4227: Black and White - Andrew Raymond George/Potter and Harry Potter
Title: Black and White
Perpetrator: Zakumi122
Sue-O-Meter: Toxic
Cover/Banner Art: Their avatar are a pair of Anime characters, yet I am not sure which characters they are as the picture is a bit dark. I thought one was Soifon from Bleach, yet I’m not sure of who the second would be.
Summary: “Harry had grown up knowing Andrew is his brother, no matter what people kept saying. One day they find out they're wizards and not only that but they're both famous. Only one problem the wizarding world expect two White heros to rise. How will they react to a Black hero? rated T for discrimination and language. Harry/Tonks, Hermione/OC v.s Ron. BOOK 3 NOW UP!”
Full Name: Andrew Raymond George/Potter and Harry Potter, by extention
Species: His father is Ray George who is described as “an average height man who looked too young for his age. He had broad shoulders, dark skin, and a small amount of facial hair. He also had dread locks which hung down to his shoulders, but what made James appeal to the man all the more was the fact that they had been paired up in their Auror trainee year and hit it off instantly. The fact Remus, Sirius and Peter also found him to be acceptable was a plus in James’ book.” His mother is Lisa George, who “was a short Indian woman who had run away from her home land with Ray after they had hit it off, but her family had denied them being together which led to her making her escape. She was born from a wizarding family but couldn’t perform any herself. That had made her enough of an outcast with her own family but Ray had promised her another life where no prejudice. She had large brown eyes, a hart shaped face, and long black hair which just added mystery to her. She had been with Ray a near four years and they had only gotten married the previous year. Her English had greatly improved yet still held her strong accent.”
Hair: Andrew has “long black dreadlocks”.
Eyes: Andrews eyes are “bright hazel”.
Markings: They look like their fathers by Hagrid, so… that description I noted is important. I like what one of the reviewers says for chapter three. “The problem I have with this chapter is that if they are so well known, then surely people would know who Andrew’s biological parents are, and wouldn’t be surprised by the color of his skin.” Perhaps if the writer wasn’t lifting so generously from the original work - which is where the “everybody knows them” bit comes from, this wouldn’t be an issue.
Possessions: Wands now have gemstones in addition to their regular substance, but an hour passes. Harry’s is now “10 and a half inches, White Ash wood, Emerald focused spell power and a feather from the legenary golden flamed phoenix.” Andrews is a “Black Ash wood, 13 inches, diamond focused spell power and a single silver flamed phoenix feather core.
Connection to Canon: Lily and James announce they are going to have a kid. It is a very mushy event. That is when their neighbors - I’m assuming they’re neighbors - show up and announce Lisa is also pregnant. There is thus more fluff. One year and three months later Harry and Andrew are the best of friends, but already talking. They are about to say goodbye on their playdate when someone bursts in and the George’s send Andrew through the floo him back to the Potters for safety with an all to convenient note. We then get an attempt of Vernon to physically hit Harry and Andrew starts attacking Vernon and Dudley, so he ends up the “abused” one. (Yet another story which over exaggerates the abuse, but then has a child who over reacts to the smallest thing getting super abused. What I mean by this is, if you had a child constantly attempting to attack you and hurt you chances are said child is going to get hurt in the process. Sure, people are likely to call social services saying the parents abused the child, and there will be an investigation - which there wasn’t in this case, making this even more problematic. However, there are unfortunately children with that bad of behavior issues. So, instead of the writer making the Dursley family look super bad, I felt like the “black” kid got stereotyped with one of those negative stereotypes associated with black kids, such as “juvenile delinquent”. I’m not even sure the writer realizes that’s in there.) They get their wands in the third chapter, and that’s where I’m going to stop my write up. I’ve never been impressed with writers who are simply writing a cooler version of the original. Adding a character, changing the rules, that does not make your story unique.
Origin: I found the following on the writer’s profile. “The name’s Ray! I’m 20 years old this year! Born and Raised in South Africa, my native language is Xhosa (the click language) but I’m very fluent in English.” I wish to note that the writer’s profile was last updated on September 28, 2014. As such, we can only subtract about a year from that age and when the story was published rather than about five. However, perhaps one can explain this one as the writer still being new to the whole fanfic thing, as this is only their second story published. No telling where they went with later stories. Then, later in the first chapter Lily and James died and the boys are stuck with the Dursley family. We then get the same old plot line. The brothers are stuck sharing the closet, plus a good chunk of the original plot. (Majorly disappointing.) It’s like this until the flashback where we learn the amazing grades of the characters.
