Channel Surfing
"See, it doesn't work that way. You and me? We're not built for this shit. We were never meant to go out on dates or shit, you said so yourself. Hurting, fucking, hey... seems like it's all we're both good at. At least for each other."Faith's words echoed in the back of my head the entire silent way back to the hotel, all the way up to the room
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Of course it did.
Then Wes started laughing and couldn't stop. It was getting on my fucking nerves, so I stepped over to where he was watching the TV and even hadda smirk to myself.
"Showgirls, huh? The VH-1 version, no less." I shook my head and finished off my cig before actually braving the weather - nah, not the shit outside but the one right here - and started watching with him. Hadda admit, the guy had good taste.
One of the most cheesiest, fucking idiot piece of shit movies ever made, and I fucking loved it. The VH-1 version, of course, had this shitty drawn-on bra and panties all over the the girls that looked so fake, it was worse than the move itself ( ... )
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I glanced up, seeing Faith standing behind the couch, watching me watch the movie. It was a hopeful sign, but I reminded myself not to push, lest things go terribly wrong again.
"Good Lord, is that why they're not swearing? I knew there was something horribly wrong. More than how terrible the movie is, of course."
Amazing. Light conversation. Perhaps Joe Eszterhas' classic God-awful piece of exploitative trash could finally do the world some good.
The scene switched to the inside of the strip club, the overly red-lit one where the main character began her 'dancing' career, and my jaw fell. It looked as if a crayon-wielding two year-old had been at the film negative, drawing bikinis on the women. I laughed out loud.
"That's... that's just..."
Looking up at Faith and finding her laughing as well, I gestured at the other end of the sofa.
"Faith, sit-- we'll watch the disaster." I slid the bottle of whiskey to the middle of the low table, so it was well within both our reach.
" ( ... )
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"Yeah," I agreed. "pretty much." Cuz, what else could you really say? It was Showgirls for crying out loud.
"Faith, sit-- we'll watch the disaster."
I eyed him as he made room for me to sit, drinks all ready to go, and I slipped down next to him. Not talking. Yeah, we were fucking good at that. Fight, fuck, avoid. I'd said it before and hell... here we were again. Onto step number three.
Didn't really mind it all that much though. The cigs had helped calm me a bit, and as I took a sip of the whiskey, it burned and made it all better at once. Sorta like the way Wes had made me feel when he'd taken that belt across me, hurting me.
Couldn't explain it, but there ya had it. And I didn't wanna fuck it all up again, so I tried to just sit and watch the horror show on TV next to the man who could break, bend, and mold me the same as I could do to him.
Wes brought over a menu for more food and I finally broke out into a grin. A real one.
"What're you in the mood for?""Shit, you hafta ask? Pizza, Wes. Thought ( ... )
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The needle moved back away from the more comfortable end of the dial for a moment, and I realized we'd stepped just a touch into territory that needed to stay out of bounds for a while. It passed, thankfully.
Both of us reaching for the bottle of whiskey, our hands brushed, but Faith drew hers out from under mine a few seconds later. Mentally, I nodded, understanding the signal. At this point, no contact was casual, not after everything that had happened. I withdrew my own hand without protest.
"So, when does training begin? Honestly, I froze when you were in trouble that one fight. I don't wanna have that happen again."I took a slow sip of my whiskey as I considered my response. Honestly, I hadn't noticed any kind of hesitation on Faith's part during the altercation with the M'Fashnik demons, but then again, I'd been rather busy being strangled. Nodding, I set my glass down ( ... )
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And the dance began again. Hey, wasn't like I didn't mind the carefree shit between us and I sure as hell didn't mind the fucking... but I still had a job to do. And if Giles found out exactly what had been going on between me and Wes? I was sure he wouldn't exactly approve.
Hell, Angel probably wouldn't either, for that matter.
"Sounds good," I replied casually as I watched more TV. Made me wonder exactly what was going on in that mind of his, though...
"Is there anything precisely that you'd like to work on besides focus?"I shook my head. "Nah, nothing I can think of at the moment." I looked over at him, wondering if he had meant training, or something else. "Unless ( ... )
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Noncommittal, but we weren't arguing, fighting, crying or screwing, so at the moment, things were at least that close to all right. I needed to pick my battles with Faith much more carefully in the future, I decided.
"Nah, nothing I can think of at the moment... unless there's something else you think that... I need."Faith poured herself another drink and let the words hang heavy. I sank a little deeper into the couch, the movie on television forgotten long ago, relegated to mere background noise as I thought on the question ( ... )
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I was wrong.
"No, I-- I think that's a good place to start."
"Ok," I answered carefully, catching the little nervousness in his voice. Shit, nervous around me? Great, fucking great. I'd already messed up our relationship - whatever the hell it was - so many times, I was losing track. Just chalk this up as another time Faith fucks up, I guess.
"Although I do think I need some sleep, especially if we're going to train tomorrow night. The couch here will be fine for me."
"What?" I stood up, slamming my glass down hard on the table as I glared at him. "Oh, fuck you. What, what is it? I'm good enough to fuck, but not good enough to sleep with, is that it?" God, why wouldn't my mouth just stop moving? I didn't wanna say this, any of this ( ... )
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"What? Oh, fuck you. What, what is it? I'm good enough to fuck, but not good enough to sleep with, is that it?"
"That's not it, Faith, and you damn well know it. After everything that's happened tonight, I thought you would want some space, that's all." I sighed heavily. "This is mad."
"Fine. Fuck you, Wes, just go... take the couch and curl yourself up into your protective little ball while you think and re-think over all the fucking mistakes you've made in your life and alphabetize them. Why don't you start with the letter 'F', for me. Ok?"She pushed past me and stormed into the bedroom in a spectacular huff. Shaking my head, I wondered if she knew that I was more than capable of cataloging my own sins and trespasses at any moment, at the drop of a hat. I took a ( ... )
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Well, yeah, but it wasn't like it was just me making it that way. There was something about the combo of me and Wes that always fucked things up no matter how hard we tried. Not that I wanted to get all into it with him at the moment, but... whatev, right?
Once I was settled into bed, though, I heard him come into the room. Don't turn and look at him, Faithy, just don't...
It'll be too much.
"For the record, of course you're more than good enough to share a bed with."
I almost laughed at that, but I just kept quiet with my back to him as I heard clothes falling to the floor. I was never good enough for anything, and he pretty much proved that. He was reday to come crawling into bed to fuck me, try and make it all better since it seemed to be the only way we could communicate right.
The only thing we did together rightI felt the bed move, and he didn't touch me, though. What the fuck? Turning, I saw him on his side of the bed, a good amount of distance still between us, not looking at me. Ok, fine, now he had me ( ... )
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