Keep Your Head Down [12]
Pairings: YunJaeMin
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: boyxboy, mature content.
Summary: Jaejoong wants to be forgiven for leaving HoMin and they know what they want as retribution.
A/N: Lol is anyone still reading this?
Jaejoong stepped into the cold autumn air, hugging his leather jacket closer to his body, as the thin shirt under it did nothing to help protect him from the chill. He walked down the nondescript steps to the nondescript building in the nondescript neighborhood, checking his phone and replying to the cheery, smiley-face-ended text from his therapist reminding him about his appointment the following week.
Dr. Han was in her late-thirties, but had a kind, girlish face and a plethora of recommendations both for her effectiveness and discretion. That did not mean she did not have to sign an intensive amount of confidentiality paperwork though, and only then Jaejoong felt half-comfortable talking to her. Eventually he grew to like her, and was grateful for the secretive nature of her therapy. There were no newspaper ads advertising her craft nor a plaque outside her office to mark her as anything else than a regular single woman with the occasional visiting acquaintance. Her hours were flexible, and she did not demand regular visits, though she encouraged them when possible. Jaejoong’s manager had actually gotten her contact information from the manager of another big star, though he would not tell Jaejoong who. He supposed the other manager would keep the same discretion with their artist.
After typing a quick reply, Jaejoong stuck his phone back in his pocket. His face was protected by a facemask and a pair of pitch-black sunglasses, though he still walked briskly to the corner and then turned left, where a car stopped in front of him seconds later. He climbed in the passenger’s side, closing the door quickly behind him.
“How was today?” his manager asked, handing him a take-out cup of coffee.
“Good,” Jaejoong replied, wrapping both hands around the warm container and taking a tentative sip. He watched the building disappear from his sight as the car sped away and in the direction of the studio.
It did not take long for Jaejoong to get lost in his thoughts while staring at the passing scenery through the car window. Despite his calm demeanor, his brain was racing back and forth trying to figure out the things he had discussed with his doctor during his therapy session.
“I want to forgive them,” he had said. “But I don’t know how, or if I should.”
Dr. Han took a second to refill his cup with the fragrant herbal tea that Jaejoong had already begun to associate with her office before sitting down and fixing him with a serious but unaffected look.
“That is something you will have to decide for yourself, as well as if you want them in your life or not.”
“What do you mean?”
“I am not saying you should forgive them, but whether you do or not will certainly influence your relationship. Are you capable of a long-term relationship, be it friendship or something else, with someone you can’t trust?”
Jaejoong took the teacup with shaky fingers and took a long sip of the hot liquid hoping to calm his nerves. It barely did anything leaving him empty for words and dreadful of what conclusions he might arrive to.
“Do what is better for you, Jaejoong-ssi.”
“I have no idea what that is,” Jaejoong admitted desperately.
The doctor’s usually serious eyes seemed to soften a little around the edges.
“It is not that hard, Jaejoong-ssi. Just ask yourself: what do you want?”
That last question played in repeat inside his head ever since he left Dr. Han's office. He had no idea how to move on from this point in his life. What was it that he wanted? Dr. Han suggested picturing himself ten years from now but whenever he tried that he could only focus on his professional goals, not personal ones.
He was so lost in thought that he did not notice the car stopping until his manager tapped him on the knee.
“We are here,” he said, getting out of the car.
Jaejoong snapped out of his trance, hurrying to untangle himself from the seatbelt. Once outside he suddenly took notice of the paper cup of coffee in his hand. It had gone cold. Frowning, he went to throw it in the trashcan just outside the studio, before following suit behind his manager and into the building.
After a short elevator ride, Jaejoong stepped out into the studio floor. He greeted a couple sound engineers he had worked with lately, but otherwise hurried to the recording room. The room was dimly-lit and cozy, probably to make artists feel at ease. It did calm Jaejoong’s nervous energy and he felt his jittery nerves being replaced by a sense of relaxation that comes with the routine of work. The room was oddly empty though.
“Where are Junsu and Yoochun?” he inquired.
“They are going to come in later,” his manager replies. “today we are just going to record some of your tracks. The group parts can wait.”
Jaejoong nodded and got in the cabin. He warmed up for a few minutes, letting his muscles loosen and his head clear. Upon taking the headphones and being given the cue, a soft melody began pouring into his ears. His head bobbed lightly to the beat, while he waited for his turn.
And then he sang.