Special Abilities: He’s the black Harry Potter. Lily and Lisa are two months pregnant, so subtract eight months from the year, that leaves us with four months, plus the three months. That means the boys are seven months old. Between the ages of six to nine months, a child is at the “babbles and imitates sounds” and “begins to say ‘dada’ or ‘mama’” stage, not the “say 3-5 words” and do “non verbal gestures, waves” one expects at ten to twelve months. Apparently the writer also forgot, “when traveling by Floo powder it is important that you speak clearly, take care to get out at the right grate, keep your elbows tucked in, shut your eyes, don’t fidget and don’t panic”. Here are Dudley, Harry and Andrews grades. (For some reason their middle names are included on their report cards. Dudley got F in both Mathematics and Social Studies, D in History and Biology, a C- in English, and a C in Physical Education. Harry got C in Physical education, A in Social Studies and Biology, A- in History, A+ in Mathematics and English. Andrew got B+ in Math, A- in History and Social Studies, A in English and A+ in Physical Education and Biology. (Does anybody else notice the issue of Biology being tacked in instead of Science for the primary years, or the fact History is actually one of the Social Sciences which is another name for Social Studies?) Vernon is also raciest against Andrew. In regards to his wand, Olivander says, “what we have here is a case of very rare magic, very rare magic indeed. It was supposedly believed in that in the late 18 hundreds, two wizards who shared a bonded magical core that surpassed the average magical core of a normal wizard or witch they could have compatibility with the other persons wand, but only with that person. As we wand lords are taught the wand chooses the wizard, but in this case you two are so closely and powerfully bonded that the wands recognise you both as their masters. Are you following me so far?” “So you two would be able to use each-others wand with no hassle what so ever. Let us see shall we. I see, Master Andrew, that you are eyeing the black wand, so we shall start with it, Black Ash wood, 13 inches, diamond focused spell power and a single silver flamed phoenix feather core. A very powerful wand indeed, treat it well, Andrew.”
Notes: The summary honestly drew me in. The writer is correct in saying, “not your typical; Andrew is the boy who lived instead of Harry bull. No.” The main issue is how everything is executed.
Also, one of the reviewers made a very important comment on chapter two. “I like this story and this comment may just be too irl for this, but racism isn’t very prominent in the 90s in the uk. If it was the 70s sure due to one act in 76 but England is known for its lack of racism.” I say sort of. On one side, I don’t think you can compare race issues in America to those in the UK and expect them to be the same. On the other hand, we’re talking about the Dursley family.
Sample:
Lisa finished her letter and looked at the sleeping form of her son in her arms, and whispered something in his ear before looking back at the door which was about one more blow away from being blown apart. Ray came rushing back into the room and carefully but quickly wrapping Andrew up in a blanket before placing him in the fire place, Lisa put the note on top of his person before grabbing a handful of floo powder. Just before they tossed the powder in the fire, the door blew open and their stood their enemy and their traitor.
"You!" Ray screamed at him.
Lisa was only temporarily stunned before she threw the powder into the flames and watched their son disappear in a blinding green light.
"You shouldn't have done that, squib." The person sneered.
"Oi don't call my wife a squib, you bastard!" Ray said sending a cutting curse at the person only to have it blocked away.
"Oh this shall be fun." The person said with an evil grin as they proceeded to enter the house only to be followed by four more Death Eaters.
Knowing a losing battle when he sees one Ray turned to Lisa and told her to move and go to the floo, his heart however froze in place as he felt her hand enter his and her giving him a teary smile. Looking to the group he saw how the mindless dogs were checking out his wife as they slowly advanced on them, whispering a few words to his wife, she smiled and nodded her head and gave her a small kiss before looking at her, his vision slightly blurry by all the tears that were currently in his eyes. Raising his wand and pointing it at his wife he muttered a small "I love you." To which she replied, "I love you too, honey, and don't worry I'll be waiting for you on the other side."
Seeing the Death Eater's getting closer, Ray stole one last glance at his wife before muttering the words he dreaded. "Avada Kedavra…" With another green flash he caught his wife's now limp body in his hands, and looked at her lifeless eyes, his body shook from the sobs he emitted, reaching out he brushed a few stray hairs from her face and closed her eyes. He laid his wife's body on the ground and kissed her forehead as he turned to face the Death Eaters who looked absolutely gobsmacked.
Using this to his advantage, Ray sent out a barrage of very lethal curses, he managed to hit two of the men with an internal organ rotting curse. But he had forgotten about one of the other men as he took on the two he had his attention on. Before he knew it he heard the curse he had just used on his wife as he felt a slight stinging in his back before he collapsed on the; dead.
