Third Miscarriage ... And Continuing Pregnancy!
X-posted in my own journal
I've been putting this off for awhile now. Just resting and recuperating. Apparently, over the weekend I had a spontaneous twin reduction.
My first ultrasound was scheduled for Monday afternoon, but Saturday night I started bleeding very heavily and passing a HUGE clot and lots of little pieces of tissue. So I got in touch with my doctor via Medical Exchange, and he said to come in the next morning and he would work me in. It was a rough night. Of course I was a nervous wreck, and I also had a tremendous amount of pain! I really wasn't expecting a miscarriage at 7 weeks to feel like labor pains, but it kind of did! It was a big surprise to me, but then again I don't know why I thought I would know, since my other two miscarriages were very different. The first one was at 14 weeks, but I had a D&C. The second one was *technically* at 8 weeks, but the embryo never grew beyond implantation.
Anyway, by Sunday morning I only had light bleeding/heavy spotting, but I was still crampy. Like I said, I was a nervous wreck before the ultrasound, but I was also just really sad. I was certain that we'd get in there and see no heartbeat, and Dr. V. would start talking to me about a D&C. Instead, he pointed out the embryo, and he pointed out the very obvious little flutter -- the heartbeat! I have never felt so blessed in all my life! I instantly started crying, and I think I just sobbed through the rest of the exam. We got to hear the heartbeat, which was amazing. It's normal, at 142 beats per minute. The embryo measured 7 weeks 1 day (9mm), which is exactly how far along I was. So all that was great news. But then we started talking about the large sac right next to the pregnancy sac. It's filled with blood and also a big clot. That's why I'm still cramping. Don't know why I'm not still bleeding, but I asked if I should expect to pass the rest of this stuff and he said no, it will absorb. We hope. If the internal bleeding continues, then obviously the sac of blood will get larger and will be a threat to the pregnancy sac (and my remaining baby!). So he told me to increase my fluid intake, and decrease my (already restricted) activity level. I've been mostly in bed since then. It sucks and totally stresses me out!
I hope my endocrinologist is managing my thyroid adequately! I had it tested five days before the bleeding, and my TSH was 2.3. Which is normal, but not ideal for me. I have been seeing this doctor for YEARS, and have told him repeatedly that I only feel good when my TSH is between .5 and 1. He always says that's fine, then that's where we'll try to keep you. So when I had it tested, I called the office to say that I had gone to the lab and had an appointment on June 4, but since I'm pregnant I don't want to wait to find out if it's not normal. The nurse called me and said only that it was normal. I asked for the level, of course, and wasn't too happy with it, but I figured it's technically normal, and maybe they can't get it as low during pregnancy. But at my appointment yesterday the doctor said sure we can, and we should, and he raised my dose! So WHY did I have to wait a whole week for that?!?! I told him what happened over the weekend, and that I am EXCEPTIONALLY worried about holding onto the baby I still have, since this was my third miscarriage. He replied, "Was it, really?" YES, ASSHOLE! That's why I've been harping on at every visit for the past two years about pregnancy and miscarriage and etc.! (I don't really think he's an asshole, but I'm very frustrated right now.)
