Mary-You #9
TITLE: I can Drink More Rum Than You,Captain Jack Sparrow
CULPRIT: Gypsyy
SUMMARY: "A YouJack fic. You are stuck on the island wJack Sparrow and sadly, Elizabeth. Very Pointless, but i've started adding a plotline now. YAY! A PLOTLINE!"
BEST LINE: "You: Really? You obviously didn’t hear what you were saying while you were asleep. ::mocking Elizabeth’s voice:: Will, where are you going? I just let you screw me and you’re just walking away? Get back here right now!!" Urge to kill...rising! You guys won't tell anyone if I murder her, will you?
THE VERDICT
This shot is meant for you, Sue.
NAME: Mary-You
EYES: Your choice.
HAIR: See above.
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: "walking around in a pair of jeans and a tube top."
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: Her purse?
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: Puella Moderna who gets knocked out and wakes up on the island on which Jack and Elizabeth were marooned.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE CANON CONNECTIONS/AFFILIATIONS: A new true love for Jack.
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: The ability to drink enough rum to kill a large hippopotamus, never eat, overtax herself physically, and still have enough energy to skip, screw, and wisecrack. (courtesy of princesskraehe)
THE "PLOT": There isn't one, but thanks for asking.
...
Ok. The Sue wakes up, runs about the island doing random things for a few dys. Jack and Elizabeth show up. There's bad dialogue in script format. The Sue has hidden all of the rum or something, and she harasses Elizabeth for no good reason. There's drinking (Sue drinks 22 bottle of rum) and skipping about and the author actually makes an appearance and the author is also still too lazy to stop writing in script format. Sue explains bras to Jack. She also feels to need to notate on her clubbing and stuff even though she's underage. She then puts on a really anachronistic dress. She mocks Elizabeth some more then laughs and celebrates as Elizabeth is eaten by a shark. Sue and Jack have sex that, thankfully, isn't described. I stop reading then, because I start to get that pain behind my eyes...
NOTES: Do they write these things just to torture me? Or are they really this stupid?
EXCERPT:
...I hurt.
A/N: Thoughts are in '....'
Disclaimer: I don't own anything POTC *Hysterical sobbing*
You: A partier who magically ends up in the world of POTC. You know how to dance and aren't afraid to use it. Oh, and you shock everyone by walking around in a pair of jeans and a tube top.
~*~*~*~~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
You had been walking, all right fine, staggering home after a particularly long party when you felt something connect with the back of your head. When you woke up you saw stars....which is pretty odd since they are rarely ever seen in L.A. You rolled over and felt sand 'that's odd' you think right before passing out again.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
You wake up because The hall light's on again. 'Damn it, why can't they ever remember to SHUT my door first?!?!?!?!' You crack one eye open and realize that you're on a beach with nothing except your purse and clothes. Sighing, you decide to explore the island to find water. You don't find any, but you fall through a rotted trap door and find some rum and a chest full of clothes. Picking up the chest and dragging it out of the pit, you open it and discover a corset. 'Oh hell no. There is no way in hell that I am wearing one of those...or that dress for that matter.' You rip up several dresses to use as a blanket and pillow, then out of sheer boredom, you run 10 laps around the island (it's 5 miles around), then you do some push-ups and some sit-ups and about collapse. It'd been a while since you'd done that much work. You repeat this routine for about four more days. (I'm sorry!!!: dodges blunt objects thrown at her: I couldn't think of anything else for you to do!! Don't kill me!!! Please?)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
7th day stuck on the damned island:
You hear voices and look around. You see a ship with tattered black sails and some chick falling down the side of it and belly flopping. You hiss in sympathy because you've belly flopped a few times yourself. Then you see some guy wearing a sash of all things, dive in after something that was chucked over the edge. The girl swims toward the island you now inhabit with anger and frustration. You look around for the man frantically, well, you'd been stuck on the island without any male company for a week. You breathe a sigh of relief when you see his head break the water beside the girl. You hear their angry conversation that went something like this:
Jack: I can see up your dress, love.
Elizabeth: Why didn't you help Will----
Jack: I tried, but the bloody moron whacked me upside the head with a damned oar!!
By now they had noticed you and slowed their swimming. You run out to them, shouting,
You: Thank God! Some humans at last!! I've been on here for a freaking week.
Jack: Really? That's all very interesting, but I need to get me ship back.
