Kait and Tara's Philly Extravaganza!
...Or something.
I am doing this in a weird way. First is a general description of our trip. Second is a list of things we wrote down to remember, which I will talk about in detail.
So, it actually started Friday night when Tara showed up here at Purchase. We obtained a guest parking pass for her and then piled into my car to drive back to Parsippany. We stopped at PathMark for road trip food (aka juice boxes and fruit snacks) and then at Wendy's for dinner. At home we ate and watched a House rerun on teevee, then watched last week's House before going to bed.
We woke up at eight the next morning and showered and dressed and stuff to get ready for our awesome day. If by "awesome" you mean "omg RAINING SO MUCH." We hit the bank and then the highway. We stopped at like, a zillion different rest stops trying to continue the tradition of getting Seb commemorative thimbles from the last place we saw him perform. (We got him a NY thimble when we went to Maine and we wanted to give him a Maine thimble in MA, but we couldn't find one.) We ended up getting a New Jersey thimble, which is awesome because we've never even seen him in New Jersey.
We found our hotel with little problem and checked in. It is seriously both the nicest and cheapest hotel we've ever stayed in, probably because it was a business hotel and we were staying on a Saturday night. We flopped around and then Tara found a phone book and looked up (among other things like "escort services") bookstores. We saw one that sounded awesome and decided to go to it. It WAS awesome. omg. We bought a zillion books there, some of which will be detailed in the list below. I don't think we spent over five or six dollars for any one book.
After the bookstore we headed into Philly. We parked and found the theatre after getting incredibly lost because we're idiots. After the show let out, we met melnotmeli who is adorable and funny and apparently not incredibly scared off by Tara and I being batshit crazy. Seb came out and took us someplace to eat and told us about his speeding ticket. We bid him farewell and ate dinner and wandered around Philly trying to find someplace that stayed open past seven. We wound up at Cosi, where we ordered s'mores and played with fire.
When the s'mores were gone, we went back to the theatre and saw the show, which was good, even though we kept laughing inappropriately thinking of things like the presents we almost bought for Seb but didn't and the "Leo's funeral" scene that besssiemaemucho and I wrote.
After the show we met a nice girl who was stagedooring. We didn't' scare her too much. We gave Seb his present, which confounded and confused him. It was the most awesome present ever. Pictures are forthcoming. Basically, it was a little pink gift bag filled with: 3 plastic dinosaurs, trees for the dinosaurs, "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles" pills, a crushed penny with the twin towers on it, a NJ thimble, and... something else, I think. Anyway, it was AWESOME.
We talked to him for awhile and made plans to get together later when he's in the area and then headed back to our hotel, where we ate fruit snacks and watched Law and Order while reading our new books. Sleepy time.
The next morning we went back to that same bookstore and looked around for a while, then drove back to Purchase via Parsippany. At Purchase we wrote an awesome letter to Stephen Colbert (details below in the list!) and mailed it and ate lunch. Then it was time for... something else. And then it was time for TWW! And I cried like a little girl. Then we had a fruit snack war and Steve came over and we watched more TWW. He left and we went to sleep and the next morning we ate and then Tara left!
Okay, now on to the awesome part... the list!
-the picture of that guy getting crushed by a wagon wheel
In the first or second rest stop we stopped at, there was this big painting of a guy being crushed by a wagon wheel! It was actually a painting of a Revolutionary War scene, but the best part was the guy getting crushed by a wagon wheel. Tara made an offhand comment about stealing it to give to Seb and we didn't laugh, but for some reason, when we got back into the car and she mentioned it again, it was the funniest thing we ever heard.
-ethan hawke, robert sean leonard, and tim curry service stations
We decided that service areas named after people we didn't care about were lame. We wanted to see the Ethan Hawke Memorial Service Area or the Robert Sean Leonard Rest Stop. And then this:
Tara: I wish there were a Tim Curry service area. Then it could have a big painting of Tim Curry instead of some guy getting crushed by a wagon wheel. I would totally try to steal it.
-"is this in poor taste?"
We also like to give Sebastian crushed pennies. I don't know why. It's because we're awesome. So, when we found a penny-crusher at the first service station, we decided we had to make one. There were three designs: "good luck," "statue of liberty," and "twin towers."
Tara was already cranking away at the Twin Towers design before she paused to ask, "Is this is poor taste?"
Too late! He didn't seem to think so, but it could have just been the overwhelming confusion at the gift as a whole. (Also, at another service area, we found a penny crusher that had a different 9/11 design AND it had the Lord's Prayer. if we had another fifty cents, we were totally going to make him the Lord's Prayer one!)
