5095: Hellhounds Are Not Emo - Harry Potter and company
In my search for today’s entry I discovered Inception: Rise of the Heir by xpaintxtheskyx which covers the ten years Tom Riddle disappeared. While it is true that seeing Voldemort paired off with an OC sends off warning bells in my head. The writer did not sugar coat things in the first two chapters, and his relationship with the OC isn’t actually a main focus, so much so that it seems from what is noted in the reviews that Lyra doesn’t actually appear until chapter nineteen. Also, said story appears to be this writer’s first story, something they’ve been working on for two years now for a good fifty-one chapters and 225k+ in words, so not a story one should sit down to in one sitting.
Title: Hellhounds Are Not Emo!
Perpetrator: Can'tRememberMyName
Sue-O-Meter: Awful because most of the stuff is just info dumped on the writer and there isn’t really much plot development.
Cover/Banner Art: The title is in red on top with the “not” part imphasiszed, while ther are pictures of what looks like a jaguar and a dog, neither of which look how I’d picture a Hellhound.
Summary: “When Harry goes on vacation with the Dursleys to America, he will learn a skill that may be just what he needs to defeat Voldemort. Of course, because he's Harry Potter, it doesn't quite go as expected. Now, with an incessant, caring Death backing him, Harry doesn't think he will ever get a break. At least his dogfather will be proud that Harry takes after him. Animagus!Harry”
Full Name: Harry Potter, Alex
Sueworts House(s): From the summary alone, Harry is in Sparklypoo because he’s got that special Animagus which is a mythological creature just so that said character can be extra special, but we’ve also got complaints about Harry not being Emo in the title which means the writer and by extension is perhaps a bit over fixated regarding the whole Emo or not business so Bitchiwitch. Alex goes into Sparklypoo for being able to see magical auras.
Species: Yet another boring Harry Potter Stu where he’s getting his powers handed to him just because the Stuthor can do so. This one is sixteen chapters (one an author’s note) and over 60k already.
Hair: n/a
Eyes: n/a
Markings: n/a
Poessessions: n/a
Connection to Canon: Harry gets home and “was instructed to take out his normal clothes from his trunk and pack them in a hand-me-down suitcase the Dursleys had on hand.” Harry is of course wanting to sneak away from the family during the trip despite the fact common sense says he might end up stuck in America Harry then proceeds to be super Emo about the flight as he “iwas almost tempted to leap to the ground and kiss the tarmac while muttering sweet, sweet Earth,” which is something practically nobody would do. They go over the rules about how “Nothing freakish. Harry can’t have any fun or get in the way of the Dursleys having fun. Vernon and Dudley get twice the among of food than anyone else (Harry wondered if the myth that Americans overstuff their plates was true).” Except, the second rule was never really a stated rule, but something Petunia did to keep things calm in the house. There’s also the fact this is the summer Dudley goes on a diet as well because the Smelting Uniforms no longer fit him. Harry is left to go off and explore things and realizes he has no money to do anything. He still somehow ends up in a magical mall, because it’s an American thing. Someone goes to “shaman ceremonies” and thus can see the magic radiating off him. That would be Alex. It’s all about how America is about progress while Britain is about original magics. (You know, something’s got to be up if you’re having to call regular magic original magics, but it also feels strange when this person also talks about “shaman ceremonies” despite the fact that should qualify as original magics.) Of course, it’s not good either when the third chapter is called “Long-Winded Explanations” and how the person goes into how in America they blend the magics from different cultures, but, “eventually, it became common practice to test a child’s magic for natural tendencies, and each would have a speciality to teach.” Which is how Harry gets to get around the whole issue with Animagus being a struggle I guess, it’s his “speciality”. The writer also says America is progressive because it is willing to teach the “dark” magics. Given the reason a good chunk of dark magic is considered to be dark, no, this isn’t progressive. Harry’s almost in tears at learning he can become an Animagus illegally. (I honestly can’t believe the MACUSA is that lax in rules which protect wizards from physical harm, but he’s taking some random stranger’s word that it is legal.) As for chapter four, I attempted reading through the piece but found myself bothered by how much explaining the writer is doing, but according to the reviews I’m not the only one. I also learned from a review for chapter twelve that Harry randomly attends a “magical summer camp” with nobody stopping to ask where they came from and the writer of said review wanting the Dursley family to be reported for their neglect when in reality it is the magical adults who have issues given the fact they’re guilty of kidnapping some random magical tourist kid off the streets as soon as they see him.
