Nectarine Sunset 9/14

[poisonpickles]

Title: Nectarine Sunset
Pairing: Eunhae
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU, Fluff, Romance.
Summary: Hyukjae has never had an easy life. He has been sheltered, living the only way he knows how. A simple meeting with a cheerful young man named Donghae will change every feeling Hyukjae has ever had.



Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Epilogue |

-

Donghae wakes slowly, rubbing neck muscles that are sore from sleeping in a chair. He panics slightly upon realizing that he's alone in the hospital room but when Donghwa enters the room with a smile and two cups of coffee, Donghae relaxes.

“The doctor is making her walk around a little,” Donghwa explains, sitting next to Donghae and handing him a cup of coffee.

“Thanks,” Donghae mumbles, drinking the coffee although it's bitter and unsatisfying to his tongue.

“What's going on between you and Hyukjae?”

The question takes Donghae by surprise and he drinks another swallow of coffee before responding.

“He had to work.”

“That's not what I asked you.”

Donghae sighs and turns to his brother, finding a stern but concerned face.

“I don't know,” Donghae says. “Lately he's working so much it's like I'm not even an important part of his life anymore. We don't talk as much as we used to because he's either too tired or too caught up in his job. I wouldn't mind him being busy if he'd just take a minute away from his thoughts to be with me but he just... he doesn't. He doesn't care.”

“I'm sure it's not like that,” Donghwa frowns. “If he's working a lot, he's probably really stressed out. Worrying about his relationship with you on top of that will drive him crazy. He probably counts on you to be a stable part of his life while he's working to make his career stable as well.”

Donghae blinks at his brother curiously. “When did you get so smart?”

Donghwa holds up his left hand, indicating the wedding band on his finger. “Experience,” he says.

“I see,” Donghae smiles a little but then sighs. “I just... maybe I'm being selfish and insecure but... I need to be reassured that I still mean something to him. You're right about him needing something stable in his life, that makes it easy to forgive him for his behavior lately, but...”

“But?” Donghwa urges when Donghae doesn't continue.

“He should have been here last night,” Donghae says softly. “I know that he could have taken just a little time off, his company would have understood. If there was a problem, he should have texted me to let me know what was going on but he didn't.”

“Maybe he had a good reason,” Donghwa suggests but Donghae doesn't respond. “Donghae, we both know that Hyukjae is a good guy. He couldn't be a bad person if he tried. And he's human, you know? He makes mistakes. After all the things that poor guy has gone through, do you really think he deserves to suffer a broken heart as well?”

Donghae's eyes snap to his brother's face. “No,” he says sternly, then sighs. “I know he's a good guy. He's probably the sweetest person on the planet and I don't have any intentions of breaking his heart. It's just that... I feel like if we don't fix our relationship now, it'll keep getting worse until we're done completely.”

“Donghae...” Donghwa sighs. “Is your relationship really so broken that you think it needs to be fixed? Do you think that it's broken at all to Hyukjae? He's probably pretty confused as to why you're this upset with him. Maybe you should try seeing things from his point of view.”

Donghae thinks about Donghwa's words. Hyukjae has been working, stressing out, and coming home, needing a place of solace, seeking it and being denied of it within his own house.

Just then, Donghae looks up at the sound of squeaking shoes to find Hyukjae standing in the doorway, bouquet of flowers in his hand and glasses settled on the bridge of his nose, failing to cover tired eyes.

“Hyukjae,” Donghwa smiles, standing to hug Hyukjae and relieve him of the flowers. “I'm glad you're here. I'll... um... go ask the nurse to bring the baby so you can see her.”

Donghwa leaves quickly and Hyukjae seems horrified to be suddenly left in a room alone with Donghae. He avoids eye contact, pulling his phone from his pocket.

“I wasn't sure when visiting hours started and I had to wait for the flower shop to open... I would have been here earlier...”

The message is rushed and jumbled and an obvious attempt to stray away from the real issue between them.

“Why weren't you here last night?” Donghae asks, looking down and rubbing his hands together.

“I got stuck finishing up some work.”

“Why didn't you text me to let me know?”

“I'm sorry.”

Donghae looks up from his phone, a deep sadness in his eyes. He stands up and walks to Hyukjae who still isn't looking at him.

“You should have texted me,” Donghae says softly.

Hyukjae nods but then stops and shakes his head.

“Would that have made you any less angry at me?”

Donghae frowns and reaches to gently hold Hyukjae's wrist until Hyukjae finally looks at him. Donghae sees worry and absolutely no sleep in Hyukjae's eyes.