-sheriff badge (& yogi bear, apparently)
Tara is AWESOME at claw machines. Seriously, she can get stuff out of claw machines like it's her job. They had claw machines at the service areas, but they were hella expensive. Then we found a little one that was only fifty cents per try and had stupid little toys no one would want in it, including a fake sheriff's badge.
Tara: Oh man, we should get him that Sheriff's badge!
Kait: He would love it so much.
Tara: He'd be like, "YES! I am the Sheriff of AWESOME TOWN."
Also, at that service area, I picked up a "The Jersey Shore and You!" magazine to give him and Tara found a brochure of Jellystone Park with Yogi Bear. We thought this was hysterical for some reason.
-death at the service station
Okay, I think this one was... it was really, really hard to get out of the service area and onto the highway and we were talking about something about getting lost at the service area and dying? I don't remember. Tara! What was this?
-talking about our favorite parts of jeff buckley songs for like an hour
Yeah, this is called "every time Tara and Kait listen to Jeff Buckley." Mostly we talked about how Grace is one of our favorite songs and contains our favorite moments in any song ever. Mine is right at the beginning where it slowly builds up and then the guitar kicks in. Tara's is the key change, and I don't know music, so I'm not sure what that means, but I'm sure it's awesome.
Also, we talked about our other favorite songs, and how Jeff Buckley was fucking crazy (see: Witches' Rave).
-arctic suite with bears & ice cubes
OKAY THE ARCTIC SUITE. Oh man. This was awesome. So, our hotel offered several "romantic" theme suites. We first saw a picture advertising them in the elevator and then picked up a little brochure. They included things like the Venice suite and the African Savannah suite and the Asian Suite and the ARCTIC suite. Funny thing number one: If Tara and I ran the hotel, we'd totally take all these names literally and the arctic suite would be kept at arctic temperatures and ice cubes would come out of the shower heads. Funny thing number two: We found a picture of the actual artic suite and one of the things it features is chairs shaped like polar bears. wtf? Also it features a teevee that only plays themed movies? Like Ice Age, I guess? AND BOARD GAMES. The suites all have board games. Yeah. Really romantic.
-"do those people come with the suite?"
That was me, wondering if the giggling, vaguely erotically-placed couples in the picture actually came with the African suite.
-tv suites & nightly lumbar punctures
If Tara and I ran a hotel, our special suites would be teevee show themed. The House suite would include nightly lumbar punctures. This was, to us, incredibly hysterical.
-dinosaur confetti
We bought this for one dollar in the hotel gift shop on our way into Philly. I still have it. I don't know what I am going to do with it.
-"osama bin laden... he's a terrorist!"
In our hotel room, before we left for Philly, we wondered if there were other people who wouldn't think our crushed penny of the Twin Towers was in poor taste. As Tara pointed out, Osama Bin Laden wouldn't... he's a terrorist!
-"where are we going?" "i know where we are!" "no you don't!"
If you have not driven with me before, you probably aren't aware that I have a frightening sense of direction. I can reverse directions in my head. Literally, I did not have directions to get home from Philly to our hotel or from our hotel to Purchase, I just... knew. I remember.
Anyway, on our way to the awesome bookstore, I drove right past it and pulled into a residential area to turn around. I noticed that it was through street and realized I could probably just circle around back to get into the bookstore's parking lot. I started to do this but Tara refused to believe I knew what I was doing. I pulled into a parking lot to a dentist's office (and apparently a legal office), thinking it was a street and Tara kept yelling that I didn't know where I was going. I had to stop the car because we were laughing so hard about this. I then pulled out and schooled her by turning two corners and ending up at the bookstore. I rock.
-"do i have to take, like, a special driving class?"
When we got to Philly and met up with Seb, he asked, "So how was your trip down? Did you get anymore tickets?" So I glared and then he informed me that he got his first speeding ticket ever. We had, roughly, the following conversation:
Seb: So, do you know how this works? Like, do I get points on my license right away?
Kait: ....how fast were you going?
Seb: 70 in a 55.
Kait: ...no.
Seb: Do I have to take, like, a special driving class?
Kait and Tara: ....no.
Seb: So what happens, then?
Kait: Well, you pay the ticket, or you don't pay it and you can't drive in that state for like, a year and a half.
Seb: How much is it?
Kait: ...it says on the ticket.
Seb; You mean I have to read it?