Perpetrator: Zakumi122
Sue-O-Meter: Toxic
Cover/Banner Art: Their avatar are a pair of Anime characters, yet I am not sure which characters they are as the picture is a bit dark. I thought one was Soifon from Bleach, yet I’m not sure of who the second would be.
Summary: “Harry had grown up knowing Andrew is his brother, no matter what people kept saying. One day they find out they're wizards and not only that but they're both famous. Only one problem the wizarding world expect two White heros to rise. How will they react to a Black hero? rated T for discrimination and language. Harry/Tonks, Hermione/OC v.s Ron. BOOK 3 NOW UP!”
Full Name: Andrew Raymond George/Potter and Harry Potter, by extention
Species: His father is Ray George who is described as “an average height man who looked too young for his age. He had broad shoulders, dark skin, and a small amount of facial hair. He also had dread locks which hung down to his shoulders, but what made James appeal to the man all the more was the fact that they had been paired up in their Auror trainee year and hit it off instantly. The fact Remus, Sirius and Peter also found him to be acceptable was a plus in James’ book.” His mother is Lisa George, who “was a short Indian woman who had run away from her home land with Ray after they had hit it off, but her family had denied them being together which led to her making her escape. She was born from a wizarding family but couldn’t perform any herself. That had made her enough of an outcast with her own family but Ray had promised her another life where no prejudice. She had large brown eyes, a hart shaped face, and long black hair which just added mystery to her. She had been with Ray a near four years and they had only gotten married the previous year. Her English had greatly improved yet still held her strong accent.”
Hair: Andrew has “long black dreadlocks”.
Eyes: Andrews eyes are “bright hazel”.
Markings: They look like their fathers by Hagrid, so… that description I noted is important. I like what one of the reviewers says for chapter three. “The problem I have with this chapter is that if they are so well known, then surely people would know who Andrew’s biological parents are, and wouldn’t be surprised by the color of his skin.” Perhaps if the writer wasn’t lifting so generously from the original work - which is where the “everybody knows them” bit comes from, this wouldn’t be an issue.
Possessions: Wands now have gemstones in addition to their regular substance, but an hour passes. Harry’s is now “10 and a half inches, White Ash wood, Emerald focused spell power and a feather from the legenary golden flamed phoenix.” Andrews is a “Black Ash wood, 13 inches, diamond focused spell power and a single silver flamed phoenix feather core.
Connection to Canon: Lily and James announce they are going to have a kid. It is a very mushy event. That is when their neighbors - I’m assuming they’re neighbors - show up and announce Lisa is also pregnant. There is thus more fluff. One year and three months later Harry and Andrew are the best of friends, but already talking. They are about to say goodbye on their playdate when someone bursts in and the George’s send Andrew through the floo him back to the Potters for safety with an all to convenient note. We then get an attempt of Vernon to physically hit Harry and Andrew starts attacking Vernon and Dudley, so he ends up the “abused” one. (Yet another story which over exaggerates the abuse, but then has a child who over reacts to the smallest thing getting super abused. What I mean by this is, if you had a child constantly attempting to attack you and hurt you chances are said child is going to get hurt in the process. Sure, people are likely to call social services saying the parents abused the child, and there will be an investigation - which there wasn’t in this case, making this even more problematic. However, there are unfortunately children with that bad of behavior issues. So, instead of the writer making the Dursley family look super bad, I felt like the “black” kid got stereotyped with one of those negative stereotypes associated with black kids, such as “juvenile delinquent”. I’m not even sure the writer realizes that’s in there.) They get their wands in the third chapter, and that’s where I’m going to stop my write up. I’ve never been impressed with writers who are simply writing a cooler version of the original. Adding a character, changing the rules, that does not make your story unique.
Origin: I found the following on the writer’s profile. “The name’s Ray! I’m 20 years old this year! Born and Raised in South Africa, my native language is Xhosa (the click language) but I’m very fluent in English.” I wish to note that the writer’s profile was last updated on September 28, 2014. As such, we can only subtract about a year from that age and when the story was published rather than about five. However, perhaps one can explain this one as the writer still being new to the whole fanfic thing, as this is only their second story published. No telling where they went with later stories. Then, later in the first chapter Lily and James died and the boys are stuck with the Dursley family. We then get the same old plot line. The brothers are stuck sharing the closet, plus a good chunk of the original plot. (Majorly disappointing.) It’s like this until the flashback where we learn the amazing grades of the characters.
