Stacey
This one just...I don't know why exactly but it left me unable to think correctly. It was as though my brain got stuck and was unable to process it.
TITLE: Betrayed by Love
CULPRIT: captainme
SUMMARY: "When will betrays Elizabeth and she dumps him, he feels as if his life is over. Thats untill he meets a certain stranger. But that strange is someone from his past that needs his help, but she could help him as well. WillOc. Please R&R."
BEST LINE: "Will was beginning to get used to being on his own. He didn’t like it much but there wasn’t much he could do about it. Tanya wouldn’t talk to him anymore. She told him he was a rat. He hadn’t been sure how to take that so he had just walked away." There's more than one way to take that?
THE VERDICT
It's a short drop and a sudden stop for you.
NAME: Stacey
EYES: not described
HAIR: not described
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: none
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: A letter that's somehow connected to a diamond or something.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: Some random chick, really.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE CANON CONNECTIONS/AFFILIATIONS: Will's new true love.
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: none
THE "PLOT": Will cheats on Elizabeth with some random girl named Sasha in a really, really vaguely written sex scene. Elizabeth catches him. He doesn't know why he cheated. He goes back to the smithy. Sue walks in one day. Then she leaves. Then Will saves her from some old man. Then he invites her to stay with him. She's looking for a diamond that someone stole. There's something about a letter or something. Elizabeth shows up. I rejoice that there is no more.
NOTES: *shakes head sadly*
Well, at least Elizabeth isn't evil...yet.
EXCERPT:
But- Wha- He wouldn- Oh forget it.
Giggling could be heard coming from the room. Followed by a rough voice talking.
Tanya played with his locks as he kissed every inch of her body that his lips could get to. She whispered words to him that made him more eager to please her.
Then she stopped abruptly.
“Down boy...” Small protests came from his mouth as she pushed him off her, only so she got back on top of him.
“That’s not very nice.” A grin passed her lips.
“I’m not a very nice girl... you should no that by now... baby...” He gasped as she touched a sensitive part of him, but this just made her laugh.
“Still so innocent... well have to change that now... wont we darling.” A sly grin spread across his face. It could still be seen even if the dim light that filled the room.
“And just how do you say we do that?” He asked her. Another spurt of giggles escaped her lips.
“Just wait and s...” His hand flew to her mouth to silence her,
Tanya frowned, and then heard the noises that were coming from downstairs to. She caught the end of what a female voice was shouting.
“... Are you home? Hello?” A look of panic swept across his face, as he heard footsteps come up the stairs.
“No she can’t be...” He cut him self off as the bedroom door opened.
The look on her face was enough for him to know what he had done, would break them up forever.
“Will... what?” She looked at the women on top of him and burst into tears. She couldn’t understand it.
“Elizabeth I... I can explain.”
“I thought you loved me.” Her eyes couldn’t stop darting between the two on the bed.
“I...”
“No I don’t want to hear it...” She turned and ran out of the house. Silence remained in it for about 15 minuets before Tanya spoke. So...they just sat there in silence for fifteen minutes...not talking about the fact that his wife just walked in on them? Oh, why the hell not. Nothing else in this story makes sense.
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“Who... who was she?” Will’s mouth moved but no words came out.
“Oh god... please don’t tell me you married.” Will looked down a guilty look on his face.
“I... yes I’m married.” The women looked appalled.
“Why... what... when.... God even Jack wouldn’t sink this low.”
“Jack a’int married.” Tanya shrugged
“He might not be married but I think his got a girl now... lass on his crew... but even so, he wouldn’t stoop so low to cheat on her.”
Great now I feel guiltier then before.
“I... I don’t know why I did it ok. I just DID it.” Tanya gave will a sympathetic look as she claimed off the bed.
“Sort your head out will. Bye.” Will watched as she left the room, and then heard the door bang downstairs, and suddenly he felt alone.
More alone then he ever had in his life...
...Will leaves.
Will started to pack his things. He was unsure whether or not Elizabeth would stay in their small home, by herself but even if she didn’t he didn’t want to be there.
As he brought his cases down the stairs, Elizabeth walked through the door looking sheepish. She couldn’t even look at Will.
“Elizabeth I...” Elizabeth scrunched her eyes together.
“Save it Will, I don’t want to hear it.” She paused. “Just answer me one thing. Why did you do it, I thought you loved me.” Tears began to roll down her cheeks. “I mean, you saved me from those pirates, i... i... just tell me why. Did I do something wrong?” Will looked down at his feet
He didn’t no why he had cheated on her. He didn’t no how to explain something that he didn’t no the answer to himself. This is the sort of confusion that follows when one is trapped within a Suefic.
