Blind [writing]
Title: Blind (cont)
Pairing: YooChun/JunSu
Notes: For yoosu_yongwonhi's FOAF challenge. A remix of shienri's " Blind." I'm sorry if this doesn't live up to the original. ^^; I tried!
JunSu thinks YooChun must be an angel. Even without the wings, he bears the sadness of one. Though why angels would be sad, JunSu doesn't know. He just thinks it's very fitting.
When he tries to explain this, everyone else thinks JunSu is only grieving. Their lips still into awkward silence when he talks about their late friend, eyes flitting back and forth between one another until someone gets up the nerve to remind him YooChun is gone, there's no one there. His earnest replies to the contrary fall on deaf ears, but YooChun hears. He knows YooChun must hear, if only because YooChun so rarely speaks these days.
-*-
"Is he showing any signs of progress?"
"He still talks about YooChun like he's still there. Sometimes he's talking to YooChun."
A heavy sigh, a discouraging shake of his head.
YunHo presses his fingers to his temple. ChangMin stares blankly ahead. JaeJoong beats his fist into the wall.
The doctor walks away in silence, sending up a small prayer for these boys who were once at the top of the world and now haven't got a clue.
-*-
When the doctors announce that JunSu is well enough to leave the hospital, an inexplicable feeling of dread and fear overwhelms him. JunSu goes silent, but hardly anyone notices. They're all too excited themselves about the prospect of him coming home.
"Let's go to Jeju Island sometime, JunSu. It's been a while since you've seen the beach, right?"
"I don't think I've cleaned up the kitchen yet. But I'll do it tonight, and tomorrow I'll make your favorite for dinner."
"We can play video games, too. And you can check out your fansites on the internet. Your fans have been leaving you lots of messages. I saved the best ones."
ChangMin and YunHo were released a month ago. JunSu doesn't know he could have been, too, but the doctors were keeping him under watch after JaeJoong expressed his concerns about the other's delusions.
-*-
"I think it would help his recovery if he got away for a bit. When he gets home, you should try and take him on a vacation or something."
"Do you really think it'll help?" ChangMin asks, soft and tentative.
YunHo reaches to squeeze the other's shoulder, rubbing lightly afterwards. "We'll do our best," he promises, not looking at either the doctor or ChangMin. It seems more as if he's trying to lift his own spirits.
-*-
"You're going home," YooChun murmurs, when the others are gone and they're finally alone. The lack of enthusiasm in the other's voice makes JunSu wary, his fears intensifying.
JunSu turns his hand over to squeeze the one covering his. "You don't sound very excited..." Then again, neither does he.
YooChun smiles, leans in to kiss him on the forehead. JunSu shuts his eyes, lays back, listens to the sound of the other's voice in his ear. "Of course I'm excited. You're getting better, and that's all I want."
"Hm..." JunSu feels a little guilty, because this sign that he's getting better is probably what excites the others so much, too. It's not that he doesn't want to be at home with them, it's that he's afraid of what he'll be losing.
-*-
"Your time's almost up, you know."
"I know..."
"I hope you enjoyed it, because this will be the last of it."
"I know..."
"Will you tell him good-bye?"
But that, YooChun doesn't know.
-*-
JunSu doesn't get much sleep that night. For the first time in a long time, YooChun is being his usual chatty self. JunSu laughs along with his jokes, squeezing his hand and smiling up at him, listening attentively. There's a desperation in his own eyes that he's not aware of until YooChun finally curls up to sleep beside him and he realizes that the other boy may just be trying to get all his words out before he can't anymore.
JunSu lays awake for a long time that night, too afraid to go to sleep for fear of what might not be there when he wakes up.
But eventually he dozes off, because his body is still weak and the drugs are designed to make sure patients get the rest they need. In the morning, JunSu wakes up to an empty bed and the others to his desperate sobs.
-*-
"Come on. It's time to leave."
YooChun can almost feel his own heart breaking as he watches JunSu cling to JaeJoong, calling out his name as if somehow that will make him reappear.
"Don't even think about it."
A harsh warning, but YooChun doesn't need it. He turns around, turns away, and finally fades away.
-*-
JunSu is crying again when they get back to the dorm. JaeJoong has him wrapped up in blankets and is laying beside him, rocking him back and forth in a futile effort to offer some comfort.
But JaeJoong's shoulders are too wide, his waist too narrow, his legs too short. JunSu cries, but can't ask for what he wants the most. And it breaks all their hearts when even YunHo's and ChangMin's bodies climbing into bed with JaeJoong's doesn't appear to help.
-*-
"What are we going to do? He doesn't... he doesn't want us."
An awkward silence, and YunHo has no words of comfort to offer any of them anymore. JaeJoong can only stroke JunSu's hair, unable to accept that for once he doesn't have the answer.
"I wish..."
ChangMin doesn't have the nerve to finish his thoughts, though they all know what he means.
-*-
"It's the worst mistake you could have made," the first soul tells him. "Don't you know he feeds off disappointment?"
"It's never really worth it," the second spirit murmurs, voice low and mournful. "I made the same deal."
"You won't ever get to see him again, and he'll never even know what you did," a fourth shadow hisses, tone bitter to the point of being spiteful.
As YooChun recalls the last image of JunSu he'll ever see, his body racked with sobs, small and fragile, he can't think of any arguments to shoot back at them.
"He'll get over it," he whispers, finally.
The passing spirits around him only shake their heads, because they know better, and he does, too.