So Sunday and Monday I spent just trying to recover. Then all of a sudden Monday night it occurred to me, "Oh holy shit I'm rh negative I need Rhogam!" You have to have it within 72 hours (of delivery or miscarriage or amnio or basically anything that has the potential of your blood mixing with baby's blood). So that meant it had to be Tuesday! I called my nurse Tuesday morning, and I was pretty peeved that they didn't catch this. They didn't catch it last year either. She started calling pharmacies. (Since the fertility center doesn't actually administer drugs, they don't stock any. Any drugs you need, including the fertility drugs, they prescribe, you order and buy and administer yourself. Although they did give me the Rhogam last year after I brought it up there.) Anyway, within a few hours she called me back to say that they didn't have it anywhere in town! The best she could do would be to order it for overnight delivery (but that would be too late). She suggested that I call my OB/GYN and explain what happened and try to get it there. Well, I can't remember when I've seen an OB/GYN, because I've been seeing Dr. V. at the fertility center instead! To the best of my memory, the last one I saw was the obnoxious twit I saw for a preconception visit who said to me, "If you're so worried about all this stuff (my age and my chronic health conditions), why do you even want to get pregnant?" I called and talked to her receptionist who said that yes, I was still an active patient. Great. I explained the situation and she said she would have to let me speak to a nurse. I got voicemail. The message specifically said, "If this is an urgent matter, do not leave a message. Press [whatever number]." That took me back to the receptionist (although a different one, who offered to transfer me right back to the same VM system! I explained that I needed to speak to someone urgently, and told her the whole story. So finally the nurse comes on the line, and after explaining the whole story to her, I'm told they can't help me because it's been so long since they've seen me. I told her that it has been a long time, but I'm still an active patient, according to the receptionist. She says OK but, "If I give you this shot, which I'm happy to do, I'm going to need WRITTEN PROOF that you need it." (What, like it's a party drug all of a sudden. "Ooh, let's pretend we're blood type O- and miscarrying so we can get an injection of human Rho(D) Immune Globulin! Yeah, man!" Anyway, I said fine, I carry a card in my wallet that says my blood type and the other times I've had this injection. She said, "No, that's not good enough, I need your doctor's records! Here's our fax number, but the easiest thing would be for you to go pick them up and bring them here. And I don't want to sound difficult, but if you aren't planning to come to us for your pregnancy care, I don't feel that good about giving you this shot." !!! Long story slightly shorter, I remembered the OB/GYN I saw last year and was able to get the shot there, and they were SO much nicer about it!
So right now we have this "fragile" situation (to use Dr. V's term), and once this is over, we're still not out of the woods. Even though singleton pregnancies are less risky than twins, apparently when it is twins that spontaneously reduce to a singleton, you still have a higher risk of low birth weight and preeclampsia. Probably not as high as with twins (I don't think), but higher than with a "regular" singleton. So I guess it will be a stressful, high-risk pregnancy the whole time. Which I kind of knew it would be, but now that it is ... I don't know. I guess I was holding onto some hope that it wouldn't be.
I'll have more blood drawn Monday (to check progesterone again), and another ultrasound. I have bitten all my fingernails off.
The bright spot in all this is that, at least for now, we have one little embryo, and it seems to be doing fine.
But will I ever get to the point where I feel "safe" enough to tell people that I'm pregnant? I mean, I know that, G-d willing, if I wait long enough I won't HAVE to tell them. LOL! But I was really looking forward to sharing it before then.
I've been putting this off for awhile now. Just resting and recuperating. Apparently, over the weekend I had a spontaneous twin reduction.
My first ultrasound was scheduled for Monday afternoon, but Saturday night I started bleeding very heavily and passing a HUGE clot and lots of little pieces of tissue. So I got in touch with my doctor via Medical Exchange, and he said to come in the next morning and he would work me in. It was a rough night. Of course I was a nervous wreck, and I also had a tremendous amount of pain! I really wasn't expecting a miscarriage at 7 weeks to feel like labor pains, but it kind of did! It was a big surprise to me, but then again I don't know why I thought I would know, since my other two miscarriages were very different. The first one was at 14 weeks, but I had a D&C. The second one was *technically* at 8 weeks, but the embryo never grew beyond implantation.
Anyway, by Sunday morning I only had light bleeding/heavy spotting, but I was still crampy. Like I said, I was a nervous wreck before the ultrasound, but I was also just really sad. I was certain that we'd get in there and see no heartbeat, and Dr. V. would start talking to me about a D&C. Instead, he pointed out the embryo, and he pointed out the very obvious little flutter -- the heartbeat! I have never felt so blessed in all my life! I instantly started crying, and I think I just sobbed through the rest of the exam. We got to hear the heartbeat, which was amazing. It's normal, at 142 beats per minute. The embryo measured 7 weeks 1 day (9mm), which is exactly how far along I was. So all that was great news. But then we started talking about the large sac right next to the pregnancy sac. It's filled with blood and also a big clot. That's why I'm still cramping. Don't know why I'm not still bleeding, but I asked if I should expect to pass the rest of this stuff and he said no, it will absorb. We hope. If the internal bleeding continues, then obviously the sac of blood will get larger and will be a threat to the pregnancy sac (and my remaining baby!). So he told me to increase my fluid intake, and decrease my (already restricted) activity level. I've been mostly in bed since then. It sucks and totally stresses me out!
