"tony stark built a box of scraps in a cave! With a suit!" "...wait."
Hello, internet. How are you?
I'm doing...slightly better, I guess? Some things are better, some things are worse. I did not cry at all yesterday until right at bedtime, and I could have just been tired and taking things too personally/letting my jerkbrain make stupid assumptions and run away with them, so. Who knows.
But yesterday was actually really great and my crying had nothing to do with the people in my house, because they are awesome. mcwonthelottery, metonymy, and I went to a Mary Bichner concert at Mt. Auburn Cemetery and it was exactly as awesome as you expect a concert in a cemetery to be! Mary Bichner remains the cutest human being who recognized us all from being her "internet friends."
(The funniest bit about this was that the night before, Naomi and I were having dinner with brilligspoons and barbed_whispers before Thor 2 (which was awesome and will get its own section) and I was like, "Yeah, Mary follows me on tumblr, so, uh, I hope she likes McAvoy's face." And then at the actual show, she was like, "You really like that guy from X-Men! And you post him on tumblr a lot." And I couldn't stop laughing. Yup. That's me.)
Anyway, the show was super cute and then afterwards we wandered through the cemetery. For those of you who are not local, it is HUGE and Becca and I have already made plans to go back next week and do a tour and take more pictures and be jerks in a cemetery, because we enjoy being jerks in historic public places.
After the show we came back here and littledust joined us for an Anne of Green Gables-athon where we drank raspberry cordial and watched the first AoGG mini-series and started the second one. IT WAS PRETTY GREAT.
Today will be writing and cleaning and Target, I think, and then back to work tomorrow.
***
Writing is still going okay! I'm not back to my normal quality/speed, but getting up at five is actually really great for my productivity and peace of mind. I can generally work a lot better at five am than at night, so...fingers crossed that it continues. I've managed to step back from the stupid epic thing that I hate but can't stop writing and I'm focusing on something else instead. I think, this week, I'm going to take a swing at my secret_mutant or one of the SMM stories I want to do. No defaults yet, so no need to pick up any pinch hits, but I'm waiting for those to start. I'm trying to get an early jump on SMM given how long it's taking me to get anything done /o\
But it's happening, which is more than it has been for the past few months, so that's good. I'm trying not to beat myself up over the fact that it's not happening at the level I want it to be and just be happy words are coming at all.
And thank you all for being so kind during this whole stupid process. I need to go back to respond to comments, but I super appreciate it and it's the sort of support I miss while being on Tumblr.
***
Speaking of, I think I'm going to need to take another tumblr break next week. I'm still really struggling with that site, particularly with the community that everyone else in my fandom seems to have forged and that I am both afraid to break into and unable to breach even when I try. I'm bad enough at this stuff as it is, but tumblr makes it all so public that it's like, double shameful in my brain. You know, like, I'll post a response to a fic prompt or something and then five minutes later, someone else will do the same thing and there's will be passed around with glowing praise and I just quietly slink back and delete mine. This happens not infrequently. (Or I WANT to delete it, but can't because I'm embarrassed that people have already seen it and will see me deleting it and know it's because I'm stupid about these things. Ugh.)
Brains, right? It's just really rough. I know all this shit is in my head and I have a few friends in fandom and I shouldn't need validation and probably it's not that people hate me, it's just that they don't give two shits, but it's one of those things where the logic doesn't make it past the jerkbrain and I spend a lot of time reading tumblr and feeling super anxious.
So, with work making me cry in the bathroom at least once a day and writing being super difficult, I think a break will probably be good. Maybe I'll buy a few Kindle books of short stories to read on my computer at work during the time I normally browse tumblr to look busy.
That's another casualty of badbrain--I can't concentrate on novels at all. I bought a million novels at Boston Book Fest, but nothing longer than a short story has been able to hold my interest for weeks now, and I've read and re-read all the short story books I have. Oh, maybe I can do some collections of short narrative essays! I hadn't thought of that, but I just looked up and say The Partly Cloudy Patriot, so. That's an idea.
So we'll see how it goes. In some ways, I feel like I've hit the bottom of the bell curve and it's all about making my way back up, but I'm not sure how long that will take.
***
WE SAW THOR 2!
