It's Been A While....
Yea Yea, I know. I've abandoned this for a while. It's been busy.... soccer every day, homework, hanging out, Revue Show, etc.
However, this might be a short one, we'll see.
Things have been a little strange this week. I don't really know how to explain it either. Sometimes I know EXACTLY where I stand. Other times... especially lately, I have no idea. I feel like I almost have to guess. And it bothers me. I seem to think of it as a little taste of what might be to come after the summer is done and things hit back to reality as school starts again and I'm a junior... and Jared becomes a freshman again...in college.
It's been a really tough time for me in soccer. I feel like we work so hard but can't ever pull out a win. We lost to Rockford last night 0-1. I didn't want to lose to them at all. For 2 reasons: 1. Their coach is my old coach. I wanted to prove to him that I could do it without him and show myself. 2. I know their whole team and it's almost embarassing losing to a buncha girls that know you. Uh! Just got me real bad. I just feel as if I practically got worse than last year, or even since the fall season. I hate it.
The other day, I was walking down the hall and I wasn't sad, but tears just all of the sudden started streaming down my face. I had no idea what was going on.
I'm sick...
I'm hurt...
I'm sore...
hhhhh.
I'm really looking forward to prom. The closer it's getting, the more nervous and even a bit scared I'm getting. I know it's going to be a great time.
I guess the thing that I'm struggling the most with right now as we're ending the school year is that he wants to get every minute with his friends as he can before they all leave. There's NO problem with this at all. I will be the same when it's my senior year. The questions running thro my head are really bug me tho... does he want me here? should i just leave and let him be alone with them? i want to be with him, yea, but i don't wanna be the tag-along girlfriend. I'm just extremely confused. And it's getting to me... I think it's wrong that I'm thinking all of this too. I love him to death.
I'm out.
However, this might be a short one, we'll see.
Things have been a little strange this week. I don't really know how to explain it either. Sometimes I know EXACTLY where I stand. Other times... especially lately, I have no idea. I feel like I almost have to guess. And it bothers me. I seem to think of it as a little taste of what might be to come after the summer is done and things hit back to reality as school starts again and I'm a junior... and Jared becomes a freshman again...in college.
It's been a really tough time for me in soccer. I feel like we work so hard but can't ever pull out a win. We lost to Rockford last night 0-1. I didn't want to lose to them at all. For 2 reasons: 1. Their coach is my old coach. I wanted to prove to him that I could do it without him and show myself. 2. I know their whole team and it's almost embarassing losing to a buncha girls that know you. Uh! Just got me real bad. I just feel as if I practically got worse than last year, or even since the fall season. I hate it.
The other day, I was walking down the hall and I wasn't sad, but tears just all of the sudden started streaming down my face. I had no idea what was going on.
I'm sick...
I'm hurt...
I'm sore...
hhhhh.
I'm really looking forward to prom. The closer it's getting, the more nervous and even a bit scared I'm getting. I know it's going to be a great time.
I guess the thing that I'm struggling the most with right now as we're ending the school year is that he wants to get every minute with his friends as he can before they all leave. There's NO problem with this at all. I will be the same when it's my senior year. The questions running thro my head are really bug me tho... does he want me here? should i just leave and let him be alone with them? i want to be with him, yea, but i don't wanna be the tag-along girlfriend. I'm just extremely confused. And it's getting to me... I think it's wrong that I'm thinking all of this too. I love him to death.
I'm out.