4183: Helping Unicorns - Coppin siblings
Title: Helping Unicorns
Perpetrator: The Assassins Anthem
Sue-O-Meter: Toxic
Cover/Banner Art: The avatar looks like a dragon emblem of some kind.
Summary: “The Coppin siblings were unhappy to say they were completely normal magical children. Then they somehow manage to get caught up in Harry Potter's problems. Normalcy lost.” No Suethor, there is nothing normal about these magical children, something made all to clear in the first chapter.
Full Name: Elena, Amanda, Jessisca, Delilah, Audrey (isn’t that one to many?)
Species: There mother is Adrianna. Their father is Andrew Coppin.
Hair: brown, “thin but silky nearly black hair” - that’s Amanda, long blonde
Eyes: hazel, bright green (bother are used for Delilah), green, Ravenclaw blue (Elena, who appears again in chapter two).
Markings: Their animal forms except for the youngest is noted the sample. Amanda also looks just like her mother. I know Amanda is the snake, Audrey is the horse, Delilah the werewolf, so are Elena and Jessica the same character? But now in chapter two, Amanda is the werewolf. Of course, if the writer can’t keep their characters straight that is not my fault.
Possessions: One single personality between all of them.
Connection to Canon: The first chapter involves Severus Snape showing up for the change of a will for a woman who gave birth to triplets at one point, but for some strange reason wished to disinherit her oldest, and inherit her second oldest. Might I add that the second oldest, Amanda, is supposed to be the spitting image of her mother, so I’m wondering favoritism, but also… if there are triplets, why is this such a bit deal. Apparently, “Greyback attacked her, her older sisters just answered their instinct. Greyback was unconscious the next thing I knew. Judging by the breed of snake Amanda is, she was the one who did it.” Their father decides to ship the kids off to Augusta Longbottom who, “if all goes well, she will even accept Jessica the way she is.” He’s to busy with his creatures. We then jump to the second chapter where a werewolf is hunting, scaring “a gray horse barely grown” and killing a doe. The pup is now a “white wolf”. (Cub! Suethor, you should have called it cub in the first chapter, not pup!) The snake is with them. Apparently the youngest is riding on the horse. Apparently the werewolf is the youngest. They run into Hermione, who claims she’s never seen triplets before, but they’re already annoying me with the fact I can’t tell them apart. (Neither can the writer though.) I’m struggling with chapter two, understanding what’s going on, but turns out Amanda’s now the Slytherin Heir. The snake is also Bozhidar. I am not reading anymore.
Origin: The writer decided to throw out the canon material, but thinks being wordy makes them look smart. Actually, looking at the profile, I think the writer is a bit to preoccupied with looking smart. Worse, the writer’s want to stand out seems to come out in their character Amanda, who is singled out as super special by their mother at a very young age, but also by Snape as well. I also learn from the author’s note at the end of the chapter that the writer thinks titles are the most difficult part of writing.
Special Abilities: We’re supposed to believe being an Animagus is natural, not something people need to prepare for, but that the children can’t be changed back from their animal forms. “What of Amanda? Adrianna wanted her to grow into the expectation of carrying on her Pureblood…” What I thought at first glance to be an awful rated fic is actually a toxic one. We then learn from Andrew, “If you want Elena to stay there permanently, fine-she isn’t mine anyway. But you know what these three could do and why breaking them apart would be devastating to their potential.”
Notes: The writer has a list of five things they fill will make them look “mature and scholarly” as a fanfic writer. These things include having a user name which looks like a book title rather than a normal such as “xxcheezburgerzxx”, having a profile pic because “otherwise, you’re no better than an anonymous reviewer”. The other three - not using text speak, summaries with good grammar, and… well, I guess the second one is also pointless, as having a milelong profile isn’t a problem so much as the content, in which this writer fails miserably. The writer is unaware of the fact people - when they want to ignore the bio, just hit a button and skip to the story regardless of the profile length. And now that I think about it, nobody actually writes in the manner they claim, but having perfect-perfect summaries isn’t an end all.
Here’s Pottersues five tips for writers who want to look good on the pit.
1. Understand that doing things such as having proper grammar in a user name of all things does not make you look more sophisticated, but instead like a noob, particularly when you articulate the fact these things are important when they are NOT.
2. Instead of worrying about an avatar which doesn’t prove you’re actually active, focus on writing stories, but also reading other people’s works, yet also commenting and reviewing on other people’s stories.