You: Was it the one you just got thrown off of?
Elizabeth: Yes, it's the second time he's had that happen to him, but the first time he was actually the captain of the Pearl.
Jack: Ye needn't remind me of that. ::Jack stalks off searching for the hidden cache of rum::
You: What are your names?
Elizabeth: How terribly rude of us, not even introducing ourselves. My name is Elizabeth Swann, and he ::makes dismissive gesture with hand:: is Captain Jack Sparrow,
You: Well, I'm (insert you name here). ::run off after Jack:: Jack!!!!
Jack: This had better be important.
You: It is. There's no rum there----
Jack: WHAT???? NO RUM??? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
You: I didn't say it was all gone, I just said that it wasn't there anymore.
Jack: Don't you EVER scare me like that again!! Ever!!
You: I sorry, Jack. ::big pitiful eyes::
Jack: All, right, fine. I forgive you, I didn't catch your name, love, what is it?
You: My name is (insert your name here), and if you're nice, I'll give you a bottle of rum. ::start humming the tune to "16 Men on a Dead Man's Chest"::
::Elizabeth is staring in shock at your clothes:: Why are you wearing undergarments?
You: ::glancing down at clothes:: I'm not. These are normal clothes, undergarments are what I'm wearing on under this outfit.
::Jack looks you over appraisingly:: Well, I like it, lass.
You: Thank you, Jack. Now, if you two will follow me, I'll show you where I... ..live for now.
Jack and Elizabeth: Okay.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~**~*~*~~**~*~*~~*~**~*~*~~**~*~
I know it sucked but it'll have to do for now. Next chapter coming soon!!!
If one is too lazy to actually write prose, why would one insist on writing a story? Seems rather counterproductive, doesn't it?
A/N: Sorry it's taken so long to update, but I've had a shitload of homework to do, so updates are prolly going to be only on weekends.
Disclaimer: I don't own POTC, but I DO have rum.
~~~~**********~~~~~~~~~~~*********~~~~~~~~~**********
You show them to where you live. When you get there, they're not sure what to make of it. You humble abode is made of empty chests/crates with ripped up dresses as covering, blankets, and pillows. You had kept one of the dresses in one piece though, because it was too pretty to pass up. It was a glimmery silver that clung in all the right places and was slit up the sides to your mid thigh. Yes...because that's so period appropriate.
Elizabeth: ::uncertainly:: Well, it's....nice.
You: Thank you. What do you think of it, Jack? ::Sees Jack rummaging through your purse:: JACK!
Jack: ::Startled:: What?
You: ::venomously:: If you don't put my bag down, I will not give you any rum.
Jack: NOOO!!!!!!!!! (He seems to do that a lot, doesn't he?)
Elizabeth: ::giggles::
Jack: ::whirling on Elizabeth:: What? You think this is funny? A pirate not drinking any rum when there's some nearby?
Elizabeth: ::stifling giggles:: Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I do.
You: Elizabeth, I'll show you where you can sleep. ::Elizabeth starts off in the wrong direction, but you find it hard to care::
::Jack sits down dejectedly::
You: What's wrong Jack?
Jack: ::sadly:: I haven't had any rum yet.
You: Oh. You'll get some tonight after we get her drunk and passed out. ::Jack's teeth flash in a smile. You note some gold teeth:: ::you see Elizabeth standing a few feet away, tapping her foot impatiently:: What is your problem Elizabeth? I'm not your servant, and the sooner you get over that, the sooner I'll help you rescue this Will guy. Okay?
Elizabeth: Fine. ::turns and flounces off::
'She doesn't know where to sleep. Oh well. Not my problem.'
Jack: Are you gonna take that?
You: Hell no. I have other plans for dear Elizabeth.
~~~~~~~**********~~~~~~~~~~~~************~~~~~~~~~~********
What should happen next?? Review and give me ideas. Plz??? *sad puppy dog eyes* You should set your computer on fire and never, ever write anything ever, ever again. Ever.
Why is she trying to kill me?
A/N: Sorry its taken so long to update, but I have had serious writers block. Oh, and since I don't want to type all of the misc. catfights you and Elizabeth have, I'm just suddenly making it be night at the island. K?
Disclaimer: I don't own POTC, but I DO have pretty capes.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
You: All right Jack, you can have rum now.
Jack: Really?
You: Really.
Elizabeth: I don't think it's a good idea to give him rum.
