I won't waste a second on you

[promiscuous_md]

Addison couldn’t sleep, it was troubling her. Her arms were squeezing one of the extra pillows, she was trying to sleep on her back, but most of all she wanted to be asleep in Derek’s arms.

But he was absent once again. Seeing Mark had obviously turned him into the same monster he had been in New York. Addison shook her head. Monster was not the right word for him, but he had been very… horrible to her. All the late nights she had been awake alone. The memories made her close her eyes and shed a few, quiet tears.

Derek was facing her side, but he didn’t look troubled or uncomfortable at all. Addison looked at him quietly for five minutes, then her gaze fell on the clock on Derek’s nightstand.

It was 12.14am, and Mark was at the bar across the street, at Joe’s. Seeing him again had been a lot, she had actually missed him, but she hadn’t expected him to get on a plane and fly across the country for her. Maybe he cared. Maybe he wanted her, not some skinny, young intern with a serious tequila-problem…

Derek started snoring, and Addison started swearing. What was she going to do? Mark was certainly waiting for her at Joe’s, she knew him so well, he wasn’t gonna let her go, but she wasn’t gonna show up… or was she?

She had worked so hard to make her marriage work, even thought Derek had been ready to throw it all away because of her stupid one-night stand. No, it hadn’t been just a one-night stand, but she couldn’t tell him that, could she? It would ruin everything, but the fact was… she had feelings for Mark.

She had feelings for the stupid, obnoxious, most arrogant and whorish man ever… how deep could she sink? Everyone was talking about Derek, Mark and her, she had heard the interns whispering about them, calling Mark McSteamy.

He really was McSteamy. Addison inhaled sharply and her mind flashed back to the night in the brownstone in New York, the night that had ruined her marriage. She felt a certain twitch in her stomach, and she knew she shouldn’t be thinking about Mark, she was married, but she couldn’t help it.

Her mind traveled back 11 months… or was it 10 months, she didn’t care, she just wanted to remember the night.

Mark was softly kissing her neck, holding her steady, while one of his hands was holding onto her right thigh and the other one was holding her left shoulder down. She felt like screaming, screaming because of the pleasure he was giving her and screaming because of what she was doing…

She knew very well that what she was doing was wrong, it was a sin, but she needed *something*, someone to make her complete, to take away all the pain she had experienced during the last months. And Mark certainly knew how to take her pain away.

She gasped, whispered his name over and over again, while he was sucking the spot right behind her ear, the spot that made her go mad. They hadn’t even cared to cover themselves up, Derek was working late, and to be honest… Derek was not who she was thinking about now - it was Mark, moving inside of her, roughly, but still so smoothly, like it was the most natural thing ever.

Her hands traveled up to his neck and held his face close to hers, only a few inches away. His eyes were open, dark and lustful, looking right into hers, which were dark blue and sad, but also so very passionate. She kept looking into his eyes, and then he pushed down, capturing her lips and probing her mouth with his tongue, not so gently, but she didn’t mind.

His hard chin felt so good against the skin of her neck, her hands were gripping his shoulders like crazy, and with every hard trust he made she gasped loudly and screamed, she didn’t care if the neighbors heard them.

Mark whispered her name into her red hair, she tried to breath but it felt too good, he was bringing her close, making her feel loved and complete for once in her miserable life, she was near the peak, the hand that had been holding her down found its way to between her legs and she screamed out loudly. He pushed down on her hard, once more and she would be over the edge -

The door opened and Mark immediately turned to the side so that the light from the hallway hit them both in the face. Addison took a deep breath when she saw who was standing there, Mark reached for his pants, not caring about his boxers, and within a few seconds he had run past Derek and disappeared.

Addison gathered the sheet around her and tried to say something, but the words were caught in her throat. The look on Derek’s face… it was dark but she could see the tears in his eyes, and she quickly reached for her t-shirt, that was on the floor, and put it on.

“Derek -” she screamed when he turned around. “Derek, come on, we have to talk about this, please don’t go!”