3. Writing isn’t about proving how smart you are, and if this is why you’re writing fanfic, chances are you’re doing it for the wrong reasons, but just end up looking like a major noob instead. (And this person has had an account since 2014 by the way.)
4. Understand that while grammar is important, it’s not that important. A good story isn’t just perfect grammar but utilizes all elements of writing well. If you focus on one to much, the others will suffer. (Which I happened in this writers first chapter.)
5. Worry less about looking smart and intelligent and more about being yourself.
Sample:
"I had to make them sleep; the shock would have done them more harm than good," Andrew explained, shuffling over to their side.
Taking a closer look, Severus saw what they were. While a normal five year old lay sprawled out on the far right with blood smeared on her face, three creatures were beside her. A young white canine no larger than a normal-sized book was in the middle, while a gray foal on its side breathed next to the pup, taking up much of the space with its disproportionally long legs.
Finally he came to the third creature, a black snake. Whatever flames ate at him before turned to ice as he gazed upon the animal of his Hogwarts house. Imagining the young girl in her human form-the spitting image of her mother-he thought, Amanda.
Severus could still remember visiting Adrianna just once at St. Mungo's, where she had been for a few weeks once it was known there was not one, not two, but three children ready to be born. With Adrianna being on the smaller side, Severus had heard the birth hadn't gone well at all, but that was not the reason he had shown up. It was a letter delivered by owl to which asked him to witness the changing of inheritance from Elena, Adrianna's oldest daughter, to her second oldest, Amanda. Severus had been ready to warn Adrianna for choosing so soon, but Andrew had stopped him in the hallway, explaining the form Amanda was to take when she grew. Severus had known at that point that Adrianna was not changing her mind.
Andrew knelt next to the foal, staring once again with those calculations and plans.
"They had a few years left at least for this to happen naturally, so I refrained from telling them about it. At such a young age, being in these forms for a year could alter their personalities and growth in ways even I can't predict."
"What, dare I ask, caused the curse to react with them so early?" Dumbledore asked. "And why has your youngest stayed the same?" Andrew sighed with fire dancing in his eyes. The man didn't even have to speak to tell Severus he was thinking of the werewolf the Ravenclaw had so often fought during the war.
Perpetrator: The Assassins Anthem
Sue-O-Meter: Toxic
Cover/Banner Art: The avatar looks like a dragon emblem of some kind.
Summary: “The Coppin siblings were unhappy to say they were completely normal magical children. Then they somehow manage to get caught up in Harry Potter's problems. Normalcy lost.” No Suethor, there is nothing normal about these magical children, something made all to clear in the first chapter.
Full Name: Elena, Amanda, Jessisca, Delilah, Audrey (isn’t that one to many?)
Species: There mother is Adrianna. Their father is Andrew Coppin.
Hair: brown, “thin but silky nearly black hair” - that’s Amanda, long blonde
Eyes: hazel, bright green (bother are used for Delilah), green, Ravenclaw blue (Elena, who appears again in chapter two).
Markings: Their animal forms except for the youngest is noted the sample. Amanda also looks just like her mother. I know Amanda is the snake, Audrey is the horse, Delilah the werewolf, so are Elena and Jessica the same character? But now in chapter two, Amanda is the werewolf. Of course, if the writer can’t keep their characters straight that is not my fault.
Possessions: One single personality between all of them.
Connection to Canon: The first chapter involves Severus Snape showing up for the change of a will for a woman who gave birth to triplets at one point, but for some strange reason wished to disinherit her oldest, and inherit her second oldest. Might I add that the second oldest, Amanda, is supposed to be the spitting image of her mother, so I’m wondering favoritism, but also… if there are triplets, why is this such a bit deal. Apparently, “Greyback attacked her, her older sisters just answered their instinct. Greyback was unconscious the next thing I knew. Judging by the breed of snake Amanda is, she was the one who did it.” Their father decides to ship the kids off to Augusta Longbottom who, “if all goes well, she will even accept Jessica the way she is.” He’s to busy with his creatures. We then jump to the second chapter where a werewolf is hunting, scaring “a gray horse barely grown” and killing a doe. The pup is now a “white wolf”. (Cub! Suethor, you should have called it cub in the first chapter, not pup!) The snake is with them. Apparently the youngest is riding on the horse. Apparently the werewolf is the youngest. They run into Hermione, who claims she’s never seen triplets before, but they’re already annoying me with the fact I can’t tell them apart. (Neither can the writer though.) I’m struggling with chapter two, understanding what’s going on, but turns out Amanda’s now the Slytherin Heir. The snake is also Bozhidar. I am not reading anymore.
