Anna Sparrow
Grabbed another moment, so another Sue. In case anyone hadn't figured it out, summer time is busy time. I should be back to a normal reporting schedule once school starts. Until then, the reports will have to come when I can squeeze them in.
Also, happy news! According to araeph Youfics are no longer allowed on the Pit. Get to reporting them everyone!
TITLE: Lost Pirate
CULPRIT: Brown Eyez
SUMMARY: "Jack Sparrow meets the sister he had lost for years.... but what happens when she brings evil with her... The adventure begins… (based on the movie, Anna not the same character as in the movie)"
BEST LINE: "'Anna….Anna Sparrow my long lost sister.' He spat out." Why would anyone actually use the phrase "long lost sister" without sarcasm...in any story...for any reason...ever?
THE VERDICT
It's a short drop and a sudden stop for you.
NAME: Anna Sparrow
EYES: brown
HAIR: "long straight brown hair, with corn rows" or long and black. Apparently, it changes.
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: none
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: A sword with "Pirate Anna Sparrow" engraved on it.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: Jack's sister. She replaces Anamaria in the movie.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE CANON CONNECTIONS/AFFILIATIONS: See above.
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: I don't know about the Sue but the author has the special ability to annoy me by not even thinking up her own fucking plot.
THE "PLOT": The same one as the movie. Only Sue replaces Anamaria and was supposedly on the Black Pearl back when Jack was captain. Apparently, Barbossa and crew just held her prisoner until three years before the movie. The entire fic is her stealing various lines and adding in stupid discussions about how Jack never looked for her and how she wished for her life before he was captain of the Black Pearl.
NOTES: God I hate this sort of fic more than most Suefic. I mean, how hard is it to come up with a half-ass plot of your own? Must people continuously transcribe the movie and insert their stupid OCs? Shouldn't there be some sort of rule against that at the Pit?
Why do I even bother to ask these questions?
EXCERPT:
Shouldn't This Count As Plagiarism?
It was late and the bar was empting, I sat at a table having once last drink, and was about to leave until someone sat down across from me.
"What," I asked, looking at the man who sat across from me.
"Jack Sparrow is back, and he is looking for the Black Pearl," he said.
"What, how do you know," I yelled, but then lowering my voice so no one could hear me.
"Gibbs told me, he is looking for a crew. Be at the port tomorrow morning…"
I walked quickly passed Jack and the young man I had seen at the bar. They where talking to Mr. Cotton, only if they knew he was mute.
"Mr. Cotton … do you have the courage and fortitude to follow orders and stay true in the face of danger and almost certain death? Mr. Cotton ! Answer, man!," he yelled.
"He's a mute, sir. Poor devil had his tongue cut out, so he trained the parrot to talk for him. No one's yet figured how." Mr. Gibbs explained. I took my place next to the man, James Jones, who had been at the bar.
"Mr. Cotton 's... parrot. Same question." He asked, not sure he should be asking the parrot.
"Wind in the sails! Wind in the sails!," the parrot said. Jack and the young man stared at the bird in disbelief.
"Mostly, we figure, that means "yes.'"
"O'course it does. Satisfied?" Jack asked. Jack acted the same as he always did, the way I always remembered him.
"Well, you've proved they're mad." The young man said. I knew this was my turn to say something.
"And what's the benefit for us?" I yelled. Jack walked over slowly, trying to see my face under my hat. He reached over and pulled the hat off, staring at me shocked.
"Anna…" but before he could finished I slapped him across the face.
"I suppose you didn't deserve that one either." The boy asked like it had been done before.
"No, that one I deserved….what are you doing here?" he asked me.
"You need a crew right, well that's why I am here, Jack Sparrow." I yelled.
"Who is she," I heard the young man ask.
"Anna….Anna Sparrow my long lost sister." He spat out.
"Long…lost sister. You left me by myself for eight years. I was alone since I was ten." I yelled.
"You shouldn't be here," Jack said.
"I shouldn't be here, why Jack? I been looking for you, and really you were never looking for me." I said. Jack looked at Mr. Gibbs, and then at the man behind him.
"What do you want really? Why do you want to come with me?"
"For more reasons than you would know…"
"Fine…what you say," Jack yelled.
"Aye," we all yelled and we gathered our stuff and made way on the boat.
"No, no, no, no, no, it's frightful bad luck to bring a woman aboard, sir." I heard Mr. Gibbs say. I stopped at the steps leading to the boat and looked at Jack. He looked at me, and then towards the sky.
"She is a good sailor, and It'd be far worse not to have her…"
Sue Insults Jack And Whines
Jack went off and so did will but I didn’t care. I watched Barbossa talk.