“I can’t believe you…”, Derek started and stared at her when she put shorts on. “You really… with Mark? Mark of all people?!”

Addison fought the urge to cry and she tried grabbing Derek’s arm, but he pushed her back and she slammed into the bed. The pain in her back made her fall to her knees and she wiped a few tears away. This was it. This was the end, this was how she had ruined it.

She couldn’t blame it on him this time, she had fucked Mark, not Derek.

Suddenly the memory made Addison feel sick, not horny, sick, and she got up quickly, threw the pillow on the floor and ran to the small bathroom where she got on her knees and tried to throw up, but she didn’t.

Derek was still asleep, he didn’t hear her trying to puke. He’s snoring continued, and Addison rested her head against the wall, sitting on the cold bathroom-floor. She looked at the clock: 2.23am. Joe’s was open until 3am, and Mark was not gonna leave until Joe threw him out.

Yes, Addison was weak, and hungry for Mark, so she slipped out of her top and put on her black Gucci-dress. It wasn’t too open, but not too covering either. Then she found her expensive Prada-heels, her leather coat and her purse, and she was out of the trailer in a minute.

Derek never heard her leave.

*****

“How the hell could you do that to your best friend?” Meredith asked, drunk. She had had seven shots of tequila and Mark, in front of her, didn’t look so clear.

“I don’t know, I think I was thinking about Addison more than Derek”, Mark said and looked at his empty glass. “I had followed the situation for a while, I saw them grow apart… and I saw how miserable Addison was. It was like nothing mattered to her anymore, and when I came there that night she had been crying, she was lonely and I just…”

“Wanted to comfort her?” Meredith mumbled.

“Yeah”, Mark said calmly. “She just looked so… sad. And I hadn’t even thought about ending up in bed with her, it was just that my protective side took over.”

“You… McSteamy… you have a protective side?” Meredith laughed and ordered another tequila-shot.

“Yes, I have”, he said proudly and looked at her. “Anyway… she didn’t wanna say anything at first, she was just so fragile and broken, I guess, so I just held her for awhile and tried talking some sense into her, like not giving up on Derek or something like that. It was all bullshit, when I think about it now, cos Derek didn’t notice her anymore. She was always there to make his dinner and take care of his clothes… but he was never there for her, and god, it pissed me off.”

“Why didn’t you say anything to him?” Meredith yawned.

“I don’t know, I was a coward.” Mark coughed. “Anyways, before I knew it Addison was crying again, sitting on her bed, totally lost, it was like there was nothing left of her. You know I had known her for like eleven years, Derek even longer, and it was just horrible to see her like this because of him. And then, before I knew it, she was begging me to make her pain go away, and I didn’t know what to do so…”

“So…?” Meredith mumbled with half-closed eyes. “What, you screwed her?”

“No, I asked if she wanted some strawberry-ice-cream… but she didn’t, and then everything was a haze. I think she had been drinking, I’m not sure. It was like I was in a dream and the next thing I knew she was naked -”

“I didn’t need to know that, Doctor Sloan”, Meredith cried out and shook her head. “Horrible, horrible images in my head, thank you very much.”

“You are welcome”, Mark grinned and flashed back to that night. God, he missed her so much. “After a while I heard the door open, and I turned around and saw Derek, and I think Addison said something, I’m not sure… I just hurried out and left, I know I should have stayed, but I was scared.”

“Scared?” Meredith laughed. “You, Mr Screws-the-best-friends-hot-wife, scared?”

“Hey, I have feelings”, he said angrily.

“I knooow, you have feelings for the Gyno-bitch.”

“Is that what you people call her?” Mark laughed.

“I think George and Alex called her McHot, I don’t really know…” Meredith was really drunk. “Why don’t you just go and find her?”

“Because I don’t wanna push her, she’ll make her own decision”, he answered. “I just hope she’s gonna make the right one.”

“Which is staying with MY McDreamy…”, Meredith whispered sadly.