-
Changmin walked briskly through the hallways of the S.M. Entertainment offices. He had gotten stuck in a traffic jam just a few blocks away that had slowed his pace to a mere crawl. He was never late, dammit, that was just not a characteristic of his. It was not his fault the meeting had been called out of the blue and he had been on the other side of the city. He glanced down at his wristwatch and picked up the pace until he was almost running. He spotted the correct number on the door and with a tiny exclamation of success he opened the door.
Inside, he spotted Choi-ssi, head of PR if he remembered correctly, sitting behind a long desk. There was a manila folder in front of him, and his hands were clasped under his chin, in a rather impressive attempt to look calm, despite the bulging vein in his neck. Next to him stood Changmin’s and Yunho’s manager. While his height usually rivaled that of the idols under his care, he seemed shorter as he stood with arms crossed and an embarrassed look in his face. The last thing Changmin noticed, was Yunho-hyung sitting across from Choi-ssi, his knee bouncing impatiently up and down while his jaw was tense and his mouth closed shut, a gesture that only years of living with the man would allow Changmin to identify as that of barely-contained fury.
“Changmin-ah, so glad you could join us. Please sit down,” Choi-ssi greeted, pointing at the chair to his hyung’s right.
Changmin bowed briefly before taking a seat. “Sorry for being late.”
Choi waved his hand around as if it was no bother. “It’s no problem but we did get the meeting started without you, didn’t we, Yunho-ah?”
His hyung clenched his fists over the armrests of his chair, and without taking his eyes off Choi he let out a drawn-out breath and spoke. “They know.”
At his words, what Changmin could only describe as the feeling of a cold bucket of water being poured over his head washed over him.
“What?” he asked dumbfounded.
His hyung refused to reply, turning his eyes away and out of the window behind Choi.
Choi chuckled before pushing the folder towards Changmin, urging him to take it.
“It was just a matter of time really,” he said, crossing his hands back under his chin, and smiling at them. “it was either us or those crazy fans of yours finding out first.”
Changmin opened the folder, his mouth falling open in shock at the contents. Inside were at least twenty pictures of Yunho and him, entering Jaejoong’s apartment building. Going through them he eventually stumbled upon one of Jaejoong going to their place. It was old, more than a year old, when Jaejoong wore his hair longer. That was at the beginning of this whole mess, and the guilt made Changmin quickly switch to the next one, which was of Yunho and Yoochun, sitting in a café together. From what he had heard it had not been a friendly meet-up but it made little difference. They were not supposed to have any contact with the members of JYJ since they left the company. Clipped to the back were two sets of phone bills, one of his phone and the other of Yunho’s. Both had several lines of highlighted calls records, all the same number, and one Changmin already knew by heart.
Jaejoong’s.
Next to the bills was an official-looking document comfirming that yes, that was Kim Jaejoong’s phone number.
“This is illegal,” Changmin mumbled, but he already knew it would be of no use. Choi-ssi was still smiling at him in that patronizing way that meant they were in deep shit and there was no getting out of this one.
“Oh please, it is hardly wrong to have concerns when your employees are acting out against an agreement you had with them,” Choi said. “Especially when, had this behavior been detected by someone other than us, it could’ve severely damaged the company’s image. I know you have been hanging out with the wrong crowd, but are you also foolish enough to get into a lawsuit with us?”
Changmin’s hands were shaking. He was livid, yes, but he was also ashamed. Ashamed of starting all this mess, of continuing it, of getting caught. His mind was always one step ahead though.
“What about Jaejoong-hyung though? You’re invading his privacy too by getting this document confirming his phone number.”
Choi laughed again. “It wasn’t that hard to find, to be honest with you. It pays to have friends in high places, doesn’t it? And just in case you’re thinking about it, even if you, or Jaejoong-ssi for that matter, wanted to sue us, who do you think would come afloat? Companies survive, idols are expendable, you’d be wise to remember that.”
“You won’t get away with this,” Yunho said through gritted teeth, though Choi merely smiled at him, his eyes full of pity.
“But I already did, Yunho-ah,” he explained. “You will cease your contact with all JYJ members effect immediately. Your manager will make sure of that, won’t you?”
Changmin flushed in shared shame when he saw manager-hyung give a ninety-degree bow. The man was half-parent, half-friend most of the time, and he had either not noticed (unlikely) or had covered for them all these months. He could not resent him for agreeing to keep a stricter eye on them. His job was on the line and he was lucky he did not get fired there and then.
“He can’t babysit us twenty-four-seven,” Yunho continued to argue, but even Changmin knew he was grasping at straws.