Kait: ....yes.
Seb: Oh man, how long do I have to send it in?!
Kait: ....it says on the ticket.
Seb: I got it like, a week ago!
Kait: ...then you have plenty of time.
Seriously. w. t. f. sebastian.
-seriously, why does all of philly close at 7:00?
No, this is an honest question. We couldn't find any shops or anything but a few food-ish places and bars that stayed open past seven on a SATURDAY. Stupid Philly.
-charcoal pencil
Cosi was one of the places that was open, and it had the advantage of being right next to the theatre. We ordered s'mores and Tara turned her skewer into a charcoal pencil by burning it a lot. She wrote on a napkin "Chase: A Police Story Cheerleader!" We took a picture of it!
-chase: a police story
There was a book at the bookstore for like, two dollars, called Chase: A Police Story. It was toootally about Chase from House. We decided. And it was our favourite thing ever for no reason. And we decided that Chase was the girl on the front of the book. Later we found out it was about a car chase, but then we realized that Foreman was the person who stole the car and Chase was with the police, going after him. Yeah. We're crazy.
-here comes the corpse
OKAY THIS WAS THE BEST PART OF THE TRIP. At that awesome bookstore I found this book for two dollars called Here Comes the Corpse. And, okay, when you see a book called Here Comes the Corpse and it's two dollars, how can you not pick it up? What I didn't realize until I read the inside flap because I didn't look closely enough at the cover was that it was a GAY MARRIAGE MURDER MYSTERY. SERIOUSLY. OMG, it is the best thing I ever bought. It is so amazingly cliché and terrible and unrealistic and AWESOME. AND IT IS ONE IN A SERIES! I need to own ALL of them now! And the author is totally my new best friend. I dumped Tara like a cheating boyfriend, yo.
-brain quest!
There was a Five and Below in the same shopping complex as the bookstore. We bought Presidential Brain Quest for like, three dollars, and were disappointed because we knew the answers to almost all of the questions. (Although I'm told that the answer to "Was Emily Spinach the name of Alice Roosevelt's favourite doll or the Roosevelt family's pet snake?" is not common knowledge.)
-declaration of independence > liberty bell > william penn
The parking garage in Philly had "themed" levels. We discovered that the more important things were farther down. As you went up, it got progressively less important. "Declaration of Independence" then "Benjamin Franklin" then "Liberty Bell" then "William Penn" at the very top. We took pictures of this.
-"friendly" brown bears
Okay, so at our hotel they had one of those little stands with Points of Interest brochures. One of them was for Shenandoah Caverns and it advertised "friendly" brown bears. The bears looked TOTALLY evil and creepy. And we decided that Stephen Colbert needed to be warned about Shenandoah Caverns pushing pro-bear propaganda. (See we wrote a letter to stephen colbert! below.)
-admiral wilson & the great white fleet
We passed Admiral Wilson Road or something like that and... well, this just goes to show how crazy Tara and I are and how easily we blend fiction and reality. We decided that Wilson became an Admiral after RSL discovered the lost city of Atlantis (this was in reference to something Hugh Laurie said in an interview about RSL doing that). Because Wilson is now an Admiral, he can direct the Great White Fleet, which he sent to House's office in an inside joke that Tara and I accidentally created sometime last summer.
Yeah.
-the book and the billboard about beating your ticket
At that awesome bookstore, we found a book called Beating Your Ticket and would have bought it for Seb if it had been less than ten dollars. Then, on our way back to New York, we passed a billboard about beating your ticket, too! If we had noticed it sooner, we would have taken a picture for him.
-would you light my candle (smores!)
They gave us fire to make s'mores and we lit things on fire once we were done eating. I think that's what this is referring to? Tara?
-"what does concede mean? who's john kerry?"
After watching "Election Day Part II," we talked about one of the worst nights of our lives, aka Election Night 2004. We reviewed some of our memories, like when Iowa went to sleep and John Edwards gave a speech looking like he should be clutching a teddy bear and wearing footie pajamas. That particular quote was us imitating something we wouldn't have been shocked to hear someone we knew say the following afternoon after Kerry conceded.
-"we were lying on the carpet playing with a plastic bag"
When we were flipping through Tara's notebook looking for this list, we passed another list we made after finishing HBP. I noticed it because it was in my handwriting (which is atrocious next to Tara's, which literally looks like a bitmap font). I remembered that I had written it while we were playing The Oregon Trail.