“NO, which is coming back to New York with me and starting over.”

“Honey, you are dreaming. Everyone lusts after Derek, and she fought so hard to get him back, and now that she has him…”

“But you know, she doesn’t have him.” Mark glared at her. “You know how much he’s still in love with you, he doesn’t care about hiding his feelings, and Addison knows that, she sees it alright…”

“True.”

“You know, I didn’t wanna hurt her”, he whispered and looked at all the bottles behind the bar. “I just wanted to make her feel good for once…”

“You know, don’t pour your self-pity on me, okay, I have enough self-pity all on my own! The man I love has a wife, who happens to be this… sex-god who everyone lusts after, and that woman also has my dog, my dear Doc, who I gave to my dear Derek but noooo, she had to go and steal it!”

“Meredith?”

“Okay, she didn’t steel it, sorry, I’ve said this before to someone…”

“You don’t think she’s gonna show up?”

“No.” She laughed loudly and Joe threw a quick look at her. “Okay, maybe, if she has feelings for you, I mean stronger feelings than she has for Derek… and I have to say that no woman on earth can have that, no way.”

“Thanks.” Mark looked at his empty glass, and could almost feel tears in his eyes. He just missed and wanted her so much. He wanted his Addison, the Addison that had dressed up in his clothes when she was cold and the Addison who had volunteered to wash his back every time they took a bath together… it hadn’t been a one-night stand, they had fallen in love.

“Dude, you look like a miserable-daydreamer”, Joe said and poured him a drink; scotch, single malt. “This place is closing in two minutes, that shot is on the house.”

“Thanks”, Mark mumbled and threw the scotch down his throat. “Okay, so I’m just gonna… go.”

“You’re gonna go?” Meredith asked and tried to stand up.

“Well you heard the man, the bar is closing, so…”

“You are giving her up, Mark”, Meredith said and shook her head. She was totally wasted.

“She’s not showing up, it’s too late”, he said and looked away. Meredith was not gonna be the one to see how hurt he was. “I’ll just… uh, go. Here, I’ll help you get a cab, you cannot drive in that shape.”

“I am fine, fine, fine, just fiiiiine”, Meredith laughed, but she couldn’t stand up straight, so Mark helped her put on her coat and get her out.

Just as he opened the door he stumbled into someone with red hair and an expensive leather-coat. Mark swore and Meredith started laughing, and Mark was just about to scream at the person who almost had knocked him and Meredith down when he realized who it was.

“Helping Meredith out, are you, Mark?” Addison whispered and put her arms around her.

“She’s wasted”, he whispered. “I was gonna help her get a cab home, and… hang on a second, what are you doing here?”

“I came to meet you”, Addison mumbled and cleared her throat. “I mean, I…” She swallowed hard and looked around her. The only one who was listening was Meredith, who was doing her best to stay on her feet. “I needed to see you.”

“Okay”, he said and let go of Meredith, who immediately fell to the ground and screamed, but her Mark’s ears were dead to her voice. “Do you wanna go somewhere and talk or…?”

“Yes, I…”, she started and rubbed her bear hands. They were cold as ice, she didn’t have any gloves on. “I just really, really need to talk to you because I’ve been doing some thinking… about me and Derek and Meredith and you…”

“And what?” Mark grabbed her hands and came a little closer to hear, and he heard her breathe in hard. “What?” His left hand was stroking her right cheek and he felt her leaning into his warm touch.

“Oh, look at you guys”, Meredith laughed and tried to get up. “You look so cute.”

“Meredith, are you okay?” Addison asked when she saw how lost Meredith was.

“She’s fine”, Mark said and made Addison look at him. The wind was blowing hard and making her hair hit his face, but he didn’t care, he enjoyed it, it made him smell the sweet smell of her hair. “Addison, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that -”

“I don’t believe this!” a voice screamed from across the street. Mark and Addison turned around and saw Derek coming at them, with a crazy look on his face.

“Derek -”, Addison started and grabbed Mark’s hand harder; she was scared.

