fic: Perfume Fusion - 9. Jin (1/2)
Perfume Fusion
9. Jin
Days passed after Jin’s leave.
For Kame it had all felt like it hadn’t, though. For him the world had somehow stopped spinning, or if not that it had kicked him completely out of its ride. And he was stuck, stuck in the moment, stuck with Jin and the pain that kept getting worse and worse until it numbed.
And then it only affected him from the shadows. But maybe that was what made it even worse.
But in the end, Jin was just one chapter in his life. Or maybe a bit more. Several, several sweet and happy chapters, chapters filled with hope, laughter, life and the sweet scent of tea and lilies.
And Esthetique.
But in the end, it had been just Jin. And he had run, leaving Kame behind like it had all been nothing. Went to live somewhere far away, never even bothering to call although Kame was sure Jin still had his number.
Maybe Jin was disgusted with him. Maybe he was scared. Or he could possibly just refuse to deal with the situation, which was actually a more Kame-like thing to do, making the situation even more ridiculous. But it was a possibility. Since Jin never called him.
“You aren’t getting up today, are you?” Pi asked as he opened the door to Jin and Kame’s old bedroom. The mattress has been carried away and the sheets in Jin’s bed had been changed. Most of his belongings had however been left behind so it didn’t feel unfamiliar. It felt like Jin could walk back any minute if he just waited for him.
And Kame shook his head slightly, not caring enough to look at Yamapi who sighed deep and fidgeted as he leaned to the doorframe, crossing his arms.
“What happened between you and him?” Pi asked. His voice was hesitant but gentle. “Talk to me.”
“He just could’ve been the one,” Kame answered, his expression unchanging. “It doesn’t matter anymore, though.”
“Come and eat,” Pi asked more strongly. “Come and eat with me and Ryo.”
Kame shook his head. “I’m tired. I think I’ll just sleep for a few more hours,” he said tiredly, not moving a limb, completely frozen where he was. Pi let out a frustrated snarl and sat by the bedside with him.
“You haven’t eaten, Kame. We aren’t stupid,” he stated tensely and nudged Kame accusingly. “You don’t have the energy. You need to get up and eat with us. Come and eat with us.”
Kame shook his head and Pi nudged him harder. “I’m not taking no as an answer,” he stated stubbornly. “You’re eating, Kame. Yes, he left. He’s a jerk and he left. But it doesn’t mean you have to do that to yourself. You were so happy.”
And the memory felt painful. The memory of actually being happy and smiling, enjoying his life and trying his best to live to the fullest. It felt distant now, distant without the presence of Jin as ridiculous as it was.
Maybe Jin didn’t matter. But the effect he had on him did. His ability to take care of him. It did matter.
“But he’s gone now,” Kame stated, looking like he still didn’t understand. Like it was hard for him to acknowledge, to really get a grasp of. “I think he ran from me. He said it was okay but it’s clear that he ran.”
Pi nodded. “Ryo and I are still here, though.”
Kame looked up at him tiredly. Pi tried to smile at him, taking a deep breath and fidgeting nervously.
“We’re friends, aren’t we? Best friends,” he stated strongly. “Friends don’t give up with each others. We live on. We wait and we fight our way through this and hell we’ll get back on tracks. It might take a while from all of us but we’re going to overcome this. You just have to have a little faith in me.”
Kame nods slowly. “I’ll eat with you guys later.”
“Kame -“
“Later.”
And the conversation had ended. Pi stood back on his feet and glanced around the room somewhat sorrowfully.
“It still smells like lilies,” Kame said quietly and Pi glanced at him. “Every object in here. They smell like him.”
Pi turned his head down as he walked out of the room back to the kitchen where Ryo waited sitting on the table. He shook his head and Ryo sighed in frustration, his shoulders dropping.
“He says it smells like him,” Pi said. Ryo nodded.