“I'm not angry at you,” Donghae says. “I was a little angry but... I know that you've been stressed lately and you don't need a nagging boyfriend making things worse.”

Hyukjae smiles a little, gently pulling his wrist away in order to type.

“I kind of like your nagging. It's cute.”

“Shut up,” Donghae says playfully, smiling and watching Hyukjae smile as well. “I'm sorry,” he says seriously and Hyukjae looks at him as if to tell him he has nothing to apologize for. Donghae feels like he has a mountain of apologies to make but he softly presses his lips against Hyukjae's instead, feeling eager lips return the kiss.

“Seriously, guys, this is a hospital,” Donghwa says, startling the two of them. “My baby girl hasn't even been in this world for a day and you're already corrupting her.”

Donghae laughs, embarrassed, while Hyukjae stares in awe as a tiny, warm bundle is placed in his arms. Donghae leans over his shoulder to watch the baby move her tiny arms and tiny feet until she's seemingly satisfied with her position.

“I want one,” Donghae whines as if he's a child and the baby is a new toy.

“Get your own,” Donghwa says, carefully taking the baby from Hyukjae who immediately reaches for his phone.

“We already have one. His name is Cid.”

Donghae laughs, linking his arm with Hyukjae's and leaning on his shoulder, an action he's glad to find comfort in. They watch Donghwa cooing to his baby girl and Donghae is reminded of his love for children and his excitement each time a new baby comes into the family. He'd pushed away the idea of having his own children long ago but a glimpse of a future child with Hyukjae briefly flashes through his mind. The image is gone in an instant when a part of him thinks that their relationship won't last long enough for children to be a possibility. Donghae manages to keep a smile on his face for appearance's sake, not letting anyone know that on the inside he's .

-

Hyukjae is having a bad day. He woke up late in the morning and stubbed the same toe twice before making it out the door. Kyuhyun had called in sick to work, leaving Hyukjae with no friendly help around the office. He'd been asked a question by an intern and by the time he'd typed out a response on his phone, the intern had left, thinking he'd pulled out his phone to be rude. During lunch, Hyukjae went into the break room, pulled his lunch from the fridge, and then realized that he had left his food on the kitchen counter at home. After that, his client decided to change the layout of an entire floor just a week before construction begins, forcing Hyukjae to redraw his plans.

Hyukjae is hungry, tired, upset, and still feeling pain in his toe. He's nearly an hour late getting home and he hopes that Donghae won't be mad at him. He frowns as he trudges up the walkway to his front door. He honestly hasn't been able to tell whether or not their relationship has been getting better or worse. Maybe Donghae is right, he has been too caught up in work to think about anything else, but Hyukjae knows he can't stop now.

Wanting nothing more to stuff himself full of food and curl up in bed with a nice, warm Donghae, Hyukjae finally opens the front door of his house and steps inside. Then he hears the sound of someone choking. Alarmed, he runs towards the kitchen, following his ears and finding Donghae kneeling on the floor next to Cid who is in the process of throwing up all over Hyukjae's freshly-cleaned kitchen floor.

“He ate my sandwich again,” Donghae explains, regret and a hint of fear in his voice. “He's been throwing up for so long, I didn't know what to do. It's my fault. I should have kept my food away from him.”

Realizing that the situation is worse than he'd originally thought, Hyukjae kneels on the other side of Cid, petting his fur comfortingly and giving Donghae a sympathetic look.

“I called Sungmin,” Donghae says, composing himself a little more, “he should be here soon.”

They stay by Cid's side until there's a knock on the door. Donghae runs to open it, letting Sungmin in and quickly explaining the situation. Sungmin briefly greets Hyukjae before sitting next to him on the floor.

“If he's been throwing up that much, he's probably gotten everything out of his system by now,” Sungmin says, frowning and gently examining Cid's body. “And if it was just a sandwich, I can't imagine any of the ingredients would be harmful to him. Unless you eat dark chocolate sandwiches.”

Donghae laughs a little and shakes his head. “Just lettuce, tomato, and ham. We didn't really have anything else.”

“Sounds like you guys need to do a little grocery shopping,” Sungmin says in a voice that Hyukjae finds sweet. Being close to Sungmin makes makes Hyukjae think that he's a pleasant person to be around. His black hair is short and simple and his face is rather cute. His voice is kind and warm. Hyukjae wonders why he hadn't noticed before.

“Cid will be fine,” Sungmin says, standing up and dusting off his hands. “If you want, I can take you to get some medicine in case this happens again. I was heading that way so it wouldn't be a problem to take me with you.”

“Okay,” Donghae agrees instantly. “That sounds great. Are you coming, Hyukjae?”

