4441:
Title: The Necromancer's Notbook
Perpetrator: D.A Haven
Sue-O-Meter: Toxic
Cover/Banner Art: None
Summary: “Voldemort attacks not when Harry is a year old, but on the very day he and his twin sister are born. Lily survives to raise her only daughter, The-Girl-Who-Lived, but what ever happened to Harry, and why does no one even know he exists? The lines between light and dark are fading, as hidden allies and enemies alike work behind the scenes, forever changing the world of magic.”
Full Name: Dahlia Potter
Species: She’s Harry’s twin.
Hair: “Her messy, wavy black hair hung loose nearly to her waist, having never been truly cut in her life. Mum had wanted to cut it a few times, but each time she never did more than trim the ends, and whispering something about how similar it was to Daddy’s hair.
Eyes: “She was told her hazel eyes were from Daddy too.”
Markings: “A lone arm poked out of the swaddling cloth, noticeably thinner than a baby’s would normally be. The skin was nearly as pale as the man’s.”
Possessions: Sirius has an office.
Connection to Canon: Instead of showing up at their home Voldemort barges into St. Mungos to kill the girl. Voldemort refers to James as “Lord Potter”. For some reason he’s throwing stunners at him rather than just the Killing Curse. He also uses a silencing charm and threatens to take the children. (I know the writer said this would be different than your normal Girl Who Lived, but I’ve seen this one before.) Gone is Lily’s role, yet the spell still rebounds. Oh, and Voldemort took a bunch of Death Eaters with him despite the fact he didn’t feel the need to in the original. The second chapter opens up with Sirius openly grieving for James. He goes and stays in a crummy Muggle hotel, but this chapter is super brief. He has one of the babies with him. The third chapter opens up with the line of, “Dahlia Potter had always been told she was special.” Her mother is over protective. There is angst about not knowing who her daddy is, but Harry is out of the picture because Sirius took off with him. (This really doesn’t make sense.) When she wanted to go outside they ended up with a hole in the wall. (Yeah, and how is this not a Mary Sue particularly when the OC isn’t even yet eight. Lily is alive and raising Dahlia. Others come over and she gets to play with Neville but meet other characters. Lily claims she’s not had a good life which seems to be “outside of the Fidelius once”. What I don’t understand is why this is even a concern when Voldemort is dead as this wasn’t a concern in the regular canon material. I’m now not sure where Harry is. I go back and find out from author’s note that “We’re supposed to believe that “Voldemort intended to raise Harry to become a “proper Lord Potter”, to prevent a pureblood line from dying out, but grew frustrated and banished him away instead”. Lily wasn’t involved because she “had issues with her childbirth”. We’re also supposed to believe the only person who knows about Harry except the mysterious stranger who carried him away. Lucius is dead. What’s really bad though is I thought because of the second chapter that this was Sirius, only to feel by chapter three it isn’t, yet Sirius’ behavior of hiding Harry makes absolutely no sense at all. I’m struggling with getting past the third chapter, but I feel the writer is trying to be to mysterious. I’ve glanced at the later chapters, and they’re just as convoluted as the earlier chapters.
Origin: According to the writer, “this story isn’t going to be your normal “Wrong Boy/Girl Who Lived” story, in that our twin character isn’t actually the real Boy/Girl Who Lived.” We also find out that, according to the writer again that “This story also features a particularly dark, slytherin kind of Harry, and while he will be very, very powerful especially later on, there won't be any godmoding and I also won't just keep tacking on more and more abilities to our hero. He'll have a few that are admittedly a bit overpowered, but then again he's the protagonist soooo... We’re supposed to believe that “Voldemort intended to raise Harry to become a “proper Lord Potter”, to prevent a pureblood line from dying out, but grew frustrated and banished him away instead”
Special Abilities: Instead of the prophesy referring to a “he” it now refers to a “she” which instantly tells us that the Sue is taking over Harry’s role as Child-Who-Lived. She’s already getting special treatment in the fact Voldemort moves right when she’s born rather than waiting until they are a year old. Actually, Voldemort is in the first chapter OoC. The writer also makes mentions of magical cores. (Let me make it clear here that magical cores do not exist within the canon material and I really want writers to stop using this idea. The story is all over the place, but the mysterious person is Regulus which is an honest contradiction to the second chapter. Dahlia also comes across as the perfect little girl in chapter three, which is majorly annoying.
Notes: I didn’t plan this. What I mean by this are two entries in a row involving twins of Harry as well as the subject of Necromancy. On the positive side, this writer doesn’t condone character bashing and they don’t want to Godmode Harry. However, I can’t say the writer is completely aware of the many, many different problems in this story when the writer mistakenly refers to a character as Lord when they’re not once referred to as such in canon and only by other writers in fandom.
