So very odd
Sometimes I think if I have the stuff inside me to hate myself, to cut myself, to deny myself... if I have this self-control to restrict or purge or do pushups till I collapse... then maybe I have the stuff inside to me to love myself, to care for myself, to enjoy myself as is... interesting, isn't it? I don't know why I never considered this before. I guess its kinda when my boss practically fired me last week. I thought my life was over, that I'd have to kill myself. But it was weird you know... it was like this flutter of something inside me kicked, flickered... kinda whispered, give it anohter try. YEah, I don't know what to think. Except that I'm really loving not going to work!! Haha, I'm such a lazy ass. Maybe its just my high dose of happy pills just kicking in... Prozac, if I remember correctly, kinda made me feel numb sorta a few years ago on it, made it easier to get through the day. B ut I''m really fascinated with the the idea that I might have it in me to live, to be strong. Well I'm going to finish watching "Are you Smarter than a 5th grader?"... going to see the movie 300 later too... till later chicas!