fic: Perfume Fusion - 8. Wine Fragrance (2/2)
“You and I. Taking a break. Right now,” Jin walked in the room chirping cheerfully and pulled him up from his chair where he had been scribbling ideas on the paper. Kame grumbled disapprovingly but Jin had already thrown his coat over his shoulders and was walking rapidly behind him, pushing him towards the door and out of it to the fresh and cool early winter air.
In the end, Kame decided that it would be completely pointless to argue about it anymore. So he just followed Jin, starting to button up his coat and adjusting its belt with his cold fingers.
“Why did we leave the house?” he asked suspiciously from the chirpy older man. “And just like that in the middle of work as well.”
“We have flexible working hours,” Jin answered mischievously. “And I wanted to spend time with just you. Without Ryo and Pi around.”
“Why?” Kame insisted as Jin took a hold of his arm again and snarled disapprovingly, not bothering to remove his hold anyway. “Why just the two of us and for what?”
“We’re going to eat,” Jin stated with an enthusiastic nod. “And because you can’t really tell me anything personal when those two are around. And I think you still have a lot of things waiting to be unveiled. I’d like to hear them.”
Ah. So that’s what this was for. Jin trying to get under his skin again.
Well, he had promised. Actually he had lately been thinking a lot about it, he just never quite could bring himself to say anything. Whenever he thought that maybe he could do it, either there were others around or he just found out that he couldn’t do it. Couldn’t say anything.
It was hard talking about things like that without someone forcing him to. So maybe this was a positive thing.
Koki was starting to get frustrated with him about it as well. He had also threatened to call Jin and tell him himself about everything he knew about Kame if he soon wouldn’t start spilling the beans. The previous night Kame had spent an hour walking on the dark streets and arguing about it with him on the phone.
‘I’ll tell him, I’ll tell him!’ he had grumbled angrily. ‘Just give me some time and I’ll do it when I feel like I can.’
Koki hadn’t been too thrilled. He had said that Kame was running from it again, which he kind of was. He had insisted that the change of scenery, people around him and lifestyle didn’t mean that his previous life didn’t exist. That none of the incidents in his past concerned him anymore.
Kame knew he was right. He just didn’t like agreeing with it.
Jin dragged him in an ordinary Japanese restaurant and selected a small table for four people from the corner for them. After a while the waiter came to take their orders and to Kame’s surprise Jin ordered a bottle of wine. ‘It’s easier to talk after a small courage drink,’ he reasoned his choice with Kame as he raised his eyebrows questioningly. And Kame merely shrugged it off, making his order from the menu and watched the waiter walk off with a polite bow.
He was feeling uncomfortable as he sat there, looking around at the people around them. Friends, couples, families. Several lonely people with their noses buried in the day’s newspapers or rapidly typing something with their laptops.
The world was spinning on and on. And he was there, sitting with Jin as they were given glasses of wine. Jin tasted his, declared it good and waved the waiter off, raising his glass and motioning Kame to do the same.
“Cheers,” he said and Kame bit his lip, nodding as he politely raised his as well.
“Cheers.”
Kame twirled the wine in his glass gently before taking a small and delicate sip. After that he took a bitter sip with a lot less grace, letting out a heavy sigh. Jin merely took a few gulps and set his on the table, leaning forwards to put his elbows on the table (‘how rude’, Kame thought) and lean his chin to his hands as he watched Kame.
Kame sighed exhaustedly and took another big gulp of the wine before setting it nervously on the table, looking at the glass passively.
“So. My life,” he started with a chattering tone, nodding with a small motion, a hesitant smile on his lips as he cocked his head slightly. “It isn’t all that interesting. It isn’t all that special either. Mostly it sounds quite pathetic and ridiculous. I hate being whiny about it.”
“You aren’t whiny,” Jin disagreed. “You don’t make a big fuss about it all the time. You don’t tell about it to everyone and seek attention. You aren’t whiny about it.”
