a sorority - we had to deal with an established Greek Councel on campus, whereas SSU has none yet. This is a national sorority, with well established chapters and lots of benefits if you get in. And she did. One of 20 out of 40 that tried to get in. She came home last night and said "mom look", and pulled off her sweatshirt to show me her letters. Made me cry, I am so proud of her and so excited she's chosen to do this.
She's off to work. Tyler is in his room. I'm trying to concentrate but I feel shitty and I'm so cold.
One day at a time.
Stab stab stab in my head over and over - enough already.