“You really are one hell of a whore!” Derek screamed when he was ten feet away from them. The wind made his hair all horrible and looked even crazier. “Is this it, Addison? Is this how you’re gonna live your life? Pretending to love me when you’re actually lusting after Mark?”

“Derek, shut up”, Meredith laughed and started crawling at him. “Now that they’re together you and… I, me, Meredith, can start over right, I mean isn’t that what you want?” She was at his feet, tugging at the end of his coat, but he didn’t care.

“When the fuck are you gonna learn, Addison?” he spat and made a fist, almost ready to hit her. “You can’t play me anymore, and I am sure as hell not just gonna stay here while you fuck my best-man!”

“Derek, take it easy, okay, man?” Mark said and stepped between them. “Look, we were just talking, I told her I needed to see her so she -”

“Bullshit, Mark, and you know it!” Derek screamed and pointed at him. “Addison is looking for replacement, nope, better, she is looking for someone who wants to satisfy her never-ending sex-need and you, Mark, are just trying to get into her pants, because that’s what you were dreaming about all the time I was with her, right?”

“Derek, please, don’t start that now”, Addison said and tied her coat around her harder, the blind was blowing like hell.

“You shut the fuck up, Addison, you don’t get to talk here, this is between me and Mark!”

“Derek, you’re one to talk, right?!” Mark screamed and pushed him back when he made an attempt to get to Addison. “You’re all lusting after Meredith here, you’re not even denying it, you’re embarrassing Addison and pretending to love her, you’re a fucking hypocrite!”

“What did you just say?” Derek whispered, he’s face red of anger.

“You know it damn well, Derek!” Mark screamed, he was really pissed off right now. “You keep your hands away from Addison, she deserves a lot better than you, you’re just a fuck who thinks he can pretend to be the loving husband while he’s fucking the intern!”

“You really need to shut up now, Mark…”, Derek started with a threatening voice.

“No, you need to start respecting her!” Mark screamed and pointed at Addison, who had backed away and was leaning against the brick wall. “She gave up everything for you, and what did you give her? Nothing! You left her alone, and she just needed a little attention, and the only way of getting it was sleeping with me!”

“Sleeping with the man whore!” Derek laughed and looked at Addison. “You really are one hell of a slut, aren’t you? You just can’t get enough?”

The next second Derek was on the ground, screaming from the force of Mark’s fist, that had hit his face harder than possible. The anger in Mark’s eyes was awful, Addison had never seen him so mad, and she backed away, to Meredith, and helped her up.

“What the hell’s the matter with you?” Derek mumbled and spat some blood.

“That was for the stitches I have on my left cheek”, he said, and then he kicked Derek as hard as he could. “And that was for all the shut you’ve put Addison through, she deserves better!”

“Like you?” Derek laughed. “Admit it, Mark, even if you had her it wouldn’t be enough, would it? You would still sleep around with every nurse you meet, I mean isn’t Addison good enough for you?”

“Don’t change the subject”, Mark said sharply and backed to Addison’s side. “It’s over, isn’t it? The only reason why you gave her a second chance is that you wanted to be the good guy and she got to be the cheap whore who fucked around! That’s how they all saw her, right?”

“Oh yeah, and it was worth it”, Derek said and tried to stand up, but this time Addison kicked him down with her sharp left heel, she hit him right in the stomach, and he gasped.

“Thanks, Derek”, she screamed crying. “For all the shit you put me through!” Before anyone got a chance to stop her she turned around and started running down the street to her car, just needing to get away from everything. She could hear Derek laughing, Meredith screaming something, and then she heard Mark call out her name. Was it enough to make her stop? No, she kept running, even though she knew her heels would break.

“Addison!” Mark shouted and ran after her, he was a lot faster than she and in no time he was running next to her. “Addison, baby, slow down.”

“I can’t -”, she gasped and felt her knees growing weaker.

“What?” he asked, and suddenly she stopped, made her way to the nearest brick wall and leaned against it for support.