Kame looked at him and pursed his lips slightly before nodding slowly and hesitantly once more. After that he drew in another deep breath and rubbed his hands together, starting to open up his coat, enjoying the restaurant’s warmth.
“I never knew my father. He and my mother were never married. They were engaged though and there was talk about marriage. Until he ran,” Kame said. “It doesn’t really make a difference for me. He left when I was five months old so I don’t even remember him. It’s okay, you can’t miss something you don’t remember having. But his absence was an important element later when my mother died. Lung cancer,” he said simply, taking another sip from his wine.
Jin eyed him hesitantly and wondered if he should get the glass away from him since he seemed to drink for his nervousness. Kame seemed quite detached once again, keeping his eyes wandering around the room. He fidgeted but the look on his face never seemed quite focused.
He wasn’t focused on the words that left his mouth, he wasn’t emotionally attached to them. He just told a story he knew like it had no personal meaning for himself. And that was alarming.
“My mother died when I was thirteen years old. My older brother had just turned twenty-one back then so he managed to get my custody. Thank god,” Kame added, a hesitant smile on his face. “So I grew up with my brother. He was nice, always looking after me and working. He wrote songs. He used to play them to me with his guitar and sing to me. When I was fifteen people recognized him on the streets. We had money, lots and lots of money. He even bought a piano. It was beautiful. White and grand,” Kame sighed at the memory. “It’s sold now. Sold with my apartment.”
Jin didn’t dare stopping Kame as he talked. “He never told me how famous he got. I realised it when I was seventeen, actually. Quite ridiculous,” he laughed at the memory. “He was at the top then. Working all the time, writing songs, performing on big stages. He was talented. He still had some time for me. Every evening, from eleven pm to one am. Then he would go to bed,” Kame smiled at the memory. “It’s just that being famous has its downsides. Some time after my twentieth birthday he was murdered.”
Jin took a long sip from his own wine and Kame followed his example with a slightly shaky hand. After he had finally downed his first glass, he wiped his mouth and Jin reached for the bottle to pour him another one. Kame laughed at him, warning him how he easily got drunk if he drank too much, his cheeks already having a rosy tint, but Jin shook his head and poured it anyway.
“Well, that’s pretty much about it. I was friends with Koki, he took my custody for the remaining time although I did get to live alone and all of that. But anyway. So we were close,” Kame finished his story. “I’m grateful. I can never say how grateful I am for him. He was there for me when I needed him.”
“So that’s your story,” Jin acknowledged with a nod. “…Do you miss your brother a lot?”
Kame laughed but it was hollow. His lips trembled as he took yet another long and pained sip from his wine, his cheeks rosy and eyes mostly hidden by his front hair. “He was all I had left. And then someone killed him.”
Jin nodded again, reaching out for his wine glass as well. “…I see,” he stated quietly, quite unaware what he should be saying at the point.
They sat in silence and by the time their orders were brought, Kame had downed his second glass of wine and seemed to be getting chirpier in a particularly odd style. Jin couldn’t help but stare at him amusedly when he ran his hair back messily and uncaringly, swirled the wine in his glass and fidgeted excitedly on his seat when the food was brought.
“Wine helps,” Kame stated when he put some food in his mouth with his chopsticks, and Jin doubted he even knew what he was eating anymore or how much. “Alcohol helps. It really does help.”
Jin poured him another glass. “It’s nature’s gift for usage. Damn good medicine.”
Kame’s laughter rang with a beautiful note and his breath smelled strongly like the wine he had drunk as he clanged their glasses wobbly together again.
“I’m glad I have you, Jin,” he said. “I owe you my life. I owe you everything.”
“It’s nothing,” Jin said embarrassedly and scratched his neck. “I’m glad to have you around too.”
They didn’t return back home before late that night on that particular day, but wobbled, laughed and chirped happily on the streets with cans and cans of alcohol they had bought and drank it like there were no worries in the world, drowning everything but the moment at hand to the blissful darkness in their minds.