“I... I don’t know why I did it. Liz you didn’t do anything wrong. I guess I don’t love you... I mean I love you... just not that way. Not they way I should, not the way I want to. Not the way you want me to.”
“Will... where are you going? Stay here its more your house then mine. I’m going back to my farther house.”
“No I can’t stay here Liz. It isn’t my house, it’s our house. It wouldn’t be right me being here by myself. I’m going to go back to the blacksmith, live in the bit over the shop. Like I used to before...” Elizabeth nodded to show she understood.
“Bye then.” His voice was full of regret and sorrow.
“Bye.” Wow. That was dramatic.
'Plot' movement...sort of. Kind of.
Will watched as the girl he had given a place to stay for the night came down the stairs, and into the room he was currently in. she smiled shyly as she said good morning.
“Morning. Did you sleep well?”
“Erm yes, thank you.” Stacey looked shifty, as if she was uncomfortable, and Will burst out laughing which took her aback. “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing it just... reminds me of something all of this shyness and formal speaking.”
“Oh... do you mind me asking what it reminds you of?”
“That’s for another time. So Stacey what are you in Port Royal for again?”
“I’m looking for someone to help me find, something that was stolen from me about a month ago. If that makes any sense.” There are many things in this story that don't make sense. The idea of looking for something that has been stolen from you is not one of them.
“Yes it does. What was stolen from you and who stole it?” Stacey smiled. And began to explain about what she was looking for, and how it was important to her. Wow...it was so nice of you to explain these vital plot points to your audience. Oh, wait. You didn't. How can anyone be this lazy?
“What so he’s got the diamond thinking it’s worth loads, but what he thinks it does wont work with out the letter that you have with you?” What are we supposed to do, piece together the plot from this oh-so-illuminating dialogue?
“Yes. Only I never told him that part. It just means he won’t be able to sell it for as much as he thought he could. On its own it’s still very valuable.” Will opened his mouth to say more, Perhaps to actually tell us what the hell you two are talking about? I can understand the need to avoid exposition...but you can explain some things. but got interrupted by a knock from the door to the blacksmiths.
Walking around so he could see who was there he frowned.
“Elizabeth?”
TITLE: Betrayed by Love
CULPRIT: captainme
SUMMARY: "When will betrays Elizabeth and she dumps him, he feels as if his life is over. Thats untill he meets a certain stranger. But that strange is someone from his past that needs his help, but she could help him as well. WillOc. Please R&R."
BEST LINE: "Will was beginning to get used to being on his own. He didn’t like it much but there wasn’t much he could do about it. Tanya wouldn’t talk to him anymore. She told him he was a rat. He hadn’t been sure how to take that so he had just walked away." There's more than one way to take that?
THE VERDICT
It's a short drop and a sudden stop for you.
NAME: Stacey
EYES: not described
HAIR: not described
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: none
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: A letter that's somehow connected to a diamond or something.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: Some random chick, really.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE CANON CONNECTIONS/AFFILIATIONS: Will's new true love.
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: none
THE "PLOT": Will cheats on Elizabeth with some random girl named Sasha in a really, really vaguely written sex scene. Elizabeth catches him. He doesn't know why he cheated. He goes back to the smithy. Sue walks in one day. Then she leaves. Then Will saves her from some old man. Then he invites her to stay with him. She's looking for a diamond that someone stole. There's something about a letter or something. Elizabeth shows up. I rejoice that there is no more.
NOTES: *shakes head sadly*
Well, at least Elizabeth isn't evil...yet.
EXCERPT:
But- Wha- He wouldn- Oh forget it.
Giggling could be heard coming from the room. Followed by a rough voice talking.
Tanya played with his locks as he kissed every inch of her body that his lips could get to. She whispered words to him that made him more eager to please her.
Then she stopped abruptly.
“Down boy...” Small protests came from his mouth as she pushed him off her, only so she got back on top of him.
“That’s not very nice.” A grin passed her lips.
“I’m not a very nice girl... you should no that by now... baby...” He gasped as she touched a sensitive part of him, but this just made her laugh.
“Still so innocent... well have to change that now... wont we darling.” A sly grin spread across his face. It could still be seen even if the dim light that filled the room.
“And just how do you say we do that?” He asked her. Another spurt of giggles escaped her lips.