“I can’t, I can’t, I won’t, Mark…”, she cried and covered her face up with her cold hands. “I don’t want to, I can’t…”

“Hey, hey, Addison”, he said and grabbed her shoulders lightly. “Look, just breathe, okay, breathe.”

“How could I let him do this to me?” she cried and looked at him, her eyes were swollen, cheeks wet from her tears and the look she had was just so sad it broke his stone-heart right there and then. Not knowing what to do, his hands sneaked around her backed and pulled her right into his arms.

He hushed her, slightly stroking her red hair, holding her close and warming her up, trying to comfort her, just like he had the night in New York. She sobbed, tried to catch her breath, her hands desperately clutching his shoulders and keeping herself on her feet.

“Mark, I let him hurt me, I let him treat me like shit, you can’t just blame him for everything that went wrong, but I don’t want to, I can’t… I just can’t live like this!” she screamed and buried her face into his shoulder.

“Hush now, I’m gonna take care of you, Addie, okay?” he whispered into her hair. “You just have to let me, okay? Let me show you that I’m good enough for you, okay?”

She didn’t stop crying, but he could feel her nodding against his shoulder and he took her car-keys out of her pocket. Feeling how fragile she was he put his arm around her and started walking her to her blue Lexus. She was still sobbing, wiping her tears away, trying desperately to hide her real feelings, but Mark knew her better than that.

Derek could still see them, he hadn’t bothered to check if Meredith was okay. His gaze was caught on Mark, helping Addison into her car and then closing the door to the passenger-seat. He saw her bright, red hair through the dark glass, and then he looked at Meredith, who had tears in her eyes.

It was a very bad night.

*****

The rain was pouring down and Mark tried to cover Addison when they walked from her car to his hotel, but he couldn’t keep her from getting wet, the raindrops were dangling from her hair and his coat was wet through.

The concierge greeted them and threw a quick look at Addison, who looked so miserable that she could have died right there. Mark gave the concierge a warning look and helped Addison to the elevator.

“Addison, you okay?” Mark asked quietly when they reached the third floor. He was up on eleven.

“No, I’m not okay”, she answered with a very low and broken voice. “My marriage is over, it’s all because of me, and look where I am now.”

“In an elevator…?”

“With you, you stupid fuck”, she mumbled and started walking around. “What am I gonna do? I can work here anymore, Derek is gonna make my life a living hell, everyone will hate me even more than they do now, and what do I have left?!”

“Me.”

“Not good enough.”

The elevator stopped on the eleventh floor and Mark stepped out, but Addison didn’t follow him until he turned around and grabbed her hand. They got to room 1103 and he opened the door for her.

The room wasn’t much: a living-/bedroom with a mini-bar, and a huge bathroom with a tub. Mark took off Addison’s coat and she dragged her feet to the bed. Once she got to it she sat down on it and stared at the ceiling.

“So this is how it feels to have lost everything… again”, she mumbled without looking at Mark, who was studying her. “I just figured, you know, that once he forgave me and it was all over… then I wouldn’t have to feel like this ever again. I honestly didn’t think that he could fall in love with a perfect twelve-year-old… but he did. The high-class neurosurgeon chose an intern over me, I am deeply embarrassed.”

Mark took off his wet coat and hung it up, then he took a few steps to the mini-bar and gave Addison a shot of tequila, hoping she wouldn’t end up as wasted as Meredith.

“Why can’t you just see the bright side?”

“There’s a bright side?” Addison asked and threw the drink down her throat.

“You knew he didn’t love you like he used to, right? You knew he would have run off and cheated on you if he had thought that it would have stayed secret, you saw how he looked at Meredith every time they worked together. You were living in an illusion, Addison, you know that. This was your way to get out of it, and now you are. Look, now…” He thought a second before he continued, “you have a shot at being happy again.”

“With who?” she laughed and leaned back on the huge bed.

“Me.”