And Kame laughed and he smelled like vanilla, wine and beer. And Jin hanged on to him, every now and then burying his sensitive nose in Kame’s coat, his hair and neck, breathing in the lovely scent in his drunken state and loving that laughter that didn’t cease in his ears.
Because he had made Kame happy and that was one of the best things he could ever imagine in the world. He had stolen a few of Kame’s well guarded secrets to himself and now he knew better. He didn’t know many details, but he felt like he understood Kame better. He felt like he could help him.
When they got home, they both crashed exhaustedly on Jin’s bed and as Kame let out a tired giggle his lips turned into a happy smile. And his eyes burned with that flame, they had that lovely sparkle in them that Kame lacked so often. Jin caressed his hair and smiled as well. Kame turned to look at him, the scent of the rich and fruity wine still finding its way up Jin’s nose, making Kame somehow luminous in his drunken state of mind.
Kame’s smile softened as he looked into Jin’s eyes. And Jin couldn’t read him. He didn’t know why, but in that dark room he could see Kame’s silhouette and feel his weight moving over him as he sat on him, his hands on Jin’s shoulders.
Kame leaned down. Slowly. And Jin’s heartbeat sped up as he felt Kame’s breath on his face. His eyes widened and whole body tensed.
And Kame kissed him.
It was a slow kiss. A happy kiss. Like he had waited for so long, like he told Jin that he loved him. How grateful he was, how important Jin was for him, how he was like no other. Kame’s lips gently rocked against his and sucked on them gently, making a quiet noise and Jin felt Kame’s parted lips drawing in cool air that tickled his lips. And he wet his lips slightly with his tongue before rocking their lips together again, tilting his head just a bit.
Kame’s hold of the fabric over his shoulders was gentle, yet it was the perfect way to keep them both there, somehow as one. And it was like fusion, it was like they connected somehow at that moment. And it scared the hell out of Jin who had frozen in one place, eyes still opened in shock.
Kame’s eyes were mostly closed, though. They were parted only for a little, and the look in them was hazed as he kissed Jin’s lips. And it was the sweetest kiss anyone had ever given to him.
But something dwelled in his chest. And it was wrong. And he didn’t like it. He couldn’t respond, he couldn’t do anything. He just lied there, tense and frozen, looking at Kame’s silhouette with anxious eyes.
And Kame noticed. After a small while he noticed and pulled away a bit quietly, looking befuddled. Confused. Like he didn’t understand.
Because he didn’t. He didn’t understand. It was Jin who had always been implying it. It was Jin who had always acted like that around him, it was Jin who had made him fall for him. So no, he didn’t understand. His face was left about ten centimetres away from Jin’s, and he seemed like he didn’t understand. And Jin’s heart broke as he swallowed hard, letting out a breath he had been holding.
“You didn’t like it,” he suddenly said, his voice withdrawn, shocked and pace quick so that Jin hardly managed to register his words. “I’m sorry, Jin. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”
“It’s okay,” Jin said, his lips somehow numbed and body so tense it was hard to get any noise. “It’s okay, Kame. Don’t worry about it.”
“I’m really sorry, I am,” Kame insisted strongly, shaking his head almost desperately. “I didn’t mean to do that. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying you’re sorry. It’s okay. Let’s just forget about it,” Jin managed to choke out, pushing Kame gently off him. “Let’s be like it didn’t happen, okay?”
Kame nodded, his eyes still wide, non-understanding and in shock. And he swallowed hard, blinking furiously, detaching himself from the situation. With the exception that he couldn’t. And it was all clearly written over his face.
“Jin, I -“ he started anxiously but Jin stopped him with a shake of his head and a mouthed ‘it didn’t happen.’
And Kame stumbled out of his bed and crashed down on his mattress, pulling his covers over him with a quick ‘Good night.’ And Jin was left looking at his back, the horrible feeling swelling and swelling.
