(no subject)
Today’s definitely a doozy of an entry.
Title: Harmony
Perpetrator: Luna STorm13
Sue-O-Meter: If I were going on just the summary alone, Toxic, but there is also the chance it might just be an awful if the story ends up being majorly Sue-what-plot. Except, the opening chapter lived up to being the Toxic rating.
Cover/Banner Art: ???
Summary: “Fem!Harry story. After defeating Voldemort at the end of her fifth year Harry was forced into a marriage. Months later Harry flees her marriage, and ends up in small-town America, hoping to hide from the entire wizarding world. In an effort to become unnoticeable she joins a Glee Club. But will she truly be happy with her new life? And how long can she stay hidden?”
Full Name: Harmony Potter, Petunia Dursley, the Malfoy family, Dudley and Vernon
Sueworts House(s): Just from the summary alone, we’ve got her in Sparklypoo for being better than the original Harry and for being into singing all of a sudden, but she’s also in Bitchiwitch for having a sob story excuse to end up in America. Qunaonreip for a bunch of Hino, but that goes for Petunia as well. The Malfoy family are evil for the lulls, but this is beyond what they were in canon so both Bitchiwitch and Quanonreip for them. Up, that goes for the Dursley family entirely as well it turns out.
Species: We’re supposed to believe this is a female version of Harry.
Hair: n/a
Eyes: n/a
Markings: “Her arms were covered in bruises, and burns, and scars, and welts. It was almost as if there natural colour was a sickly shade of blue-green, rather than the porcelain it was meant to be.
Her wrists were worse though. So much worse. They were raw, and bloody, and yet other parts of her wrists were shiny with scar tissue.” I actually love how we don’t know if these are self-inflicted or the work of the Malfoy family. In fact, the only thing preventing me from saying it is Harmony self-harming - given a line noted by one of the reviewers for chapter nine - and the magical contract isn't actually real is George's description of him rescuing her back during her second year, yet it felt just as contrived as everything else, not to mention the fact what I did manage to read, six chapters worth, doesn't at all have a character acting like they'd suffered through major abuse at all.
Poessessions: There’s marriage contract that makes Harmony the property of Draco which George says is air tight, but they might be able to get out of based on the fact her relatives are Muggles and not the fact the magical contract was made without Harmony’s consent. Actually, I talked about how legal guardian consent is simply giving permissions to, but the very fact our fake Harry didn’t give legal consent means the contract is invalid because magical contracts should only be legal binding if she had.
Connection to Canon: As one of the reviewers for the first chapter puts things, “If she wanted to not be noticed, why would she join a Glee club?” It starts off with her telling George her brilliant plan, but we learn that she is stuck marrying Draco because apparently, “My legal guardians consent was all that was needed for me, despite my protests. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia were more than happy to get rid of me a year early in exchange for several thousand pounds. Especially if all they had to do was sign a contract marrying me to some other freak.” Actually, I do believe the writer is confusing legal guardian consent with the ability to force someone into marriage, when in reality it is simply the legal guardian giving permission to marry. Yes, there is a difference. George tells Harry that the marriage contract is air tight despite the fact there is no hiding the fact Harry, the hero (I mean heronine) of the magical community got forced into an arranged marriage and she tells George she needs to get out now because the Suethor thought running away from America was the most logical option rather than fighting what amounts to being an illegal, non-binding contract. After revealing the abuse which could actually be Harry self-harming, we get George remembering when they rescued her and we’ve also got the whole “Dursley’s are worse than they are in canon” route going on. Chapter two - she runs away to America and gets her class schedule. Then she’s introducing herself as Jessica Williams to the glee-clubs because, “if she registered under her proper name that would be like her sending red-flags up on her location.” Chapter four they talk about favorite songs, there is song lyrics in the chapter. More song lyrics in chapter five. More plot-what-plot in chapter six and I’ve got to stop. It’s just, well, awful.