Origin: For some reason the Dursley family is vacationing in America and taking Harry with him, but according to the summary we’ve likely got a Harry, Master of Death story on our hands along with him learning to be an Animagus. As for why the writer wrote this, “I haven’t yet to see anyone give Harry this animagus form (not that there hasn’t been, I haven’t actuallg gone looking). I will probably change the title soon, but right now this is the one my head is stuck on. This will start in the summar after third-year.” In other words Harry gets the idea of becoming an illegal Animagus from the fact Sirius and his father were. In the first chapter, we learn right away why the Dursley family are going to America. “Supposedly his Uncle Vernon was getting a month long, all-expense paid trip to go to the states as long as he went to promote Grunnings with some potential business partners. Vernon's boss knew about Harry, so he already paid for his expenditure, as well.” Sorry, but that is an all to convenient plot device that wouldn’t ever happen in a million years.
Special Abilities: Harry’s an Animagus. Which isn’t a big deal if it weren’t for the fact there is emphasis in the summary regarding the learning of said skill. Also, from the sounds of things Harry is going to turn into a Hellhound, so we have a writer breaking the rule about there being no mythical Animagus. We’re supposed to believe that Harry is able to become an illegal Animagus far quicker than Sirius and his father were just because. Of course, it’s not illegal in America and called a “spirtualasis” because, “we honor that the natives were the ones to perfect the change in this part of the world, and they called animagi spirit warriors.” So, basically appropriation of Native American culture by white people who obviously couldn’t be bothered to find out what the native people called becoming an Animagus and instead decided to come up with an English name using the English explanation of the concept. Making matters worse, I learned from a review from chapter ten, “i am a bit confused it seems like they should have learned their non magical forms first since not everyone has a magical form.”
Notes: I love how one of the readers for chapter three points out, “I don’t think it would really be possible for Europe to be so magically ignorant,” but they used the word “superior” for American magic. Which doesn’t sound right when effectively we’ve got someone brushing off the dangers of say becoming an Animagus and the dark arts because that supposedly makes them superior. No, that makes them an idiot. Someone in chapter five points out, “yeah those changes without implications again, there is no humane use for the killing curse” because the writer thinks “dark is cool” rather than “dark is deadly” like it is in canon. Actually, I’d argue one of the things that makes this story bad is the fact the Stuthor didn’t stop and think about how they were removing the limits Rowling originally placed on characters so that things wouldn’t come overly easy for those who use magic.
Sample:
"This restaurant is just what you're looking for. It acts as an actual restaurant in the front so the no-majes don't suspect anything, but the fun stuff's in the back."
No-maj?
She directed him into the building, ignoring his dilapidated appearance.
"Hey, Bernie!" she called to a server. "We've got a tourist!"
Then Harry was led past the wait area, where it seemed obvious you were supposed to wait for your table. They walked into the kitchen area, through it, and into another swinging door. When the girl let go of his hand, he was faced with a giant mall. It was at least four stories, several stores circling the middle area, which extended past all the floors. There was a railing where people could look down the center space all the way to the bottom. It seemed to Harry that they were on the first floor, one floor below them, but still. How did this get here? The restaurant he walked into was only one story, and definitely didn't go so far back. He walked to the edge of the railing, where he found that there were enough floors below them that he didn't want to count.
"Vertigo? If you need to see just the ground without all the levels, you could always just press one of those runes. Do you not have things like this in England?"
"Wh-where are we?"
"Smith's Magical Mall, the owner wasn't very original."
"M-magic?"
"Uh, yeah? You're magic, I know you are. Your magic is like a beacon. It's so wild. What? Were you expecting something different? Something more impressive after the ancient magical world Britain obviously must have? Sorry, but this area's more about progress. If you want original magics, you need to go to someplace like Alaska." It seemed she almost was working herself up to a tangent about…something.