The next morning he bought himself plain tickets to Los Angeles and packed his suitcase. Pi and Ryo bellowed at him furiously, asking what the fuck was going on and why he was leaving at such an important time. Why he was leaving when they needed him there.
And all he could do was shake his head and say that he had to go to sort things out. To clear his mind. Because that’s what he had to do. He needed a time off. Because he was scared, scared of things that might happen if he stayed.
The three of them accompanied him to the airport and Kame stayed silent for the entire ride. Silent, withdrawn and locked up completely in his mind. Jin wasn’t even sure how aware he really was in the end. And he knew he was probably doing one of the cruellest things he could for the man, he was leaving his own inerasable dark episode in the young man’s past.
“So… I’m going,” he said, still tense and in shock, feeling surreal as he nodded and bowed ever so slightly to his friends. “Take care.”
He looked at Kame who looked at him. And his lips were pale and Jin could read that look in his eyes. Jin knew what he was holding back.
And Jin wished he would’ve said it. That simple ‘please don’t go’. That stupid ‘I need you in here, don’t go and leave me alone. We can fix this. Please let me believe in it.’ But he never did. He never opened that mouth of his and all the words were left unsaid, only spoken quietly and earth shatteringly in his own mind.
He should’ve said those words. Just so that he wouldn’t have lived on regretting leaving them unsaid, telling himself ‘but if I had just told him’ for the following nights to come over and over again in his mind for ages and ages. And Jin knew that it would happen. And he waited, standing there for a brief while.
“Bye,” Kame finally choked out tensely with his arms crossed, his gaze meeting Jin’s in pain. “Take care.”
And Jin couldn’t help but nod and walk away. And he didn’t dare looking back, no. He couldn’t look back.
The unsaid ‘Please don’t go, please don’t go and leave me alone’ kept ringing in his head for the entire flight. And even then it didn’t cease. And he could remember Kame’s face, he could imagine his tone as he would’ve said it.
Hell, he could even imagine tears running down his cheeks like that one night at the bridge in Tokyo.
Kame’s kiss was left lingering on his lips like venom.
And he choked.
In the end, Kame decided that it would be completely pointless to argue about it anymore. So he just followed Jin, starting to button up his coat and adjusting its belt with his cold fingers.
“Why did we leave the house?” he asked suspiciously from the chirpy older man. “And just like that in the middle of work as well.”
“We have flexible working hours,” Jin answered mischievously. “And I wanted to spend time with just you. Without Ryo and Pi around.”
“Why?” Kame insisted as Jin took a hold of his arm again and snarled disapprovingly, not bothering to remove his hold anyway. “Why just the two of us and for what?”
“We’re going to eat,” Jin stated with an enthusiastic nod. “And because you can’t really tell me anything personal when those two are around. And I think you still have a lot of things waiting to be unveiled. I’d like to hear them.”
Ah. So that’s what this was for. Jin trying to get under his skin again.
Well, he had promised. Actually he had lately been thinking a lot about it, he just never quite could bring himself to say anything. Whenever he thought that maybe he could do it, either there were others around or he just found out that he couldn’t do it. Couldn’t say anything.
It was hard talking about things like that without someone forcing him to. So maybe this was a positive thing.
Koki was starting to get frustrated with him about it as well. He had also threatened to call Jin and tell him himself about everything he knew about Kame if he soon wouldn’t start spilling the beans. The previous night Kame had spent an hour walking on the dark streets and arguing about it with him on the phone.
‘I’ll tell him, I’ll tell him!’ he had grumbled angrily. ‘Just give me some time and I’ll do it when I feel like I can.’
Koki hadn’t been too thrilled. He had said that Kame was running from it again, which he kind of was. He had insisted that the change of scenery, people around him and lifestyle didn’t mean that his previous life didn’t exist. That none of the incidents in his past concerned him anymore.
