You are the smell before the rain. You are the blood in my veins
Lately Ive been thinking alot of"What ifs" like what if I had decided to stay at Matignon, Id never would have met Amanda. What if I wasnt born, would my parents still have gotten divorced. I dont understand that after all thses years of myt parents being divorced Im still so upset over it. I mean come on Im being pathetic, I was one! How do I know what it was like when they were together, I dont. I have no idea what an actual family is like. I have so much regret and hate towards it all. I just wish that I could go back in time and see what it was like. Everyoine together and happy. Its funny how they get divorced right after Im born. The only explination for it is me being born. Thats such a sucky feeling. Its almost as if I ruined their marrage. I ruin so many peoples lives. Thats why now I just keep to myself. Its so much easier. But "what ifs" are funny to think about sometimes. How one decision could completely change your life. Especially the thought of colleg in England. Thats a huge decision. And Im deffinatlly prepared to go.
Anyways today I decided to work 10-6, ah long day! But Michelle n Alicia came n visited me during my lunch break, It was cute of them. When I got home I went to Alicias with Michelle, it was sooo much funn. I love being with them two. Michelle makes my bladder burst n Aleesh is just awesome. Yesterday while I was at the mall with Michelle I saw Megan n Nick n Taco. I wish I had never gone, or never had seen them. I wasnt prepaired at all for that. Seeing them there made me really despise who I used to be. I guess its hard to explain, but I wish I never had seen them. I guess I wasnt too nice, from what I hear. But honestly I hate to say this, but I dont care. I truly truly dont give a fucck anymore. I hav a whole different life now, new friends, new outlook. And seeing them reminded me of the old ways, and I hate those ways. I shouldnt have been so rude, but it caought me as a surprise. Anyways, tomorrow Andrews coming to visit me!!:):):)Yaye. I love the thought of him and me. I dont even know why. I know Im heading in really fast,but for some reason I dont wana stop. It just all feels so right. Its 11:11, make a wish time! And time to call Andrew, So goodnight*