Kame didn’t get up in three days. But when he did, he walked over to Pi and Ryo with a fire burning in his eyes as he barely stood, sharp features of his bones visible for their eyes.
“Friends,” Kame simply said as he stood there, a defiant look on his face. Pi and Ryo glanced at each others before nodding and Ryo gave him a stubborn smile back.
“Friends.”
And it was settled.
***
Life went on. Even though it felt like it stood still, it kept spinning and spinning. Things and situations developed and so did relationships with other people. And Jin was left somewhere at the back of his mind as a mere memory of what that first, fatal love had been for him.
The perfume was a success like everyone had predicted. The critics loved it and so did the audience - it grew to be a trend, the new fashionable thing everyone had to have. And it led to money, fame and big productions with more and more employees and a big office back in Tokyo.
Kame, Pi and Ryo never went there, though. They rented a smaller office near their home and hired more employees as they tried to balance their growing workload. Work served as a perfect distraction and Kame found himself staying up over midnight on more than one occasion, leading often to only a few hours of sleep and plastic bottles of drunken energy drink on his desk.
He learned to adapt to different kinds of things. Since the production was growing and their work got more and more criticized, he refused to work as the advert designer anymore and gave the job to their new and capable employees while he himself took over public speeches and future plans in which he aced at.
Sometimes he wished that Jin would’ve seen what they had managed to build from the small home-office and a stupid and childish dream. And maybe somewhere out there in the world he did since it was getting international. But he had quit his job at the company and apparently gotten a job as a salesman somewhere in the LA.
He didn’t know what he missed, Pi often said grumpily. And Kame had to agree.
But months went by. It was late December and Kame was still holding on, trying his best to rise from the bottom. Yet he wasn’t alone. And it felt good to acknowledge. Even after Jin’s leave, he wasn’t alone. Koki’s called had lessened to one per week and he visited Kame once a month for a weekend. Pi and Ryo were by his side night and day. And it felt good and kept him from slipping as well as he could.
Because Jin was irrelevant now. He had felt like his life would be over if there wouldn’t be Jin anymore but he was proven wrong. Life definitely went on almost as if he never would’ve even existed.
Just a sad chapter somewhere there in his past like many of those other ones. Irrelevant.
Irrelevant until he fell asleep anyway.
Because his sleep was always disturbed by that sweet and fresh lily scent that kept lingering in the room no matter how much he tried to scrub it off.
And it was still the sweetest scent he had ever known in his life.
***
It was Christmas Eve when Jin called again.
He didn’t call Kame though, he never did. But occasionally he kept calling Pi or Ryo at times he was sure Kame wasn’t around. And Kame had accepted that fact. But on Christmas Eve he called again to Ryo’s phone while they were enjoying a bottle of fancy wine and a Christmas cake while Christmas carols were playing in the background softly.
“What do you mean a girlfriend?” Ryo coughed to the phone with wide eyes. “Is it serious?”
Kame’s head snapped up. And he didn’t know what he felt, how he felt.
Something raged inside of him, but the feeling was numb like someone had cut its edge off. And he couldn’t react, didn’t know how to. So he just swallowed hard, frozen where he was as he stared at Ryo chattering to the phone.
“It sounds pretty serious to me,” Ryo agreed to the phone, turning slightly away from Kame whose face hardened as he whacked him to his thigh angrily, motioning him to stay put so that he could hear better. And Ryo glared at him almost apologetically as he listened to the other end of the conversation.
“Well congratulations,” Ryo said politely. “I’m happy for you.”
“Say my congratulations too?” Pi asked almost excitedly, not taking the hint and real tone of Ryo’s voice. “Are they engaged? Is Jin getting married?”
Kame remained quiet on his seat as he listened. And somehow something started feeling off.
He took his wine glass and the bottle and stood up, leaving the room and making his way up the stairs to the roof, making Pi and Ryo look at each others worryingly. Ryo cocked his head and motioned Pi to follow him as he continued his phone call, apologizing for the slight pause.