"Well, no. Kaitlyn (another Kaitlyn, not me) was playing the Oregon Trail. We were lying on the carpet playing with a plastic bag."
This was, apparently, the funniest thing Tara ever heard, even though it, you know, actually happened.
-dinosaur boat
ALSO in the shopping complex with the bookstore was a boat store and we decided we should buy Seb a boat and glue dinosaur confetti to it. No, I don't know why we decided this. But periodically, while watching the show, I would remember the dinosaur glitter boat and start laughing hysterically at inappropriate times.
-wilson's divorce center
(As we drove past a building labeled "DIVORCE CENTER")
Tara: That's Wilson's Divorce Center!
-if we wrote house
If we wrote House, House and Wilson would live together and be gay forever, Foreman and Cuddy would stand around being awesome all the time, Cameron would exist purely to sass Chase, and Chase would be a police officer, like in Chase: A Police Story. Also, he would constantly be sassed by Cameron.
-we wrote a letter to stephen colbert!
WE DID. So, we collected our brochures and pictures of the Arctic Suite and "friendly" brown bears and wrote Stephen a letter, which I may post later, if people actually care. It basically was a total joke about how Philly/Cherry Hill is pushing the pro-bear agenda and they need to be stopped and they're totally un-American. We put the letter and all the pictures and stuff into an envelope and mailed it to him and wrote "URGENT BEAR-RELATED INFORMATION" on the envelope flap in red sharpie. We're hoping that the intern who answers his mail thinks it's funny enough to show him.
-fruit snack war
While waiting for Steve to show up, we had a fruit snack war, Rescue Heroes v. Dinosaurs. Alex came in and watched us for a while and the dinosaurs slowly started to become eaten extinct. We took pictures.
-yogos in my bed
These things called "Yogos" were on sale at Pathmark, so we bought some. They're basically yogurt covered fruit snacks. They weren't awful. Tara had a pack in her pocket all day and then "lost" them. At the hotel, she took a different pack and spilled them all over her bed. This was, apparently, extremely funny to us.
-"it's a fortress of solitude"
My library recently moved across town, and as we were driving through Parsippany, we passed where it used to be. Later that night we were talking about our libraries and this happened:
Kait: We drove past my library today.
Tara: Where your library used to be. It's not there anymore.
Kait: Yeah. Now it's a fortress of solitude. .....why did I say that?
-plane crashes and earthquakes (with my CAMERA)
Tara can take videos with her camera. She did this several times on Sunday night while we were watching the news. One time the video ended because her camera was a plane crash. Another time it ended because her camera was an earthquake.
-myspace on the news
MySpace was on the news because these youngins don't know the rules about meeting people from the internet. Or something. Tara filmed it with her camera for no reason.
-one dead drag queen
OKAY THIS IS ALSO AWESOME. The book right before Here Comes the Corpse is One Dead Drag Queen and this is the beginning of the summary off of Amazon:
Gay Chicago superstar pitcher Scott Carpenter, who recently revealed to fans that he loved schoolteacher Tom Mason, finishes a bout of serious housecleaning and turns on the television just in time to catch a news bulletin announcing the bombing of the Human Services Clinic, where Tom volunteers. Plucked from the rubble, Tom is hospitalized in a coma
DO YOU EVEN HAVE TO READ MORE? HE IS IN A COMA. I NEED TO OWN THIS BOOK. WHY DO I NOT OWN IT ALREADY? HE IS IN A COMA! IT IS A GAY COMA MURDER MYSTERY BOOK!
Someone needs to buy me all of the "Tom and Scott Mysteries" right now, starting with that one.
-"i... don't know what to say"
This is what Seb said to us in the most amazingly awesome deadpan ever right after he opened his gift.
-"are you drunk?"
This is what Seb said to me as I tried to stop laughing long enough to explain the "Leo's Funeral Through Wicked Song Titles" thing that I gave him that bessiemaemucho and I wrote. I cannot put into words how amused he was by it.
-fighting e.coli... with a SWORD
There was a book at that awesome bookstore about E. Coli.
Kait: There's a book here called Fighting E. Coli.
Tara: Do they fight E. Coli with a sword? Because that would be awesome.
-wilson fighting cancer with a sword, and also having cancer powers.
The reason there's never any cancer for Wilson to fight is because he used to fight cancer with a sword. Then he got mutant super powers so that he can detect and kill cancer before it even starts in someone. That way he never has actual cancer to fight and can spend all his time hanging around with House for no reason.
AND THAT WAS OUR TRIP TO PHILLY. It was kind of awesome, clearly.
