Sitdown Comedy
Greetings earthlings! I am Budda Holly. That's Buddy Holly with an A instead of a Y. Why? Because we love you. M-O-U-S-E! Have you ever been to Disney World.. on mushrooms?!? Talk about a fucking trip. That place is ridiculous. They got all these people walking around, making minimum wage, dressed up as all the favourite Disney characters of your youth. And they have to play the part and can't break character for anything because it will freak out the kids or something.. So that gives you carte blanche to get wasted and walk around and fuck with them.. Like, say for instance, you can walk up to the hot ass British girl playing Alice from Wonderland and you can ask her "Say, did you fuck that White Rabbit again last night?" and she'll reply with no hesitation "No, we're just friends." But these people that work there are ridiculous.. Like, you can walk over to Agrabbah and they got this hot ass Indian girl dressed up like Jasmine and some hot ass Puerto Rican guy dressed up like Aladdin and they're probably fucking each other in the Utilidor every night, but, you walk up to Jasmine cos you want to look at her chest and ask for her autograph and you get there and some Disney Cast Member holds up a sign saying "Jasmine will be right back. She has to go feed Rajah" which is Disney code for she has to go take a hit off her crack pipe and take a shit, but they don't say that in front of the kids. Gotta keep up appearances. And all these kids that work there are all these crazy drama class kids with delusions of grandeur and they all live in these apartment complexes all around the park, having orgies and doing the best designer drugs you can afford on seven dollars an hour. My Mom worked in the Magic Kingdom for a week. She had to quit. She couldn't handle the partying. My mom was a good lady. She died five years ago. I didn't kill her but I did start the fire that burned my dad's house down, but that's another story. But, yeah. I was sitting in my bedroom at 4am on June 14th 2007, listening to music on my huge ass Peavey PA and downloading illegal Super Nintendo games for my SNES emulator program. Speaking of SNES. I will school anyone in the world at Mortal Kombat II. Five dollars a game. Shang Tsung Wins. Double Flawless Victory! Fatality! Friendship! Friendship... again?!? But, back to my mom... it's 4am and she calls me on my cellphone. My dad and sister are both sleeping in their own respective bedrooms.. she calls me and says come to the living room I need to go to the hospital.. She had been having chest pains and trouble breathing for a few days, she was fifty.. So i go out to the living room and she tells me to put the 14 year old geriatric dog and my sister's psycho calico cat in my dad's bedroom so the paramedics could come in and get her.. So I do it.. and the ambulance comes and they put her on a stretcher and as they're wheeling her away she says to me "Make sure you go to your competency class tomorrow" cos I was on pretrial release at the time for some trumped up charged I caught over in Fort Lauderdale, but that's a story for another day.. But anyway.. To make a long story short (too late!), those were the last words I ever heard her say, because after they drove off toward Memorial Pembroke Pines with the lights flashing I went back to my room to resume my downloading.. Then I went to competency class in the morning, came back home, and finally went to sleep.. My dad comes home, knocks on my door and says "Tim, come out here." So I leave my room and my dad looks at me and my sister and just said "She's gone." and my heart hit the floor. It was like the scene in Bambi where Bambi's dad comes down and tells his son what's what after the hunters shoot his mom and if i just ruined the movie Bambi for you, fuck you.. you should have already seen the movie by now you poor excuse for an American. But anyways, yeah.. My mom dies and then my dad turns into a total fucking nudist, right? He starts going to this "Seminole Health Club" out west on Griffin every weekend. Calling me up saying shit like "Wanna come over, get naked and eat some pizza?" I'm like, "No, dad, I don't want to get naked and eat some pizza. How about you give me a twenty dollar bill and the car keys? But anyways, yeah.. Do you know the most popular guy at the nudist colony is? The guy who can carry two cups of coffee and a dozen doughnuts at the same fucking time... Now THAT's fucking FUNNY!