"I-I don't understand. How did you know I was magical?"
"How could I not? Have you seriously never seen the magic radiating off of you? It must be the most wild I've ever seen, and I regularly go to shaman ceremonies."
Title: Hellhounds Are Not Emo!
Perpetrator: Can'tRememberMyName
Sue-O-Meter: Awful because most of the stuff is just info dumped on the writer and there isn’t really much plot development.
Cover/Banner Art: The title is in red on top with the “not” part imphasiszed, while ther are pictures of what looks like a jaguar and a dog, neither of which look how I’d picture a Hellhound.
Summary: “When Harry goes on vacation with the Dursleys to America, he will learn a skill that may be just what he needs to defeat Voldemort. Of course, because he's Harry Potter, it doesn't quite go as expected. Now, with an incessant, caring Death backing him, Harry doesn't think he will ever get a break. At least his dogfather will be proud that Harry takes after him. Animagus!Harry”
Full Name: Harry Potter, Alex
Sueworts House(s): From the summary alone, Harry is in Sparklypoo because he’s got that special Animagus which is a mythological creature just so that said character can be extra special, but we’ve also got complaints about Harry not being Emo in the title which means the writer and by extension is perhaps a bit over fixated regarding the whole Emo or not business so Bitchiwitch. Alex goes into Sparklypoo for being able to see magical auras.
Species: Yet another boring Harry Potter Stu where he’s getting his powers handed to him just because the Stuthor can do so. This one is sixteen chapters (one an author’s note) and over 60k already.
Hair: n/a
Eyes: n/a
Markings: n/a
Poessessions: n/a
Connection to Canon: Harry gets home and “was instructed to take out his normal clothes from his trunk and pack them in a hand-me-down suitcase the Dursleys had on hand.” Harry is of course wanting to sneak away from the family during the trip despite the fact common sense says he might end up stuck in America Harry then proceeds to be super Emo about the flight as he “iwas almost tempted to leap to the ground and kiss the tarmac while muttering sweet, sweet Earth,” which is something practically nobody would do. They go over the rules about how “Nothing freakish. Harry can’t have any fun or get in the way of the Dursleys having fun. Vernon and Dudley get twice the among of food than anyone else (Harry wondered if the myth that Americans overstuff their plates was true).” Except, the second rule was never really a stated rule, but something Petunia did to keep things calm in the house. There’s also the fact this is the summer Dudley goes on a diet as well because the Smelting Uniforms no longer fit him. Harry is left to go off and explore things and realizes he has no money to do anything. He still somehow ends up in a magical mall, because it’s an American thing. Someone goes to “shaman ceremonies” and thus can see the magic radiating off him. That would be Alex. It’s all about how America is about progress while Britain is about original magics. (You know, something’s got to be up if you’re having to call regular magic original magics, but it also feels strange when this person also talks about “shaman ceremonies” despite the fact that should qualify as original magics.) Of course, it’s not good either when the third chapter is called “Long-Winded Explanations” and how the person goes into how in America they blend the magics from different cultures, but, “eventually, it became common practice to test a child’s magic for natural tendencies, and each would have a speciality to teach.” Which is how Harry gets to get around the whole issue with Animagus being a struggle I guess, it’s his “speciality”. The writer also says America is progressive because it is willing to teach the “dark” magics. Given the reason a good chunk of dark magic is considered to be dark, no, this isn’t progressive. Harry’s almost in tears at learning he can become an Animagus illegally. (I honestly can’t believe the MACUSA is that lax in rules which protect wizards from physical harm, but he’s taking some random stranger’s word that it is legal.) As for chapter four, I attempted reading through the piece but found myself bothered by how much explaining the writer is doing, but according to the reviews I’m not the only one. I also learned from a review for chapter twelve that Harry randomly attends a “magical summer camp” with nobody stopping to ask where they came from and the writer of said review wanting the Dursley family to be reported for their neglect when in reality it is the magical adults who have issues given the fact they’re guilty of kidnapping some random magical tourist kid off the streets as soon as they see him.
