(no subject)
Yesterday marked 14 years since my grandpa died. It is really weird for me to think that 14 years ago, I was 12 and in the 7th grade. Mom was going to have us go to school the day of the actual funeral and just take us school-aged girls to the viewing. Well, the day of the funeral, I felt really sick and had to leave school early and had no choice but to go to the funeral sick. I remember what I was wearing that day...skate shoes, over-sized black, white and blue flannel shirt, black jeans. I felt pretty out of place. My little sister Miranda was two at the time and apparently, caught the same sickness I had because she vomited all over my mother and the funeral home carpet.
I remember my grandfather's funeral as the first and only time I ever saw my grandmother cry. She and my grandpa were never married, but they were together for a very long time and had two children together -- my mother and her sister Nancy, who is 5 years older than her. They were not on bad terms.
My grandpa was sick for a long time before he died, and I only got to see him a few times. On his death certificate, it says pneumonia as the primary cause of death and the secondary, COPD. Grandpa smoked from the time he was Trenton's age, not only cigarettes but a pipe. His brothers were the same and two of them died months apart from him -- all from diseases that were caused by their smoking.
For this reason, I think it frustrated some family members when I became a smoker. I hid this fact for a long time, actually.
My grandma died of sudden cardiac arrest four years later. When I say this, I mean, she literally dropped dead one morning while getting ready to go to church for Mother's Day. That was 10 and a half years ago. Grandma had heart disease and a previous heart attack; so, while it wasn't really as mystery as the whys, the timing was shocking. I did not expect to hear that my Grandma, my second mother and friend, had died that morning, and I think that it changed me in ways that I never really recovered from. What's worse is that my boyfriend at the time did not know how to support me during my time of need. I felt pretty alone in my pain. My friend Rob was helpful, and one day while at the friend's house, TJ, who I would have never dreamed would become my future husband, had a good conversation with me that served as a great comfort to me.
It is time, and only time, that brings me back to all of it now. As I age, I am forced to remember those things, good and bad, that served to shape my existence now.
I remember my grandfather's funeral as the first and only time I ever saw my grandmother cry. She and my grandpa were never married, but they were together for a very long time and had two children together -- my mother and her sister Nancy, who is 5 years older than her. They were not on bad terms.
My grandpa was sick for a long time before he died, and I only got to see him a few times. On his death certificate, it says pneumonia as the primary cause of death and the secondary, COPD. Grandpa smoked from the time he was Trenton's age, not only cigarettes but a pipe. His brothers were the same and two of them died months apart from him -- all from diseases that were caused by their smoking.
For this reason, I think it frustrated some family members when I became a smoker. I hid this fact for a long time, actually.
My grandma died of sudden cardiac arrest four years later. When I say this, I mean, she literally dropped dead one morning while getting ready to go to church for Mother's Day. That was 10 and a half years ago. Grandma had heart disease and a previous heart attack; so, while it wasn't really as mystery as the whys, the timing was shocking. I did not expect to hear that my Grandma, my second mother and friend, had died that morning, and I think that it changed me in ways that I never really recovered from. What's worse is that my boyfriend at the time did not know how to support me during my time of need. I felt pretty alone in my pain. My friend Rob was helpful, and one day while at the friend's house, TJ, who I would have never dreamed would become my future husband, had a good conversation with me that served as a great comfort to me.
It is time, and only time, that brings me back to all of it now. As I age, I am forced to remember those things, good and bad, that served to shape my existence now.