I am doing this in a weird way. First is a general description of our trip. Second is a list of things we wrote down to remember, which I will talk about in detail.
So, it actually started Friday night when Tara showed up here at Purchase. We obtained a guest parking pass for her and then piled into my car to drive back to Parsippany. We stopped at PathMark for road trip food (aka juice boxes and fruit snacks) and then at Wendy's for dinner. At home we ate and watched a House rerun on teevee, then watched last week's House before going to bed.
We woke up at eight the next morning and showered and dressed and stuff to get ready for our awesome day. If by "awesome" you mean "omg RAINING SO MUCH." We hit the bank and then the highway. We stopped at like, a zillion different rest stops trying to continue the tradition of getting Seb commemorative thimbles from the last place we saw him perform. (We got him a NY thimble when we went to Maine and we wanted to give him a Maine thimble in MA, but we couldn't find one.) We ended up getting a New Jersey thimble, which is awesome because we've never even seen him in New Jersey.
We found our hotel with little problem and checked in. It is seriously both the nicest and cheapest hotel we've ever stayed in, probably because it was a business hotel and we were staying on a Saturday night. We flopped around and then Tara found a phone book and looked up (among other things like "escort services") bookstores. We saw one that sounded awesome and decided to go to it. It WAS awesome. omg. We bought a zillion books there, some of which will be detailed in the list below. I don't think we spent over five or six dollars for any one book.
After the bookstore we headed into Philly. We parked and found the theatre after getting incredibly lost because we're idiots. After the show let out, we met melnotmeli who is adorable and funny and apparently not incredibly scared off by Tara and I being batshit crazy. Seb came out and took us someplace to eat and told us about his speeding ticket. We bid him farewell and ate dinner and wandered around Philly trying to find someplace that stayed open past seven. We wound up at Cosi, where we ordered s'mores and played with fire.
When the s'mores were gone, we went back to the theatre and saw the show, which was good, even though we kept laughing inappropriately thinking of things like the presents we almost bought for Seb but didn't and the "Leo's funeral" scene that besssiemaemucho and I wrote.
After the show we met a nice girl who was stagedooring. We didn't' scare her too much. We gave Seb his present, which confounded and confused him. It was the most awesome present ever. Pictures are forthcoming. Basically, it was a little pink gift bag filled with: 3 plastic dinosaurs, trees for the dinosaurs, "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles" pills, a crushed penny with the twin towers on it, a NJ thimble, and... something else, I think. Anyway, it was AWESOME.
We talked to him for awhile and made plans to get together later when he's in the area and then headed back to our hotel, where we ate fruit snacks and watched Law and Order while reading our new books. Sleepy time.
The next morning we went back to that same bookstore and looked around for a while, then drove back to Purchase via Parsippany. At Purchase we wrote an awesome letter to Stephen Colbert (details below in the list!) and mailed it and ate lunch. Then it was time for... something else. And then it was time for TWW! And I cried like a little girl. Then we had a fruit snack war and Steve came over and we watched more TWW. He left and we went to sleep and the next morning we ate and then Tara left!
Okay, now on to the awesome part... the list!
-the picture of that guy getting crushed by a wagon wheel
In the first or second rest stop we stopped at, there was this big painting of a guy being crushed by a wagon wheel! It was actually a painting of a Revolutionary War scene, but the best part was the guy getting crushed by a wagon wheel. Tara made an offhand comment about stealing it to give to Seb and we didn't laugh, but for some reason, when we got back into the car and she mentioned it again, it was the funniest thing we ever heard.
-ethan hawke, robert sean leonard, and tim curry service stations
We decided that service areas named after people we didn't care about were lame. We wanted to see the Ethan Hawke Memorial Service Area or the Robert Sean Leonard Rest Stop. And then this:
Tara: I wish there were a Tim Curry service area. Then it could have a big painting of Tim Curry instead of some guy getting crushed by a wagon wheel. I would totally try to steal it.
-"is this in poor taste?"
We also like to give Sebastian crushed pennies. I don't know why. It's because we're awesome. So, when we found a penny-crusher at the first service station, we decided we had to make one. There were three designs: "good luck," "statue of liberty," and "twin towers."
Tara was already cranking away at the Twin Towers design before she paused to ask, "Is this is poor taste?"
Too late! He didn't seem to think so, but it could have just been the overwhelming confusion at the gift as a whole. (Also, at another service area, we found a penny crusher that had a different 9/11 design AND it had the Lord's Prayer. if we had another fifty cents, we were totally going to make him the Lord's Prayer one!)