“That’s true, Yunho-ah,” Choi said before leaning forward on his desk, getting closer to Yunho’s face. “But if I so much as hear that you got twenty feet close to that Jaejoong or any other JYJ member I will make sure that not only you lose your career, but that you get a financially-crippling lawsuit dropped onto your lap before you can even blink.”
-
“Fuck!” Yunho exclaimed as soon as they got home, kicking one of the kitchen chairs and sending it skidding across the floor.
Changmin could get behind his hyung’s sentiment. As soon as the meeting had been over, manager-hyung had confiscated their phones and traded them for a couple new ones. The models were the same, but the number was different and, of course, they both had Jaejoong’s phone number blocked. Their manager had shot them an apologetic look while doing all this, looking as wretched as them, though it did nothing to calm their frustration.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” he adviced, just as he was dropping them off. “They will know.”
Changming grabbed the chair his hyung had kicked and sat on it. He pressed his fingers against his eyes until he saw white and black dots, mulling the words of his manager over.
“Jaejoong-hyung doesn’t know,” he deadpanned.
Yunho groaned. After his outburst he had moved to the counter and was leaning his elbows upon the surface, his head cradled in his hands. Upon hearing Changmin he turned to look at the maknae, eyebrows furrowed in worry.
“He is going to think we are avoiding him,” Yunho replied.
Changmin let out a frustrated sigh, while Yunho just buried his face in his hands.
They were not to contact JYJ be it through phone calls, texts, emails or even using a relative’s phone. They would know, though they did not specify how.
Probably through more illegal nonsense, Changmin thought bitterly while wrecking his brain for a way around the blockade.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Author's Note:
Oh hi! Long time no see! Guess who is done with university and is currently unemployed! ME! I thought I should at least try to update this story. This is not how I envisioned it to go. I think I might've just made things harder for myself by introducing this new turn of events but *sigh*, I really didn't have a plan you know? And this just flowed out. It might be for the best *nod* *nod*. Anyway, I am still not promising anything on terms of updating. I am rusty af and while once it took me 1 hour to write 1k words or more now it takes me HOURS (sometimes days, don't judge) to get the same amount of words out, hence the shortness of the chapters lately (and their.... unedited nature). If anyone is still reading this story I really appreciate it (and well, it is for you!) but I also understand if most of you have moved on. Anyway, i would keep babbling but you guys are not here for that. Thanks a lot to all that still read this and hope this chapter is somewhat satisfactory!
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: boyxboy, mature content.
Summary: Jaejoong wants to be forgiven for leaving HoMin and they know what they want as retribution.
A/N: Lol is anyone still reading this?
Jaejoong stepped into the cold autumn air, hugging his leather jacket closer to his body, as the thin shirt under it did nothing to help protect him from the chill. He walked down the nondescript steps to the nondescript building in the nondescript neighborhood, checking his phone and replying to the cheery, smiley-face-ended text from his therapist reminding him about his appointment the following week.
Dr. Han was in her late-thirties, but had a kind, girlish face and a plethora of recommendations both for her effectiveness and discretion. That did not mean she did not have to sign an intensive amount of confidentiality paperwork though, and only then Jaejoong felt half-comfortable talking to her. Eventually he grew to like her, and was grateful for the secretive nature of her therapy. There were no newspaper ads advertising her craft nor a plaque outside her office to mark her as anything else than a regular single woman with the occasional visiting acquaintance. Her hours were flexible, and she did not demand regular visits, though she encouraged them when possible. Jaejoong’s manager had actually gotten her contact information from the manager of another big star, though he would not tell Jaejoong who. He supposed the other manager would keep the same discretion with their artist.
After typing a quick reply, Jaejoong stuck his phone back in his pocket. His face was protected by a facemask and a pair of pitch-black sunglasses, though he still walked briskly to the corner and then turned left, where a car stopped in front of him seconds later. He climbed in the passenger’s side, closing the door quickly behind him.
“How was today?” his manager asked, handing him a take-out cup of coffee.
“Good,” Jaejoong replied, wrapping both hands around the warm container and taking a tentative sip. He watched the building disappear from his sight as the car sped away and in the direction of the studio.
It did not take long for Jaejoong to get lost in his thoughts while staring at the passing scenery through the car window. Despite his calm demeanor, his brain was racing back and forth trying to figure out the things he had discussed with his doctor during his therapy session.
“I want to forgive them,” he had said. “But I don’t know how, or if I should.”
Dr. Han took a second to refill his cup with the fragrant herbal tea that Jaejoong had already begun to associate with her office before sitting down and fixing him with a serious but unaffected look.
“That is something you will have to decide for yourself, as well as if you want them in your life or not.”
