4181: Can't Stop Thinking About You ~ Keira Mcain
Title: Can't Stop Thinking About You
Perpetrator: Amy100
Sue-O-Meter: Awful
Cover/Banner Art: None
Summary: “Sirius Black is handsome, popular and intimidating. Keira Mcain is quiet and beautiful, but tries to stay away from Sirius, although her attempts don't usually work . As the year draws on, and they get closer and closer, will Keira resist the temptation or leave Sirius? Includes smut and mature content.”
Full Name: Keira Mcain
Species: She’s a whore. (Sorry, but she’s not at all this quiet character the writer claims, but her behavior is just as bad as the fanon personality the writer is using.
Hair: See markings.
Eyes: See markings.
Markings: “Shit, Keira was hot. Sleek dark brown hair that reached her waist, golden-green eyes and with a tall slim figure. She was a quiet girl with an unusually
/calm demeanor.”
Possessions:
Connection to Canon: Despite being quiet, she hooked up with a ton of guys after this. For a moment I thought this made the Sue’s ego big, but the writer meant Sirius. (The grammar is awful.) We then find out that with Sirius he is not a placid person. (Not another one.) For some reason in the second chapter dementors randomly show up, and we get chocolate and her feeling vulnerable so Sirius can rescue her from some kind of fear that the dementors keep bringing up. She then complains about having to go to bed in the third chapter, and Sirius has an invisibility cloak like James does, and she tells Sirius to “fuck off” when he gets back in. (Suethor, her foul mouth indicates she’s no wallflower. Aka, she’s not a tired character.) Forth chapter is her openly showing Sirius leg and saying “Ha. I’ve still got it.” She then binges on iceceam and vodka with her friend Marlene.
Origin: Yet another writer makes Sirius into a playboy despite the fact this is fanon and not canon. She’s friends with Remus and James but never talks with Sirius? Sure…
Special Abilities: Being pretty and quiet.
Notes: The plot for this may contain mature themes which make it deserve the mature rating, but that doesn’t change the fact the writing is majorly juvenile. I suspect a young writer. Actually, I suspect a young writer is attempting to write sixteen and up content despite not being sixteen or up. Except, I then remembered the House of Night series which is supposed to be written by two adults.
Sample:
Sirius Black stood inplatform nine and three quarters, watching the steam billowing out ofthe scarlet train ashe waited patiently for Remus, who was late. He was standing next to James, who was talking about Lily again. Sirius wasn't
Really
listening. He usually took this time right at the start of the year to appreciate how much the girlsfrom hogwarts had changed over thesummer.
Shallow? Yes. But he needed to have an ideaofhow his 'distractions' were going to look this year.
After noting how much curvier Mary McDonalds was,he turned his attention to James again. Really, he didn't know why he liked lily so much. Sure, she was cute, but there were so many other hotter girls who would be more than willing to go out with him.
/Well, his loss.
Perpetrator: Amy100
Sue-O-Meter: Awful
Cover/Banner Art: None
Summary: “Sirius Black is handsome, popular and intimidating. Keira Mcain is quiet and beautiful, but tries to stay away from Sirius, although her attempts don't usually work . As the year draws on, and they get closer and closer, will Keira resist the temptation or leave Sirius? Includes smut and mature content.”
Full Name: Keira Mcain
Species: She’s a whore. (Sorry, but she’s not at all this quiet character the writer claims, but her behavior is just as bad as the fanon personality the writer is using.
Hair: See markings.
Eyes: See markings.
Markings: “Shit, Keira was hot. Sleek dark brown hair that reached her waist, golden-green eyes and with a tall slim figure. She was a quiet girl with an unusually
/calm demeanor.”
Possessions:
Connection to Canon: Despite being quiet, she hooked up with a ton of guys after this. For a moment I thought this made the Sue’s ego big, but the writer meant Sirius. (The grammar is awful.) We then find out that with Sirius he is not a placid person. (Not another one.) For some reason in the second chapter dementors randomly show up, and we get chocolate and her feeling vulnerable so Sirius can rescue her from some kind of fear that the dementors keep bringing up. She then complains about having to go to bed in the third chapter, and Sirius has an invisibility cloak like James does, and she tells Sirius to “fuck off” when he gets back in. (Suethor, her foul mouth indicates she’s no wallflower. Aka, she’s not a tired character.) Forth chapter is her openly showing Sirius leg and saying “Ha. I’ve still got it.” She then binges on iceceam and vodka with her friend Marlene.
Origin: Yet another writer makes Sirius into a playboy despite the fact this is fanon and not canon. She’s friends with Remus and James but never talks with Sirius? Sure…
Special Abilities: Being pretty and quiet.
Notes: The plot for this may contain mature themes which make it deserve the mature rating, but that doesn’t change the fact the writing is majorly juvenile. I suspect a young writer. Actually, I suspect a young writer is attempting to write sixteen and up content despite not being sixteen or up. Except, I then remembered the House of Night series which is supposed to be written by two adults.
Sample:
Sirius Black stood inplatform nine and three quarters, watching the steam billowing out ofthe scarlet train ashe waited patiently for Remus, who was late. He was standing next to James, who was talking about Lily again. Sirius wasn't
Really
listening. He usually took this time right at the start of the year to appreciate how much the girlsfrom hogwarts had changed over thesummer.
Shallow? Yes. But he needed to have an ideaofhow his 'distractions' were going to look this year.
After noting how much curvier Mary McDonalds was,he turned his attention to James again. Really, he didn't know why he liked lily so much. Sure, she was cute, but there were so many other hotter girls who would be more than willing to go out with him.
/Well, his loss.