(no subject)
its 8 in the morning, and my head is so full of thoughts it could burst. I didn't want to get out of bed this morning, much less wake up...for i knew this was ahead.
Death does that to us, it brings us to memories and random thoughts, at times not even of the one who left us...regrets, questions, confusion, laughter, and most of all....selfishness. I would say that death itself might be easier if it was completely understood. As of now, death to me is nothing more than letters jumbled together to form a mere attempt to put a face on the destroyer of life. This face nonetheless...,,it represents certainty.
I am viewing this loss with some degree of seperation, as it was of no relation and although it has stopped by before, I have not really felt the cold shadow this close in my own life yet....which scares me too. because certainty is just that. I LOVE Nonna all the same and will always remember the time we spent together, trying to figure out everything she said to me in italian...lol and the times she hugged and kissed me and made me feel at home, even when i wasn't.
Lately ive been writing in my handwritten journal alot, self exploring, and coming to terms and conclusions with many different things. in some way you could say that death is helping me today..., because as jumbled and full of thoughts as my head is..., i know these steps are inevitable. (even if i do want to scream and pound my head in)
listen closely,, it hurts.
Death does that to us, it brings us to memories and random thoughts, at times not even of the one who left us...regrets, questions, confusion, laughter, and most of all....selfishness. I would say that death itself might be easier if it was completely understood. As of now, death to me is nothing more than letters jumbled together to form a mere attempt to put a face on the destroyer of life. This face nonetheless...,,it represents certainty.
I am viewing this loss with some degree of seperation, as it was of no relation and although it has stopped by before, I have not really felt the cold shadow this close in my own life yet....which scares me too. because certainty is just that. I LOVE Nonna all the same and will always remember the time we spent together, trying to figure out everything she said to me in italian...lol and the times she hugged and kissed me and made me feel at home, even when i wasn't.
Lately ive been writing in my handwritten journal alot, self exploring, and coming to terms and conclusions with many different things. in some way you could say that death is helping me today..., because as jumbled and full of thoughts as my head is..., i know these steps are inevitable. (even if i do want to scream and pound my head in)
listen closely,, it hurts.