It's Time
My friends, I won't be logging onto MJ for a while... I'm going to give recovery another chance. Life has not been fun the last few months and I realize if I keep hurting myself with all this self-hate I'll never be happy. I'm studying to join the Air Force Officer School... both physical and mental. I can do 30 regular pushups and 20 modified. I can do 80 situps. I can run 1.5miles. I can study for a hours about science and reading at a time. I know this will sound cheesy, but my heart flutters at the thought of joining the military, of the pride I'd feel. Plus, at least joining will give me something productive to do and something to live for besides myself. Last night I showed my dad that I could do pushups... he said, "straight as a board" meaning my form was good. That was like huge for me! He was special forces army and always hard on me as a kid. I'm not sure I've ever done something physically that he hasn't said he's done better or more of. And last night when he honestly complimented me, That was like, wow, I did something right. And if I can do something little right... maybe I can fix myself and do life right? I guess the morale of this blog is that I've decided to give myself another chance... wish me luck!