Kame knew he was right. He just didn’t like agreeing with it.
Jin dragged him in an ordinary Japanese restaurant and selected a small table for four people from the corner for them. After a while the waiter came to take their orders and to Kame’s surprise Jin ordered a bottle of wine. ‘It’s easier to talk after a small courage drink,’ he reasoned his choice with Kame as he raised his eyebrows questioningly. And Kame merely shrugged it off, making his order from the menu and watched the waiter walk off with a polite bow.
He was feeling uncomfortable as he sat there, looking around at the people around them. Friends, couples, families. Several lonely people with their noses buried in the day’s newspapers or rapidly typing something with their laptops.
The world was spinning on and on. And he was there, sitting with Jin as they were given glasses of wine. Jin tasted his, declared it good and waved the waiter off, raising his glass and motioning Kame to do the same.
“Cheers,” he said and Kame bit his lip, nodding as he politely raised his as well.
“Cheers.”
Kame twirled the wine in his glass gently before taking a small and delicate sip. After that he took a bitter sip with a lot less grace, letting out a heavy sigh. Jin merely took a few gulps and set his on the table, leaning forwards to put his elbows on the table (‘how rude’, Kame thought) and lean his chin to his hands as he watched Kame.
Kame sighed exhaustedly and took another big gulp of the wine before setting it nervously on the table, looking at the glass passively.
“So. My life,” he started with a chattering tone, nodding with a small motion, a hesitant smile on his lips as he cocked his head slightly. “It isn’t all that interesting. It isn’t all that special either. Mostly it sounds quite pathetic and ridiculous. I hate being whiny about it.”
“You aren’t whiny,” Jin disagreed. “You don’t make a big fuss about it all the time. You don’t tell about it to everyone and seek attention. You aren’t whiny about it.”
Kame looked at him and pursed his lips slightly before nodding slowly and hesitantly once more. After that he drew in another deep breath and rubbed his hands together, starting to open up his coat, enjoying the restaurant’s warmth.
“I never knew my father. He and my mother were never married. They were engaged though and there was talk about marriage. Until he ran,” Kame said. “It doesn’t really make a difference for me. He left when I was five months old so I don’t even remember him. It’s okay, you can’t miss something you don’t remember having. But his absence was an important element later when my mother died. Lung cancer,” he said simply, taking another sip from his wine.
Jin eyed him hesitantly and wondered if he should get the glass away from him since he seemed to drink for his nervousness. Kame seemed quite detached once again, keeping his eyes wandering around the room. He fidgeted but the look on his face never seemed quite focused.
He wasn’t focused on the words that left his mouth, he wasn’t emotionally attached to them. He just told a story he knew like it had no personal meaning for himself. And that was alarming.
“My mother died when I was thirteen years old. My older brother had just turned twenty-one back then so he managed to get my custody. Thank god,” Kame added, a hesitant smile on his face. “So I grew up with my brother. He was nice, always looking after me and working. He wrote songs. He used to play them to me with his guitar and sing to me. When I was fifteen people recognized him on the streets. We had money, lots and lots of money. He even bought a piano. It was beautiful. White and grand,” Kame sighed at the memory. “It’s sold now. Sold with my apartment.”
Jin didn’t dare stopping Kame as he talked. “He never told me how famous he got. I realised it when I was seventeen, actually. Quite ridiculous,” he laughed at the memory. “He was at the top then. Working all the time, writing songs, performing on big stages. He was talented. He still had some time for me. Every evening, from eleven pm to one am. Then he would go to bed,” Kame smiled at the memory. “It’s just that being famous has its downsides. Some time after my twentieth birthday he was murdered.”
Jin took a long sip from his own wine and Kame followed his example with a slightly shaky hand. After he had finally downed his first glass, he wiped his mouth and Jin reached for the bottle to pour him another one. Kame laughed at him, warning him how he easily got drunk if he drank too much, his cheeks already having a rosy tint, but Jin shook his head and poured it anyway.