Kame leaned to the fence and drank his glass empty at once, grimacing at the motion and pressing his eyes as he gasped for air. Pi made his way to him and leaned to the fence as well, watching the city as much as they saw it, not looking straight at Kame because he knew he hated it in his current state.
“That must’ve hit hard,” Pi stated after a while. “You aren’t over him, are you?”
“He could’ve been the one,” Kame repeated his words bitterly as he poured himself another full glass of wine. “He just could’ve.”
“Well he certainly sounds like he’s over you,” Pi shot back at him sharply. Kame turned to look at him, his lips slightly pursed as he tried to keep himself collected. “He’s over you and you’re just making a fool of yourself by thinking he’ll come back. Because I don’t think he’s coming back anymore.”
“It doesn’t matter to me,” Kame stated. “He doesn’t matter to me anymore, Pi. I know he’s gone. I know it had its change but it died before it even started. I’m not stupid.”
“Then can you just stop!” Pi shot at him again. “He wasn’t the one, Kame. He just wasn’t. Maybe he could’ve been, but he wasn’t.”
“Then who is, Pi?” Kame asked as he turned at him, raising his eyebrows questioningly with a bitter laughter as he took another sip of his wine. “Who could be the one? Because I don’t know.”
“I could be the one,” Pi stated and looked Kame straight in the eyes, silencing him as he stared in confusion. “I could be the one, Kame.”
Kame didn’t know whether he wanted to laugh or cry at that point anymore. The corner of his lips kept twitching upwards and he felt like he was having a fucking seizure in there. He didn’t know whether it was a positive or negative response.
“Stop smiling like that,” Pi muttered and pouted, crossing his arms. “Stop laughing at me.”
And Kame laughed, his voice ringing in the air. And he felt relief. He felt relief washing over him as he laughed in there, laughed for Pi’s stupidity and childishness, laughed at his idiotic and impulsive declaration of love.
It was so much like Jin. Pi was so much like Jin.
But where Jin was completely unpredictable and always in the move and everywhere, Pi was home. Pi was comfort, stability and promise. Pi was trust.
“I guess you could be the one,” he said, putting the wine bottle to the ground and looking up at the sky at the stars again. “It isn’t an impossibility.”
And they kissed, Pi’s hands pulling him closer gently as he parted his lips and brought them to Kame’s. And more importantly, Kame answered to it, slightly more roughly but still gently. Pi smiled.
Ryo who had been coming to the roof stared at the sight with wide eyes before quickly going back down and walking to the kitchen, sitting on the table. After a while he lied down on it, his heart still beating fast.
And he shattered there, that was how he felt as he lied there. He shattered and buried his face in his hands, trying to keep his breathing even as he kept gasping for air with hysteric laughter shaking his form.
Somewhere far in the LA, Jin broke up with his seventh girlfriend.
He didn’t like the scent of orchids after all.
***
The production grew. And new trends were needed.
Thank to Kame being responsible for future plans and organizing everything, his responsibility grew. And it ate his time. It ate his time, peace of mind and health once again as he kept overworking himself.
New scent. They needed a new scent. They needed to start widening their collection or it would all fall apart in a matter of a few silly months. Rumours of a new scent were already spread and people were excited to see what was coming.
But they didn’t have Jin anymore. They lacked their nose, the creator of the sweetest and finest mixtures of scents that left people drooling for more.
And because of that they were screwed. And Kame knew it and it was his responsibility to deal with it. It was his responsibility to keep things together and the production working, but they lacked their nose. And perfume business was dangerous without the right taste and a sensitive nose.
“Call Ueda,” Pi said in the breakfast table, stuffing food in his mouth next to a very strained Ryo typing rapidly with his computer. “He and Jin collaborated. Jin said he was good for inspiration. And he’s the one who’s actually mixed the prototypes and all.”
“Ueda…” Kame said slowly. The name was familiar but he couldn’t quite catch where he had heard it. Well, it wasn’t like it mattered.