Origin: The Suethor decided to skip all the work of developing a proper Female!Harry, decided to add a touch of sexism by having the hero forced into marriage against her will which in turn gives her a logical reason to run away from her adult problems because the adult world is literally screwed up in this world and then she ends up in an American fandom, to which before even getting into the story I’m guessing will have little to no connection to Harry Potter. We’re also supposed to believe the following regarding the marriage contract. “It's pretty firm. According to the contract I am officially married to Draco and can never divorce him, although he may choose to divorce me at any time. If he does choose to divorce me I remain his, my possessions are his possessions, my body his body, he will still control me I just will not have the benefits that come from a legal marriage. I will produce a minimum of one male heir for him, but will have as many children as he desires. All my possessions are now his, my political power is controlled by him, I cannot leave him, I cannot cheat on him. I am to obey Draco, and by extension his father while Lucius remains head of the family, in all things.”
Special Abilities: Apparently Female!Harry defeated Voldemort two years before Male!Harry just so she can conveniently attend the school all the Glee characters attend. She’s taking Latin as her language subject because, “after five years of studying at Hogwarts, whose spells were almost entirely latin, she had more than a passing familiarity with the language.” Actually, she should only have a passing familiarity with said language with what is actually taught. Then there’s the fact we’ve got convenient plot device after convenient plot device including the super unrealistic marriage contract that the Suethor honestly wants readers to believe would be legally binding.
Notes: I’ve not gotten past the summary and I already know the Plot Prop tag will apply to this story.
Then I went to add the profile link for the Perpetrator part of the entry, I discovered the writer noting that, “including what’s already been posted on this website I have 129 pages written in Word. The latter 30 or so are from when I first started writing the story so I’m probably going to change plot lines and writing as I feel I’ve gotten a better handle on my writing and plot-lines since them. I’m going to be adding more original content in that story and less scenes based exclusively on episodes (although those will still definitely be incorporated). Hopefully I’ll get more content up soon but we will see.)
Suethor, adding more content does NOT make the plot better, though I do have to note that formatting their stories around what happens in the canon material is good. Shouldn’t though, things be changing with the addition of Harmony Potter to the cast? Then there’s the fact the Suethor wants readers to believe that the marriage contract could actually be legally binding rather than there being laws in place which made said contract not air tight. Didn’t take me long to realize either that the second review for the first chapter was using definite sarcasm by pointing out making the Malfoy’s super evil is just as bad as making the Malfoy family super nice and making Granger and Weasley’s super bad. Same writer points out in chapter nine that the Harry saying “I can see how that would be overwhelming.” to someone saying “I can't take it anymore. I think my boyfriend might be looking at another girl. I think I'm going to kill myself!” doesn’t make sense when Harry’s suffered through so much more.
Sample:
She walked into the store trying to remain as inconspicuous as possible, without appearing obvious. Her hood was up, but not pulled over her face, she walked quietly and calmly through the crowds of the store. However when she reached the door to the back, she prayed no one noticed as she stealthily entered, sending out a silent thanks to the universe that the door had been unlocked.
She found George's office in the back, shut the door behind her and sat in the only visitor's chair in the room.
It was almost half an hour later that George finally entered his office. In that time Harry had not moved a muscle since she had sat down, even though she was so nervous that it felt like her insides were shaking. But the lessons she had received did not allow her to forget how to properly sit and wait.
"What are you doing in my office?" George demanded as soon as he spotted the slight figure sitting primly in front of his desk. George shut the door with a decidedly determined click. He was not in the mood to deal with inquisitive strangers today, especially sneaky inquisitive strangers that had broken in to his office.
"I was looking for some advice on a present but I did not want to face the crowds in the shop. I hope you don't mind." She replied in an even polite tone, but her body still did not move. George's angry strides carried him to his chair, disbelief evident in his face as he turned towards the newcomer.
"Harry?"
"Yes, George. Did you honestly believe a stranger would wait in your office for you?" He sat down on his chair with a thump.