“Just wait and s...” His hand flew to her mouth to silence her,
Tanya frowned, and then heard the noises that were coming from downstairs to. She caught the end of what a female voice was shouting.
“... Are you home? Hello?” A look of panic swept across his face, as he heard footsteps come up the stairs.
“No she can’t be...” He cut him self off as the bedroom door opened.
The look on her face was enough for him to know what he had done, would break them up forever.
“Will... what?” She looked at the women on top of him and burst into tears. She couldn’t understand it.
“Elizabeth I... I can explain.”
“I thought you loved me.” Her eyes couldn’t stop darting between the two on the bed.
“I...”
“No I don’t want to hear it...” She turned and ran out of the house. Silence remained in it for about 15 minuets before Tanya spoke. So...they just sat there in silence for fifteen minutes...not talking about the fact that his wife just walked in on them? Oh, why the hell not. Nothing else in this story makes sense.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
“Who... who was she?” Will’s mouth moved but no words came out.
“Oh god... please don’t tell me you married.” Will looked down a guilty look on his face.
“I... yes I’m married.” The women looked appalled.
“Why... what... when.... God even Jack wouldn’t sink this low.”
“Jack a’int married.” Tanya shrugged
“He might not be married but I think his got a girl now... lass on his crew... but even so, he wouldn’t stoop so low to cheat on her.”
Great now I feel guiltier then before.
“I... I don’t know why I did it ok. I just DID it.” Tanya gave will a sympathetic look as she claimed off the bed.
“Sort your head out will. Bye.” Will watched as she left the room, and then heard the door bang downstairs, and suddenly he felt alone.
More alone then he ever had in his life...
...Will leaves.
Will started to pack his things. He was unsure whether or not Elizabeth would stay in their small home, by herself but even if she didn’t he didn’t want to be there.
As he brought his cases down the stairs, Elizabeth walked through the door looking sheepish. She couldn’t even look at Will.
“Elizabeth I...” Elizabeth scrunched her eyes together.
“Save it Will, I don’t want to hear it.” She paused. “Just answer me one thing. Why did you do it, I thought you loved me.” Tears began to roll down her cheeks. “I mean, you saved me from those pirates, i... i... just tell me why. Did I do something wrong?” Will looked down at his feet
He didn’t no why he had cheated on her. He didn’t no how to explain something that he didn’t no the answer to himself. This is the sort of confusion that follows when one is trapped within a Suefic.
“I... I don’t know why I did it. Liz you didn’t do anything wrong. I guess I don’t love you... I mean I love you... just not that way. Not they way I should, not the way I want to. Not the way you want me to.”
“Will... where are you going? Stay here its more your house then mine. I’m going back to my farther house.”
“No I can’t stay here Liz. It isn’t my house, it’s our house. It wouldn’t be right me being here by myself. I’m going to go back to the blacksmith, live in the bit over the shop. Like I used to before...” Elizabeth nodded to show she understood.
“Bye then.” His voice was full of regret and sorrow.
“Bye.” Wow. That was dramatic.
'Plot' movement...sort of. Kind of.
Will watched as the girl he had given a place to stay for the night came down the stairs, and into the room he was currently in. she smiled shyly as she said good morning.
“Morning. Did you sleep well?”
“Erm yes, thank you.” Stacey looked shifty, as if she was uncomfortable, and Will burst out laughing which took her aback. “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing it just... reminds me of something all of this shyness and formal speaking.”
“Oh... do you mind me asking what it reminds you of?”
“That’s for another time. So Stacey what are you in Port Royal for again?”
“I’m looking for someone to help me find, something that was stolen from me about a month ago. If that makes any sense.” There are many things in this story that don't make sense. The idea of looking for something that has been stolen from you is not one of them.
“Yes it does. What was stolen from you and who stole it?” Stacey smiled. And began to explain about what she was looking for, and how it was important to her. Wow...it was so nice of you to explain these vital plot points to your audience. Oh, wait. You didn't. How can anyone be this lazy?
“What so he’s got the diamond thinking it’s worth loads, but what he thinks it does wont work with out the letter that you have with you?” What are we supposed to do, piece together the plot from this oh-so-illuminating dialogue?
“Yes. Only I never told him that part. It just means he won’t be able to sell it for as much as he thought he could. On its own it’s still very valuable.” Will opened his mouth to say more, Perhaps to actually tell us what the hell you two are talking about? I can understand the need to avoid exposition...but you can explain some things. but got interrupted by a knock from the door to the blacksmiths.
Walking around so he could see who was there he frowned.
“Elizabeth?”