5086: Seven Years Too Late - See Entry
I suspect this is a rather young writer.
Title: Seven Years Too Late
Perpetrator: WoNDEr GrAy
Sue-O-Meter: Awful
Cover/Banner Art: None
Summary: “After the war, Harry disappears and Snape sees Harry in muggle London with Cancer after 7 years. He tries to find a cure with the help of his potions apprentice Draco. Rated K for mild swearing.”
Full Name: Draco Malfoy, Severus Snape, Harry Potter/Evans, Ginny, Ron, Hermione
Sueworts House(s): Draco goes into Sparklypoo due to his outright daftness. Severus Snape and Dumbledore go into Quanonreip for being randomly alive, Harry goes into Bitchiwitch for being a Woobie Stu and the rest go into this for being “Ron the Death Eater” trope/character bashing.
Species: Not the canon characters by a long shot.
Hair: n/a
Eyes: n/a
Markings: n/a
Poessessions: n/a
Connection to Canon: Harry beats Voldemort and randomly disappears. Draco in the meantime is acting like he’s suffered TBI as he’s calling Snape uncle because we’ve got the classic Snape is Draco’s godfather plot line, which I don’t mind when it’s done well, but this is just done for plot propping. He’s also into Hermione just because. Snape goes and desquises himself as a Muggle and arrives at a pharmacy store. Later Snape makes a comment about Granger rubbing off on him and then Draco is surprised that Potter is around. The writer has Draco “practically whine” at Snape bringing Harry home and he is chided for not acting twenty-two. (Shouldn’t he be only twenty if only two years have passed? Oh, wait, that was when Harry was finally declared dead, but then it’s supposed to be seven years after the war so the math is still messed up. Harry thinks he’s been kidnapped, which would be hilarious plot wise if the story wasn’t already so bad otherwise. At one point Potter stops breathing and Snape has to resuscitate him with magic. Harry’s going to die of cancer so he wanted to talk to Snape and he’s weirded out by Snape calling him just Harry which is to make amends which I don’t get how it’s supposed to do that. Then Ginny shows up and tries to shove a love potion down his throat. Dumbledore is also weirdly enough alive.
Origin: Harry runs from his troubles and Snape thinks him not wanting attention is out of character for Harry. Why he’s even alive isn’t even explained by this writer either. Snape of course can’t forget Lily. Ron’s a drug addict.
Special Abilities: “Harry had killed Voldemort with a reverse killing curse of his own creation”. If Harry didn’t need this in canon, then why did he need it in some kind of fanfic beyond the fact the writer decided the battle “was a gruesome battle between harry and Voldemort. They dueled until one of them fell. the way they dueled was scenic really to anybody who was watching them.” In this particular case, scenic is not a better choice than “breathtaking”, or “dramatic”, or “impressive”, or even “spectacular”. Snape is into desquising himself as a Muggle, but I think Muggle desquises should really be left for describing the wizards and witches who pull off blending in with Muggles poorly, don’t you think? I mean, I can’t imagine Snape, who grew up among Muggles would have that problem.
Notes: With how out of character Draco was from the get go, and by this I mean calling Severus “Uncle Sev” I decided to take a look at the writer’s profile. They’ve only been a member on the pit since July, so I suspect the Suethor today is quite young. They also have a 13 Reasons Why story for Harry Potter which I suspect is a knock off of the 13 Reasons Why plotline.
Also, I get being supportive of young writers. It still bothers me when readers tell young writers that their story is “beautiful and well written” when it definitely needs work. In this particular case a lot of it.
Sample:
'Draco don't add too much acotine the potion will turn into a deaging potion' said Snape in his deep silky voice.
'Okay Uncle Sev, I'll take care of it ' said Draco. Draco was Snape's godson and now currently working as Snape's apprentice. Lucius' death had affected Draco but he realized that people die in a war and there was nothing he could do about it and besides had he been alive he'd have been rotting Azkaban for his loyalty towards the dark lord , Things were better this way. Draco and Severus had been cleared of all charges for they had always been with the light side , They even gave their testament under the influence of veritaserum. All in all life was good for them.
'Are you going to visit Granger this afternoon?' asked Severus in a somewhat amused tone.
"yes, You know the Weasley boy was no good for her , always drinking like a mongrel . Honestly, such a burden to his family' said Draco. He and Hermoine were dating now and thinking of getting engaged. Snape looked at Draco with Pride in his eyes and said "You have come such a long way Draco, You truly have"
"you too Uncle Sev, You too" Draco said and grinned at Snape. "Oh listen Sev, When I'm out with Hermione, I want you to look for some muggle drugs. It's for a potion I'm working on. I have kept my list on the table" he said.
Snape looked thoughtful "Okay Draco I'll see to It, you may leave to visit Hermoine" he stressed. Draco blushed causing Snape to let out a chuckle.