"It almost seems more believable than you. You haven't spoken a word to me or to anyone in the family for seven months. We haven't seen you since the Battle and-" He cut himself off, unable to finish the sentence, to acknowledge the pain he carried with him every day. "And then we find out that you just up and married Malfoy, without a single by-your-leave. You didn't invite us to the wedding, or invite any of us over for tea afterwards, hell we had to find out via the Prophet! Reporters knew before we did! How dare you Harry! You were family and then you pull this crap." His voice grew oddly quiet and resigned near the end of his speech. She would have expected him to yell. Perhaps he had changed since she had last seen him. It wouldn't surprise her, she had changed, changed so much, so why shouldn't George.
"Really George. This conversation is quite unseemly. I didn't tell you because everything seemed to happen so quickly, it was so romantic, but I've been so caught up with settling in to my marriage that it hadn't occurred to me that it had been so long since I had talked to any of you. I am sorry for not inviting you to my wedding, but there simply wasn't enough room for everybody that we would have liked. But we preferred to keep our wedding a simple quiet affair, we didn't think it seemly to hold such a large celebration after the horrors of the battle."
"That's no excuse."
"George, honestly, you have such trouble focusing on the topic at hand, just like when you and your family picked me up to come to the Burrow summer before second year. You couldn't concentrate on the task at hand; too busy fussing over my lack of letters. I'd been busy then and I've been busy now. Can we please get back to my reason for coming here; I was hoping I could get you to invent something for me. I've got the idea all planned out, but I don't know enough on how to actually create it. It's a gift you see, and I would like it kept top-secret." Her eyes pleaded with his, hoping he would pick up her subtle hints, remember that summer that felt so long ago and yet so close, when he and his brothers had broken her out of her prison of a bedroom. His eyes were shrewd, speculative, she honestly couldn't be certain if he understood.
"Top-secret you say? Would you mind if I were to put up some privacy wards? I wouldn't want your present to be spoiled."
"Not at all, I'm rather proud of my idea, and I really do not want anyone else knowing before Lucius' birthday party." He nodded, and immediately raised several privacy wards, some his own design. She watched his wand work and muttered words carefully, feeling the magic wash over her. She inwardly smiled as she felt them snap into place.
Title: Harmony
Perpetrator: Luna STorm13
Sue-O-Meter: If I were going on just the summary alone, Toxic, but there is also the chance it might just be an awful if the story ends up being majorly Sue-what-plot. Except, the opening chapter lived up to being the Toxic rating.
Cover/Banner Art: ???
Summary: “Fem!Harry story. After defeating Voldemort at the end of her fifth year Harry was forced into a marriage. Months later Harry flees her marriage, and ends up in small-town America, hoping to hide from the entire wizarding world. In an effort to become unnoticeable she joins a Glee Club. But will she truly be happy with her new life? And how long can she stay hidden?”
Full Name: Harmony Potter, Petunia Dursley, the Malfoy family, Dudley and Vernon
Sueworts House(s): Just from the summary alone, we’ve got her in Sparklypoo for being better than the original Harry and for being into singing all of a sudden, but she’s also in Bitchiwitch for having a sob story excuse to end up in America. Qunaonreip for a bunch of Hino, but that goes for Petunia as well. The Malfoy family are evil for the lulls, but this is beyond what they were in canon so both Bitchiwitch and Quanonreip for them. Up, that goes for the Dursley family entirely as well it turns out.
Species: We’re supposed to believe this is a female version of Harry.
Hair: n/a
Eyes: n/a
Markings: “Her arms were covered in bruises, and burns, and scars, and welts. It was almost as if there natural colour was a sickly shade of blue-green, rather than the porcelain it was meant to be.
Her wrists were worse though. So much worse. They were raw, and bloody, and yet other parts of her wrists were shiny with scar tissue.” I actually love how we don’t know if these are self-inflicted or the work of the Malfoy family. In fact, the only thing preventing me from saying it is Harmony self-harming - given a line noted by one of the reviewers for chapter nine - and the magical contract isn't actually real is George's description of him rescuing her back during her second year, yet it felt just as contrived as everything else, not to mention the fact what I did manage to read, six chapters worth, doesn't at all have a character acting like they'd suffered through major abuse at all.
