Right
Flare is subsiding. Fog is pulling back, and the joint and overall body pain is more like a 3 or 4. OK, it took over a week to die down, and honestly I don't know how much the weather has to do with it - will see again over the weekend when another system moves in. Took another Ambien last night, and the night before, and now that I'm feeling less pain I think I'll go without tonight. I hate this feeling I get when I take it, like I don't sleep so much as pass out. It's just a general feeling that I become an unresponsive zombie whose brain and body just stop functioning under the influence of a hypnotic drug, rather than a person regenerating energy and such by sleeping. I wake up feeling rested and sleepy at the same time, and the night before I honestly don't even remember anything after I got into bed, and that scares me. I don't remember if the tv was on or off, I don't remember turning the light off, I don't remember setting the alarm, I absolutely don't remember, along the lines of when I was in college and drank too much - it's like watching a movie in my head and the tape just ENDS, and nothing.
This was a huge learning experience. I cannot allow my emotions to get to the state that they were last Monday. I know that weather and stress from work, worry while waiting on answers for some things, and other issues impacted it as well, but I deal with those often and don't get as bad as I did. The only thing new was the absolute loss of control and deep emotional pain I felt, and let loose - I know I have been walling things in a lot because, honestly, I dont' want to hear it when it "impacts" others *cough*, and because I feel like I'm on my own with things and I'm really trying to be able to handle that. Maybe that is part of my defense and I didn't realize it.
Feeling "not here" today - like I'm behind a wall, and everything is slightly muted. Feeling very fatigued. However, feeling focused, which is good because my responsibilities are shifting by the second here at work, and I have to run to keep up as the ground falls away under me.
Have to remember to check Ty when I get home - he said something this morning as he ran out the door that his tick bite has a red circle around it. If so, we'll be going to the drs right away. Kelsey wanted me to say ok to a spaghetti dinner at our house tonight - way to give notice. Apparently now that track meets have started, every THursday, the javelin/field team take turns doing a pasta dinner the night before. Yeah, cause I can have 20 kids and coaches in my house with 8 hours notice, when it's too cold to go outside - my house won't FIT that many people. And I don't have the energy to clean it.
This was a huge learning experience. I cannot allow my emotions to get to the state that they were last Monday. I know that weather and stress from work, worry while waiting on answers for some things, and other issues impacted it as well, but I deal with those often and don't get as bad as I did. The only thing new was the absolute loss of control and deep emotional pain I felt, and let loose - I know I have been walling things in a lot because, honestly, I dont' want to hear it when it "impacts" others *cough*, and because I feel like I'm on my own with things and I'm really trying to be able to handle that. Maybe that is part of my defense and I didn't realize it.
Feeling "not here" today - like I'm behind a wall, and everything is slightly muted. Feeling very fatigued. However, feeling focused, which is good because my responsibilities are shifting by the second here at work, and I have to run to keep up as the ground falls away under me.
Have to remember to check Ty when I get home - he said something this morning as he ran out the door that his tick bite has a red circle around it. If so, we'll be going to the drs right away. Kelsey wanted me to say ok to a spaghetti dinner at our house tonight - way to give notice. Apparently now that track meets have started, every THursday, the javelin/field team take turns doing a pasta dinner the night before. Yeah, cause I can have 20 kids and coaches in my house with 8 hours notice, when it's too cold to go outside - my house won't FIT that many people. And I don't have the energy to clean it.