Hyukjae looks at the pile of vomit on the floor, then at a very sickly Cid, then at a very oblivious Donghae. Luckily, Donghae is smart enough to figure out that Hyukjae won't be coming along. As soon as Donghae and Sungmin leave, Hyukjae sighs and goes to work cleaning up the floor. He tries not to look too closely at the vomit until he remembers that there isn't anything in his stomach to throw up anyway.

Once the floor is clean and Hyukjae has washed up as well, he manages to carefully lead Cid upstairs. He spreads some newspaper out on one side of the bed before hoisting Cid onto it. Now, Cid will be comfortable but Hyukjae's bed will be protected if he decides to throw up again.

Exhausted, Hyukjae climbs into bed next to Cid, stroking his fur. Cid seemingly lets out a sigh as he relaxes and Hyukjae smiles. His day had been bad but he thinks that it had been much better than staying at home and throwing up. With a sigh that's not as relaxed as Cid's, Hyukjae closes his eyes and falls asleep.

-

“You and Hyukjae make a cute couple,” Sungmin says on their way back after a relatively quiet drive to pick up medicine.

Donghae smiles awkwardly because the compliment sounds strange coming from Sungmin.

“Sorry,” Sungmin says when Donghae stays quiet, “I didn't mean to be weird... it's just that we haven't talked in a while. It's nice to see you happy with someone.”

“Thanks,” Donghae says and his awkward smile becomes genuine. “What about you? Are you seeing anyone?”

“Not at the moment,” Sungmin smiles a little. “I think I spend too much time around animals and not enough time around humans. Not a good way to meet people.”

“I know what you mean,” Donghae says. “I'm lucky that I even had a chance to meet Hyukjae.”

“How did you guys meet?”

“We met on a soccer field,” Donghae's smile grows instantly. “He was lying in the grass. I thought he was dead, then I thought he was deaf when he didn't respond to me calling out to him. He ran away and dropped his iPod when I introduced myself. I returned his iPod the next day in the same place at the same time and... it was so easy for me to fall in love with how adorable he was. And now I know that he's more than just adorable. He's... everything.”

Donghae doesn't notice that they've been parked for a while. He's staring at his on hands in his lap with a stupid smile on his face.

“I always did peg you as the cheesy type.”

Donghae finally looks up at Sungmin's words and his awkward smile returns. “Sorry,” he says. “I got a little carried away. I haven't thought about that day in a while.”

“Been too busy?” Sungmin inquires.

“Actually I think I've just been frustrated at Hyukjae being busy,” Donghae frowns, gaze returning to his hands.

“Sounds like trouble in paradise,” Sungmin says, offering a sympathetic look.

“I guess,” Donghae smiles slightly. “I just miss him and I get lonely and... I don't like being lonely. I know I can't have him around all of the time but I wish I could.”

“If you're ever lonely and need someone to talk to, you can always call me,” Sungmin suggests. “In return I'll make you help me around the clinic.”

“I have to pay for your friendship?” Donghae laughs.

“Time is money, Donghae,” Sungmin says. “But I'm serious, you can call or drop by whenever. I won't mind.”

“I think I might,” Donghae replies. “Thanks, Sungmin. And thanks for helping out with Cid. I dunno what we'd do without you.”

“It's really not a problem, I'm glad to help.”

Donghae says goodbye to Sungmin before heading inside. It's quiet, which isn't unusual, but Donghae feels strange now that he's used to being greeted by an eager Cid. Guessing that Hyukjae must be napping after a long day at work, Donghae heads upstairs and into the bedroom.

The first thing he sees is Cid taking up half of the bed, newspaper spread around on the sheets beneath him. Then he sees Hyukjae, curled up with one arm around Cid's torso. He smiles, quietly walking to Hyukjae's side and carefully squeezing into the empty space left on the bed. He leans over to watch Hyukjae sleep and notices Hyukjae's mouth moving. He watches more closely and swears he sees Hyukjae's lips mouthing “Donghae” before they close and Hyukjae shifts slightly.

“Are you dreaming about me?” Donghae whispers, amused and kind of adoring Hyukjae's silent sleep-talking.

Getting comfortable after a worrisome day, Donghae puts an arm around Hyukjae and prepares for a nap as well. Just before he drifts off, he glances at the picture of the soccer field on Hyukjae's makeshift shelf and he smiles.

-

“Someone showed up with three puppies and all of them were horribly sick and one of them was really beat up and it just... it was a nightmare.”

Donghae groans and slumps onto the couch, followed by a sympathetic Hyukjae sitting beside him and comfortingly rubbing his shoulders.