Poessessions: There’s marriage contract that makes Harmony the property of Draco which George says is air tight, but they might be able to get out of based on the fact her relatives are Muggles and not the fact the magical contract was made without Harmony’s consent. Actually, I talked about how legal guardian consent is simply giving permissions to, but the very fact our fake Harry didn’t give legal consent means the contract is invalid because magical contracts should only be legal binding if she had.
Connection to Canon: As one of the reviewers for the first chapter puts things, “If she wanted to not be noticed, why would she join a Glee club?” It starts off with her telling George her brilliant plan, but we learn that she is stuck marrying Draco because apparently, “My legal guardians consent was all that was needed for me, despite my protests. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia were more than happy to get rid of me a year early in exchange for several thousand pounds. Especially if all they had to do was sign a contract marrying me to some other freak.” Actually, I do believe the writer is confusing legal guardian consent with the ability to force someone into marriage, when in reality it is simply the legal guardian giving permission to marry. Yes, there is a difference. George tells Harry that the marriage contract is air tight despite the fact there is no hiding the fact Harry, the hero (I mean heronine) of the magical community got forced into an arranged marriage and she tells George she needs to get out now because the Suethor thought running away from America was the most logical option rather than fighting what amounts to being an illegal, non-binding contract. After revealing the abuse which could actually be Harry self-harming, we get George remembering when they rescued her and we’ve also got the whole “Dursley’s are worse than they are in canon” route going on. Chapter two - she runs away to America and gets her class schedule. Then she’s introducing herself as Jessica Williams to the glee-clubs because, “if she registered under her proper name that would be like her sending red-flags up on her location.” Chapter four they talk about favorite songs, there is song lyrics in the chapter. More song lyrics in chapter five. More plot-what-plot in chapter six and I’ve got to stop. It’s just, well, awful.
Origin: The Suethor decided to skip all the work of developing a proper Female!Harry, decided to add a touch of sexism by having the hero forced into marriage against her will which in turn gives her a logical reason to run away from her adult problems because the adult world is literally screwed up in this world and then she ends up in an American fandom, to which before even getting into the story I’m guessing will have little to no connection to Harry Potter. We’re also supposed to believe the following regarding the marriage contract. “It's pretty firm. According to the contract I am officially married to Draco and can never divorce him, although he may choose to divorce me at any time. If he does choose to divorce me I remain his, my possessions are his possessions, my body his body, he will still control me I just will not have the benefits that come from a legal marriage. I will produce a minimum of one male heir for him, but will have as many children as he desires. All my possessions are now his, my political power is controlled by him, I cannot leave him, I cannot cheat on him. I am to obey Draco, and by extension his father while Lucius remains head of the family, in all things.”
Special Abilities: Apparently Female!Harry defeated Voldemort two years before Male!Harry just so she can conveniently attend the school all the Glee characters attend. She’s taking Latin as her language subject because, “after five years of studying at Hogwarts, whose spells were almost entirely latin, she had more than a passing familiarity with the language.” Actually, she should only have a passing familiarity with said language with what is actually taught. Then there’s the fact we’ve got convenient plot device after convenient plot device including the super unrealistic marriage contract that the Suethor honestly wants readers to believe would be legally binding.
Notes: I’ve not gotten past the summary and I already know the Plot Prop tag will apply to this story.
Then I went to add the profile link for the Perpetrator part of the entry, I discovered the writer noting that, “including what’s already been posted on this website I have 129 pages written in Word. The latter 30 or so are from when I first started writing the story so I’m probably going to change plot lines and writing as I feel I’ve gotten a better handle on my writing and plot-lines since them. I’m going to be adding more original content in that story and less scenes based exclusively on episodes (although those will still definitely be incorporated). Hopefully I’ll get more content up soon but we will see.)