Title: Seven Years Too Late
Perpetrator: WoNDEr GrAy
Sue-O-Meter: Awful
Cover/Banner Art: None
Summary: “After the war, Harry disappears and Snape sees Harry in muggle London with Cancer after 7 years. He tries to find a cure with the help of his potions apprentice Draco. Rated K for mild swearing.”
Full Name: Draco Malfoy, Severus Snape, Harry Potter/Evans, Ginny, Ron, Hermione
Sueworts House(s): Draco goes into Sparklypoo due to his outright daftness. Severus Snape and Dumbledore go into Quanonreip for being randomly alive, Harry goes into Bitchiwitch for being a Woobie Stu and the rest go into this for being “Ron the Death Eater” trope/character bashing.
Species: Not the canon characters by a long shot.
Hair: n/a
Eyes: n/a
Markings: n/a
Poessessions: n/a
Connection to Canon: Harry beats Voldemort and randomly disappears. Draco in the meantime is acting like he’s suffered TBI as he’s calling Snape uncle because we’ve got the classic Snape is Draco’s godfather plot line, which I don’t mind when it’s done well, but this is just done for plot propping. He’s also into Hermione just because. Snape goes and desquises himself as a Muggle and arrives at a pharmacy store. Later Snape makes a comment about Granger rubbing off on him and then Draco is surprised that Potter is around. The writer has Draco “practically whine” at Snape bringing Harry home and he is chided for not acting twenty-two. (Shouldn’t he be only twenty if only two years have passed? Oh, wait, that was when Harry was finally declared dead, but then it’s supposed to be seven years after the war so the math is still messed up. Harry thinks he’s been kidnapped, which would be hilarious plot wise if the story wasn’t already so bad otherwise. At one point Potter stops breathing and Snape has to resuscitate him with magic. Harry’s going to die of cancer so he wanted to talk to Snape and he’s weirded out by Snape calling him just Harry which is to make amends which I don’t get how it’s supposed to do that. Then Ginny shows up and tries to shove a love potion down his throat. Dumbledore is also weirdly enough alive.
Origin: Harry runs from his troubles and Snape thinks him not wanting attention is out of character for Harry. Why he’s even alive isn’t even explained by this writer either. Snape of course can’t forget Lily. Ron’s a drug addict.
Special Abilities: “Harry had killed Voldemort with a reverse killing curse of his own creation”. If Harry didn’t need this in canon, then why did he need it in some kind of fanfic beyond the fact the writer decided the battle “was a gruesome battle between harry and Voldemort. They dueled until one of them fell. the way they dueled was scenic really to anybody who was watching them.” In this particular case, scenic is not a better choice than “breathtaking”, or “dramatic”, or “impressive”, or even “spectacular”. Snape is into desquising himself as a Muggle, but I think Muggle desquises should really be left for describing the wizards and witches who pull off blending in with Muggles poorly, don’t you think? I mean, I can’t imagine Snape, who grew up among Muggles would have that problem.
Notes: With how out of character Draco was from the get go, and by this I mean calling Severus “Uncle Sev” I decided to take a look at the writer’s profile. They’ve only been a member on the pit since July, so I suspect the Suethor today is quite young. They also have a 13 Reasons Why story for Harry Potter which I suspect is a knock off of the 13 Reasons Why plotline.
Also, I get being supportive of young writers. It still bothers me when readers tell young writers that their story is “beautiful and well written” when it definitely needs work. In this particular case a lot of it.
Sample:
'Draco don't add too much acotine the potion will turn into a deaging potion' said Snape in his deep silky voice.
'Okay Uncle Sev, I'll take care of it ' said Draco. Draco was Snape's godson and now currently working as Snape's apprentice. Lucius' death had affected Draco but he realized that people die in a war and there was nothing he could do about it and besides had he been alive he'd have been rotting Azkaban for his loyalty towards the dark lord , Things were better this way. Draco and Severus had been cleared of all charges for they had always been with the light side , They even gave their testament under the influence of veritaserum. All in all life was good for them.
'Are you going to visit Granger this afternoon?' asked Severus in a somewhat amused tone.
"yes, You know the Weasley boy was no good for her , always drinking like a mongrel . Honestly, such a burden to his family' said Draco. He and Hermoine were dating now and thinking of getting engaged. Snape looked at Draco with Pride in his eyes and said "You have come such a long way Draco, You truly have"
"you too Uncle Sev, You too" Draco said and grinned at Snape. "Oh listen Sev, When I'm out with Hermione, I want you to look for some muggle drugs. It's for a potion I'm working on. I have kept my list on the table" he said.
Snape looked thoughtful "Okay Draco I'll see to It, you may leave to visit Hermoine" he stressed. Draco blushed causing Snape to let out a chuckle.