“I'm so lucky Sungmin is a nice guy,” Donghae says. “If he was a jerk, I'd be in so much trouble. And he never charges anything, he just wants to help the animals.”

Hyukjae smiles although he finds himself feeling strangely bitter at Donghae's words. He fishes his phone out of his pocket.

“The puppies are with Sungmin?”

“Yeah,” Donghae smiles, “I think I'll go visit them until they're better and I can keep them in the shelter.”

“Don't bother Sungmin too much.”

Donghae's smile only grows. “He doesn't mind. Like I said, he's a nice guy.”

After going over a few construction notes while Donghae showers away a day of puppy barf, the two curl up on the couch together, finally relaxed and alone.

Hyukjae's day hadn't been as stressful as Donghae's but he still feels tense from work. The boring show on television isn't making him feel any better. Frowning, he squirms slightly on the couch to get more comfortable and glances at Donghae. Donghae seems bored as well, probably daydreaming instead of actually paying attention to the screen.

Deciding that both of them are obviously in need of stress relief, Hyukjae crawls his way over to Donghae and straddles his lap.

“What are you doing?” Donghae asks, grinning and settling his hands on Hyukjae's hips.

Hyukjae responds by pressing his mouth to Donghae's, an action that's far from innocent. Donghae kisses back, rubbing Hyukjae's hips slowly before pulling away abruptly.

“I can't do this right now.”

Hyukjae stares, completely confused.

“I feel disgusting,” Donghae explains. “I have the smell of puke stuck in my nose and all I can think about is dirty, abandoned puppies.”

Hyukjae nods slowly before standing up and heading out of the room.

“Hey,” Donghae calls after him, “where are you going?”

Donghae's phone buzzes in his pocket.

“I'm going to take a cold shower.”

Hyukjae doesn't care to explain any further. He slips into a comforting lukewarm shower and hopes that the water will wash away his desires. It doesn't work as well as he'd hoped. It does, however, give him a clear head. Hyukjae steps out of the shower and puts on pajamas, drying his hair as he makes his way back to Donghae.

Before he makes it to the room, he hears Donghae's laughter. He peeks into the room to find Donghae in the same spot, phone pressed to his ear, talking and laughing to someone on the other end. Hyukjae doesn't hear the words Donghae says, he only hears the melodious laughter followed by silence before Donghae speaks again. Hyukjae hears the silence but he knows that someone else is on the other end, replying to Donghae with clever, laugh-inducing words.

Suddenly not feeling like his head is clear anymore, Hyukjae turns around, heading back to his room, and goes straight to bed.

-

Hyukjae is exhausted again. He's had a long day at work but he'd been rewarded greatly with praise and recognition from those in higher positions. Excited to share his happiness with Donghae and maybe take a nice, long nap, Hyukjae heads inside.

Cid is standing a few feet in front of the doorway. Hyukjae smiles and reaches out to him but Cid doesn't move. He only looks at Hyukjae with a blank stare. It scares Hyukjae. Cid is normally bubbly and excited to see him when he comes home.

Laughter comes from upstairs. Donghae's laughter. Curious, Hyukjae passes Cid and walks upstairs. The laughter is coming from the bedroom. As he gets closer, Hyukjae notices that another laughter accompanies it. There are two voices, talking and laughing. Feeling inexplicably shaken and confused, Hyukjae opens the bedroom door.

Donghae is lying on his back on the bed, naked. There's another naked man above him, kissing his neck, and Donghae's eyes are closed in pleasure, a grin plastered on his face. Hyukjae can't see the man's face or recognize his voice. He stares, watching Donghae smile as if nothing is wrong.

The man says something into Donghae's ear and Donghae's eyes open. He looks at Hyukjae before sitting up quickly, clasping a sheet over his naked body. He stares at Hyukjae wordlessly, blankly. The man shifts and sits up, resting his chin on Donghae's shoulder, and Hyukjae finally sees. The man is faceless.

Hyukjae wakes up, screaming on the inside, thrashing in bed, trying to tear the image from his mind. Donghae reaches for him, restraining him until he realizes he's awake and it was just a dream.

“Baby, calm down,” Donghae says softly, holding Hyukjae tightly. “It's okay. You're okay. I'm right here.”

Hyukjae breathes and gathers his thoughts. He feels himself shaking and he wraps his arms around Donghae, pulling himself closer to warmth even if the shaking isn't from being cold. He knows he's close to tears but he isn't sure why. Donghae's comforting touches and whispers make him want to cry more. As his shaking lessens, Donghae gently pulls away, searching Hyukjae's face.

