(no subject)
What happened to my friends and myself saying we were going to start writing in here again?! Every time I check there are no posts (other than communities) on my friends feed! I'm a little disappointed, although not too much since I have not been keeping up with it either. I really do think writing is a good way for me to destress so I will do my best to get better about it. Honestly, I know the reason I don't write much (and one of the reasons I have almost always made really personal entires private) is because I have always been hesitant to put all of my deepest thoughts and feeling out there for all to see; I am always afraid of some kind of ridicule and the hurt feelings that follow. I'm a very sensitive person and always have been, but the fear of this ridicule has held me back in a lot of ways. I want that to stop. I've been teased by pretty much everyone I know for most of my life; I suppose I'm an easy target. While part of me realizes most of the teasing is in good fun, developing a stigma towards myself was inevitable as someone who has never had high confidence. As a result I haven't had much faith in myself to follow my dreams and aspirations, which makes me pretty upset and disappointed in myself for letting a fear that shouldn't exist affect my life the way it has for most of my life. As previously stated, I want that to change. It's going to take work, and probably therapy but I want more out of my life than just getting up, going to a job that I kind of don't like anymore because I think my boss is losing his mind, dealing with idiot customers who are usually rude on top of being so incompetent, coming home, cooking dinner, eating, falling asleep watching TV, waking up and actually going to bed, then doing it all over again the next day. Daniel and I have started going to the gym with some of his friends and that is helping improve my mood and making me feel better about myself, but I still have work to do. I want to get back into my yoga. I want to get back into photography as a serious hobby and hopefully later on down the road as a career, and I want to start going on adventures again. Life is too mundane and boring as it is now, which contributes to me feeling depressed a lot of the time. Right now, part of the change involves me getting rid of most of the clothing I have now and starting fresh with a new wardrobe. It's going to be a pain in the ass since I am very indecisive and sentimental, but I have to be honest with myself and let go of things I haven't worn in over six months. I'm not using it anyway, so it does no good to be cluttering my closet/drawers when someone else could be getting use out of it. Lets get this started!