Origin: The writer decided to throw out the canon material, but thinks being wordy makes them look smart. Actually, looking at the profile, I think the writer is a bit to preoccupied with looking smart. Worse, the writer’s want to stand out seems to come out in their character Amanda, who is singled out as super special by their mother at a very young age, but also by Snape as well. I also learn from the author’s note at the end of the chapter that the writer thinks titles are the most difficult part of writing.
Special Abilities: We’re supposed to believe being an Animagus is natural, not something people need to prepare for, but that the children can’t be changed back from their animal forms. “What of Amanda? Adrianna wanted her to grow into the expectation of carrying on her Pureblood…” What I thought at first glance to be an awful rated fic is actually a toxic one. We then learn from Andrew, “If you want Elena to stay there permanently, fine-she isn’t mine anyway. But you know what these three could do and why breaking them apart would be devastating to their potential.”
Notes: The writer has a list of five things they fill will make them look “mature and scholarly” as a fanfic writer. These things include having a user name which looks like a book title rather than a normal such as “xxcheezburgerzxx”, having a profile pic because “otherwise, you’re no better than an anonymous reviewer”. The other three - not using text speak, summaries with good grammar, and… well, I guess the second one is also pointless, as having a milelong profile isn’t a problem so much as the content, in which this writer fails miserably. The writer is unaware of the fact people - when they want to ignore the bio, just hit a button and skip to the story regardless of the profile length. And now that I think about it, nobody actually writes in the manner they claim, but having perfect-perfect summaries isn’t an end all.
Here’s Pottersues five tips for writers who want to look good on the pit.
1. Understand that doing things such as having proper grammar in a user name of all things does not make you look more sophisticated, but instead like a noob, particularly when you articulate the fact these things are important when they are NOT.
2. Instead of worrying about an avatar which doesn’t prove you’re actually active, focus on writing stories, but also reading other people’s works, yet also commenting and reviewing on other people’s stories.
3. Writing isn’t about proving how smart you are, and if this is why you’re writing fanfic, chances are you’re doing it for the wrong reasons, but just end up looking like a major noob instead. (And this person has had an account since 2014 by the way.)
4. Understand that while grammar is important, it’s not that important. A good story isn’t just perfect grammar but utilizes all elements of writing well. If you focus on one to much, the others will suffer. (Which I happened in this writers first chapter.)
5. Worry less about looking smart and intelligent and more about being yourself.
Sample:
"I had to make them sleep; the shock would have done them more harm than good," Andrew explained, shuffling over to their side.
Taking a closer look, Severus saw what they were. While a normal five year old lay sprawled out on the far right with blood smeared on her face, three creatures were beside her. A young white canine no larger than a normal-sized book was in the middle, while a gray foal on its side breathed next to the pup, taking up much of the space with its disproportionally long legs.
Finally he came to the third creature, a black snake. Whatever flames ate at him before turned to ice as he gazed upon the animal of his Hogwarts house. Imagining the young girl in her human form-the spitting image of her mother-he thought, Amanda.
Severus could still remember visiting Adrianna just once at St. Mungo's, where she had been for a few weeks once it was known there was not one, not two, but three children ready to be born. With Adrianna being on the smaller side, Severus had heard the birth hadn't gone well at all, but that was not the reason he had shown up. It was a letter delivered by owl to which asked him to witness the changing of inheritance from Elena, Adrianna's oldest daughter, to her second oldest, Amanda. Severus had been ready to warn Adrianna for choosing so soon, but Andrew had stopped him in the hallway, explaining the form Amanda was to take when she grew. Severus had known at that point that Adrianna was not changing her mind.
Andrew knelt next to the foal, staring once again with those calculations and plans.
"They had a few years left at least for this to happen naturally, so I refrained from telling them about it. At such a young age, being in these forms for a year could alter their personalities and growth in ways even I can't predict."
"What, dare I ask, caused the curse to react with them so early?" Dumbledore asked. "And why has your youngest stayed the same?" Andrew sighed with fire dancing in his eyes. The man didn't even have to speak to tell Severus he was thinking of the werewolf the Ravenclaw had so often fought during the war.