You: What, do you think you can drink more than me and Jack?
Elizabeth: No, I-
Jack: It's official, then, we're havin' a drinking contest!!
You: YAY!!!
Elizabeth: ::groans::
You go get 3 crates of rum and give everyone one crate.
***30 minutes later***
Elizabeth: ::passes out:: ( You have drank 22 BIG bottles of rum, BTW) There. Are. No. Words.
You: Jack, why don't we put her where the rum used to be?
Jack: ::perkily:: Okay! (think of annoyingly perky cheerleaders)
Jack and you toss Elizabeth in the cellar-like place. (can we tell I'm typing this at like one in the morning?)
You: How many bottles have you drunk, Jack?
Jack: Ummm......well from here it looks like about 20, but there's 3 of you.
You: Let's call that Fred. I mean you've drank 12 bottlesssssss. ::You suddenly get an idea:: Jack, can you dance?
Jack: ::wiggling his eyebrows:: If ye teach me, I can.
You: Okay, since I don't know how to dance either, what do you say to me lighting a big beautiful fire and we run around in circles around it. (You have a thing for fire. That's why you have a lighter in your purse even though you don't smoke)
Jack: That sounds fun.
You start the pretty bonfire. Then you and Jack skip around it. (why am I making you skip? I have absolutely no clue).
You: Why are we skipping again?
Jack: Ask the author lady.
You: Okay. Hey author lady, why are we skipping?
Author Lady: I have a name and it's Gypsyy. You are skipping because I felt like making you skip. Savvy?
Jack: That's my line!!
Gypsyy: And I'm the one writing the script. Why, I can make you die from drinking too much rum. I could make you declare that you are a actually a woman-
You: Jack, is that true?
Jack: Of course n--::chokes as Gypsyy starts to strangle him for having free will::
Gypsyy: ::stops strangling Jack as she realizes she is killing off one of her main characters:: Sorry Jack.
Jack: ::rubs throat and glares at Gypsyy::
Gypsyy: Yeah, um, I think I'm going to leave now. See ya!! ::disappears with the poof! effect::
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A/N: Pretty pointless, huh? Anyways, tell me what you think of this by clicking the little blue box. Oh, and I promise that I won't put myself in the fic anymore.
CULPRIT: Gypsyy
SUMMARY: "A YouJack fic. You are stuck on the island wJack Sparrow and sadly, Elizabeth. Very Pointless, but i've started adding a plotline now. YAY! A PLOTLINE!"
BEST LINE: "You: Really? You obviously didn’t hear what you were saying while you were asleep. ::mocking Elizabeth’s voice:: Will, where are you going? I just let you screw me and you’re just walking away? Get back here right now!!" Urge to kill...rising! You guys won't tell anyone if I murder her, will you?
THE VERDICT
This shot is meant for you, Sue.
NAME: Mary-You
EYES: Your choice.
HAIR: See above.
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: "walking around in a pair of jeans and a tube top."
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: Her purse?
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: Puella Moderna who gets knocked out and wakes up on the island on which Jack and Elizabeth were marooned.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE CANON CONNECTIONS/AFFILIATIONS: A new true love for Jack.
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: The ability to drink enough rum to kill a large hippopotamus, never eat, overtax herself physically, and still have enough energy to skip, screw, and wisecrack. (courtesy of princesskraehe)
THE "PLOT": There isn't one, but thanks for asking.
...
Ok. The Sue wakes up, runs about the island doing random things for a few dys. Jack and Elizabeth show up. There's bad dialogue in script format. The Sue has hidden all of the rum or something, and she harasses Elizabeth for no good reason. There's drinking (Sue drinks 22 bottle of rum) and skipping about and the author actually makes an appearance and the author is also still too lazy to stop writing in script format. Sue explains bras to Jack. She also feels to need to notate on her clubbing and stuff even though she's underage. She then puts on a really anachronistic dress. She mocks Elizabeth some more then laughs and celebrates as Elizabeth is eaten by a shark. Sue and Jack have sex that, thankfully, isn't described. I stop reading then, because I start to get that pain behind my eyes...
NOTES: Do they write these things just to torture me? Or are they really this stupid?
EXCERPT:
...I hurt.
A/N: Thoughts are in '....'
Disclaimer: I don't own anything POTC *Hysterical sobbing*
You: A partier who magically ends up in the world of POTC. You know how to dance and aren't afraid to use it. Oh, and you shock everyone by walking around in a pair of jeans and a tube top.