“And whose blood must yet be paid?” he asked.
“Hers” the pirates yelled. Wait! They had the wrong person. The girl wasn’t going to lift the curse from them. Will was. I ran down the little path and past a few pirates. I heard a gun shot and jumped. I watched as Will helped Elizabeth up and they ran towards were the little boat was. He was leaving Jack and I behind. I went to go after them but a pirate stopped me.
“Anna Sparrow, long time no see eh?” I heard a pirate say. I looked at him a realized it was the pirate Ragetti.
“Parley,” I said so he couldn’t hurt me.
“Ah Anna Sparrow,” Barbossa said coming up to me. “You changed.” He touched my long black hair and I pulled away.
“Don’t touch her,” I heard Jack say. Barbossa turned around and he looked shocked to see Jack.
“How the blazes did you get off that island?” I heard Barbossa say.
“When you marooned me on that godforsaken spit of land, you forgot one very important thing, mate. I’m Captain Jack Sparrow .” he said. I looked at him and rolled my eyes, always trying to make someone mad.
“, well, I won’t be making that mistake again. Gents, you all remember Captain Jack Sparrow ? Kill him. The captain said.
“The girls blood didn’t work did it?” Jack asked.
“Hold your fire,” Barbossa yelled.
“I know whose blood ye need.” He said.
Jack and I were dragged onto the Black Pearl, to many memories coming back to me. The eight years I had spent on this ship, nothing had changed. Jack was brought into the cabin to “negotiate” with Barbossa. I saw a ship with the words the Interceptor on the back. We were catching up to them.
“They're clubhaulin'! Hard to port! Rack the starboard oars.” I heard the pirates yell.
I looked on the ground and picked up an old sword. I looked at the handle and it had engraved on it Pirate Anna Sparrow. My eyes grew big, the pirates kept my sword.
“Fire!” I heard everyone yell. Jack was locked in the cell but I wasn’t. I ran down to the cell and saw Jack trying to get out.
“Anna get me out of here,” he yelled.
“Do you see the irony in all of this? I come back for you, but what you never came back for me.” I said.
“Anna, this is not the time,” he yelled.
I noticed that the lock had been blown off of the door.
“Good thing I am smarter than you Jack,” I said pushing open the door. He looked at me and then walked out.
"Very good,” he said and then ran off with me following behind him.
Also, happy news! According to araeph Youfics are no longer allowed on the Pit. Get to reporting them everyone!
TITLE: Lost Pirate
CULPRIT: Brown Eyez
SUMMARY: "Jack Sparrow meets the sister he had lost for years.... but what happens when she brings evil with her... The adventure begins… (based on the movie, Anna not the same character as in the movie)"
BEST LINE: "'Anna….Anna Sparrow my long lost sister.' He spat out." Why would anyone actually use the phrase "long lost sister" without sarcasm...in any story...for any reason...ever?
THE VERDICT
It's a short drop and a sudden stop for you.
NAME: Anna Sparrow
EYES: brown
HAIR: "long straight brown hair, with corn rows" or long and black. Apparently, it changes.
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: none
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: A sword with "Pirate Anna Sparrow" engraved on it.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: Jack's sister. She replaces Anamaria in the movie.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE CANON CONNECTIONS/AFFILIATIONS: See above.
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: I don't know about the Sue but the author has the special ability to annoy me by not even thinking up her own fucking plot.
THE "PLOT": The same one as the movie. Only Sue replaces Anamaria and was supposedly on the Black Pearl back when Jack was captain. Apparently, Barbossa and crew just held her prisoner until three years before the movie. The entire fic is her stealing various lines and adding in stupid discussions about how Jack never looked for her and how she wished for her life before he was captain of the Black Pearl.
NOTES: God I hate this sort of fic more than most Suefic. I mean, how hard is it to come up with a half-ass plot of your own? Must people continuously transcribe the movie and insert their stupid OCs? Shouldn't there be some sort of rule against that at the Pit?
Why do I even bother to ask these questions?
EXCERPT:
Shouldn't This Count As Plagiarism?
It was late and the bar was empting, I sat at a table having once last drink, and was about to leave until someone sat down across from me.
"What," I asked, looking at the man who sat across from me.
"Jack Sparrow is back, and he is looking for the Black Pearl," he said.
"What, how do you know," I yelled, but then lowering my voice so no one could hear me.
"Gibbs told me, he is looking for a crew. Be at the port tomorrow morning…"
I walked quickly passed Jack and the young man I had seen at the bar. They where talking to Mr. Cotton, only if they knew he was mute.