He had to work. He had to do it.
So Pi gave him Ueda’s number and Kame set up a meeting with him that afternoon.
Ueda lived in a small and narrow two-story apartment on a shady side street far from the centre. It took Kame twenty minutes to find the neighbourhood and ten more to actually spot the right apartment as he looked at all the houses that looked exactly alike. The streets were narrow and thanks to the houses they all looked the same and Kame wasn’t actually sure how many times he got lost before he reached the right door and rang the doorbell.
A short man with dark and wavy hair and dark intimidating eyes opened the door, dressed in a simple, black t-shirt and jeans, a decorative scarf around his neck as he motioned for Kame to come in.
“So you’re a friend of Jin’s,” Ueda asked as he walked further in and Kame rushed his shoes off as fast as he could, stumbling as he closed the door after him and rushed after the man who led him to a smaller room with all kinds of things in different glass containers. Flowers, powders, liquid substances, nuts… quite a lot more things than Kame would’ve even expected. He merely nodded as Ueda motioned him to take a seat.
“You need a scent,” Ueda stated the obvious. “You have to create one.”
“Yes,” Kame nodded. “But I don’t know what to do.”
“What do you like?” Ueda asked him straightforwardly, sitting on the table himself. “That’s a good place to start.”
“Lilies,” Kame answered quickly. “I like lilies.”
Ueda nodded. “Reminds me of someone. Does it remind you of anything? Lily scent. Anything strong?”
“…Jin,” Kame admitted and swallowed. “It reminds me of Jin. Jin smelled like lilies.”
“And Jin makes you feel strongly,” Ueda stated. “I can see it from the way you tense up. He has a strong effect on you. So let’s base this on Jin.”
“I don’t really want to base it on Jin,” Kame said strictly and shook his head. “Cardamom. Let’s use cardamom.”
Ueda shook his head. “It doesn’t make you feel.”
“It does. It’s soft. It’s soft and loving, it’s trustworthy -“
“But it isn’t love,” Ueda shrugged. “That’s what perfumes are. Bottled love. It’s not about creating something people like, it isn’t about telling lies and thinking what you want. It’s love. Bottled love. And for you, cardamom doesn’t work. You can’t make love from it.”
“I can,” Kame insisted. “I might be hopeless. I’m hopeless with scents, I can’t do this. I’m not good at this. But I know what I want.”
“Lilies,” Ueda said, ignoring him and reaching out to pick up a glass container with lily flowers in it and put it on the table before Kame. “Now. How does Jin make you feel? Do you get any scent sensations? Other sensations? Do you taste anything, think of anything? Close your eyes.”
Kame complied, sure he’d otherwise get thrown out. He needed this. He had to do this.
He had to stop and deal with it.
But it was painful.
He blinked rapidly, opening his eyes and biting his lip as he glanced at Ueda who was waving his legs impatiently.
“So?” he asked. “Got anything?”
And his body felt numb. Numb, warm and tingly. Too warm. Warm like he was prepared to cry or melt. Something. And it was painful. But sad. Very, very sad. Hysterical.
“Pepper. He’s pepper,” Kame choked out, wiping his nose. “Jin’s lilies and pepper. Lilies, pepper and sweet, liquid honey in a cup of steaming white tea.”
Ueda nodded with a smile. “It wasn’t that hard, was it? And you did it yourself too. I don’t think you’re as hopeless with scents as you think you are. He’s trained you well.”
Kame looked up at him as he started working, mixing things and eluting strong scents and mouth-watering tastes from the substances in his small glass containers to a small bottle, barely the size of his thumb.
“Jin,” Ueda said as he handed the bottle over to him. “If I were you, I’d name it Jin.”
Kame nodded numbly. “Jin.”
And he had to wipe a few tears in frustration as the scent found its way up his nose.
For it was nothing like his safe cardamom.
( PART II )