“Are you okay?”

Hyukjae is about to nod instinctively but he stops and closes is eyes. His face contorts in a mix of pain and confusion and he shakes his head. Nothing feels okay.

“Are you sick?” Donghae asks. “Are you in pain? Do you need anything? Just tell me what to do, Hyukjae, and I'll do it because the look on your face is scaring me so much right now.”

Donghae's voice shakes a little and when Hyukjae opens his eyes, he's met with a face of honest fear. He wonders why Donghae is scared. Donghae isn't the one who had the dream.

The dream. The laughter fills Hyukjae's mind and suddenly he does feel sick. He doesn't need to cough or sneeze or vomit, he needs to scream. He needs to get that sound out of his head.

“You're shaking again,” Donghae whispers, pressing closer. “Please just tell me what's wrong. Please.”

Hyukjae takes a minute to calm down again. Reaching for his laptop and turning it on, an action he's repeated many times, brings him back to the real word, restoring rational thought. He lays his fingers on the keys, ready to type out the dream, but he stops, curling his fingers into loose fists.

Telling Donghae about the dream, not telling Donghae about the dream, either way, there will be consequences. Hyukjae uncurls his fingers and places them on the keys again.

“It was really awful. I don't want to think about it anymore.”

“It's okay,” Donghae says, wrapping an arm around Hyukjae and kissing his temple. “You don't have to. Do you want to try and sleep again or do you want to stay up and talk?”

Hyukjae stares at the sweet man in front of him who's willing to risk his sleep to make Hyukjae feel better. Donghae's sweetness only makes Hyukjae hurt more.

“I don't want to keep you up. We both need our sleep.”

“I really don't mind.”

“I do. I'll feel awful watching you walk around like a zombie in the morning.”

Donghae smiles and Hyukjae smiles back.

“I love you.” Hyukjae types while still looking at Donghae who doesn't even glance at the screen to see what it says.

“I love you too.”

Hyukjae lies down again, safe in loving arms. Donghae drifts off quickly but Hyukjae stays awake, watching Donghae's face. As Hyukjae is drifting off, he glances at the bottom of the bed to see Cid staring at him. Just before he falls asleep, his mind registers the fact that it's the same blank stare from his dream.

-

Donghae has the day off and Hyukjae is working late. Again. It'll be another six hours before Hyukjae gets home and Donghae is bored. He'd tried to waste time cleaning but Hyukjae has gotten him into sharing the habit of keeping such a spotless house that there's nothing to be cleaned.

Sighing, Donghae flips through his phone, looking at his contacts. Everyone he knows is either busy or not close enough to him to want to hang out. Remembering that Sungmin had offered to keep him company whenever he feels lonely, Donghae texts him.

“I'm bored and lonely. Can I hang out with you?”

“I have to work for another hour or so but you can come help me at the clinic and then we can get something to eat.”

“On my way.”

Relaxing now that he knows he won't be alone much longer, Donghae checks on Cid, finding him sprawled out in the sun, a spot he'll probably stay in for the rest of the day, then he grabs his keys and heads out the door.

It doesn't take more than a cheap cab ride to make it to Sungmin's clinic and once he's there, he slips inside easily and finds Sungmin treating an animal on an examination table. Donghae smiles and is about to call out to Sungmin when he notices what the animal on the table actually is.

“I didn't know you treated dragons,” Donghae says, swallowing nervously and standing behind Sungmin for protection.

“I am trained to deal with reptiles,” Sungmin informs. “This little guy is a bit sick and his owners were worried about him.”

“Little guy?” Donghae asks disbelievingly. “That thing is huge!”

“It's just an iguana, Donghae,” Sungmin says, petting the creature in front of him.

When Sungmin moves to lift the iguana off of the table and bring it out to its owners, Donghae backs away and hides until Sungmin leaves and comes back.

“Is it gone?” Donghae asks.

“You're such a wimp,” Sungmin laughs, moving to wash his hands.

“What?” Donghae whines. “Iguanas can be vicious.”

Sungmin dries his hands and raises an eyebrow at Donghae.

“You're still a wimp,” he says. “Now what do you want do you want to eat? I'll pay.”

“No,” Donghae says sternly. “You've been helping me out a lot lately, I'm paying.”

“Then I want a really expensive steak dinner,” Sungmin replies with a grin.

“We're getting fast food.”

“Whatever,” Sungmin grumbles, “it's still free food.”

Sungmin leads Donghae to his car and they both climb in. Sungmin teases relentlessly about pulling into an expensive restaurant until they finally arrive at a fast food place and decide to eat inside to stay out of the heat. The inside of the restaurant is mostly empty as Donghae and Sungmin sit down to eat since most people have decided to head through the drive-through.

