Things Change
It seems that almost three years and 420 updates later, that every now and then I like to reminisce through my Live Journal. People who say that keeping a journal is gay can go fuck themselves because I find it rather interesting and sometimes amusing to read about what my day to day life was like anywhere from three years ago until now. However the other night I was going through my entries, and I noticed somethings changed in the way I update this thing now a days. Back in the good ole' days, I used this thing to write down the events of my day even if they were simple and unexciting. However, recently I've been using this to write down my thoughts more or less, rather than the events of my day.
Since I'm a loser and have a Myspace account, I occasionally read the surveys that my various friends post as bulletins. Surveys rarely have any originality, but still it's just something to read every now and then. However, there is one pair of questions that you're almost guaranteed to find on every survey. Those questions are: Are you Single? If yes...do you have a crush on someone right now? You get some people who aren't single, so they'll respond to the first question with some gay ass shit (pardon my French) like "No I'm taken by the love of my life...Joe Blow. I <3 you Joe Blow!!!" as if Joe Blow's going to read it and feel that much more loved because your skanky ass gave him a shout out in the middle of a pointless survey. Anyways, I'm getting distracted here, but the friends of mine who are single and filling out these surveys will always answer the second question with something along the lines of, "Yes, but it's a secret ;)".
My point is this, why do we hide our feelings? I mean back to the subject of that girl I liked, I mean we could talk about anything. In fact I had no problem blurting out the most random shit that came to my mind when I'd be talking with her, but as soon as it was time to find out the big question...it was a whole different scenario. I just remember sitting there on her couch thinking what I wanted to say in my head, but it was as if my vocal chords said, "Fuck this!" I mean I could give the obvious answer, and say it's because everyone has that fear of rejection, but maybe it's not. To give a quick follow up on that situation, I haven't really spoke with her since that night about the whole issue. Surprisingly I didn't make a big deal out of it, and have basically moved on. God it's nice to have the logical side of my mind running the show again.
One thing that I've liked about my entries lately, is how I've been including quotes. I think it all started back right before I was about to leave for basic when I started the whole "every entry needs a Tombstone quote" ordeal, and I got to be honest...I like it. So count on seeing some kind of quote every entry.
Even though I may not care what you think, I do appreciate those of you who take the time to read this journal. It's a comforting feeling to know that people actually take time out of their lives to read what's on my mind.
"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened."
-Sir Winston Churchill-