“What do you mean?”
“I am not saying you should forgive them, but whether you do or not will certainly influence your relationship. Are you capable of a long-term relationship, be it friendship or something else, with someone you can’t trust?”
Jaejoong took the teacup with shaky fingers and took a long sip of the hot liquid hoping to calm his nerves. It barely did anything leaving him empty for words and dreadful of what conclusions he might arrive to.
“Do what is better for you, Jaejoong-ssi.”
“I have no idea what that is,” Jaejoong admitted desperately.
The doctor’s usually serious eyes seemed to soften a little around the edges.
“It is not that hard, Jaejoong-ssi. Just ask yourself: what do you want?”
That last question played in repeat inside his head ever since he left Dr. Han's office. He had no idea how to move on from this point in his life. What was it that he wanted? Dr. Han suggested picturing himself ten years from now but whenever he tried that he could only focus on his professional goals, not personal ones.
He was so lost in thought that he did not notice the car stopping until his manager tapped him on the knee.
“We are here,” he said, getting out of the car.
Jaejoong snapped out of his trance, hurrying to untangle himself from the seatbelt. Once outside he suddenly took notice of the paper cup of coffee in his hand. It had gone cold. Frowning, he went to throw it in the trashcan just outside the studio, before following suit behind his manager and into the building.
After a short elevator ride, Jaejoong stepped out into the studio floor. He greeted a couple sound engineers he had worked with lately, but otherwise hurried to the recording room. The room was dimly-lit and cozy, probably to make artists feel at ease. It did calm Jaejoong’s nervous energy and he felt his jittery nerves being replaced by a sense of relaxation that comes with the routine of work. The room was oddly empty though.
“Where are Junsu and Yoochun?” he inquired.
“They are going to come in later,” his manager replies. “today we are just going to record some of your tracks. The group parts can wait.”
Jaejoong nodded and got in the cabin. He warmed up for a few minutes, letting his muscles loosen and his head clear. Upon taking the headphones and being given the cue, a soft melody began pouring into his ears. His head bobbed lightly to the beat, while he waited for his turn.
And then he sang.
-
Changmin walked briskly through the hallways of the S.M. Entertainment offices. He had gotten stuck in a traffic jam just a few blocks away that had slowed his pace to a mere crawl. He was never late, dammit, that was just not a characteristic of his. It was not his fault the meeting had been called out of the blue and he had been on the other side of the city. He glanced down at his wristwatch and picked up the pace until he was almost running. He spotted the correct number on the door and with a tiny exclamation of success he opened the door.
Inside, he spotted Choi-ssi, head of PR if he remembered correctly, sitting behind a long desk. There was a manila folder in front of him, and his hands were clasped under his chin, in a rather impressive attempt to look calm, despite the bulging vein in his neck. Next to him stood Changmin’s and Yunho’s manager. While his height usually rivaled that of the idols under his care, he seemed shorter as he stood with arms crossed and an embarrassed look in his face. The last thing Changmin noticed, was Yunho-hyung sitting across from Choi-ssi, his knee bouncing impatiently up and down while his jaw was tense and his mouth closed shut, a gesture that only years of living with the man would allow Changmin to identify as that of barely-contained fury.
“Changmin-ah, so glad you could join us. Please sit down,” Choi-ssi greeted, pointing at the chair to his hyung’s right.
Changmin bowed briefly before taking a seat. “Sorry for being late.”
Choi waved his hand around as if it was no bother. “It’s no problem but we did get the meeting started without you, didn’t we, Yunho-ah?”
His hyung clenched his fists over the armrests of his chair, and without taking his eyes off Choi he let out a drawn-out breath and spoke. “They know.”
At his words, what Changmin could only describe as the feeling of a cold bucket of water being poured over his head washed over him.
“What?” he asked dumbfounded.
His hyung refused to reply, turning his eyes away and out of the window behind Choi.
Choi chuckled before pushing the folder towards Changmin, urging him to take it.
“It was just a matter of time really,” he said, crossing his hands back under his chin, and smiling at them. “it was either us or those crazy fans of yours finding out first.”
Changmin opened the folder, his mouth falling open in shock at the contents. Inside were at least twenty pictures of Yunho and him, entering Jaejoong’s apartment building. Going through them he eventually stumbled upon one of Jaejoong going to their place. It was old, more than a year old, when Jaejoong wore his hair longer. That was at the beginning of this whole mess, and the guilt made Changmin quickly switch to the next one, which was of Yunho and Yoochun, sitting in a café together. From what he had heard it had not been a friendly meet-up but it made little difference. They were not supposed to have any contact with the members of JYJ since they left the company. Clipped to the back were two sets of phone bills, one of his phone and the other of Yunho’s. Both had several lines of highlighted calls records, all the same number, and one Changmin already knew by heart.