~*~*~*~~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
You had been walking, all right fine, staggering home after a particularly long party when you felt something connect with the back of your head. When you woke up you saw stars....which is pretty odd since they are rarely ever seen in L.A. You rolled over and felt sand 'that's odd' you think right before passing out again.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
You wake up because The hall light's on again. 'Damn it, why can't they ever remember to SHUT my door first?!?!?!?!' You crack one eye open and realize that you're on a beach with nothing except your purse and clothes. Sighing, you decide to explore the island to find water. You don't find any, but you fall through a rotted trap door and find some rum and a chest full of clothes. Picking up the chest and dragging it out of the pit, you open it and discover a corset. 'Oh hell no. There is no way in hell that I am wearing one of those...or that dress for that matter.' You rip up several dresses to use as a blanket and pillow, then out of sheer boredom, you run 10 laps around the island (it's 5 miles around), then you do some push-ups and some sit-ups and about collapse. It'd been a while since you'd done that much work. You repeat this routine for about four more days. (I'm sorry!!!: dodges blunt objects thrown at her: I couldn't think of anything else for you to do!! Don't kill me!!! Please?)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
7th day stuck on the damned island:
You hear voices and look around. You see a ship with tattered black sails and some chick falling down the side of it and belly flopping. You hiss in sympathy because you've belly flopped a few times yourself. Then you see some guy wearing a sash of all things, dive in after something that was chucked over the edge. The girl swims toward the island you now inhabit with anger and frustration. You look around for the man frantically, well, you'd been stuck on the island without any male company for a week. You breathe a sigh of relief when you see his head break the water beside the girl. You hear their angry conversation that went something like this:
Jack: I can see up your dress, love.
Elizabeth: Why didn't you help Will----
Jack: I tried, but the bloody moron whacked me upside the head with a damned oar!!
By now they had noticed you and slowed their swimming. You run out to them, shouting,
You: Thank God! Some humans at last!! I've been on here for a freaking week.
Jack: Really? That's all very interesting, but I need to get me ship back.
You: Was it the one you just got thrown off of?
Elizabeth: Yes, it's the second time he's had that happen to him, but the first time he was actually the captain of the Pearl.
Jack: Ye needn't remind me of that. ::Jack stalks off searching for the hidden cache of rum::
You: What are your names?
Elizabeth: How terribly rude of us, not even introducing ourselves. My name is Elizabeth Swann, and he ::makes dismissive gesture with hand:: is Captain Jack Sparrow,
You: Well, I'm (insert you name here). ::run off after Jack:: Jack!!!!
Jack: This had better be important.
You: It is. There's no rum there----
Jack: WHAT???? NO RUM??? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
You: I didn't say it was all gone, I just said that it wasn't there anymore.
Jack: Don't you EVER scare me like that again!! Ever!!
You: I sorry, Jack. ::big pitiful eyes::
Jack: All, right, fine. I forgive you, I didn't catch your name, love, what is it?
You: My name is (insert your name here), and if you're nice, I'll give you a bottle of rum. ::start humming the tune to "16 Men on a Dead Man's Chest"::
::Elizabeth is staring in shock at your clothes:: Why are you wearing undergarments?
You: ::glancing down at clothes:: I'm not. These are normal clothes, undergarments are what I'm wearing on under this outfit.
::Jack looks you over appraisingly:: Well, I like it, lass.
You: Thank you, Jack. Now, if you two will follow me, I'll show you where I... ..live for now.
Jack and Elizabeth: Okay.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~**~*~*~~**~*~*~~*~**~*~*~~**~*~
I know it sucked but it'll have to do for now. Next chapter coming soon!!!
If one is too lazy to actually write prose, why would one insist on writing a story? Seems rather counterproductive, doesn't it?
A/N: Sorry it's taken so long to update, but I've had a shitload of homework to do, so updates are prolly going to be only on weekends.
Disclaimer: I don't own POTC, but I DO have rum.
~~~~**********~~~~~~~~~~~*********~~~~~~~~~**********
You show them to where you live. When you get there, they're not sure what to make of it. You humble abode is made of empty chests/crates with ripped up dresses as covering, blankets, and pillows. You had kept one of the dresses in one piece though, because it was too pretty to pass up. It was a glimmery silver that clung in all the right places and was slit up the sides to your mid thigh. Yes...because that's so period appropriate.