“I saw Sooyoung while I was shopping the other day,” Sungmin says. “It seemed like she'd just rolled out of bed but she still looked perfect.”

“Are you jealous of her good looks or her boyfriend?” Donghae teases.

“Both.” Sungmin sighs. “All of the gorgeous people in this world are taken. Even you have one.”

“Yeah, I do.” Donghae smiles, looking down and twirling the straw in his drink.

“My love life is sad,” Sungmin grumbles.

“Go on,” Donghae urges, settling down for tales of woe.

Sungmin gives a look of protest but then takes a long drink and a deep breath before speaking.

“The last girl I had a crush on was married,” he informs. “So... that just... didn't work out. The last guy I had a crush on didn't even know I existed. That sounds so cliché but he really didn't. We went to school together and when I went back to my university to speak to the students, he was there too. I thought he'd remember me for some reason but I ended up introducing myself to him three times that day and he still couldn't remember my name. And more recently, I keep trying to find someone but everyone I like ends up in a relationship or not interested in me. I haven't even had a proper date since college.”

“Wow...” Donghae says, eyes wide, “your love life really is sad.”

“Shut up.” Sungmin throws a ketchup packet at Donghae's head. Donghae shuts up. “I think you're really lucky,” Sungmin continues. “Your position in life right now is ideal. You're in a stable relationship with a stable job, living in a nice house; you even have a dog... how did you manage all that?”

Donghae's face goes blank as he considers that question. Then he smiles a smile that might be a little bit forced as he explains.

“I haven't really thought about stability,” he admits. “And living in a nice house doesn't really matter to me. And of course having a dog is great, but... I never really think about all of that because... none of it would matter if it weren't for Hyukjae. To be honest, our relationship hasn't exactly been stable lately. But... we love each other. That's all I think about when I think about how lucky I am. If I lost that... nothing else in my life would be able to make up for it.”

“Cheesy bastard.”

“Hey!” Donghae frowns. “Only Hyukjae is allowed to call me that.”

-

Donghae comes home after lunch with Sungmin and is surprised to find that Hyukjae is there, waiting for him.

“Hey,” he says as Hyukjae comes down the stairs, “I thought you wouldn't be home for a few more hours.”

Hyukjae looks relieved when he finally makes it to the bottom of the stairs and pecks Donghae's lips before typing a message.

“I got off early. I sent you a few messages but you didn't respond... you scared me!”

Donghae reaches into his pocket for his phone and finds that it's not even on.

“I think it shut itself off,” he says, frowning and putting it back in his pocket. “I didn't mean to scare you...”

Hyukjae smiles and shakes his head, just happy to know that Donghae is okay.

“I was out having lunch with Sungmin,” Donghae decides to explain so that Hyukjae doesn't have to ask. “I was kinda lonely here and Cid was being boring. I had to get out and do something.”

The smile on Hyukjae's face falters but he nods in understanding. The change in mood doesn't go unnoticed by Donghae.

“Hyukjae... do you not like Sungmin?”

Hyukjae responds by lowering his head guiltily.

“Why?” Donghae is genuinely confused. “Sungmin is such a nice guy.”

Hyukjae's body tenses at those words.

“That. Right there. All you talk about these days is how nice of a guy he is. You spend more time talking about him and with him than you spend with me.”

“How am I supposed to spend time with you when you're working all the time?” Donghae snaps immediately.

The look that crosses Hyukjae's face is one of hurt. He takes a few breaths before responding.

“I spend every extra second I have with you. I had a chance to get off of work early today and I took it to be with you. I'm really doing everything that I can. What more do you want?”

“At least understand that I like to hang out with friends sometimes,” Donghae answers.

“Why can't you hang out with your other friends? Why does it have to be him?”

“Am I not allowed to make friends?” Donghae asks, raising his voice.

“You can make friends. I just don't want to listen to you constantly praising him and talking to him and laughing with him.”

Donghae looks confusedly from the message to an irritated Hyukjae.

“What is this even about? Are you jealous or is there something else I'm missing?”

The phone in Hyukjae's hands feels like lead and he wishes he could drop it and make this all go away but he knows he can't. There are feelings that need to be made known.

“Jealous isn't the right word. I'm envious. He has free time to spend with you. You can call him all the time. He gets to talk to you. Maybe I am a little jealous, too, because I know that your life would be easier if you were with him.”