-sheriff badge (& yogi bear, apparently)
Tara is AWESOME at claw machines. Seriously, she can get stuff out of claw machines like it's her job. They had claw machines at the service areas, but they were hella expensive. Then we found a little one that was only fifty cents per try and had stupid little toys no one would want in it, including a fake sheriff's badge.
Tara: Oh man, we should get him that Sheriff's badge!
Kait: He would love it so much.
Tara: He'd be like, "YES! I am the Sheriff of AWESOME TOWN."
Also, at that service area, I picked up a "The Jersey Shore and You!" magazine to give him and Tara found a brochure of Jellystone Park with Yogi Bear. We thought this was hysterical for some reason.
-death at the service station
Okay, I think this one was... it was really, really hard to get out of the service area and onto the highway and we were talking about something about getting lost at the service area and dying? I don't remember. Tara! What was this?
-talking about our favorite parts of jeff buckley songs for like an hour
Yeah, this is called "every time Tara and Kait listen to Jeff Buckley." Mostly we talked about how Grace is one of our favorite songs and contains our favorite moments in any song ever. Mine is right at the beginning where it slowly builds up and then the guitar kicks in. Tara's is the key change, and I don't know music, so I'm not sure what that means, but I'm sure it's awesome.
Also, we talked about our other favorite songs, and how Jeff Buckley was fucking crazy (see: Witches' Rave).
-arctic suite with bears & ice cubes
OKAY THE ARCTIC SUITE. Oh man. This was awesome. So, our hotel offered several "romantic" theme suites. We first saw a picture advertising them in the elevator and then picked up a little brochure. They included things like the Venice suite and the African Savannah suite and the Asian Suite and the ARCTIC suite. Funny thing number one: If Tara and I ran the hotel, we'd totally take all these names literally and the arctic suite would be kept at arctic temperatures and ice cubes would come out of the shower heads. Funny thing number two: We found a picture of the actual artic suite and one of the things it features is chairs shaped like polar bears. wtf? Also it features a teevee that only plays themed movies? Like Ice Age, I guess? AND BOARD GAMES. The suites all have board games. Yeah. Really romantic.
-"do those people come with the suite?"
That was me, wondering if the giggling, vaguely erotically-placed couples in the picture actually came with the African suite.
-tv suites & nightly lumbar punctures
If Tara and I ran a hotel, our special suites would be teevee show themed. The House suite would include nightly lumbar punctures. This was, to us, incredibly hysterical.
-dinosaur confetti
We bought this for one dollar in the hotel gift shop on our way into Philly. I still have it. I don't know what I am going to do with it.
-"osama bin laden... he's a terrorist!"
In our hotel room, before we left for Philly, we wondered if there were other people who wouldn't think our crushed penny of the Twin Towers was in poor taste. As Tara pointed out, Osama Bin Laden wouldn't... he's a terrorist!
-"where are we going?" "i know where we are!" "no you don't!"
If you have not driven with me before, you probably aren't aware that I have a frightening sense of direction. I can reverse directions in my head. Literally, I did not have directions to get home from Philly to our hotel or from our hotel to Purchase, I just... knew. I remember.
Anyway, on our way to the awesome bookstore, I drove right past it and pulled into a residential area to turn around. I noticed that it was through street and realized I could probably just circle around back to get into the bookstore's parking lot. I started to do this but Tara refused to believe I knew what I was doing. I pulled into a parking lot to a dentist's office (and apparently a legal office), thinking it was a street and Tara kept yelling that I didn't know where I was going. I had to stop the car because we were laughing so hard about this. I then pulled out and schooled her by turning two corners and ending up at the bookstore. I rock.
-"do i have to take, like, a special driving class?"
When we got to Philly and met up with Seb, he asked, "So how was your trip down? Did you get anymore tickets?" So I glared and then he informed me that he got his first speeding ticket ever. We had, roughly, the following conversation:
Seb: So, do you know how this works? Like, do I get points on my license right away?
Kait: ....how fast were you going?
Seb: 70 in a 55.
Kait: ...no.
Seb: Do I have to take, like, a special driving class?
Kait and Tara: ....no.
Seb: So what happens, then?
Kait: Well, you pay the ticket, or you don't pay it and you can't drive in that state for like, a year and a half.
Seb: How much is it?
Kait: ...it says on the ticket.
Seb; You mean I have to read it?
Kait: ....yes.
