20Forward
It’s that time of year again. Time to write an entry that’s basically state of my live journal. I’ll be honest, I gave seriously contemplation to just quitting writing these things. I’ve been later and later, and I end up seeing it more and more of a chore than therapeutic recently. But I also see some benefits to it too. For example, I tend to remember my stories if I get a version down in writing. Anyway, I always like to have goals for the year in writing, and this year I have 3.
1: shorter entries, but more often.
2: move forward
3: try to tackle some issues I’ve never written about before.
1 is pretty straightforward. In an effort to improve the readability of these entries, I’m going to make an effort to be more direct. I feel like shorter entries will be easier to read too. But to compensate, I’m going to try to go back to every week schedule. Yeah, I’ve already kind of failed because I missed last week, but that takes us to number 2. I need to not dwell so much on how I’ve failed in the past. Instead, I need to figure out how to move forward. That was a big problem last year, when it seemed like I couldn’t figure anything out. A lot of the time, I know what I need to do, but the trouble is overcoming myself to get those things done. For example, going into last year, I knew that I should get involved with a museum or something locally as a volunteer, just so I’d have the experience of doing something. But I hit a few stumbling blocks on the way, and I let that stop me. As for number 3, it’s kind of hard to talk about without actually talking about. But I have issues that I never mention on here, for reasons. Mostly its stuff I’m not sure I’d be comfortable with being out there. But the older I get, the less I care about what people think of me. So I’m thinking of actually trying to write these issues out. Doesn’t mean I have to post what I’ve written, or maybe I will, but lock it. If that happens, I’ll probably make a public announcement of some sort that I written a secret entry.
Well, I’m better now. It was kind of rough there because I found out I didn’t get the job, and then I got sick. So I really couldn’t do but lie there, not work, and feel bad about myself. But then I got better. I’m still disappointed I didn’t get the job, but more-so because I put forth so much effort (or rather, money) on what really wasn’t that great of a job. I mean, it was only part time, I’d have to relocated, and I never did find out if I’d get any benefits or even what I’d be paid. Still, it felt attainable, and I'm so willing to settle at this point. But soon after, I found a bunch more jobs to apply to, so I’m working through it. Maybe one of this crop will finally pay out. I still have my current job, but I’m getting less and less hours. I’m somewhat worried that this is all leading up to the point where they let me go. Having a job has been good for me, not just because of the income, but also because it gives me a reason to get out of the house and focus on something else. I feel more motivated to do things. I really don’t want to lose that. But the way I should look at it is this: this was only supposed to be a seasonal job anyway, but you held on longer than the season. So this is all extra. Plus, you should use this time to get something else started, be it a local volunteer job or a paid job somewhere else. Easier said than done. But I just got to remember, “forward.”
1: shorter entries, but more often.
2: move forward
3: try to tackle some issues I’ve never written about before.
1 is pretty straightforward. In an effort to improve the readability of these entries, I’m going to make an effort to be more direct. I feel like shorter entries will be easier to read too. But to compensate, I’m going to try to go back to every week schedule. Yeah, I’ve already kind of failed because I missed last week, but that takes us to number 2. I need to not dwell so much on how I’ve failed in the past. Instead, I need to figure out how to move forward. That was a big problem last year, when it seemed like I couldn’t figure anything out. A lot of the time, I know what I need to do, but the trouble is overcoming myself to get those things done. For example, going into last year, I knew that I should get involved with a museum or something locally as a volunteer, just so I’d have the experience of doing something. But I hit a few stumbling blocks on the way, and I let that stop me. As for number 3, it’s kind of hard to talk about without actually talking about. But I have issues that I never mention on here, for reasons. Mostly its stuff I’m not sure I’d be comfortable with being out there. But the older I get, the less I care about what people think of me. So I’m thinking of actually trying to write these issues out. Doesn’t mean I have to post what I’ve written, or maybe I will, but lock it. If that happens, I’ll probably make a public announcement of some sort that I written a secret entry.
Well, I’m better now. It was kind of rough there because I found out I didn’t get the job, and then I got sick. So I really couldn’t do but lie there, not work, and feel bad about myself. But then I got better. I’m still disappointed I didn’t get the job, but more-so because I put forth so much effort (or rather, money) on what really wasn’t that great of a job. I mean, it was only part time, I’d have to relocated, and I never did find out if I’d get any benefits or even what I’d be paid. Still, it felt attainable, and I'm so willing to settle at this point. But soon after, I found a bunch more jobs to apply to, so I’m working through it. Maybe one of this crop will finally pay out. I still have my current job, but I’m getting less and less hours. I’m somewhat worried that this is all leading up to the point where they let me go. Having a job has been good for me, not just because of the income, but also because it gives me a reason to get out of the house and focus on something else. I feel more motivated to do things. I really don’t want to lose that. But the way I should look at it is this: this was only supposed to be a seasonal job anyway, but you held on longer than the season. So this is all extra. Plus, you should use this time to get something else started, be it a local volunteer job or a paid job somewhere else. Easier said than done. But I just got to remember, “forward.”