So, I basically agreed to go to Thor 2 because Naomi asked and I figured the internet would be talking about it and I wanted to hang out with my friends and I liked Thor 1 well enough. Then I heard it was going to have a DoFP trailer attached and got REALLY excited, but...did not particularly care super a lot about the actual movie one way or another.
OH MAN. IT WAS GREAT.
So, first off, seeing the DoFP trailer on the big screen was AMAZING and it's gotten me even more excited for the film. All their faces remain the best faces ♥
BUT MAN. THOR. WAS AMAZING. WHO KNEW?
I seriously, 100% whole-heartedly enjoyed myself. I am probably going again. Jane was fucking amazing. I love how she was able to be both someone who needed help AND save the day, rather than just being a damsel or being built up into a super genius savior who didn't need anyone. Darcy was HILARIOUS. I loved how loyal Sif and the Warriors Three were to Thor! I loved how there wasn't a love triangle! I loved how FUNNY it was! My goodness, I did not expect to laugh that much, but it was hilarious. The big fight scene was amazing! I had been waiting to pee for like, an HOUR and figured I'd go during the fight scene because they're always boring, but it was SO GREAT! It dragged in the beginning, but it was pretty well-paced once the story started--I was never bored. And Asgard was SO PRETTY.
And surprise Chris O'Dowd! AND SURPRISE CHRIS EVANS!!!
And, ugh, I hate to admit this, but I really liked the role Loki played in the film. I enjoyed his arc and his character and he had so many great lines. The Loki-Thor sibling relationship was wonderful. Even though I saw it coming the moment that soldier was on the planet where Loki died, I enjoyed the twist at the end, too. I hate saying this because I seriously, seriously hate what fandom has done to Loki to the point where I have basically every possible version of his name and Hiddleston's tumblr saviored, but...yes. It was enjoyable.
I probably have more in-depth thoughts about bits of this, but I'm on my way out the door, so maybe more after a second viewing, when I get around to it.
***
So, that's the state of me, right now. I know I have been terrible at communicating on basically all fronts lately, so I'm going to try and fix that, but...yes. Just sort of hanging in there, waiting for things to look up. They will eventually.
I'm doing...slightly better, I guess? Some things are better, some things are worse. I did not cry at all yesterday until right at bedtime, and I could have just been tired and taking things too personally/letting my jerkbrain make stupid assumptions and run away with them, so. Who knows.
But yesterday was actually really great and my crying had nothing to do with the people in my house, because they are awesome. mcwonthelottery, metonymy, and I went to a Mary Bichner concert at Mt. Auburn Cemetery and it was exactly as awesome as you expect a concert in a cemetery to be! Mary Bichner remains the cutest human being who recognized us all from being her "internet friends."
(The funniest bit about this was that the night before, Naomi and I were having dinner with brilligspoons and barbed_whispers before Thor 2 (which was awesome and will get its own section) and I was like, "Yeah, Mary follows me on tumblr, so, uh, I hope she likes McAvoy's face." And then at the actual show, she was like, "You really like that guy from X-Men! And you post him on tumblr a lot." And I couldn't stop laughing. Yup. That's me.)
Anyway, the show was super cute and then afterwards we wandered through the cemetery. For those of you who are not local, it is HUGE and Becca and I have already made plans to go back next week and do a tour and take more pictures and be jerks in a cemetery, because we enjoy being jerks in historic public places.
After the show we came back here and littledust joined us for an Anne of Green Gables-athon where we drank raspberry cordial and watched the first AoGG mini-series and started the second one. IT WAS PRETTY GREAT.
Today will be writing and cleaning and Target, I think, and then back to work tomorrow.
***
Writing is still going okay! I'm not back to my normal quality/speed, but getting up at five is actually really great for my productivity and peace of mind. I can generally work a lot better at five am than at night, so...fingers crossed that it continues. I've managed to step back from the stupid epic thing that I hate but can't stop writing and I'm focusing on something else instead. I think, this week, I'm going to take a swing at my secret_mutant or one of the SMM stories I want to do. No defaults yet, so no need to pick up any pinch hits, but I'm waiting for those to start. I'm trying to get an early jump on SMM given how long it's taking me to get anything done /o\
But it's happening, which is more than it has been for the past few months, so that's good. I'm trying not to beat myself up over the fact that it's not happening at the level I want it to be and just be happy words are coming at all.