Addison laughed out loud and looked at him with pity in her eyes. “What, come on, Mark. You can’t be serious, you and me, as a couple, living happily ever after… that’s the best joke I’ve heard all week!”

Mark couldn’t say that he wasn’t a little bit hurt, after all, it was the love of his life talking like that to him, but what did it matter when he knew that they were gonna be together, someday.

“Let me ask you a question, Addie.”

“Do you see me stopping you?”

“Why did you come to Joe’s tonight?”

Addison froze.

“I guess you came because you decided to go for me instead of Derek, you had already given up on him, you just didn’t expect him to be a man enough to follow you. You were gonna leave him, weren’t you?”

“Mark -”

“And you would have told me right there and then if it hadn’t been for Meredith, who ruined it all with her drunk-talk. Then Derek showed up, and you got all… Addison-scared, and you should have just told him, but instead you let him call you a whore.”

“Just shut up, Mark.”

“You chose me.”

“Shut up.

“You left Derek.”

“You really need to shut up now, Mark”, she said and breathed in hard when she felt him looking at her.

“You knew all along, you left him and came after me.”

“Mark, shut up”, she demanded and sat up on the bed, next to him and looked at him so angrily that he actually got a little frightened, but only for a second, and then he was Mark again.

“You wanted me, not him.”

“Mark!” she screamed frustrated.

“What?”

Addison grabbed Mark’s neck and pulled him close, kissing him harder than he had ever expected her to be able to. It all came as a huge shock, he didn’t even know how to react but she was determined, her hands grabbing his shirt and pulling him even closer, pressing him against her body, searching for his tongue and making him pull her closer.

“Yes, okay, yes, I came after you!” she screamed when she got up for air.

“I knew it”, he smiled and kissed her again, this time taking control of the situation.

“You cocky bastard…”, she laughed when he kissed her neck and smiled against it. “It was your plan all along, wasn’t it? To come here, sweep me off my feet and make me fall for you again?”

“No”, he said, and looked at her with his kiss-me-now look, and her lips traveled down to his neck and she sat up in his lap. “My plan was to come here, beat up Derek for the fucking way he treated you, and then make you realize that he’s not good enough for you, no man is, but I’m gonna try to be.”

Addison stopped and just stared over his shoulder at the lamp on the nightstand, hearing his words over and over again in her head. It wasn’t a game this time, it really wasn’t, he wanted to be with her, be worthy of her. Tears were welling up in her eyes, that’s why she didn’t move, and Mark felt that something was different.

“Addie?” he asked and stroked her hair. “What is it?”

She glared down at her knees, which were straddling his lap, then she looked up at him and bit her lip. “This isn’t a game?”

“Not with you it isn’t”, he murmured and touched her cheek lightly.

“Then what is it?” she asked, her voice slightly shaking, begging for an answer worth staying for.

“Taking care of you”, he said, smiled, and tugged some of her red hair behind her ears so that he could see her whole face. It made her giggle, but then she realized that he was actually telling the truth, that he meant what he said; he really wanted to take care of her.

“You really…” She touched his bottom lip with her left index-finger , “really”, he took his left hand into her right one, “mean that?”

“What possible reason would I have to ever wanna hurt you?” he asked calmly and touched her where her shoulder and neck met.

“None?” she asked, a little scared of the answer.

“None”, he said, squeezed her hand and kissed her lips lightly, but it sent shivers along her spine and she pressed herself against his warm body so that he would kiss her deeper.

Addison realized she was actually sitting in his lap, wearing some of her most expensive clothes, and she was pretty sure he was gonna rip them to pieces, but now she didn’t care - he could buy her new clothes. The hand that had been holding hers let go and sneaked around her back to her neck, pushing her mouth against his, and the other one went for the hem of her shirt, but then she froze.

“Addie?” he asked when she saw that her eyes were wide open. She didn’t answer him, just looked down at her knees and breathed hard. What was wrong with her, it felt like she couldn’t breath, Mark’s hands on her body, she was vulnerable in his arms… why did she panic?

