What I hate most . . .

[pollylynn]

. . . about this stupid, INSANE fucking ff.net debacle is how easy it is to restart the "What did I do?" narrative in my own messed-up head.

I didn't do anything to deserve it. Nothing. Not a thing. 

Comments

[amilyn]

There was nothing you DID or DIDN'T do that caused or could have prevented this.

I hate being on that merry-go-round.

*hugs*

[pollylynn]

Thanks, my dear. I know you Know, and I wish you didn't. I wish NO ONE did, and it's so bloody frustrating to realize that if it were anyone else asking themselves this, I would be their kind, endless, reassuring mantra that not a single bit of it is anything they did or didn't do.

[amilyn]

I wish even more that YOU didn't Know. I mean...at least mine stays away (did I tell you my brother died?) and leaves me be to grow and develop. Yours keeps coming back and back. And that shouldn't even be possible or allowed. I miss chatting with you...and I wish things would STAY settled so you can move along and not get tossed backward. **hugs*

NOTHING you did caused this.

NOTHING you did contributed.

NOTHING you did or thought or have are are made you "deserve" this.

NOTHING you could have done differently would have stopped someone this determined.

NOTHING they are doing is right or fair.

NOTHING you do or not-do could make them behave better/differently.

NOTHING about this is all right or reasonable, and there should be EVERYTHING available to support you in making them STOP.

NOTHING you did or did not do had ANY effect on this other person's intrusion into your life.

**hugs**

[pollylynn]

No! I didn't know about your brother. That has to be . . . complicated. But I'm glad to hear you are doing WELL!

And thank you for the bottom of my heart for this. Needed very much to hear it from outside myself.

[amilyn]

My brother dying was startlingly uncomplicated for me. I'm glad that he found a measure of peace. I'm sorry my mom has lost a child. I'm sorry his wife has lost someone she connected with (she *got* him in a way that she was even able to help him calm down when he got riled). I'm glad he had the peaceful death that everyone deserves.

But I'm not sad, and I'm incredibly relieved. It's *over* in that I never need worry again that he'll show up on my doorstep, that he'll try to contact me. And I don't feel bad about being relieved and not sad.

I'm sorry you're in the middle of this awfulness again. You deserve to be able to live without harassment.

NOTHING you did made this happen. Only HE is responsible. I wish he could be arrested and have all his internet taken away. **hugs**

[pollylynn]

I'm glad for you-and in awe of your empathy. it can be SO hard to combat the narrative of what we "should" feel about family.

Fortunately-unfortunately? The current harassment ISN'T him (at least so far as I can tell from how safe I felt trying to investigate that). It's a group of people who just hate me enough to follow me across multiple forms of social media as well as into real life. And it just sets the awful wheels turning with the added layer of "So it's not just that one person . . . the common denominator is me." But . . . just gotta battle back from that thinking. And thank you for the hand up on that.