Seb: Oh man, how long do I have to send it in?!
Kait: ....it says on the ticket.
Seb: I got it like, a week ago!
Kait: ...then you have plenty of time.
Seriously. w. t. f. sebastian.
-seriously, why does all of philly close at 7:00?
No, this is an honest question. We couldn't find any shops or anything but a few food-ish places and bars that stayed open past seven on a SATURDAY. Stupid Philly.
-charcoal pencil
Cosi was one of the places that was open, and it had the advantage of being right next to the theatre. We ordered s'mores and Tara turned her skewer into a charcoal pencil by burning it a lot. She wrote on a napkin "Chase: A Police Story Cheerleader!" We took a picture of it!
-chase: a police story
There was a book at the bookstore for like, two dollars, called Chase: A Police Story. It was toootally about Chase from House. We decided. And it was our favourite thing ever for no reason. And we decided that Chase was the girl on the front of the book. Later we found out it was about a car chase, but then we realized that Foreman was the person who stole the car and Chase was with the police, going after him. Yeah. We're crazy.
-here comes the corpse
OKAY THIS WAS THE BEST PART OF THE TRIP. At that awesome bookstore I found this book for two dollars called Here Comes the Corpse. And, okay, when you see a book called Here Comes the Corpse and it's two dollars, how can you not pick it up? What I didn't realize until I read the inside flap because I didn't look closely enough at the cover was that it was a GAY MARRIAGE MURDER MYSTERY. SERIOUSLY. OMG, it is the best thing I ever bought. It is so amazingly cliché and terrible and unrealistic and AWESOME. AND IT IS ONE IN A SERIES! I need to own ALL of them now! And the author is totally my new best friend. I dumped Tara like a cheating boyfriend, yo.
-brain quest!
There was a Five and Below in the same shopping complex as the bookstore. We bought Presidential Brain Quest for like, three dollars, and were disappointed because we knew the answers to almost all of the questions. (Although I'm told that the answer to "Was Emily Spinach the name of Alice Roosevelt's favourite doll or the Roosevelt family's pet snake?" is not common knowledge.)
-declaration of independence > liberty bell > william penn
The parking garage in Philly had "themed" levels. We discovered that the more important things were farther down. As you went up, it got progressively less important. "Declaration of Independence" then "Benjamin Franklin" then "Liberty Bell" then "William Penn" at the very top. We took pictures of this.
-"friendly" brown bears
Okay, so at our hotel they had one of those little stands with Points of Interest brochures. One of them was for Shenandoah Caverns and it advertised "friendly" brown bears. The bears looked TOTALLY evil and creepy. And we decided that Stephen Colbert needed to be warned about Shenandoah Caverns pushing pro-bear propaganda. (See we wrote a letter to stephen colbert! below.)
-admiral wilson & the great white fleet
We passed Admiral Wilson Road or something like that and... well, this just goes to show how crazy Tara and I are and how easily we blend fiction and reality. We decided that Wilson became an Admiral after RSL discovered the lost city of Atlantis (this was in reference to something Hugh Laurie said in an interview about RSL doing that). Because Wilson is now an Admiral, he can direct the Great White Fleet, which he sent to House's office in an inside joke that Tara and I accidentally created sometime last summer.
Yeah.
-the book and the billboard about beating your ticket
At that awesome bookstore, we found a book called Beating Your Ticket and would have bought it for Seb if it had been less than ten dollars. Then, on our way back to New York, we passed a billboard about beating your ticket, too! If we had noticed it sooner, we would have taken a picture for him.
-would you light my candle (smores!)
They gave us fire to make s'mores and we lit things on fire once we were done eating. I think that's what this is referring to? Tara?
-"what does concede mean? who's john kerry?"
After watching "Election Day Part II," we talked about one of the worst nights of our lives, aka Election Night 2004. We reviewed some of our memories, like when Iowa went to sleep and John Edwards gave a speech looking like he should be clutching a teddy bear and wearing footie pajamas. That particular quote was us imitating something we wouldn't have been shocked to hear someone we knew say the following afternoon after Kerry conceded.
-"we were lying on the carpet playing with a plastic bag"
When we were flipping through Tara's notebook looking for this list, we passed another list we made after finishing HBP. I noticed it because it was in my handwriting (which is atrocious next to Tara's, which literally looks like a bitmap font). I remembered that I had written it while we were playing The Oregon Trail.
"Well, no. Kaitlyn (another Kaitlyn, not me) was playing the Oregon Trail. We were lying on the carpet playing with a plastic bag."