Donghae isn't sure what to say. He reads the message twice and then again, reads it until Hyukjae's arm drops and then he's looking at Hyukjae's eyes. The irritation is still there but now a growing sadness accompanies it. Donghae wants to comfort Hyukjae but there are no words to do so. He's told Hyukjae before that he doesn't care that Hyukjae can't speak but it doesn't matter what Donghae thinks - Sungmin has put an image into Hyukjae's mind, an image of laughs and conversations that could be had, and Donghae knows that there's nothing he can say that will make Hyukjae think that he isn't missing out on something great.

“I don't know what to say,” Donghae admits, voice cracking.

Hyukjae shrugs, his sadness disappearing as it melds with the irritation. He hadn't expected Donghae to say anything. He isn't even sure what he wants Donghae to say.

“I thought maybe you'd tell me that there's nothing to be jealous of because you love me, or something like that.”

“Is that what you want me to say?” Donghae's voice sounds drained.

Hyukjae gives a grim smile and shakes his head.

“Say whatever you need to say.”

Donghae finds it hard to look into Hyukjae's eyes so he looks away. He takes several steps towards the kitchen and then stops. He thinks of this house and Hyukjae's life and how he'd come into both unexpectedly and became a part of them.

“It's my fault that you feel this way,” he says suddenly, softly. “If I wouldn't have come along, you would have been content to keep living your life the way it was. I... complicated things.”

Hyukjae quickly steps forward to stand in front of Donghae again.

“It's not your fault. Even if I wouldn't have met you, I would have eventually felt this way. My job is a part of this too. It's stressful without a voice. It would still be stressful without you. Now that I have a busy life, this is a disability that's bringing me down.”

“It's not a disability,” Donghae says.

Hyukjae lets out an angry breath because Donghae sounds like he's talking to a child.

“It is. Most people can talk and I can't.”

“But you shouldn't think of it like that.”

“Don't tell me how I should think” is what Hyukjae wants to type. Instead, he cringes and his fingers freeze, locking in place and refusing to move. Hyukjae watches his phone slip from his hand and fall to the floor, breaking into several pieces.

Donghae jumps back, glancing to the broken phone on the floor before looking at Hyukjae, shocked.

“Why did you do that?” he asks.

Hyukjae isn't even sure if he had done it. He'd felt angry but not angry enough to throw his phone on the floor. He flexes his hands and breathes shakily to calm himself. He looks up at Donghae. He doesn't have a way to communicate anymore. He can't let Donghae know that it was an accident. Donghae just stares at him, confused, almost as if waiting for him to speak. Hyukjae can't speak. He can't do anything. So he turns around.

“Are you okay?” Donghae puts a hand on Hyukjae's shoulder but Hyukjae shrugs it off.

He's not okay. He feels helpless. He turns to look at Donghae briefly, unsure what emotion he's even trying to convey, and then he walks away, quickly heading upstairs to the bedroom and locking the door once he's inside. He hadn't been sure what to do. He didn't have the ability to speak to Donghae, so he'd left, not wanting to sit and listen to a one-sided conversation. Now that he's alone in the silence of his room, he feels empty. The sudden feeling is excruciating - he'd rather be arguing with Donghae now than to be alone like this.

Downstairs, Donghae is just as alone and confused, picking up broken pieces of phone from the floor.

-

Donghae is sleeping on the couch downstairs. At least, he's trying to sleep, but his eyes are wide open and he's staring at the ceiling above him. All he can see in his mind is Hyukjae's back turned to him, walking away from him. He doesn't understand what had happened and he doesn't know how to ask Hyukjae about it. So he tosses and turns until he hears the door creak and then he sits up quickly, looking at Hyukjae standing in the doorway, face illuminated by the laptop in his hands.

Hyukjae doesn't look like he's slept much either as he stumbles forward, messy hair and glasses gracing his tired face. He sits down on the couch and Donghae adjusts himself so that they're sitting side by side but not close to touching. There are already words written on the laptop screen so Donghae reads them.

“Can I show you something?”

“Of course.”

Hyukjae brings up an email and deposits the laptop into Donghae's lap. Then his head lowers as he waits for Donghae to read. Donghae looks confusedly at Hyukjae before turning his attention to the screen.

Hyukjae,

After reviewing your condition more carefully, I've discovered that the procedure would be rather easy. The chances of success would be near 87%. If it were to fail, it would not be detrimental. You would be able to make sounds within a few weeks and after several months of speech therapy, you could be having full conversations. I'll attach the specifics of the operation for you to go over. Let me know what you think and then we can talk more.

Dr. Kim

After reading the email, Donghae's jaw remains clenched as he scrolls and finds that this is one of many in a series of emails between Hyukjae and Dr. Kim.