“Addison”, he said again and touched her left cheek. “What’s wrong?”

Addison’s gaze rose, but she only looked briefly into his eyes, then her gaze was on her left hand, which was resting on his right shoulder. Mark followed her gaze and looked down at her left hand, and then he saw it: her wedding-ring. It glowed in the light of the lamp on his nightstand, and then he looked at her face.

Without asking for her permission he took her hand, held it softly, and then slid the ring of her finger. Her gaze followed his hand as he put the ring aside, and then he looked at her.

“Thank you”, she whispered, her hands now starting to unbutton his shirt. “I just couldn’t do it.”

“It’s okay”, he whispered and helped her open his shirt. When that was done she leaned down and kissed her way down his neck to his chest, she heard him groan and she smiled against his abs as he started to play with her long hair. It made her laugh and she looked up with her help-me-out-look, and he started opening the buttons to her blouse.

He kissed her neck as he did it, and now she was free to take a look at the clock on his nightstand; 4.37, no wonder she was tired, but no way too tired to let Mark take care of her. Now he pulled her blouse off, the sleeves slid down her arms and then he grabbed her face to give her a long, passionate kiss, then his hands slid up her thighs, up to her panties and he slowly dragged them down her long legs, she got up so that he could pull them down all the way, and when it was done she started working on his jeans.

“You really sure you want to do this?” he asked, not wanting to put any pressure on her.

“Yes, I am”, she smiled lovingly, and took his hands. “A hundred percent.”

“Okay”, he said, kissed her softly, then a little deeper until their tongues were dueling, rubbing against each other, Mark was sucking Addison’s tongue into his mouth and then he caught his breath and started working on pulling up her skirt to her waist.

“Oh God…”, she gasped as she felt his fingers inside of her, without any warning, and he saw the muscles on her cheeks clench, but when she smiled at the sensation he knew it was alright and he started kissing her neck while his fingers sped up, working their magic.

Addison closed her eyes, leaned her head on his shoulder, panting and gasping for air as he curled his fingers, kissed her neck on that sensitive spot and lightly blew on her wet skin. It all felt like a dream, but a good one, not a nightmare, and she felt like this was as good as it could get, because with Mark… it wasn’t just normal sex, it was something more because he made her feel loved.

*****

Derek reached the desk in the lobby and rang the bell, since it was early in the morning there was no one at the desk to help him immediately, but after a few seconds a man in a blue uniform came out the back-room.

“I’m looking for Doctor Mark Sloan, he’s supposed to be staying at this hotel. Which room is he in?”

The man looked him up and down and then smiled. “I’m terribly sorry, sir, we’re not allowed to give up any names -”

“My fucking wife is in that room, now what’s the number?!” Derek yelled.

“Eleventh floor, 1103”, he answered and backed away from the desk, just to be a few steps away if Derek got violent.

“Thank you!” he yelled and ran to the elevator, desperately pressing the elevator-button. The doors opened, he stepped in and pushed button 11 five times.

“What the hell am I doing?” he whispered as he rested his head against the elevator-wall. What the hell am I doing, I don’t want her back, I hate her, but I can’t be the loser who got dumped by his wife, no way, I need to make a clean break, not like this, hell no. Why should she be the good guy, I’m the good guy, she cheated on ME, ME, she is the devil here… not me.

The doors opened and Derek ran to door 1103, raising his hand to bang on the door, but just as he was about to he heard a very familiar noise from the room. He pressed his ear against the door, and all of sudden his face turned bitter and angry, and he had to breathe hard in and out to NOT hit the door as hard as he could - or storm in.

Addison was screaming, he could hear her very clearly through the door. And he heard a man’s voice, saying something, murmuring… Mark. Unmistakable. Derek felt dizzy, nauseous as he kept listening to those familiar noises… he had heard them before: the night in the brownstone, the night it all had ended. And yet, here he was again, listening to the same people, feeling the same way. Did it make sense?