Elizabeth: ::uncertainly:: Well, it's....nice.
You: Thank you. What do you think of it, Jack? ::Sees Jack rummaging through your purse:: JACK!
Jack: ::Startled:: What?
You: ::venomously:: If you don't put my bag down, I will not give you any rum.
Jack: NOOO!!!!!!!!! (He seems to do that a lot, doesn't he?)
Elizabeth: ::giggles::
Jack: ::whirling on Elizabeth:: What? You think this is funny? A pirate not drinking any rum when there's some nearby?
Elizabeth: ::stifling giggles:: Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I do.
You: Elizabeth, I'll show you where you can sleep. ::Elizabeth starts off in the wrong direction, but you find it hard to care::
::Jack sits down dejectedly::
You: What's wrong Jack?
Jack: ::sadly:: I haven't had any rum yet.
You: Oh. You'll get some tonight after we get her drunk and passed out. ::Jack's teeth flash in a smile. You note some gold teeth:: ::you see Elizabeth standing a few feet away, tapping her foot impatiently:: What is your problem Elizabeth? I'm not your servant, and the sooner you get over that, the sooner I'll help you rescue this Will guy. Okay?
Elizabeth: Fine. ::turns and flounces off::
'She doesn't know where to sleep. Oh well. Not my problem.'
Jack: Are you gonna take that?
You: Hell no. I have other plans for dear Elizabeth.
~~~~~~~**********~~~~~~~~~~~~************~~~~~~~~~~********
What should happen next?? Review and give me ideas. Plz??? *sad puppy dog eyes* You should set your computer on fire and never, ever write anything ever, ever again. Ever.
Why is she trying to kill me?
A/N: Sorry its taken so long to update, but I have had serious writers block. Oh, and since I don't want to type all of the misc. catfights you and Elizabeth have, I'm just suddenly making it be night at the island. K?
Disclaimer: I don't own POTC, but I DO have pretty capes.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
You: All right Jack, you can have rum now.
Jack: Really?
You: Really.
Elizabeth: I don't think it's a good idea to give him rum.
You: What, do you think you can drink more than me and Jack?
Elizabeth: No, I-
Jack: It's official, then, we're havin' a drinking contest!!
You: YAY!!!
Elizabeth: ::groans::
You go get 3 crates of rum and give everyone one crate.
***30 minutes later***
Elizabeth: ::passes out:: ( You have drank 22 BIG bottles of rum, BTW) There. Are. No. Words.
You: Jack, why don't we put her where the rum used to be?
Jack: ::perkily:: Okay! (think of annoyingly perky cheerleaders)
Jack and you toss Elizabeth in the cellar-like place. (can we tell I'm typing this at like one in the morning?)
You: How many bottles have you drunk, Jack?
Jack: Ummm......well from here it looks like about 20, but there's 3 of you.
You: Let's call that Fred. I mean you've drank 12 bottlesssssss. ::You suddenly get an idea:: Jack, can you dance?
Jack: ::wiggling his eyebrows:: If ye teach me, I can.
You: Okay, since I don't know how to dance either, what do you say to me lighting a big beautiful fire and we run around in circles around it. (You have a thing for fire. That's why you have a lighter in your purse even though you don't smoke)
Jack: That sounds fun.
You start the pretty bonfire. Then you and Jack skip around it. (why am I making you skip? I have absolutely no clue).
You: Why are we skipping again?
Jack: Ask the author lady.
You: Okay. Hey author lady, why are we skipping?
Author Lady: I have a name and it's Gypsyy. You are skipping because I felt like making you skip. Savvy?
Jack: That's my line!!
Gypsyy: And I'm the one writing the script. Why, I can make you die from drinking too much rum. I could make you declare that you are a actually a woman-
You: Jack, is that true?
Jack: Of course n--::chokes as Gypsyy starts to strangle him for having free will::
Gypsyy: ::stops strangling Jack as she realizes she is killing off one of her main characters:: Sorry Jack.
Jack: ::rubs throat and glares at Gypsyy::
Gypsyy: Yeah, um, I think I'm going to leave now. See ya!! ::disappears with the poof! effect::
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A/N: Pretty pointless, huh? Anyways, tell me what you think of this by clicking the little blue box. Oh, and I promise that I won't put myself in the fic anymore.