I hope my endocrinologist is managing my thyroid adequately! I had it tested five days before the bleeding, and my TSH was 2.3. Which is normal, but not ideal for me. I have been seeing this doctor for YEARS, and have told him repeatedly that I only feel good when my TSH is between .5 and 1. He always says that's fine, then that's where we'll try to keep you. So when I had it tested, I called the office to say that I had gone to the lab and had an appointment on June 4, but since I'm pregnant I don't want to wait to find out if it's not normal. The nurse called me and said only that it was normal. I asked for the level, of course, and wasn't too happy with it, but I figured it's technically normal, and maybe they can't get it as low during pregnancy. But at my appointment yesterday the doctor said sure we can, and we should, and he raised my dose! So WHY did I have to wait a whole week for that?!?! I told him what happened over the weekend, and that I am EXCEPTIONALLY worried about holding onto the baby I still have, since this was my third miscarriage. He replied, "Was it, really?" YES, ASSHOLE! That's why I've been harping on at every visit for the past two years about pregnancy and miscarriage and etc.! (I don't really think he's an asshole, but I'm very frustrated right now.)
So Sunday and Monday I spent just trying to recover. Then all of a sudden Monday night it occurred to me, "Oh holy shit I'm rh negative I need Rhogam!" You have to have it within 72 hours (of delivery or miscarriage or amnio or basically anything that has the potential of your blood mixing with baby's blood). So that meant it had to be Tuesday! I called my nurse Tuesday morning, and I was pretty peeved that they didn't catch this. They didn't catch it last year either. She started calling pharmacies. (Since the fertility center doesn't actually administer drugs, they don't stock any. Any drugs you need, including the fertility drugs, they prescribe, you order and buy and administer yourself. Although they did give me the Rhogam last year after I brought it up there.) Anyway, within a few hours she called me back to say that they didn't have it anywhere in town! The best she could do would be to order it for overnight delivery (but that would be too late). She suggested that I call my OB/GYN and explain what happened and try to get it there. Well, I can't remember when I've seen an OB/GYN, because I've been seeing Dr. V. at the fertility center instead! To the best of my memory, the last one I saw was the obnoxious twit I saw for a preconception visit who said to me, "If you're so worried about all this stuff (my age and my chronic health conditions), why do you even want to get pregnant?" I called and talked to her receptionist who said that yes, I was still an active patient. Great. I explained the situation and she said she would have to let me speak to a nurse. I got voicemail. The message specifically said, "If this is an urgent matter, do not leave a message. Press [whatever number]." That took me back to the receptionist (although a different one, who offered to transfer me right back to the same VM system! I explained that I needed to speak to someone urgently, and told her the whole story. So finally the nurse comes on the line, and after explaining the whole story to her, I'm told they can't help me because it's been so long since they've seen me. I told her that it has been a long time, but I'm still an active patient, according to the receptionist. She says OK but, "If I give you this shot, which I'm happy to do, I'm going to need WRITTEN PROOF that you need it." (What, like it's a party drug all of a sudden. "Ooh, let's pretend we're blood type O- and miscarrying so we can get an injection of human Rho(D) Immune Globulin! Yeah, man!" Anyway, I said fine, I carry a card in my wallet that says my blood type and the other times I've had this injection. She said, "No, that's not good enough, I need your doctor's records! Here's our fax number, but the easiest thing would be for you to go pick them up and bring them here. And I don't want to sound difficult, but if you aren't planning to come to us for your pregnancy care, I don't feel that good about giving you this shot." !!! Long story slightly shorter, I remembered the OB/GYN I saw last year and was able to get the shot there, and they were SO much nicer about it!
So right now we have this "fragile" situation (to use Dr. V's term), and once this is over, we're still not out of the woods. Even though singleton pregnancies are less risky than twins, apparently when it is twins that spontaneously reduce to a singleton, you still have a higher risk of low birth weight and preeclampsia. Probably not as high as with twins (I don't think), but higher than with a "regular" singleton. So I guess it will be a stressful, high-risk pregnancy the whole time. Which I kind of knew it would be, but now that it is ... I don't know. I guess I was holding onto some hope that it wouldn't be.
I'll have more blood drawn Monday (to check progesterone again), and another ultrasound. I have bitten all my fingernails off.
The bright spot in all this is that, at least for now, we have one little embryo, and it seems to be doing fine.
But will I ever get to the point where I feel "safe" enough to tell people that I'm pregnant? I mean, I know that, G-d willing, if I wait long enough I won't HAVE to tell them. LOL! But I was really looking forward to sharing it before then.