Origin: For some reason the Dursley family is vacationing in America and taking Harry with him, but according to the summary we’ve likely got a Harry, Master of Death story on our hands along with him learning to be an Animagus. As for why the writer wrote this, “I haven’t yet to see anyone give Harry this animagus form (not that there hasn’t been, I haven’t actuallg gone looking). I will probably change the title soon, but right now this is the one my head is stuck on. This will start in the summar after third-year.” In other words Harry gets the idea of becoming an illegal Animagus from the fact Sirius and his father were. In the first chapter, we learn right away why the Dursley family are going to America. “Supposedly his Uncle Vernon was getting a month long, all-expense paid trip to go to the states as long as he went to promote Grunnings with some potential business partners. Vernon's boss knew about Harry, so he already paid for his expenditure, as well.” Sorry, but that is an all to convenient plot device that wouldn’t ever happen in a million years.
Special Abilities: Harry’s an Animagus. Which isn’t a big deal if it weren’t for the fact there is emphasis in the summary regarding the learning of said skill. Also, from the sounds of things Harry is going to turn into a Hellhound, so we have a writer breaking the rule about there being no mythical Animagus. We’re supposed to believe that Harry is able to become an illegal Animagus far quicker than Sirius and his father were just because. Of course, it’s not illegal in America and called a “spirtualasis” because, “we honor that the natives were the ones to perfect the change in this part of the world, and they called animagi spirit warriors.” So, basically appropriation of Native American culture by white people who obviously couldn’t be bothered to find out what the native people called becoming an Animagus and instead decided to come up with an English name using the English explanation of the concept. Making matters worse, I learned from a review from chapter ten, “i am a bit confused it seems like they should have learned their non magical forms first since not everyone has a magical form.”
Notes: I love how one of the readers for chapter three points out, “I don’t think it would really be possible for Europe to be so magically ignorant,” but they used the word “superior” for American magic. Which doesn’t sound right when effectively we’ve got someone brushing off the dangers of say becoming an Animagus and the dark arts because that supposedly makes them superior. No, that makes them an idiot. Someone in chapter five points out, “yeah those changes without implications again, there is no humane use for the killing curse” because the writer thinks “dark is cool” rather than “dark is deadly” like it is in canon. Actually, I’d argue one of the things that makes this story bad is the fact the Stuthor didn’t stop and think about how they were removing the limits Rowling originally placed on characters so that things wouldn’t come overly easy for those who use magic.
Sample:
"This restaurant is just what you're looking for. It acts as an actual restaurant in the front so the no-majes don't suspect anything, but the fun stuff's in the back."
No-maj?
She directed him into the building, ignoring his dilapidated appearance.
"Hey, Bernie!" she called to a server. "We've got a tourist!"
Then Harry was led past the wait area, where it seemed obvious you were supposed to wait for your table. They walked into the kitchen area, through it, and into another swinging door. When the girl let go of his hand, he was faced with a giant mall. It was at least four stories, several stores circling the middle area, which extended past all the floors. There was a railing where people could look down the center space all the way to the bottom. It seemed to Harry that they were on the first floor, one floor below them, but still. How did this get here? The restaurant he walked into was only one story, and definitely didn't go so far back. He walked to the edge of the railing, where he found that there were enough floors below them that he didn't want to count.
"Vertigo? If you need to see just the ground without all the levels, you could always just press one of those runes. Do you not have things like this in England?"
"Wh-where are we?"
"Smith's Magical Mall, the owner wasn't very original."
"M-magic?"
"Uh, yeah? You're magic, I know you are. Your magic is like a beacon. It's so wild. What? Were you expecting something different? Something more impressive after the ancient magical world Britain obviously must have? Sorry, but this area's more about progress. If you want original magics, you need to go to someplace like Alaska." It seemed she almost was working herself up to a tangent about…something.
"I-I don't understand. How did you know I was magical?"
"How could I not? Have you seriously never seen the magic radiating off of you? It must be the most wild I've ever seen, and I regularly go to shaman ceremonies."