I discovered an author’s note on chapter five because of a review. There are comments such as, “Potter isn’t the only hero of this story, nor will he be the most powerful.” My thoughts were that there were more important things than thinking about how powerful the characters will be. The writer is also worried about who Harry is to be paired with, but already notes that there will be a ton of OCs and tells readers that if they aren’t sure who is who to ask. More specifically there are two other OCs to be added into this.
Sample:
A small room. Six of his minions were there, and four others, two of whom's magic signatures he knew all too well. James and Lily, and two new little lights.
Twins? He twirled the thought through his mind. He had not considered the possibility, but surely the prophecy would only apply to one. It did state his supposes vanquisher as female, and one of the signatures was clearly masculine.
Voldemort could have apparated, if he wished. The wards would have allowed him. But still he strolled casually, through room after room, revelling in the end of his enemies last hope.
When he finally reached the room with the Potters, most of the spellfire, and the screaming, had stopped within the hospital.
The door opened slowly, without Voldemort so much as raising a finger. There, inside the room, were his... enemies. James, Lily and two bundles of crying flesh.
James glared up at him, eyes not widening in horror or fear, but pure, unfiltered hatred. He opened his mouth to speak, but seemed to choke on his words.
Silencing charm. Most likely Lucius' work.
Both Potters were kneeling on the ground, the woman barely seeming to be alive. Her head leaned against her husband, and her breaths were shallow. The couple's wands lay shattered on the ground in front of them and the six masked Death Eaters had wands fixed unwavering on the already incapacitated family.
Silence descended on the room, unnatural and unnerving.
"We meet again, Potter" Voldemort's tone was both amused and polite, while still holding a venomous edge.
"I believe I like you much more under these circumstances".
The Dark Lord's joy poured out in every word, still holding the Potter patriarch's glare.
Three times, the man had escaped Voldemort before. Each by the skin of his teeth, but thrice nonetheless. The loathing Voldemort had for the man was surpassed only by his hatred for Dumbledore, and possibly the mad old Auror who had dealt him so many losses in the war.
Suddenly, an idea almost too perfect came to Voldemort's mind. It wouldn't be enough for James to simply die.
No, James would pay much more than that.
The cold grin on Voldemort's lips grew into something far beyond terrifying.
Perpetrator: D.A Haven
Sue-O-Meter: Toxic
Cover/Banner Art: None
Summary: “Voldemort attacks not when Harry is a year old, but on the very day he and his twin sister are born. Lily survives to raise her only daughter, The-Girl-Who-Lived, but what ever happened to Harry, and why does no one even know he exists? The lines between light and dark are fading, as hidden allies and enemies alike work behind the scenes, forever changing the world of magic.”
Full Name: Dahlia Potter
Species: She’s Harry’s twin.
Hair: “Her messy, wavy black hair hung loose nearly to her waist, having never been truly cut in her life. Mum had wanted to cut it a few times, but each time she never did more than trim the ends, and whispering something about how similar it was to Daddy’s hair.
Eyes: “She was told her hazel eyes were from Daddy too.”
Markings: “A lone arm poked out of the swaddling cloth, noticeably thinner than a baby’s would normally be. The skin was nearly as pale as the man’s.”
Possessions: Sirius has an office.
Connection to Canon: Instead of showing up at their home Voldemort barges into St. Mungos to kill the girl. Voldemort refers to James as “Lord Potter”. For some reason he’s throwing stunners at him rather than just the Killing Curse. He also uses a silencing charm and threatens to take the children. (I know the writer said this would be different than your normal Girl Who Lived, but I’ve seen this one before.) Gone is Lily’s role, yet the spell still rebounds. Oh, and Voldemort took a bunch of Death Eaters with him despite the fact he didn’t feel the need to in the original. The second chapter opens up with Sirius openly grieving for James. He goes and stays in a crummy Muggle hotel, but this chapter is super brief. He has one of the babies with him. The third chapter opens up with the line of, “Dahlia Potter had always been told she was special.” Her mother is over protective. There is angst about not knowing who her daddy is, but Harry is out of the picture because Sirius took off with him. (This really doesn’t make sense.) When she wanted to go outside they ended up with a hole in the wall. (Yeah, and how is this not a Mary Sue particularly when the OC isn’t even yet eight. Lily is alive and raising Dahlia. Others come over and she gets to play with Neville but meet other characters. Lily claims she’s not had a good life which seems to be “outside of the Fidelius once”. What I don’t understand is why this is even a concern when Voldemort is dead as this wasn’t a concern in the regular canon material. I’m now not sure where Harry is. I go back and find out from author’s note that “We’re supposed to believe that “Voldemort intended to raise Harry to become a “proper Lord Potter”, to prevent a pureblood line from dying out, but grew frustrated and banished him away instead”. Lily wasn’t involved because she “had issues with her childbirth”. We’re also supposed to believe the only person who knows about Harry except the mysterious stranger who carried him away. Lucius is dead. What’s really bad though is I thought because of the second chapter that this was Sirius, only to feel by chapter three it isn’t, yet Sirius’ behavior of hiding Harry makes absolutely no sense at all. I’m struggling with getting past the third chapter, but I feel the writer is trying to be to mysterious. I’ve glanced at the later chapters, and they’re just as convoluted as the earlier chapters.