"Mr. Cotton … do you have the courage and fortitude to follow orders and stay true in the face of danger and almost certain death? Mr. Cotton ! Answer, man!," he yelled.
"He's a mute, sir. Poor devil had his tongue cut out, so he trained the parrot to talk for him. No one's yet figured how." Mr. Gibbs explained. I took my place next to the man, James Jones, who had been at the bar.
"Mr. Cotton 's... parrot. Same question." He asked, not sure he should be asking the parrot.
"Wind in the sails! Wind in the sails!," the parrot said. Jack and the young man stared at the bird in disbelief.
"Mostly, we figure, that means "yes.'"
"O'course it does. Satisfied?" Jack asked. Jack acted the same as he always did, the way I always remembered him.
"Well, you've proved they're mad." The young man said. I knew this was my turn to say something.
"And what's the benefit for us?" I yelled. Jack walked over slowly, trying to see my face under my hat. He reached over and pulled the hat off, staring at me shocked.
"Anna…" but before he could finished I slapped him across the face.
"I suppose you didn't deserve that one either." The boy asked like it had been done before.
"No, that one I deserved….what are you doing here?" he asked me.
"You need a crew right, well that's why I am here, Jack Sparrow." I yelled.
"Who is she," I heard the young man ask.
"Anna….Anna Sparrow my long lost sister." He spat out.
"Long…lost sister. You left me by myself for eight years. I was alone since I was ten." I yelled.
"You shouldn't be here," Jack said.
"I shouldn't be here, why Jack? I been looking for you, and really you were never looking for me." I said. Jack looked at Mr. Gibbs, and then at the man behind him.
"What do you want really? Why do you want to come with me?"
"For more reasons than you would know…"
"Fine…what you say," Jack yelled.
"Aye," we all yelled and we gathered our stuff and made way on the boat.
"No, no, no, no, no, it's frightful bad luck to bring a woman aboard, sir." I heard Mr. Gibbs say. I stopped at the steps leading to the boat and looked at Jack. He looked at me, and then towards the sky.
"She is a good sailor, and It'd be far worse not to have her…"
Sue Insults Jack And Whines
Jack went off and so did will but I didn’t care. I watched Barbossa talk.
“And whose blood must yet be paid?” he asked.
“Hers” the pirates yelled. Wait! They had the wrong person. The girl wasn’t going to lift the curse from them. Will was. I ran down the little path and past a few pirates. I heard a gun shot and jumped. I watched as Will helped Elizabeth up and they ran towards were the little boat was. He was leaving Jack and I behind. I went to go after them but a pirate stopped me.
“Anna Sparrow, long time no see eh?” I heard a pirate say. I looked at him a realized it was the pirate Ragetti.
“Parley,” I said so he couldn’t hurt me.
“Ah Anna Sparrow,” Barbossa said coming up to me. “You changed.” He touched my long black hair and I pulled away.
“Don’t touch her,” I heard Jack say. Barbossa turned around and he looked shocked to see Jack.
“How the blazes did you get off that island?” I heard Barbossa say.
“When you marooned me on that godforsaken spit of land, you forgot one very important thing, mate. I’m Captain Jack Sparrow .” he said. I looked at him and rolled my eyes, always trying to make someone mad.
“, well, I won’t be making that mistake again. Gents, you all remember Captain Jack Sparrow ? Kill him. The captain said.
“The girls blood didn’t work did it?” Jack asked.
“Hold your fire,” Barbossa yelled.
“I know whose blood ye need.” He said.
Jack and I were dragged onto the Black Pearl, to many memories coming back to me. The eight years I had spent on this ship, nothing had changed. Jack was brought into the cabin to “negotiate” with Barbossa. I saw a ship with the words the Interceptor on the back. We were catching up to them.
“They're clubhaulin'! Hard to port! Rack the starboard oars.” I heard the pirates yell.
I looked on the ground and picked up an old sword. I looked at the handle and it had engraved on it Pirate Anna Sparrow. My eyes grew big, the pirates kept my sword.
“Fire!” I heard everyone yell. Jack was locked in the cell but I wasn’t. I ran down to the cell and saw Jack trying to get out.
“Anna get me out of here,” he yelled.
“Do you see the irony in all of this? I come back for you, but what you never came back for me.” I said.
“Anna, this is not the time,” he yelled.
I noticed that the lock had been blown off of the door.
“Good thing I am smarter than you Jack,” I said pushing open the door. He looked at me and then walked out.
"Very good,” he said and then ran off with me following behind him.