“Well, that’s pretty much about it. I was friends with Koki, he took my custody for the remaining time although I did get to live alone and all of that. But anyway. So we were close,” Kame finished his story. “I’m grateful. I can never say how grateful I am for him. He was there for me when I needed him.”
“So that’s your story,” Jin acknowledged with a nod. “…Do you miss your brother a lot?”
Kame laughed but it was hollow. His lips trembled as he took yet another long and pained sip from his wine, his cheeks rosy and eyes mostly hidden by his front hair. “He was all I had left. And then someone killed him.”
Jin nodded again, reaching out for his wine glass as well. “…I see,” he stated quietly, quite unaware what he should be saying at the point.
They sat in silence and by the time their orders were brought, Kame had downed his second glass of wine and seemed to be getting chirpier in a particularly odd style. Jin couldn’t help but stare at him amusedly when he ran his hair back messily and uncaringly, swirled the wine in his glass and fidgeted excitedly on his seat when the food was brought.
“Wine helps,” Kame stated when he put some food in his mouth with his chopsticks, and Jin doubted he even knew what he was eating anymore or how much. “Alcohol helps. It really does help.”
Jin poured him another glass. “It’s nature’s gift for usage. Damn good medicine.”
Kame’s laughter rang with a beautiful note and his breath smelled strongly like the wine he had drunk as he clanged their glasses wobbly together again.
“I’m glad I have you, Jin,” he said. “I owe you my life. I owe you everything.”
“It’s nothing,” Jin said embarrassedly and scratched his neck. “I’m glad to have you around too.”
They didn’t return back home before late that night on that particular day, but wobbled, laughed and chirped happily on the streets with cans and cans of alcohol they had bought and drank it like there were no worries in the world, drowning everything but the moment at hand to the blissful darkness in their minds.
And Kame laughed and he smelled like vanilla, wine and beer. And Jin hanged on to him, every now and then burying his sensitive nose in Kame’s coat, his hair and neck, breathing in the lovely scent in his drunken state and loving that laughter that didn’t cease in his ears.
Because he had made Kame happy and that was one of the best things he could ever imagine in the world. He had stolen a few of Kame’s well guarded secrets to himself and now he knew better. He didn’t know many details, but he felt like he understood Kame better. He felt like he could help him.
When they got home, they both crashed exhaustedly on Jin’s bed and as Kame let out a tired giggle his lips turned into a happy smile. And his eyes burned with that flame, they had that lovely sparkle in them that Kame lacked so often. Jin caressed his hair and smiled as well. Kame turned to look at him, the scent of the rich and fruity wine still finding its way up Jin’s nose, making Kame somehow luminous in his drunken state of mind.
Kame’s smile softened as he looked into Jin’s eyes. And Jin couldn’t read him. He didn’t know why, but in that dark room he could see Kame’s silhouette and feel his weight moving over him as he sat on him, his hands on Jin’s shoulders.
Kame leaned down. Slowly. And Jin’s heartbeat sped up as he felt Kame’s breath on his face. His eyes widened and whole body tensed.
And Kame kissed him.
It was a slow kiss. A happy kiss. Like he had waited for so long, like he told Jin that he loved him. How grateful he was, how important Jin was for him, how he was like no other. Kame’s lips gently rocked against his and sucked on them gently, making a quiet noise and Jin felt Kame’s parted lips drawing in cool air that tickled his lips. And he wet his lips slightly with his tongue before rocking their lips together again, tilting his head just a bit.
Kame’s hold of the fabric over his shoulders was gentle, yet it was the perfect way to keep them both there, somehow as one. And it was like fusion, it was like they connected somehow at that moment. And it scared the hell out of Jin who had frozen in one place, eyes still opened in shock.
Kame’s eyes were mostly closed, though. They were parted only for a little, and the look in them was hazed as he kissed Jin’s lips. And it was the sweetest kiss anyone had ever given to him.
