4435: Fading Innocence: Malfoy's Little Sister - Elli Malfoy
Title: Fading Innocence: Malfoy's Little Sister
Perpetrator: Riddled Heart
Sue-O-Meter: Awful
Cover/Banner Art: I’m not sure.
Summary: “MALFOY'S LITTLE SISTER? SUMMERY: Introducing Elli. DRACO MALFOY'S YOUNGER SISTER. Nobody knew Draco had a sister until..! More in the chapters.”
Full Name: Elli Malfoy
Species: I’m not sure what to label this one.
Hair: “Her pale hair slightly golden and fell straight down her shoulders.”
Eyes: “Her eyes were striking blue blazed with grey.”
Markings: “She was small, even for a first year. Her skin was the palest, almost like luculent alabaster, under the gleam of candle-lights.” Also, “there was a touch of delicacy in the air around her,” and “sitting there so still, she almost passed for a porcelain doll.
Possessions: See the “Connection to Canon” part.
Connection to Canon: We’re introduced to Elli and find out she is super sheltered and never sad because she was already told the outside world was a bad place and she was kept inside because she was special and now she is safe. However, how can she not ever be sad when she also admits Draco is mean to her. She tries pretending to be ambivalent to everything, only for us to find out animals love her. She’s supposed to be super sweet and Draco the problem because he lunges at her like an animal yet later on it doesn’t seem one-sided. Then she gets to go to school. (This is just the first chapter.) Chapter two which the writer psent far less time on involves describing “her expensive school robes, the ornate green hairband easily distinct from her eyes.” She ends up in Slytherin. We then switch to her POV of the sorting and get a rather painful POV but eventually find out the Sue likes to read. (Yet we don’t know why Draco hates her so much.) We then get her roommates “Mariann, Emilia and Abriella.” The story for the next three chapters has nothing exciting happen or any direction.
Origin: I found this on the writer’s profile. “My first story was terrible, so was the second and third.. and more terrible stories followed by until I came to a halt with this new one.”
Special Abilities: She’s just there. We’re supposed to believe Draco hates her, but this doesn’t make sense with some of the later chapters. She’s also to nice except for when she’s fighting with her brother in a fight he started.
Notes: Here is a tip for the writer if they’re reading this. I get the fact you “love the world of fiction where the ideas are boundless”, but there actually are boundaries to ideas even in fiction. The first line in the third chapter is also “in the lambent luminance of thousands and thousands candles flying high in the air, miraculously decorated for the start of term feast; the great hall looked spectacular.” Anybody else bothered by that sentence?
Sample:
For as long as I could remember, I had never been in the outside world. I had never left my imperial home, never been at the front driveway, and I could hardly imagine what there might be, at the end of the endless road that curved along the tall hedges, beyond those wrought iron gates…
I had met a very limited number of people in my eleven years of life, and I was never allowed to speak in front of most of them, to get to know them, or even show myself in their presence. I was not allowed to ask questions, because my inquisitive self was quite bothersome, and I tended to become more bothersome, but I'd subdued my evil urges.
It might sound sad. But I was never sad. I liked the closed gates. I liked the empty hallways and darkened rooms. Because I knew here I'd always be safe.
I wasn't curious about the world. Because I did not know the world very well. I had been told that the world was a bad place. There were people who'd like to harm me if they knew about me. As I was different. I was special. And they might not understand me.
Perpetrator: Riddled Heart
Sue-O-Meter: Awful
Cover/Banner Art: I’m not sure.
Summary: “MALFOY'S LITTLE SISTER? SUMMERY: Introducing Elli. DRACO MALFOY'S YOUNGER SISTER. Nobody knew Draco had a sister until..! More in the chapters.”
Full Name: Elli Malfoy
Species: I’m not sure what to label this one.
Hair: “Her pale hair slightly golden and fell straight down her shoulders.”
Eyes: “Her eyes were striking blue blazed with grey.”
Markings: “She was small, even for a first year. Her skin was the palest, almost like luculent alabaster, under the gleam of candle-lights.” Also, “there was a touch of delicacy in the air around her,” and “sitting there so still, she almost passed for a porcelain doll.
Possessions: See the “Connection to Canon” part.
Connection to Canon: We’re introduced to Elli and find out she is super sheltered and never sad because she was already told the outside world was a bad place and she was kept inside because she was special and now she is safe. However, how can she not ever be sad when she also admits Draco is mean to her. She tries pretending to be ambivalent to everything, only for us to find out animals love her. She’s supposed to be super sweet and Draco the problem because he lunges at her like an animal yet later on it doesn’t seem one-sided. Then she gets to go to school. (This is just the first chapter.) Chapter two which the writer psent far less time on involves describing “her expensive school robes, the ornate green hairband easily distinct from her eyes.” She ends up in Slytherin. We then switch to her POV of the sorting and get a rather painful POV but eventually find out the Sue likes to read. (Yet we don’t know why Draco hates her so much.) We then get her roommates “Mariann, Emilia and Abriella.” The story for the next three chapters has nothing exciting happen or any direction.
Origin: I found this on the writer’s profile. “My first story was terrible, so was the second and third.. and more terrible stories followed by until I came to a halt with this new one.”
Special Abilities: She’s just there. We’re supposed to believe Draco hates her, but this doesn’t make sense with some of the later chapters. She’s also to nice except for when she’s fighting with her brother in a fight he started.
Notes: Here is a tip for the writer if they’re reading this. I get the fact you “love the world of fiction where the ideas are boundless”, but there actually are boundaries to ideas even in fiction. The first line in the third chapter is also “in the lambent luminance of thousands and thousands candles flying high in the air, miraculously decorated for the start of term feast; the great hall looked spectacular.” Anybody else bothered by that sentence?
Sample:
For as long as I could remember, I had never been in the outside world. I had never left my imperial home, never been at the front driveway, and I could hardly imagine what there might be, at the end of the endless road that curved along the tall hedges, beyond those wrought iron gates…
I had met a very limited number of people in my eleven years of life, and I was never allowed to speak in front of most of them, to get to know them, or even show myself in their presence. I was not allowed to ask questions, because my inquisitive self was quite bothersome, and I tended to become more bothersome, but I'd subdued my evil urges.
It might sound sad. But I was never sad. I liked the closed gates. I liked the empty hallways and darkened rooms. Because I knew here I'd always be safe.
I wasn't curious about the world. Because I did not know the world very well. I had been told that the world was a bad place. There were people who'd like to harm me if they knew about me. As I was different. I was special. And they might not understand me.