Pairing: YooChun/JunSu
Notes: For yoosu_yongwonhi's FOAF challenge. A remix of shienri's " Blind." I'm sorry if this doesn't live up to the original. ^^; I tried!
JunSu thinks YooChun must be an angel. Even without the wings, he bears the sadness of one. Though why angels would be sad, JunSu doesn't know. He just thinks it's very fitting.
When he tries to explain this, everyone else thinks JunSu is only grieving. Their lips still into awkward silence when he talks about their late friend, eyes flitting back and forth between one another until someone gets up the nerve to remind him YooChun is gone, there's no one there. His earnest replies to the contrary fall on deaf ears, but YooChun hears. He knows YooChun must hear, if only because YooChun so rarely speaks these days.
-*-
"Is he showing any signs of progress?"
"He still talks about YooChun like he's still there. Sometimes he's talking to YooChun."
A heavy sigh, a discouraging shake of his head.
YunHo presses his fingers to his temple. ChangMin stares blankly ahead. JaeJoong beats his fist into the wall.
The doctor walks away in silence, sending up a small prayer for these boys who were once at the top of the world and now haven't got a clue.
-*-
When the doctors announce that JunSu is well enough to leave the hospital, an inexplicable feeling of dread and fear overwhelms him. JunSu goes silent, but hardly anyone notices. They're all too excited themselves about the prospect of him coming home.
"Let's go to Jeju Island sometime, JunSu. It's been a while since you've seen the beach, right?"
"I don't think I've cleaned up the kitchen yet. But I'll do it tonight, and tomorrow I'll make your favorite for dinner."
"We can play video games, too. And you can check out your fansites on the internet. Your fans have been leaving you lots of messages. I saved the best ones."
ChangMin and YunHo were released a month ago. JunSu doesn't know he could have been, too, but the doctors were keeping him under watch after JaeJoong expressed his concerns about the other's delusions.
-*-
"I think it would help his recovery if he got away for a bit. When he gets home, you should try and take him on a vacation or something."
"Do you really think it'll help?" ChangMin asks, soft and tentative.
YunHo reaches to squeeze the other's shoulder, rubbing lightly afterwards. "We'll do our best," he promises, not looking at either the doctor or ChangMin. It seems more as if he's trying to lift his own spirits.
-*-
"You're going home," YooChun murmurs, when the others are gone and they're finally alone. The lack of enthusiasm in the other's voice makes JunSu wary, his fears intensifying.
JunSu turns his hand over to squeeze the one covering his. "You don't sound very excited..." Then again, neither does he.
YooChun smiles, leans in to kiss him on the forehead. JunSu shuts his eyes, lays back, listens to the sound of the other's voice in his ear. "Of course I'm excited. You're getting better, and that's all I want."
"Hm..." JunSu feels a little guilty, because this sign that he's getting better is probably what excites the others so much, too. It's not that he doesn't want to be at home with them, it's that he's afraid of what he'll be losing.
-*-
"Your time's almost up, you know."
"I know..."
"I hope you enjoyed it, because this will be the last of it."
"I know..."
"Will you tell him good-bye?"
But that, YooChun doesn't know.
-*-
JunSu doesn't get much sleep that night. For the first time in a long time, YooChun is being his usual chatty self. JunSu laughs along with his jokes, squeezing his hand and smiling up at him, listening attentively. There's a desperation in his own eyes that he's not aware of until YooChun finally curls up to sleep beside him and he realizes that the other boy may just be trying to get all his words out before he can't anymore.
JunSu lays awake for a long time that night, too afraid to go to sleep for fear of what might not be there when he wakes up.
But eventually he dozes off, because his body is still weak and the drugs are designed to make sure patients get the rest they need. In the morning, JunSu wakes up to an empty bed and the others to his desperate sobs.
-*-
"Come on. It's time to leave."
YooChun can almost feel his own heart breaking as he watches JunSu cling to JaeJoong, calling out his name as if somehow that will make him reappear.
"Don't even think about it."
A harsh warning, but YooChun doesn't need it. He turns around, turns away, and finally fades away.
-*-
JunSu is crying again when they get back to the dorm. JaeJoong has him wrapped up in blankets and is laying beside him, rocking him back and forth in a futile effort to offer some comfort.
But JaeJoong's shoulders are too wide, his waist too narrow, his legs too short. JunSu cries, but can't ask for what he wants the most. And it breaks all their hearts when even YunHo's and ChangMin's bodies climbing into bed with JaeJoong's doesn't appear to help.
-*-
"What are we going to do? He doesn't... he doesn't want us."
An awkward silence, and YunHo has no words of comfort to offer any of them anymore. JaeJoong can only stroke JunSu's hair, unable to accept that for once he doesn't have the answer.
"I wish..."
ChangMin doesn't have the nerve to finish his thoughts, though they all know what he means.
-*-
"It's the worst mistake you could have made," the first soul tells him. "Don't you know he feeds off disappointment?"
"It's never really worth it," the second spirit murmurs, voice low and mournful. "I made the same deal."
"You won't ever get to see him again, and he'll never even know what you did," a fourth shadow hisses, tone bitter to the point of being spiteful.
As YooChun recalls the last image of JunSu he'll ever see, his body racked with sobs, small and fragile, he can't think of any arguments to shoot back at them.
"He'll get over it," he whispers, finally.
The passing spirits around him only shake their heads, because they know better, and he does, too.