And thank you all for being so kind during this whole stupid process. I need to go back to respond to comments, but I super appreciate it and it's the sort of support I miss while being on Tumblr.
***
Speaking of, I think I'm going to need to take another tumblr break next week. I'm still really struggling with that site, particularly with the community that everyone else in my fandom seems to have forged and that I am both afraid to break into and unable to breach even when I try. I'm bad enough at this stuff as it is, but tumblr makes it all so public that it's like, double shameful in my brain. You know, like, I'll post a response to a fic prompt or something and then five minutes later, someone else will do the same thing and there's will be passed around with glowing praise and I just quietly slink back and delete mine. This happens not infrequently. (Or I WANT to delete it, but can't because I'm embarrassed that people have already seen it and will see me deleting it and know it's because I'm stupid about these things. Ugh.)
Brains, right? It's just really rough. I know all this shit is in my head and I have a few friends in fandom and I shouldn't need validation and probably it's not that people hate me, it's just that they don't give two shits, but it's one of those things where the logic doesn't make it past the jerkbrain and I spend a lot of time reading tumblr and feeling super anxious.
So, with work making me cry in the bathroom at least once a day and writing being super difficult, I think a break will probably be good. Maybe I'll buy a few Kindle books of short stories to read on my computer at work during the time I normally browse tumblr to look busy.
That's another casualty of badbrain--I can't concentrate on novels at all. I bought a million novels at Boston Book Fest, but nothing longer than a short story has been able to hold my interest for weeks now, and I've read and re-read all the short story books I have. Oh, maybe I can do some collections of short narrative essays! I hadn't thought of that, but I just looked up and say The Partly Cloudy Patriot, so. That's an idea.
So we'll see how it goes. In some ways, I feel like I've hit the bottom of the bell curve and it's all about making my way back up, but I'm not sure how long that will take.
***
WE SAW THOR 2!
So, I basically agreed to go to Thor 2 because Naomi asked and I figured the internet would be talking about it and I wanted to hang out with my friends and I liked Thor 1 well enough. Then I heard it was going to have a DoFP trailer attached and got REALLY excited, but...did not particularly care super a lot about the actual movie one way or another.
OH MAN. IT WAS GREAT.
So, first off, seeing the DoFP trailer on the big screen was AMAZING and it's gotten me even more excited for the film. All their faces remain the best faces ♥
BUT MAN. THOR. WAS AMAZING. WHO KNEW?
I seriously, 100% whole-heartedly enjoyed myself. I am probably going again. Jane was fucking amazing. I love how she was able to be both someone who needed help AND save the day, rather than just being a damsel or being built up into a super genius savior who didn't need anyone. Darcy was HILARIOUS. I loved how loyal Sif and the Warriors Three were to Thor! I loved how there wasn't a love triangle! I loved how FUNNY it was! My goodness, I did not expect to laugh that much, but it was hilarious. The big fight scene was amazing! I had been waiting to pee for like, an HOUR and figured I'd go during the fight scene because they're always boring, but it was SO GREAT! It dragged in the beginning, but it was pretty well-paced once the story started--I was never bored. And Asgard was SO PRETTY.
And surprise Chris O'Dowd! AND SURPRISE CHRIS EVANS!!!
And, ugh, I hate to admit this, but I really liked the role Loki played in the film. I enjoyed his arc and his character and he had so many great lines. The Loki-Thor sibling relationship was wonderful. Even though I saw it coming the moment that soldier was on the planet where Loki died, I enjoyed the twist at the end, too. I hate saying this because I seriously, seriously hate what fandom has done to Loki to the point where I have basically every possible version of his name and Hiddleston's tumblr saviored, but...yes. It was enjoyable.
I probably have more in-depth thoughts about bits of this, but I'm on my way out the door, so maybe more after a second viewing, when I get around to it.
***
So, that's the state of me, right now. I know I have been terrible at communicating on basically all fronts lately, so I'm going to try and fix that, but...yes. Just sort of hanging in there, waiting for things to look up. They will eventually.