Special Abilities: He’s the black Harry Potter. Lily and Lisa are two months pregnant, so subtract eight months from the year, that leaves us with four months, plus the three months. That means the boys are seven months old. Between the ages of six to nine months, a child is at the “babbles and imitates sounds” and “begins to say ‘dada’ or ‘mama’” stage, not the “say 3-5 words” and do “non verbal gestures, waves” one expects at ten to twelve months. Apparently the writer also forgot, “when traveling by Floo powder it is important that you speak clearly, take care to get out at the right grate, keep your elbows tucked in, shut your eyes, don’t fidget and don’t panic”. Here are Dudley, Harry and Andrews grades. (For some reason their middle names are included on their report cards. Dudley got F in both Mathematics and Social Studies, D in History and Biology, a C- in English, and a C in Physical Education. Harry got C in Physical education, A in Social Studies and Biology, A- in History, A+ in Mathematics and English. Andrew got B+ in Math, A- in History and Social Studies, A in English and A+ in Physical Education and Biology. (Does anybody else notice the issue of Biology being tacked in instead of Science for the primary years, or the fact History is actually one of the Social Sciences which is another name for Social Studies?) Vernon is also raciest against Andrew. In regards to his wand, Olivander says, “what we have here is a case of very rare magic, very rare magic indeed. It was supposedly believed in that in the late 18 hundreds, two wizards who shared a bonded magical core that surpassed the average magical core of a normal wizard or witch they could have compatibility with the other persons wand, but only with that person. As we wand lords are taught the wand chooses the wizard, but in this case you two are so closely and powerfully bonded that the wands recognise you both as their masters. Are you following me so far?” “So you two would be able to use each-others wand with no hassle what so ever. Let us see shall we. I see, Master Andrew, that you are eyeing the black wand, so we shall start with it, Black Ash wood, 13 inches, diamond focused spell power and a single silver flamed phoenix feather core. A very powerful wand indeed, treat it well, Andrew.”
Notes: The summary honestly drew me in. The writer is correct in saying, “not your typical; Andrew is the boy who lived instead of Harry bull. No.” The main issue is how everything is executed.
Also, one of the reviewers made a very important comment on chapter two. “I like this story and this comment may just be too irl for this, but racism isn’t very prominent in the 90s in the uk. If it was the 70s sure due to one act in 76 but England is known for its lack of racism.” I say sort of. On one side, I don’t think you can compare race issues in America to those in the UK and expect them to be the same. On the other hand, we’re talking about the Dursley family.
Sample:
Lisa finished her letter and looked at the sleeping form of her son in her arms, and whispered something in his ear before looking back at the door which was about one more blow away from being blown apart. Ray came rushing back into the room and carefully but quickly wrapping Andrew up in a blanket before placing him in the fire place, Lisa put the note on top of his person before grabbing a handful of floo powder. Just before they tossed the powder in the fire, the door blew open and their stood their enemy and their traitor.
"You!" Ray screamed at him.
Lisa was only temporarily stunned before she threw the powder into the flames and watched their son disappear in a blinding green light.
"You shouldn't have done that, squib." The person sneered.
"Oi don't call my wife a squib, you bastard!" Ray said sending a cutting curse at the person only to have it blocked away.
"Oh this shall be fun." The person said with an evil grin as they proceeded to enter the house only to be followed by four more Death Eaters.
Knowing a losing battle when he sees one Ray turned to Lisa and told her to move and go to the floo, his heart however froze in place as he felt her hand enter his and her giving him a teary smile. Looking to the group he saw how the mindless dogs were checking out his wife as they slowly advanced on them, whispering a few words to his wife, she smiled and nodded her head and gave her a small kiss before looking at her, his vision slightly blurry by all the tears that were currently in his eyes. Raising his wand and pointing it at his wife he muttered a small "I love you." To which she replied, "I love you too, honey, and don't worry I'll be waiting for you on the other side."
Seeing the Death Eater's getting closer, Ray stole one last glance at his wife before muttering the words he dreaded. "Avada Kedavra…" With another green flash he caught his wife's now limp body in his hands, and looked at her lifeless eyes, his body shook from the sobs he emitted, reaching out he brushed a few stray hairs from her face and closed her eyes. He laid his wife's body on the ground and kissed her forehead as he turned to face the Death Eaters who looked absolutely gobsmacked.
Using this to his advantage, Ray sent out a barrage of very lethal curses, he managed to hit two of the men with an internal organ rotting curse. But he had forgotten about one of the other men as he took on the two he had his attention on. Before he knew it he heard the curse he had just used on his wife as he felt a slight stinging in his back before he collapsed on the; dead.