Jaejoong’s.
Next to the bills was an official-looking document comfirming that yes, that was Kim Jaejoong’s phone number.
“This is illegal,” Changmin mumbled, but he already knew it would be of no use. Choi-ssi was still smiling at him in that patronizing way that meant they were in deep shit and there was no getting out of this one.
“Oh please, it is hardly wrong to have concerns when your employees are acting out against an agreement you had with them,” Choi said. “Especially when, had this behavior been detected by someone other than us, it could’ve severely damaged the company’s image. I know you have been hanging out with the wrong crowd, but are you also foolish enough to get into a lawsuit with us?”
Changmin’s hands were shaking. He was livid, yes, but he was also ashamed. Ashamed of starting all this mess, of continuing it, of getting caught. His mind was always one step ahead though.
“What about Jaejoong-hyung though? You’re invading his privacy too by getting this document confirming his phone number.”
Choi laughed again. “It wasn’t that hard to find, to be honest with you. It pays to have friends in high places, doesn’t it? And just in case you’re thinking about it, even if you, or Jaejoong-ssi for that matter, wanted to sue us, who do you think would come afloat? Companies survive, idols are expendable, you’d be wise to remember that.”
“You won’t get away with this,” Yunho said through gritted teeth, though Choi merely smiled at him, his eyes full of pity.
“But I already did, Yunho-ah,” he explained. “You will cease your contact with all JYJ members effect immediately. Your manager will make sure of that, won’t you?”
Changmin flushed in shared shame when he saw manager-hyung give a ninety-degree bow. The man was half-parent, half-friend most of the time, and he had either not noticed (unlikely) or had covered for them all these months. He could not resent him for agreeing to keep a stricter eye on them. His job was on the line and he was lucky he did not get fired there and then.
“He can’t babysit us twenty-four-seven,” Yunho continued to argue, but even Changmin knew he was grasping at straws.
“That’s true, Yunho-ah,” Choi said before leaning forward on his desk, getting closer to Yunho’s face. “But if I so much as hear that you got twenty feet close to that Jaejoong or any other JYJ member I will make sure that not only you lose your career, but that you get a financially-crippling lawsuit dropped onto your lap before you can even blink.”
-
“Fuck!” Yunho exclaimed as soon as they got home, kicking one of the kitchen chairs and sending it skidding across the floor.
Changmin could get behind his hyung’s sentiment. As soon as the meeting had been over, manager-hyung had confiscated their phones and traded them for a couple new ones. The models were the same, but the number was different and, of course, they both had Jaejoong’s phone number blocked. Their manager had shot them an apologetic look while doing all this, looking as wretched as them, though it did nothing to calm their frustration.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” he adviced, just as he was dropping them off. “They will know.”
Changming grabbed the chair his hyung had kicked and sat on it. He pressed his fingers against his eyes until he saw white and black dots, mulling the words of his manager over.
“Jaejoong-hyung doesn’t know,” he deadpanned.
Yunho groaned. After his outburst he had moved to the counter and was leaning his elbows upon the surface, his head cradled in his hands. Upon hearing Changmin he turned to look at the maknae, eyebrows furrowed in worry.
“He is going to think we are avoiding him,” Yunho replied.
Changmin let out a frustrated sigh, while Yunho just buried his face in his hands.
They were not to contact JYJ be it through phone calls, texts, emails or even using a relative’s phone. They would know, though they did not specify how.
Probably through more illegal nonsense, Changmin thought bitterly while wrecking his brain for a way around the blockade.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Author's Note:
Oh hi! Long time no see! Guess who is done with university and is currently unemployed! ME! I thought I should at least try to update this story. This is not how I envisioned it to go. I think I might've just made things harder for myself by introducing this new turn of events but *sigh*, I really didn't have a plan you know? And this just flowed out. It might be for the best *nod* *nod*. Anyway, I am still not promising anything on terms of updating. I am rusty af and while once it took me 1 hour to write 1k words or more now it takes me HOURS (sometimes days, don't judge) to get the same amount of words out, hence the shortness of the chapters lately (and their.... unedited nature). If anyone is still reading this story I really appreciate it (and well, it is for you!) but I also understand if most of you have moved on. Anyway, i would keep babbling but you guys are not here for that. Thanks a lot to all that still read this and hope this chapter is somewhat satisfactory!