Hell no. He was crazy about Meredith Grey, but the woman Mark Sloan was fucking was still Addison Montgomery-Shepherd, his wife, for eleven years now. It was too much. Images flashed through his head, and as he heard her moan Mark’s name he had to fight the urge to throw up in the hallway, it was all the same. She screamed harder, Derek should have covered his ears, but no, he felt like he had to hear it. This was the only way he could end his marriage, he had to make her the evil, horny bitch so that he could be the golden boy…

It felt wrong though. Derek was also guilty. Falling in love with Meredith had hurt Addison so hard, and the worst thing was that seeing the pain in Addison’s eyes made him feel like a winner, every, damn time. The day she had been shrieking about the trout and caught him and Meredith in the elevator, he had seen how pissed and hurt she had been, staring at the blank doors as they went up to the fourth floor… or was it the third, he couldn’t even remember, he had been so focused on the feeling; the feeling of revenge, satisfaction... And exhaustion.

Derek slid down, his back against the door, as he heard Mark moan. He covered his face with his hands, and felt like crying, but apparently his brain knew that he couldn’t make a sound so he was quiet. Quietly listening to Mark Sloan making Addison moan and scream in pleasure. How could it feel so painful? He had said that Addison no longer existed to him, the day after Addison had come to Seattle, but he had been lying to himself - and to Meredith.

Meredith didn’t deserve this, she deserved better than him. He was a liar and a failure. How come it hadn’t hit him sooner? He had stopped noticing Addison. He had started lusting after Meredith. He tried to hurt Addison. He did hurt her. It had almost started working… and then came Mark, again.

Seeing Mark talking to Meredith had sent him into a blind rage. Wasn’t that supposed to say something? He cared more about Meredith than Addison, this was just his ego getting hurt. Every husband had to feel something when his wife was being fucked by his best friend.

Suddenly Addison started screaming in waves, louder and louder, and after a few seconds her voice got quiet, then Mark screamed louder, and got quiet, too. Derek shook his head, he looked like sad puppy… Mark said something and Addison laughed, and then Derek heard something that interested him.

“What are you gonna do about your situation with Derek? You’re gonna have to go over there to get your things.”

“I’ll go when he’s at work, I just don’t ever wanna see him again… You know I really thought that cheating was it, a person couldn’t hurt another one more, but turns out that words really do hurt more than the act itself…”

Derek swallowed and backed away from the door. She was done. Once and for all, he was sure of that. She didn’t wanna see him. Point taken. He got it, no need to feel sorry for himself, this was his fault. He had called her a whore. It was wrong, no matter what he said.

Maybe he should just turn around and go, let it be. Just let it go, not waste another minute on a woman who didn’t want him back anymore. He rubbed his temples, looked at the door, and then started walking to the elevator. As he pushed the button he heard a door open, and as he looked to the side he saw Addison; her hair was a mess, barefoot, wearing Mark’s shirt.

Beautiful.

Addison’s mouth was partially open, like she was gonna say something, but she didn’t make a sound. In her left hand she had a little jar, apparently she was going to get some ice. She had closed the door to Mark’s hotel-room, but she had frozen.

“Addison”, Derek whispered, he hadn’t even realized he had said her name, but when he saw her jaw clench he knew he had made the first move.

She raised her right index-finger, shook her head and formed the word NO with her mouth when she saw him make an attempt to take a step towards her. “I don’t want to waste a second on you.” She turned around, reached a corner, and then she was gone.

The elevator-doors opened, and he knew that was the last time he was ever gonna see his wife.

*****

When Addison returned to Mark’s room he was already asleep, his body barely covered by the white sheet. Addison took a look at the ice she was carrying, then put the jar on a table and crawled into bed with Mark. Even though he was sleeping he put his arm around her and pressed her back against his chest, and Addison pulled the sheet over them. Now she felt loved.

But also empty.

Like a part of her was missing.

It was.

She took Mark’s hand into her own, hoping to fall asleep, but when she closed her eyes she saw Derek.