But something dwelled in his chest. And it was wrong. And he didn’t like it. He couldn’t respond, he couldn’t do anything. He just lied there, tense and frozen, looking at Kame’s silhouette with anxious eyes.
And Kame noticed. After a small while he noticed and pulled away a bit quietly, looking befuddled. Confused. Like he didn’t understand.
Because he didn’t. He didn’t understand. It was Jin who had always been implying it. It was Jin who had always acted like that around him, it was Jin who had made him fall for him. So no, he didn’t understand. His face was left about ten centimetres away from Jin’s, and he seemed like he didn’t understand. And Jin’s heart broke as he swallowed hard, letting out a breath he had been holding.
“You didn’t like it,” he suddenly said, his voice withdrawn, shocked and pace quick so that Jin hardly managed to register his words. “I’m sorry, Jin. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”
“It’s okay,” Jin said, his lips somehow numbed and body so tense it was hard to get any noise. “It’s okay, Kame. Don’t worry about it.”
“I’m really sorry, I am,” Kame insisted strongly, shaking his head almost desperately. “I didn’t mean to do that. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying you’re sorry. It’s okay. Let’s just forget about it,” Jin managed to choke out, pushing Kame gently off him. “Let’s be like it didn’t happen, okay?”
Kame nodded, his eyes still wide, non-understanding and in shock. And he swallowed hard, blinking furiously, detaching himself from the situation. With the exception that he couldn’t. And it was all clearly written over his face.
“Jin, I -“ he started anxiously but Jin stopped him with a shake of his head and a mouthed ‘it didn’t happen.’
And Kame stumbled out of his bed and crashed down on his mattress, pulling his covers over him with a quick ‘Good night.’ And Jin was left looking at his back, the horrible feeling swelling and swelling.
The next morning he bought himself plain tickets to Los Angeles and packed his suitcase. Pi and Ryo bellowed at him furiously, asking what the fuck was going on and why he was leaving at such an important time. Why he was leaving when they needed him there.
And all he could do was shake his head and say that he had to go to sort things out. To clear his mind. Because that’s what he had to do. He needed a time off. Because he was scared, scared of things that might happen if he stayed.
The three of them accompanied him to the airport and Kame stayed silent for the entire ride. Silent, withdrawn and locked up completely in his mind. Jin wasn’t even sure how aware he really was in the end. And he knew he was probably doing one of the cruellest things he could for the man, he was leaving his own inerasable dark episode in the young man’s past.
“So… I’m going,” he said, still tense and in shock, feeling surreal as he nodded and bowed ever so slightly to his friends. “Take care.”
He looked at Kame who looked at him. And his lips were pale and Jin could read that look in his eyes. Jin knew what he was holding back.
And Jin wished he would’ve said it. That simple ‘please don’t go’. That stupid ‘I need you in here, don’t go and leave me alone. We can fix this. Please let me believe in it.’ But he never did. He never opened that mouth of his and all the words were left unsaid, only spoken quietly and earth shatteringly in his own mind.
He should’ve said those words. Just so that he wouldn’t have lived on regretting leaving them unsaid, telling himself ‘but if I had just told him’ for the following nights to come over and over again in his mind for ages and ages. And Jin knew that it would happen. And he waited, standing there for a brief while.
“Bye,” Kame finally choked out tensely with his arms crossed, his gaze meeting Jin’s in pain. “Take care.”
And Jin couldn’t help but nod and walk away. And he didn’t dare looking back, no. He couldn’t look back.
The unsaid ‘Please don’t go, please don’t go and leave me alone’ kept ringing in his head for the entire flight. And even then it didn’t cease. And he could remember Kame’s face, he could imagine his tone as he would’ve said it.
Hell, he could even imagine tears running down his cheeks like that one night at the bridge in Tokyo.
Kame’s kiss was left lingering on his lips like venom.
And he choked.