Origin: According to the writer, “this story isn’t going to be your normal “Wrong Boy/Girl Who Lived” story, in that our twin character isn’t actually the real Boy/Girl Who Lived.” We also find out that, according to the writer again that “This story also features a particularly dark, slytherin kind of Harry, and while he will be very, very powerful especially later on, there won't be any godmoding and I also won't just keep tacking on more and more abilities to our hero. He'll have a few that are admittedly a bit overpowered, but then again he's the protagonist soooo... We’re supposed to believe that “Voldemort intended to raise Harry to become a “proper Lord Potter”, to prevent a pureblood line from dying out, but grew frustrated and banished him away instead”
Special Abilities: Instead of the prophesy referring to a “he” it now refers to a “she” which instantly tells us that the Sue is taking over Harry’s role as Child-Who-Lived. She’s already getting special treatment in the fact Voldemort moves right when she’s born rather than waiting until they are a year old. Actually, Voldemort is in the first chapter OoC. The writer also makes mentions of magical cores. (Let me make it clear here that magical cores do not exist within the canon material and I really want writers to stop using this idea. The story is all over the place, but the mysterious person is Regulus which is an honest contradiction to the second chapter. Dahlia also comes across as the perfect little girl in chapter three, which is majorly annoying.
Notes: I didn’t plan this. What I mean by this are two entries in a row involving twins of Harry as well as the subject of Necromancy. On the positive side, this writer doesn’t condone character bashing and they don’t want to Godmode Harry. However, I can’t say the writer is completely aware of the many, many different problems in this story when the writer mistakenly refers to a character as Lord when they’re not once referred to as such in canon and only by other writers in fandom.
I discovered an author’s note on chapter five because of a review. There are comments such as, “Potter isn’t the only hero of this story, nor will he be the most powerful.” My thoughts were that there were more important things than thinking about how powerful the characters will be. The writer is also worried about who Harry is to be paired with, but already notes that there will be a ton of OCs and tells readers that if they aren’t sure who is who to ask. More specifically there are two other OCs to be added into this.
Sample:
A small room. Six of his minions were there, and four others, two of whom's magic signatures he knew all too well. James and Lily, and two new little lights.
Twins? He twirled the thought through his mind. He had not considered the possibility, but surely the prophecy would only apply to one. It did state his supposes vanquisher as female, and one of the signatures was clearly masculine.
Voldemort could have apparated, if he wished. The wards would have allowed him. But still he strolled casually, through room after room, revelling in the end of his enemies last hope.
When he finally reached the room with the Potters, most of the spellfire, and the screaming, had stopped within the hospital.
The door opened slowly, without Voldemort so much as raising a finger. There, inside the room, were his... enemies. James, Lily and two bundles of crying flesh.
James glared up at him, eyes not widening in horror or fear, but pure, unfiltered hatred. He opened his mouth to speak, but seemed to choke on his words.
Silencing charm. Most likely Lucius' work.
Both Potters were kneeling on the ground, the woman barely seeming to be alive. Her head leaned against her husband, and her breaths were shallow. The couple's wands lay shattered on the ground in front of them and the six masked Death Eaters had wands fixed unwavering on the already incapacitated family.
Silence descended on the room, unnatural and unnerving.
"We meet again, Potter" Voldemort's tone was both amused and polite, while still holding a venomous edge.
"I believe I like you much more under these circumstances".
The Dark Lord's joy poured out in every word, still holding the Potter patriarch's glare.
Three times, the man had escaped Voldemort before. Each by the skin of his teeth, but thrice nonetheless. The loathing Voldemort had for the man was surpassed only by his hatred for Dumbledore, and possibly the mad old Auror who had dealt him so many losses in the war.
Suddenly, an idea almost too perfect came to Voldemort's mind. It wouldn't be enough for James to simply die.
No, James would pay much more than that.
The cold grin on Voldemort's lips grew into something far beyond terrifying.