i hate this feeling

[pogomofo]

so im like 2 seconds from falling into the arms of the next nice guy who comes my way. for my sake, i hope he's not an asshole. that would be just oh-so typical of me. shit. why do i have such a great track record? *sigh* and the thing is, i still have that stupid childhood-like need to cling to my past, so when i think of love, i think of the dreaded ex, and i get sad for a cuddle. i remind myself that its NOT him i want, its the comfort of it all. and then what happens? allen starts givin me those hugs i can let go of. shit............... shit shit shit! what am i supposed to do now? i gotta make sure if this holdin on the his hugs thing is cuz of him, and not my need for comfort and affection. it makes me wanna cry how much i crave affection right now. not attention, lets get that straight. i get plenty of attention at work; attention i dont want let me tell you! i swear if the right boy puts out his arms to catch me when im in this state of mind, i just might fall, and that scares the crap outta me. why? cuz i want it soo badly that i cant handle it, so i fight it. i just dunno which way is up. every guy i meet i might see the softer side, but then i find a million reasons why i shouldnt, why we're too different, or just some stupid reason. sometimes they're legit, i'll give myself that much, but shit, somethin's gotta give!!! i cant wait to move, i just feel like cuddlin w/ my mom just in case she feels the same need for affection and attention. its pretty sad when im already making plans to have the next bf at my house ALL the time over for dinner and becomin part of the family. i need a good boy. a nice boy. a cute boy. a successful boy. no......... a good boy. so hard to find the good ones. am i doing the right thing?
*sigh*
catch me im falling.