“What is this?” he asks quietly. Hyukjae doesn't even move because the answer is obvious. “Why has this been going for so long behind my back?”

Hyukjae snatches the laptop away and closes the email before responding.

“I wanted to know as much as possible before telling you. I went in for a couple of check-ups but I didn't want to do anything behind your back. It's not like that. I was just scared to let you know.”

“Scared?” Donghae questions. “Because you were afraid I would be against it? If that's what you were thinking, you're right. I am against it.”

“Why? It should be my decision. It's my pain. I have the right to decide whether or not I want to fix it.”

“I would never try to make a decision for you,” Donghae says sternly, “only you have the ability to do that. But... why wouldn't you tell the people you love? Is my opinion not important to you?”

Hyukjae gives Donghae a pained expression because everything Donghae is saying feels so wrong.

“Of course it's important. That's why I'm telling you now. Everything has been so stressful lately, it was too difficult to tell you. But whether you think I did this behind your back or not... I don't understand why you don't want me to do this.”

Donghae reads slowly and calmly gathers his thoughts before he speaks.

“Because it feels like you're doing this for me,” he says. “You've been fine up until recently.”

Hyukjae starts to respond before Donghae can continue further.

“No, it's not for you. Maybe it's a little bit because of you, because of all you've shown me, but I'm doing this for me. And I've never been fine. I've always thought about this. It's just never been something serious until now. Now everything is so busy and crazy and I just want it to be easier.”

“Because of me...” Donghae sighs and rubs his face with his hands. “Either way... Hyukjae... if I wouldn't have been here, you wouldn't feel this way. I feel like I'm not good enough. Like I'm not enough to make you happy.”

“That's not true. Of course you make me happy. It's so many other things that don't. My job has been harder now that I'm busier. My hands are starting to hurt from constantly using them to talk.”

“You can quit your job, Hyukjae. Money doesn't matter.”

Hyukjae stares at Donghae as if he'd just spoken gibberish.

“You think it's about the money? My job is my dream, Donghae.”

“Oh, right,” Donghae starts sarcastically, “it's okay to change your life around for your job because your job is your dream and I'm nothing.”

“You make it sound like you think my job is more important to me than you.”

Donghae gives Hyukjae a look and he knows that, yes, that is what Donghae thinks. Hyukjae swears he feels a piece of his heart break, knowing that his best isn't good enough for Donghae. I guess I'm not enough for you either.

“If I leave, then you can focus on your job,” Donghae says suddenly. “You won't have to waste time and hurt your hands talking to me.”

Hyukjae looks at Donghae curiously, sadly, and wonders what he means. Donghae stares back, watching Hyukjae's face illuminated by nothing but the laptop screen. A part of him wants to lean in and kiss away this whole conversation. A bigger part of him tells him that maybe kisses won't be enough this time. Hyukjae finally turns back to his screen, fingers shaking as he types.

“You should be with someone who won't make your life so complicated. Someone with a free schedule. Someone who can talk to you.”

The words burn through Donghae's patience and make him angry.

“You're right,” he says shortly. “And you need someone who makes you feel adequate. And confident. You need someone who can make you realize that you're perfect and you don't have to change yourself. I'm sorry that I can't do that for you. But I hope you know that I tried.”

Hyukjae is paralyzed with fear and sadness because Donghae's words are piercing and harsh. He's about to tell Donghae that he has it all wrong but Donghae stands, breathing shakily.

“I guess I'll leave. And maybe someday I'll find someone I'm good enough for.”

Hyukjae had planned to type out something kind until Donghae had spoken. Now his kindness is replaced with only one cold word.

“Bye.”

Donghae can read the word from his standing position. He doesn't need to move closer. But he does. He takes a step towards Hyukjae and then stops, waiting for his mind to come up with something to say, waiting for Hyukjae to tell him not to go. Hyukjae only looks at him, tears in his eyes, that one cold word still on the screen.

“This is it, isn't it?” Donghae asks, voice trembling.

Although the tears in Hyukjae's eyes are dangerously close to spilling, he nods quickly, leaving his head down so that he can't look at Donghae any longer. Donghae stands there for a while, not moving because he doesn't know what to do. He glances at the word on the screen one more time.

“Bye,” he says softly.

Even from just one word, it's obvious to Hyukjae that Donghae is crying. It's okay, Hyukjae thinks, his head remaining down even as he hears Donghae's footsteps fading away, I'm sad, too. Don't cry. Please come back. This really hurts. Why are you still walking away? Why can't I stop you? Donghae... I...

When Hyukjae looks up, the front door is closing, and Donghae is gone.

-