This was, apparently, the funniest thing Tara ever heard, even though it, you know, actually happened.
-dinosaur boat
ALSO in the shopping complex with the bookstore was a boat store and we decided we should buy Seb a boat and glue dinosaur confetti to it. No, I don't know why we decided this. But periodically, while watching the show, I would remember the dinosaur glitter boat and start laughing hysterically at inappropriate times.
-wilson's divorce center
(As we drove past a building labeled "DIVORCE CENTER")
Tara: That's Wilson's Divorce Center!
-if we wrote house
If we wrote House, House and Wilson would live together and be gay forever, Foreman and Cuddy would stand around being awesome all the time, Cameron would exist purely to sass Chase, and Chase would be a police officer, like in Chase: A Police Story. Also, he would constantly be sassed by Cameron.
-we wrote a letter to stephen colbert!
WE DID. So, we collected our brochures and pictures of the Arctic Suite and "friendly" brown bears and wrote Stephen a letter, which I may post later, if people actually care. It basically was a total joke about how Philly/Cherry Hill is pushing the pro-bear agenda and they need to be stopped and they're totally un-American. We put the letter and all the pictures and stuff into an envelope and mailed it to him and wrote "URGENT BEAR-RELATED INFORMATION" on the envelope flap in red sharpie. We're hoping that the intern who answers his mail thinks it's funny enough to show him.
-fruit snack war
While waiting for Steve to show up, we had a fruit snack war, Rescue Heroes v. Dinosaurs. Alex came in and watched us for a while and the dinosaurs slowly started to become eaten extinct. We took pictures.
-yogos in my bed
These things called "Yogos" were on sale at Pathmark, so we bought some. They're basically yogurt covered fruit snacks. They weren't awful. Tara had a pack in her pocket all day and then "lost" them. At the hotel, she took a different pack and spilled them all over her bed. This was, apparently, extremely funny to us.
-"it's a fortress of solitude"
My library recently moved across town, and as we were driving through Parsippany, we passed where it used to be. Later that night we were talking about our libraries and this happened:
Kait: We drove past my library today.
Tara: Where your library used to be. It's not there anymore.
Kait: Yeah. Now it's a fortress of solitude. .....why did I say that?
-plane crashes and earthquakes (with my CAMERA)
Tara can take videos with her camera. She did this several times on Sunday night while we were watching the news. One time the video ended because her camera was a plane crash. Another time it ended because her camera was an earthquake.
-myspace on the news
MySpace was on the news because these youngins don't know the rules about meeting people from the internet. Or something. Tara filmed it with her camera for no reason.
-one dead drag queen
OKAY THIS IS ALSO AWESOME. The book right before Here Comes the Corpse is One Dead Drag Queen and this is the beginning of the summary off of Amazon:
Gay Chicago superstar pitcher Scott Carpenter, who recently revealed to fans that he loved schoolteacher Tom Mason, finishes a bout of serious housecleaning and turns on the television just in time to catch a news bulletin announcing the bombing of the Human Services Clinic, where Tom volunteers. Plucked from the rubble, Tom is hospitalized in a coma
DO YOU EVEN HAVE TO READ MORE? HE IS IN A COMA. I NEED TO OWN THIS BOOK. WHY DO I NOT OWN IT ALREADY? HE IS IN A COMA! IT IS A GAY COMA MURDER MYSTERY BOOK!
Someone needs to buy me all of the "Tom and Scott Mysteries" right now, starting with that one.
-"i... don't know what to say"
This is what Seb said to us in the most amazingly awesome deadpan ever right after he opened his gift.
-"are you drunk?"
This is what Seb said to me as I tried to stop laughing long enough to explain the "Leo's Funeral Through Wicked Song Titles" thing that I gave him that bessiemaemucho and I wrote. I cannot put into words how amused he was by it.
-fighting e.coli... with a SWORD
There was a book at that awesome bookstore about E. Coli.
Kait: There's a book here called Fighting E. Coli.
Tara: Do they fight E. Coli with a sword? Because that would be awesome.
-wilson fighting cancer with a sword, and also having cancer powers.
The reason there's never any cancer for Wilson to fight is because he used to fight cancer with a sword. Then he got mutant super powers so that he can detect and kill cancer before it even starts in someone. That way he never has actual cancer to fight and can spend all his time hanging around with House for no reason.
AND THAT WAS OUR TRIP TO PHILLY. It was kind of awesome, clearly.