(no subject)
I've been so exhausted lately. I want to get back to the place where I was full of energy and my mental capacity was longer than just 2 seconds of memory and reaction time.
School's been stressing me out, but I'm glad that winter break is coming along. Finally. I just need to ride everything out until then and try not to get too crazy.
Today was up and down. I woke up late and didn't end up going to my first two period classes, which I used to do a lot. I don't want to get back into the habit again and I got upset over that. I talked to Troy and I basically told him that I didn't want to be alive anymore, hahaha. But honestly, it was more of a "I need to be away from you and this whole situation that we're in and I'm sorry for putting this on you AGAIN, but I really need to do it because otherwise, I'll just end up trying to kill myself again."
Of course, he probably didn't see it like that, because I had trouble articulating myself. Crying does that to you. All of the words that I wanted to say kind of just died off. I don't want to relive that memory. I don't want to keep doing this to myself.
I don't know. It would be nice if I just... had never associated myself with Troy or Shalina. I wouldn't be in this position that I am now of shame and regret... and guilt. I'm just not meant to be with them anymore, I guess. I don't know entirely why I decided to stick with them for so long. I tend to have this fucked up sense of loyalty to the people I get myself involved with. Especially if they're my friends...
Who knows. I'm just going to keep taking it day by day and hope for the best.
- V
School's been stressing me out, but I'm glad that winter break is coming along. Finally. I just need to ride everything out until then and try not to get too crazy.
Today was up and down. I woke up late and didn't end up going to my first two period classes, which I used to do a lot. I don't want to get back into the habit again and I got upset over that. I talked to Troy and I basically told him that I didn't want to be alive anymore, hahaha. But honestly, it was more of a "I need to be away from you and this whole situation that we're in and I'm sorry for putting this on you AGAIN, but I really need to do it because otherwise, I'll just end up trying to kill myself again."
Of course, he probably didn't see it like that, because I had trouble articulating myself. Crying does that to you. All of the words that I wanted to say kind of just died off. I don't want to relive that memory. I don't want to keep doing this to myself.
I don't know. It would be nice if I just... had never associated myself with Troy or Shalina. I wouldn't be in this position that I am now of shame and regret... and guilt. I'm just not meant to be with them anymore, I guess. I don't know entirely why I decided to stick with them for so long. I tend to have this fucked up sense of loyalty to the people I get myself involved with. Especially if they're my friends...
Who knows. I'm just going to keep taking it day by day and hope for the best.
- V