Suethor, adding more content does NOT make the plot better, though I do have to note that formatting their stories around what happens in the canon material is good. Shouldn’t though, things be changing with the addition of Harmony Potter to the cast? Then there’s the fact the Suethor wants readers to believe that the marriage contract could actually be legally binding rather than there being laws in place which made said contract not air tight. Didn’t take me long to realize either that the second review for the first chapter was using definite sarcasm by pointing out making the Malfoy’s super evil is just as bad as making the Malfoy family super nice and making Granger and Weasley’s super bad. Same writer points out in chapter nine that the Harry saying “I can see how that would be overwhelming.” to someone saying “I can't take it anymore. I think my boyfriend might be looking at another girl. I think I'm going to kill myself!” doesn’t make sense when Harry’s suffered through so much more.
Sample:
She walked into the store trying to remain as inconspicuous as possible, without appearing obvious. Her hood was up, but not pulled over her face, she walked quietly and calmly through the crowds of the store. However when she reached the door to the back, she prayed no one noticed as she stealthily entered, sending out a silent thanks to the universe that the door had been unlocked.
She found George's office in the back, shut the door behind her and sat in the only visitor's chair in the room.
It was almost half an hour later that George finally entered his office. In that time Harry had not moved a muscle since she had sat down, even though she was so nervous that it felt like her insides were shaking. But the lessons she had received did not allow her to forget how to properly sit and wait.
"What are you doing in my office?" George demanded as soon as he spotted the slight figure sitting primly in front of his desk. George shut the door with a decidedly determined click. He was not in the mood to deal with inquisitive strangers today, especially sneaky inquisitive strangers that had broken in to his office.
"I was looking for some advice on a present but I did not want to face the crowds in the shop. I hope you don't mind." She replied in an even polite tone, but her body still did not move. George's angry strides carried him to his chair, disbelief evident in his face as he turned towards the newcomer.
"Harry?"
"Yes, George. Did you honestly believe a stranger would wait in your office for you?" He sat down on his chair with a thump.
"It almost seems more believable than you. You haven't spoken a word to me or to anyone in the family for seven months. We haven't seen you since the Battle and-" He cut himself off, unable to finish the sentence, to acknowledge the pain he carried with him every day. "And then we find out that you just up and married Malfoy, without a single by-your-leave. You didn't invite us to the wedding, or invite any of us over for tea afterwards, hell we had to find out via the Prophet! Reporters knew before we did! How dare you Harry! You were family and then you pull this crap." His voice grew oddly quiet and resigned near the end of his speech. She would have expected him to yell. Perhaps he had changed since she had last seen him. It wouldn't surprise her, she had changed, changed so much, so why shouldn't George.
"Really George. This conversation is quite unseemly. I didn't tell you because everything seemed to happen so quickly, it was so romantic, but I've been so caught up with settling in to my marriage that it hadn't occurred to me that it had been so long since I had talked to any of you. I am sorry for not inviting you to my wedding, but there simply wasn't enough room for everybody that we would have liked. But we preferred to keep our wedding a simple quiet affair, we didn't think it seemly to hold such a large celebration after the horrors of the battle."
"That's no excuse."
"George, honestly, you have such trouble focusing on the topic at hand, just like when you and your family picked me up to come to the Burrow summer before second year. You couldn't concentrate on the task at hand; too busy fussing over my lack of letters. I'd been busy then and I've been busy now. Can we please get back to my reason for coming here; I was hoping I could get you to invent something for me. I've got the idea all planned out, but I don't know enough on how to actually create it. It's a gift you see, and I would like it kept top-secret." Her eyes pleaded with his, hoping he would pick up her subtle hints, remember that summer that felt so long ago and yet so close, when he and his brothers had broken her out of her prison of a bedroom. His eyes were shrewd, speculative, she honestly couldn't be certain if he understood.
"Top-secret you say? Would you mind if I were to put up some privacy wards? I wouldn't want your present to be spoiled."
"Not at all, I'm rather proud of my idea, and I really do not want anyone else knowing before Lucius' birthday party." He nodded, and immediately raised several privacy wards, some his own design. She watched his wand work and muttered words carefully, feeling the magic wash over her. She inwardly smiled as she felt them snap into place.